Over the past few days I have been discussing with my wife the last resort to protect assets. Divorce.
She agrees that it may be the only way. My Cobra will be up in 60 days and she will not get Medicare for 8 months.
I have contacted an attorney and he is ready to proceed. I just can not make myself do it. I think the only reason my wife agrees is because I am the only support she has. She is getting more and more dependant each day. She is still able to fool a judge at this point that she is mentally capable. If we wait this may not be possible.
Has anyone on this site Divorced their spouce for this reason?
I also question my motives. If I were Divorced I might just take off and call my stepson to come get her, not that he has shown any interest in his mom's condition.
How long have you been married? How far away is her stepson?? This is very hard for you, I know,...and would want you to discuss it in detail with an attorney before you did anything rash. I know this is very hard for you..
Moorsb, you arent the only one having considered this option. each person has to weigh the arguments for the pros/cons of a decision of this magnitude and decide what is best for the couple. i can make no judgement for/against as i can emotionally see both sides. but if it were to become a real possibility i would make sure that all the protective measures for the future of the afflicted spouse were in place with safety guards for her future care and maintenance. like you say, once you are freed and legally able to chose, you could decide to break and make a new life for yourself at some point when she is in need of fulltime care. i am sure you have thought of these things. wishing you the best whatever the outcome. divvi
Hello, I am new here as of yesterday and my story is long. DH and I went to see a lawyer about a year ago to get our POA updated. The lawyer suggested every 5 years. We also talked to her about divorce and the only problem is that we would have to live apart for a year before this can happen. My DH is able to do most anything although his short term memory is completely gone. If he is a place that is not familiar he gets lost. He has problems comprehending time as in days, weeks, and months and money. He can no longer order his medicine nor know what to take without me giving it to him. He also has COPD and has only 20% of his lungs so he is not in good health at all. Continues to lose weight and doesn't eat much. Here in Maryland you will lose everything that you have except your house. We are getting ready to move to PA to be nearer to family so that they can help. Is anyone on here from PA that can help me out as to what happens financially if you put a LO in a NH? I need help and someone to talk with. Also any books that I can buy for my children so that they will understand. I will write my story later but so glad to have found this site.
I have talked with an attorney. We need to do it soon, if she is to goes before a Judge. I do intend to continue to support her and see her thru this. But I also question if I were in that position it would make it easier to throw in the towel. I do not want to do that!! I just want to keep what I have worked all my life for. I would gladly get insurance for her if it were available. Because the system is protecting itself from loss, why the hell should have to loose everything?
I love her and I want the best for her, but do I have to throw myself under the bus to get it?
moorsb, I am with you, why do we have to lose everything. We don't have much but don't want the state to take it. Is getting someone to come in and help out an option for you?
I am concerned going without insurance. If something bad happens during that time, it will wipe me out.
Her son lives 150 miles away and works from home office. He just does not want to move. I did say that if I moved there he would help out. About 2 months later he tells me he is considering moving to Europe.
Moorsb, I have heard that in Europe, the public health system provides quite well for the elderly and infirmed. So, if the son says he is thinking of moving to Europe, just reply, "Sounds like a good plan for all of us!" This immigration issue can work both ways, it seems to me!
Before you continue, please read the thread "Divorce to Save Your Assets." Someone brought it to the top for you, so it is still on this page. Please pay particular attention to the posts by "Jane". She knows her stuff, and has always steered us in the right direction.
Moorsb- i saw that you are a tx resident and you said married 20yrs. community property state. i can imagine many things that can go wrong with divorcing a mentally disabled and diagnosed spouse unless you are willing to go the correct route and half everything with her if the divorce proceeds. does your atty know she is AD? if so and yall appear in front of a judge and she tiliates or loses it on the questions asked her. well-- judges are very savvy about things and he can ask her more complicated issues and info if he thought for a moment she wasnt fully with it. if your atty does know she is mentally diagnosed with AD i would think he could or rather should have some definate conflicts of interests representing both of you. she should have her own atty who would in fact insist on gaining everything she is entitled to- half of the community property AND spousal support for a determined number of yrs due to her upforth diminished capacity. if you were planning on having her agree to a big settlement in your name and leaving her poverty ready for medicaide i am not sure a court would grant that without alot of serious questions. just putting this out there as i am in tx too, and divorcing a mentally incapacitated spouse is not easy and has alot of ethical and moral issues courts consider at well. you say in your profile she is late early to mid stage so its iffy at this point -its a hard decision either way. divvi
I wouldnt move just yet. In the UK, meds for AD are rationed and so are meds for breast cancer, and it is not uncommon to wait weeks to get an appt. Family is also expected to provide help. For instance, if you are in the hospital, some family member stays with you because there isn't enough money to pay for all the help patients need, so family fills in. I know personally, daughter was in hospital in Paris and husband in Germany. Actually, it was kind of nice, being with a loved ones, for me, don't know about everyone else. Nor do you get long-term, full time care in the home and I believe in Canada, there is some sort of co-pay for this. Anyone? Canada?
As for divorce--each state is probably different, and it seems like a heartbreaker for many. I think one would still be responsible for spousal care, it's a bummer, but I can see the reasoning.