Can anyone give me feedback on something? I was on an antidepressant for a year and a half and recently took myself off of them, and I feel so much better without it. But then the diagnosis, and now I'm second guessing myself about it. Only I really feel better now. When I was on it I felt confused and like my mind was foggy or muddy. It was kind of like being on auto pilot. I hated that and didn't realize how bad it was till I stopped.
I have been watching over everyone's shoulders, tyring to participate, after so many ups and downs, I feel I can speak to your time.....I was off and on antidepressants for the past 3 years(since the diagnosis). I finally decided I felt strong enough..I woke up happy one morning in Jan....it was profound! now I'm on my own, feeling so much better...one day, or minute at a time. Give yourself a chance......
Each anti-depressent will affect every person who takes it differently. But if you can do well without it...........that's a good thing.
I didn't think mine was doing me much good, but then accidentally forgot to put them into my pill container for 5 days. I was wondering why I felt so much more stressed and miserable, then I realized that I hadn't been taking them. Felt better when I went back on them. Everyone is different.
I resisted taking an antidepressant for a long time, then decided I needed it for the next few months--house renovations and moving. I'm taking 1/2 of a 25 mg. zoloft daily (25 mg. zoloft is equivalent to 10 mg prozac but the prozac is a capsule and cannot be split). I don't like how it takes away my intense feelings, but I do feel more stable and sometimes happier. Actually I do sometimes feel very low, but it doesn't last very long.
joan wrote: I was wondering why I felt so much more stressed and miserable, then I realized that I hadn't been taking them. Felt better when I went back on them. Everyone is different.-------------------- When I read this, I laughed. When I miss taking my Effexor, everyone is "out of step, hard to get along with and generally, a bunch of idiots". When I take my Effexor, I agree with Joan. Everyone IS, indeed, different.. they are much nicer to me and easier to get along with. (Isn't that odd??) :-)
I was on lexapro for a month and it did not do anything for me. I have started exercising in the morning and dieting I have loss 30lbs and feel much better. I have also changed my blood pressure medicine which has helped alot. The old one was not working any more and I had been on it for 7 yrs
I take 25mg of generic zolof. I guess I feel better--more able to cope. I don't get so frustrated as I did but I still have my moments. I asked my GP how long I'd need to take it and he said he'd let me know.
The Doctor started me on Lexapro last week, I take it before I go to bed. Yesterday I was sleepy all day and feel sort of fuzzy and emotionless this morning. I really don't like the way it makes me feel, it does take the edge off of things for me. I'm going to ask the Doctor to try me on something else. I've never been a big fan of these types of medications and have to tried to stay off of them, I know I need to be on something at the present time.
I have lost about 15 lbs. since the first of the year, I've got another 10-12 lbs to go. It's nice to be able to wear "regular" sized jeans again, I was able to give up my "relaxed" jeans.
Right now I'm not taking any, but I've been told I can have them if I need them. It was my doctor who brought up the subject. Everyone is different. If you need something for the anxiety, take something.
I'm taking the 20 mg of the generic of celexa. It has truly helped take the edge off of things. When I first started taking it, I felt really drowsy. It takes a few weeks for it to get to its full effect and after that time the drowsiness during the day should disappear. Lexapro is a slightly different formula than celexa.
As to not feeling anything, my husband years ago, before the FTD, tried paxil but he didn't like it due to the feeling of no emotional contact to anything. He was then placed on zoloft and that did help.
Beware that anti-depressants all too often have the side effect of weight gain for many people.
There is a thread somewhere about someone taken a natural supplement that helped them. And there are other natural supplements that may help vs synthetic drugs.
I'm on the fence about anti-depressants right now. I've been on several types and they just don't seem to work as well as just plain old exercise. If I wasn't able to exercise at all (and sometimes I have to just force myself) that would be different, but the weather is breaking and I love to go walking. I'm just holding off for now.
I have a knee that's been acting up and I can't walk for exercise. I love to walk and will go for an hour; right now yesterday at the zoo I could barely make it to the nearest biofacts station. Having gotten there, though, I stood for an hour doing demos of things. And then spent the rest of the day, and today, laid up.
I took Paxil, small dose, for a few weeks, and it did nothing. Right now what I mostly want is anti-hot-flash stuff. I'm going to ask about the sub-lingual stuff, divvi.
i think you will find relief asap. you need progesterone mostly..and maybe some added estradiol.=they will find what you are deficient in with blood work. . yes find a bio-identical dr. its hell i know! i havent had a flash since jan!!! heaven....divvi
Don't know how much you all believe in chiropractic, but when my knee hurts it means my hips are out. A hip adjustment will usually correct it. If it is something that occasionally acts up vs known diagnosis, may be an option.
That is what I'm doing for the first time, Charlotte. I had back surgery in 95, and swore it was a mistake. This guy is amazing and found relief in ten days. Amazing. (I was the most doubting patient he ever had!! I couldn't believe the method he uses, "Accelerator" was legit and gave him a terrible time... and he WON!) :-)
I'm one who took a natural supplement: Natural Factors Serenity Formula http://us.naturalfactors.com/search.asp?mode=List&pid=762 It definitely helped, but with decluttering, house renovations, and moving I've decided I needed something stronger and went on half a 25 mg. zoloft per day. It took effect in about two weeks, but for some people it takes 3 to 4 weeks to take effect.
