o Comment Author kelly5000 o CommentTime 14 hours ago
Hi all. It's late, but when I came home tonight, I couldn't wait to post this. DH and I went to Valentine's dinner tonight. We were supposed to go to a movie first, but due to logistics, that didn't work out. We ended up at a nice romantic restaurant. All was going well, when I brought up my mother, who passed away suddenly about a year and a half ago. To my shock, DH suddenly started crying right there at the table. I've known him for 11 years and have never ever seen him cry, not even at my mother's service. I was so shocked and horrified. I feel bad for reacting that way. I kept telling him it's ok to cry, but inside, I'm thinking, I don't know this man. Who is this? Where is my husband? I told my sister how I felt, and she said I should get to know him as he is now. That sounds like great advice, if only I could get over grieving for the man who's gone. He was my "rock". So strong, physically and emotionally. Now suddenly crying? I just don't know what to make of it. My head is spinning. I'm wondering, is crying like that a symptom of the illness? Has anyone else experienced LO crying suddenly, for the first time since you've known him/her? I feel bad, because in a way it was a breakthrough for him, being able to express extreme emotion like that. But all I can think is "Who is this man"? I don't know him.
My husband who is 60, so technically EOAD, has had a couple episodes like that. I think the personality changes--maybe the backward emotional maturation, if you will--makes them more emotionally volatile. I suppose it's very similar to the reason that many of our AD LOs have temper tantrums. (mine doesn't, so far, thankfully.)
o CommentAuthor faith&hope o CommentTime 6 hours ago
My husband has MCI and the part of his brain that is most affected is the frontal lobe. Our neurologist said this part of the brain controls emotions and inhibitions. While my husband forgets things and that is increasing, the biggest issue has been his sudden drastic mood changes. He has always been a sweet mild mannered man, beautiful manners, very considerate, very loving to his family, especially me. I was stunned when he started raging, calling me foul names, and his temper was always on "go". I don't like it, but I have come to understand that is his disease. He does cry easily and more often, but the temper is his most troublesome issue. And he laughs when we are out all the time - a very new behavior for him who was so staid and laid back. Everyone thinks he is so jolly even tho he is most time laughing at what isn't funny. While the laughing isn't a problem, it isn't the person I have always known. I hope this helps and this is how I understand it for my husband - it isn't medical advice. It's a journey of learning new information you didn't want to ever have to know.
Crying, I'm certain is part of the disease. I think the ability to control emotions is gone .Consequently the emotions just fly out whenever and wherever. It's difficult to get to know the "new" spouse as they seem to change quickly, especially as the disease progresses.
o Comment Author kelly5000 o Comment Time 4 hours ago
Thanks for the info. I do think it's the disease. One thing that really struck me is how I kept thinking of my father, who died of emphysema. I never saw him cry either, until he was told he could die from the disease. I saw him cry a couple of times in the last few years before his death. I guess I was thinking, this must be the beginning of the end. They cry for the first time, and not long after, they're gone. It may be irrational, but I couldn't help thinking about that.
From what I have been told, AD does not attack every part of the brain the same way at the same time. That would explain Sid's loss of language comprehension, but still good ability with driving directions. That would also explain the frontal lobe situation. That part may be more affected right now than other parts of the brain.
My DH was a paratrooper for his 20 years in the Army and he was one of those gung ho types. You would never ever see a tear in his eyes. But not too long ago after he asked me as he does every day, if I would take him "HOME" He started to cry and told me how good I was to him a perfect stranger to offer to take him home. I tell you guys, this was a killer for me. Then the other day he saw on TV about a little baby being found in a trash can,his eyes were full of tears. I don't know if he realy saw this or not, since he gets a lot of things he sees confused. But AD sure changes a persons behavior and sentiment.
