Today my youngest 11 came home from school upset over hearing that mom was going to die. He heard it from his friend whos parents heard about my wifes condition last year. I sat him down and told him again that mom has AD and there is no cure yet but we are hoping and praying for one soon. I explained to him that is why we his brothers and I all have to help mommy and watch and take care of her. I know as he is exposed to others at school who know or heard of my wifes AD and that this would happen. I didn't think this soon though. I feel that I have to be honest with him . Boy this is hard and being the single parent I gave him a big hug and kiss and when he left me I was the one crying. I hope that I am on the right track with this.
I agree with your instinct to be honest. 11 is young, but old enough to understand. That doesn't make processing it easy, but I think kids, as much as is age-appropriate, need to know the truth, but also be assured that they'll be cared for.
My heart goes out to you. We "older" spouses all have similar problems to deal with, but I can't imagine handling all that goes with caring for an AD spouse AND trying to raise children, explain it all to them, and meet their needs at the same time. I do totally agree with being honest with kids, based upon their ages and level of understanding. I have read many articles on the subject, and most child psychologists say that whatever kids imagine about what is going on, is far worse than the basic truth you give them. Since even I can't find anything on the old boards, I don't know if I told you about the "kids" link on the alz.org website. It's under the heading - Living with Alzheimers - it's 3/4 of the way down, and it says Just for Kids and Teens. There is information there on how to explain Alzheimer's to kids. Also, I haven't forgotten about your request concerning the EOAD studies. I've just been busy here with one medical crisis after another with Sid - medication reactions and diabetic complications. As if Alzheimer's isn't enough to handle. joang
Joan and Tony I don't know about you guys but I was told by many of the reachers that we don't qualify because Larry is to young 53 for goodness sake can you believe that!!!! I said OK listen he is able to express so many things that older Alz victims cant what is the deal with this any how..I was then told FDA directs the age groups allot of times....For the love of Pete how are we to find a cure if we put age limits on this stuff. I wonder is it money?? Tony contact the Alzheimers foundation they are suppose to have list also contact the FDA website they have a link too.. The only one I found we could participate in was located in Arizona to far for us LOL we are in Washington state ,,, Tony if it is any consolation when my then 21 year old daughter went to a counselor about why she was having such a hard time with her dads Alz , the counselor said well, why does it hurt so much and she said well why don't I just kick you in the gut and you tell me why does that hurt so much..She is now 23 almost and she still feels like she is kicked in the gut most of the time .....Renee
Renee, I think you were away when I put up the link about the Rodriquez-Diaz family. Click on Books and Articles on the left side of the website, and them click on "Living with EOAD - the story of the Rodriguez family by WPTV news anchor Jim Sackett" It is the transcript of a segment that was done for our local TV channel about a family close to your age bracket. Of interest to you and your daughter may be what the Dad's teens say about how they feel. No solutions, I just thought you might relate. Roxanne, the mom, is only 50. Lorenzo, the dad, is 56, diagnosed at 53, but was showing signs at least 3-4 years before that. Very young. I know that family personally, and they are coping as best they can, but it is so difficult on all of them, especially the boys. joang
Larry has been showing signs for years before diagnosed.. He was 50 when dx'd and is getting worse , to me much faster than his father or my grandfather progressed...10 years ago Larry had a statis seizure so I thought that was what was going on at the time . That the things were from the seizure. Like forgetting where we lived..Then back in 2002 he didn't know what to do when a 2 ton truck pulled out in front of our car.. We it is not our fault the truck ran a stop sign BUT he didn't even try to stop our car.. Honestly it took me until 2004 to realize what had taken place. That he just never even but his foot on the break...Anyhow all done and over now me I suffer with the aftermath of bad knee from taking the dash out with it and my neck and back have compressed disc ...I know I have rambled but it is like the decease has been taking a toll for years LOL Thanks Joan
Is there anybody out there dealing with this topic? Last date 9-07.
My husband and I took care of his mother when she had EOAD. We were in our twenties and at the time had two small boys. Now in our forties I'm taking care of my husband.(hence the name.) We now have 4 kids. Oldest son moved and married. Other three 23, 16 and 14 still all in school and at home. Kinda had a rough night and today not much better.
My husband is 63 and diagnosed a year ago with Lewy Body Dementia. I'm 53 and our kids are 18 and 15 (turning 16 in a month). Both kids are away at boarding school. I've been glad of that because they haven't had to deal so much with my husband and I stressed and trying to figure things out. I did tell them quickly and have tried to take the approach "We are in this as a family" rather than trying to protect them. The social security benefit for kids is a big help to us. I've tried to push our ADD son that he needs to grow up faster, but it hasn't had much effect. Our daughter, the younger one, is in a serious relationship with a boy, which I suspect is her way of looking for outside security, but from everything I can see it is a positive relationship.
Welcome to my website. Many here are dealing with children at home. Log onto the home page - www.thealzheimerspouse.com - and look at the resources on the left side in dark green. There is much information there, but the ones of most interest to you would be EOAD (early onset Alzheimer's Disease), and AFA Teens - a website by teens for teens whose parents, not grandparents, have Alzhiemer's Disease (or any form of it, like Lewy Body's). It is a site for support and information for kids, just like this one is for spouses.
Please be sure to go to the home page whenever you log on, as blogs, daily news, and important information are updated constantly.
Everyone here understands the stresses and struggles that are unique to spouses. We are here to help and offer the benefit of our own experiences on this AD journey.
My husband and I (I'm 47 next week and DH is 50) have a six year old daugther and we are just starting down this road seeing a doctor tomorrow. Tonight at dinner he couldn't remember walking her to the school bus in the fall and she looked at him and asked, "...don't you remember, Daddy?" It broke both of our hearts and freaked him out even though he won't admit it. She knows Daddy forgets alot but hasn't really asked me specifically. These postings and information are so helpful to be able to know what to do/say if this keeps progressing and is what I fear it is. Thanks for your help!