I know that all drugs are not for all people. I started on Prozac, then Paxil, Zoloft, Wellbuterin and now Effexor which seems to work the best. I too have times when I forget and that throws me way out of sorts and the crying jags are non stop. I too stopped taking Zoloft because one morning I felt that I need to take hold of my life and now being so jonny one note. I couldn't laugh or cry or get excited just numb so I quit. Well that lasted for a few months and then came the time I needed them again. I have been on 450mg of Effexor for the last years and it really helps.
It seems like I've been falling alseep a lot during the day the last week. Mostly little cat naps and I'm still very tired. I'm terribly depressed today. Seems like there really isn't any oint in any of this. I know these feelings will pass but I sure do hate having them.
I can relate Mawzy. Rest, take your nerve pill and antidepressand and hang in there. We can't let this terrible disease take us too. (((((((Hugs a)))))) My e-mail is in my profile if you want to write me. I love cyber notes.
pamsc - I was researching the ingredients in 'Natural Factors Serenity Formula'. I found their main ingredient - Ashwagandha - very interesting. It has been used for years in India for memory and brain disorders. There have been studies done at University of Texas Health Science Center. It appears to help some with memory and cognitive function as well as anxiety and depression, and is a powerful antioxidant. Interesting herb. I found one store in the area that has it so will go buy it and try it. See if it helps.
When MAWZY gets down, I get worried. You've been our cheerful friend, and we love you. Is your husband getting worse.. I know the lack of driving must make you crazy! Give Noche a great big hug and stroke him awhile. I swear, stroking cats elicits some deep down release of endorphins!
I take 60mg. of Cymbalta, 40mg of Prozac 3x a day, 1mg. of Clonazapam 3x a day, 10mg. of Ambien at night. I found myself abusing the Clonazapam....I would take four or five at a time in the evening (not during the day)...along with my usual glass of wine. Stopped taking the Clonazapam abruptly. I thought I was taking too much medication and wanted to be on less. Within three days, my body was a mess! My counsellor noticed trembling and that I was terribly emotional in group on a Friday. On Monday, another counsellor noticed my physical behavior and sent me immediately to the Emergency Room. My body had begun siezing, with very painful waves of muscle contractions that made it impossible to take a breath at times. They rushed me over to the ER before I had a siesure. I was lucky. Meds were adjusted. They put me back on the Clonazapam and intend to gradually back it off. I wasn't aware that it was such a powerful drug and that quitting it would have that effect. It has taken a long time to find the right combination of antidepressants that work well for me and don't make me feel in a fog or dizzy. Moral of my story, respect the impact of the medications that you take....if something isn't working talk to your Dr. NEVER just stop taking something that is prescribed before talking to your doctor. You can hurt yourself just as easily by going COLD TURKEY as taking too much of some drugs. Also, as I've mentioned, I take part in group sessions at the medical center. I also am involved in a course at the hospital called DBT or Dialectic Behavioral Therapy, I believe. It is designed to teach you methods of coping with stress and I've learned a lot from it....not that I always remember what I'm suppossed to do...or care. Today, my "self-soothing" technique is staying in bed with the cat all day, I'm just so frustrated.
I just realized why I have been so screwed up and venting so much: I have been holding all this stuff in for 5-10 years with nobody to talk to like y'all. Sorry about that. Hopefully it will slow down now that I have let a lot of it out, and have a 'new' attitude about giving up to fate and the whims of DW. Also forgetting about thinking of trying to find a 'replacement' soul mate. Also working out, eating well, and letting the West Nile mosquitos bite. So I will slow it down, and maybe even disappear.
tx joe -be careful with mosquitoes you may wind up comatose for YRS! haha. and then who would care for dear sweet wife???
we keep saying how it helps to 'purge' occasionally all the pentup emotions. crying is part of natures way of cleansing the soul. glad you are feeling better about it all. we are all in the same sinking boat but rowing and bailing together we are getting the sucker afloat.! divvi
T-Joe, stick around, don't disappear... or you'll be back in a while with another load of pent-up emotion you have to get rid of! Besides, we want to hear really good descriptions of the delicious steaks and stuff -- at least I do -- I think I'm a food voyeur.....
as far as the "replacement soul mate" -- well, that's not the way to think of it -- no woman (or man for that matter) wants to be a "replacement." But I have a suspicion that when you and your life circumstances are ready, you will meet someone. As you know, the demographics are such that there are a lot more available women than men in this age bracket, and the way that you have stuck by your wife and cared for her is going to be very impressive. It may feel like it, but this is definitely NOT high school all over again.
Is it how I feel about my life being gutted of almost everyone I loved and almost everything I did that gave me joy? I hope not because all those things really are gone.