Husband has lost language skills. It's difficult for me to understand him. He plays bridge and cribbage and counts backwards by 7s like 123. I can't do that. Yesterday he didn't know what a toothbrush is for and put mustard on his potatoes. Also took an overdose of lipidor. What a roller coaster ride.
My husband was diagnosed with early onset 18 months ago , he is now 58...there is a "new normal" in our house...nothing like the person I married...He cried at a group meeting , never cried when his Father or first wife died...His anger is so irregular I wondered if it was schizo-effective disorder..the DR. said it effects everyone differently..( no help there). The temper and callling of names , paranoid behavior ...I have to stop and remember it is the disease, not him...trying to separate the two is a difficult thing...however, you all and your honesty and willingness to share has helped me to move from denial to my "new normal"thank you for being here for me...( as I am crying and finally accepting the loss) I realize there are so many out there hurting...I will pray for you and for myself and for those who have this awful AD... Roller Coster ride is a good description....I hate rollercoasters...LOL
I never know when my wife is going to cry. We could be sitting at the table, and suddenly, she will burst out crying. If I ask why, most of the time, she will say that she doesn't know why; other times, she will say she is confused, she doesn't know who she is or where she is at. (It won't be long before she forgets to say these words too, but at least I feel I will know why when she cries). If she hears that someone has died, or is hurt, (doesn't matter if she never knew the person), she will start crying. This disease will bring out emotions in our LO's that we may not expect. During these times, I just reassure her that I am here for her and will take care of her and hug her until she feels better. If we are in company or in a store or home by ourselves, it really doesn't matter. Just to reassure her is enough to make her feel better, (and me too). This is just another emotion to go along with the anger and yelling. This is my wife who is being controlled by a dreadful disease and this is the woman whom I still love.
Kelly5000 I read your post about an hour after you posted it the other night and I went to bed thinking about you and how you must have felt. I have pretty much of a man's man Alzheimer's husband. Yes, it would be way out of the ordinary if I saw him suddenly cry. I woke up the next morning thinking about you again, too and how much that must have affected you because if it happened to me I would have been really surpised too. Now I know if this happens to me that I won't feel alone. Hang in there. I know how tough this is.
So much of the LO's behavior makes more sense after a AD rx. We were in Germany for a nice vacation, and she spent most of it crying in our room. It was bizarre; I was out of my mind wondering, what was wrong with her?
After the rx, we spent a lot of time in the early stages with tears for no apparent reason. Mostly she was crying about things like "I'm going to die, you're going to die." The saddest ones were the realization ones where she cried that she knew she had this disease.
But the tears, for them at least, end after awhile. Small comfort, that the awareness is taken mostly away.
Before my husband was diagnosed but when we certainly knew something was wrong one of the signs for me was his breaking into tears. He would just sob and I remember my first feelings of just total shock and helplessness. He seemed over whelmed with them as well. I remember him telling me he could not seem to control them. I felt so badly for him and could only try to comfort him. I think it was defintely the disease. He would cry over the memory of a loved pet or perhaps just a song...Although he gets sad sometimes now when he listens to older music or watches something sad... he does not break into tears anymore.
Anyone had their spouse start crying spells in late stage dementia? My husband has started in the last few months having crying spells that are becoming more frequent. Since he no longer can communicate, he can not tell me what is wrong. He will see a baby on the TV and be laughing, then all of a sudden he is crying. This breaks my heart. I don't know if I should talk to the doctor about medication or just let it run it's course. I just hate to see him upset almost every afternoon.
Kadee--I think this is a symptom. My DH, Stage 6, has been doing this for a year or so. Out of the blue. Sometimes I can figure out the trigger, often not. And he usually can't tell me why. It does hurt to see him upset, but I've learned not to probe on the why very much--it only upsets him more. Mainly I let him know I am aware of his feelings and he can tell me when he wants to. I don't stop him from watching whatever snip-its of news he wants, or radio he wants to hear. Just as with kids, we can't shelter them from everything. We can however help them heal the wounds.