I didn't know whether to label this "off topic" or not. It kind of got lost in another thread and I wanted to give everyone a chance to see it. Although Nikki made the video to try to deal with her father's suicide, unrelated to Alzheimer's Disease, I thought it was too poignant and beautiful to miss.
This is my first attempt at making a video, and I did make this video about my Dad's suicide.. but I can tell you, many many times, the loss of Lynn to AD also played through my mind. The grief of losing them together.. well just sucks!!! Dad promised he would be here for me with Lynn. He was my back up on ALL our legal papers. He was suppose to make all the hard choices for me. Now I must face all of this alone, plus try to deal with his suicide. I miss them both, so much. :(
((Joan)) thank you for starting this thread. Though it is about Dad's suicide, I think everyone here can relate to the devastating loss. I am working on one about Lynn and AD.... it is just so hard to put together....
((Bama)) ((Vickie)) ((Dazed)) ((Nancy)) thank you for your comments and support. The grief is almost unbearable... thank you for letting me share it with you. Much love, Nikki
I cannot imagine the pain of doing a video about Lynn and AD. Writing helps me get my pain out. Maybe doing the video will help you get some of yours out.
Your video was heart wrenching. You asked why? Try to remember it had nothing to do with you, but a man simply trying to prevent himself from enduring prolonged pain. I hope you find comfort someday. Prolonged pain would have been agonizing for him, and I think that was his right. He never intended to hurt his little girl. When you have enough distance from it, I hope you will also agree that prolonged pain and suffering, which he knew was coming his way, was not what you would have wanted for him either.
nikki i cant access it with my lil webtv..i am sure i would be suffering at watching it anyway. i am not sure i could watch the one for Lynn either. ((NIKKI)divvi
Nikki, that was beautiful, and a real tribute to the relationship you had with your dad. your father was suffering terribly but you feel bereft without him. He would be so proud to see the woman you are.
I thank you all for giving me a safe place to share my grief. Joan, I use to write all the time. But I find in so much grief, I just can't find the words any more. The video I am making about our life together, is hard. I am trying to put our pictures, our life in a short video.... while trying to include the devastation of Alzheimer’s and all it robbed us of. *sigh Hard, but healing in its own right. ((hugs)) Nikki