Is it that nothing is the same even though everything is the same? I get in the car she drove getting food for the cats she helped pick watering the plants she made from cuttings using our shower and wedding gifts daily all of it dead to me or full of memories.
Is it the feelings that rise up and seep in everywhere hurting with the truth that no feelings are best when the only real feelings are an anguished expression of pain frozen and displaced most of the time to keep going?
Or is it that despite the advances I've made in living on my own and generally coping better and even laughing and enjoying myself more as time moves me forward - the truth must occasionally have it's way. That I am that frozen expression of pain missing her; that she is not here so half of me is a ripped out hole; that I love her and no one else; that I am tortured being forced to watch each of her little deaths; that my feelings are like a lost car in a vast parking lot I can't find; that I am as afraid of my future as I am detached from my past.
All of those things are as true as the seething anger, the resentment that I was kicked off the train, the boredom with what are now shallow trivialities like the annual weekend at such and such where the same people are honking the same horn in the same gleeful richness of their lives like a cartoon cutout driving by.
Perhaps depression is the feeling of missing the suicidal thoughts where I had purpose and a goal. It's certainly part of blaming myself for putting her into a home to die. It absolutely is a reaction to making myself the priority. It is always the precursor of more change. Just as no three months was the same with EOAD, no three months have been the same afterwards which is still true three years later watching over her at the NH.
I believe that depression is a natural reaction to too many things being too much where what dementia puts on the table is an overkill of cause. I joke about it but I also treat it seriously because I believe it to be a warning sign that I am retreating due to the strain and that dementia spouses are prime targets for powerful degrees of it.
Anti-depressant to me is endorphenic. I can take it chemically, I can produce it internally, I can stimulate combatants. Depression sucks life out of perception. So anti-depressant must stimulate the perception of life. Chocolate is a mild anti-depressant through taste and the sugar rush. Alchohol can be a stimulant. Insense and lavendar are inhalation stimulants. Activities are physical stimulants. Outlook is a mental stimulant which works partly for me. I look to notice things I can give kudos to. I read and explore more because they're outward. I like science and history but it might be quilts and bonzai trees.
Here's the thing. If we're so boring we can't come up with anything ourselves then it must be easy to entertain ourselves and we have to get our duff out there and have something entertain us and if we're so deep everyone else is a mental midget then we have to get our duff out there and show them what's what because the last thing depression wants is for you to do or feel anything. Turn on the TV and find Honey Boo Boo. Report on it with a 100 word review. Go out without your underwear on. Eat tofu. Start wearing a hat. If you wear a hat stop. Take an umbrella everywhere for a while. Find something you never wear and wear it. Change your hairstyle. Grow a mustache.
I don't expect to beat depression. I'm still in a very depressing situation. That's what's tricky about it I think. We're going to be living together for a while but it isn't me. I'm Wolf. That's depression. This is me being depressed. I'm not eating tofu this time. I'm writing about the thing directly. In your eye beech.
These are "my" truths about this disease...and I'll probably forget some but here goes:
I didn't cause him to get this disease. I took care of him the best that "I" was able. And will continue to make sure he has the best care that I can get. There is no cure for this disease. I can live the rest of my life wallowing in sorrow or I can get off my butt and live it. He would want me to get off my butt and live it. My old life is over. I have to accept that this is my new reality. I've had my adjustment time as well as my sad and guilty time.
I chose not to let this disease claim two victims. I chose to find happiness again. I chose to make plans for my future. I chose to create a bucket list and get at doing the things on it. I chose to be spontaneous and go do things at a drop of a hat. I chose to put myself first for once. I chose to find the unique pleasures in living alone. I chose to shake off this veil of sadness and enjoy the sun rise or set. And if I find myself sliding back into depression I chose to fight it with everything I have. I will live a good full life.
Oh solitude, the soul's best friend, How calm and quiet a delight It is alone To read, and meditate, and write, By none offended nor offending none; To walk, ride, sit, or sleep at one's own ease, And pleasing a man's self, none other to displease.
George's caregiver That is beautiful. We all need to remind ourselves that we are exceptional to keep doing what we are doing - not everyone has the strength, stamina, fortitude or attitude to keep up the battle, day after day, week after week, and year after year. And when I can remember that, then I feel less depressed.
Thank you Wolf, Amber, George's Caregiver, and bqd for the recent posts in this thread. I am really struggling and found your words SO helpful! Connecting with everyone on this site is such a life-line.
Our apartment building introduced new laundry facilities recently. Now instead of coins, we use a re-loadable card and that's all it took....DH used to do the laundry and now the new "computer screen" machines are too much for him to understand. It's not that I mind taking on laundry responsibilities but this one more little loss really set me back. It seems to me that I have to grieve every new loss. It's emotionally exhausting.
This triggered several weeks of deep sadness and when I finally pulled myself out of the funk I came down with a cold that put me in bed for 4 days and is still hanging on after 2 weeks.
All this to say that I have been lurking and reading the posts often and even though I haven't contributed anything this site is a gift. I get so much out of it and am so grateful to all of you.
I find myself squinting and blinking up at the sun in confusion thinking "where did March go?"