The boys went to Washington DC with my sisters for spring vacation. I have to work, don't want to use my vacation time, as we're going to be moving in a couple of months and I'll need all the days I can get.
I had to send the youngest (3 1/2) year old, as I have no daycare next week. He's never been away from me (or me from him) that long, won't be back til Thurs. night.
It's sooo strange to be all alone. I've been getting things done, cleaned out the inside of the car (it reeeally needed it!) and got my hair highlighted to try to feel better. I'll go see DH at the nursing home tomorrow. But I feel so lonely. I'm not sure how I'll handle sleeping alone tonight. Our 3 1/2 year old sleeps in bed with me. (I know, he needs his own bed, but he doesn't want to be alone at night and neither do I.) I'm not sure if I'll be able to sleep alone. I miss DH so much. Maybe I'll sleep on the couch.
I logged onto a sight started by that Bachelor guy who's a single Dad. It's for single parents who want to share advice, problems, etc, not a "dating service". It's not up and running yet, but I clicked on another single parent link recommended by one of the parents there and it seemed to be focused a lot on dealing with exes and finding a new mate. So not where I'm at.
I feel like a single parent, but I'm not one, you know? Our oldest son (11 in a couple of weeks) is starting to really get interested in girls (I know, they start younger and younger!) He's in 5th grade, has a crush on a 6th grader. I don't know how to talk to him about these things. He needs a guy's perspective and advice. I'm going to look into finding a "Big Brother" for him. I'm at a loss.
I miss talking to DH, spending time together. I can't imagine ever being with someone else. But I feel so lonely. I've been crying so much at night lately. I'm ok when I'm busy working, but at night and on weekends, it's hard. And now, being all alone feels unbearable.
Thanks for reading my rant. I'll have to get through this week somehow. I hope things will be easier when I'm back at work on Mon. Weekends are super tough.
kelly - you can keep posting here every day and that will help you. It really helps me. I am 72 but I know about the lonelyness, missing the conversation etc and etc. I am sure your kids are enjoying their outting. Maybe you can go tomorrow and do something for yourself. I bet your hair looks pretty. I used to get mine highlighted but haven't the last 2 times because of the extra cost. Mine has to be cut every 3 weeks and so has to be redone pretty often, however I think I might splurge again next week, for summer.
Dear Kelly: I know, it's hard not to be with your life's partner, I know. When I placed DH I'd get my nails professionally done in bright red. I could look at them all the time & somehow it made me feel that I was still here, that I was OK, that I mattered--even if it was only to myself. I'm glad about your hair, I'm sure your're beautiful. I can't imagine going thru this w/little ones still at home, so I send you some cyberspace strength, a hand to grab when you need to, a shoulder to rest on.
Oh Kelly honey, I know how lonely it can be. Dh is still home but often soooooo distant. I sleep alone for soooo many reasons. He's in my room, but not my bead. This disease robs us of everything we desire. Keep up the hair and nails. I wish I could afford that. I know if would make me feel better. Snuggle that baby close, they grow so fast. He needs to be with you right now as much as you need to be with him. He has plenty of time to grow up. It's Saturday night, we are all lonely. YOU ARE NOT ALONE. Arms around.
Kelly, most of us who have our spouses with us are still alone just like you. i know the quiet and lack of noise of the children is deafening. when my 6yr grandaughter leaves after a visit you can feel the house quit smiling. the air of kids makes it alive. i know you will do ok and your kids will be ok too and enjoy their vacation time. its good they get some away time from all they have witnessed . you take care of yourself this week and pamper all you can! divvi
I have been thinking about you. I am glad you wrote - you needed to vent, and that is what we are here for. Maybe knowing that we are here for you will ease a bit of the loneliness.
When the kids are home, can you get a sitter one weekend night, and go out to a movie or dinner with a girlfriend? I know it's not the same as being with your husband, but it may help.
I think a Big Brother is a great idea for your son.
Kelly, my thoughts and prayers have remained with you! I know it is difficult to be separated from your children, but all of you can use a little down time, and you will be even closer for it. I'm glad you are doing things for yourself. I agree that Big Brother is a great idea. Also, if he has a close male friend, maybe his father would help your son as well. And I agree with Joan - you need an evening out away from the house and kids at least once a week. It is renewing. Are you moving to another neighborhood, city, state?