Joan, I couldn't agree more. Conversation, I'm dying for conversation. My DH has always been a political and news junkie, and constantly asks me what's going on. I'm tired of telling him about the recession, or the pirates, or why Hilary is now the secy of state. Listen to the d--n report if your interested. and then it's calling me constantly to sit next to him while he's watching the news, basically so I can explain it to him. Conversation, what's that. ?
The blog Chris is referring to is up for Wed. and Thurs. My husband thinks his memory loss exists in isolation as "just memory loss". He doesn't realize how it affects ALL aspects of a relationship. Conversation is just one part of it. It's complex. I invite everyone to log onto www.thealzheimerspouse.com and read the blog. Post opinions and comments here.
My DH is still functioning very well. We can carry on a "normal" conversation, as long as it is short. However, he may not remember it 10 minutes from now. Or, he may remember it later in the day - then we have the same conversation again! He knows he doesn't remember and will ask me if we talked about this earlier. It's very frustrating for him because he does know and understands how difficult it is for me. I try to just go with it.
I now know that my husband doesn't know my name, and doesn't remember that he has a daughter or a grandson. Those were all questions that the caseworker asked yesterday when she was doing her assessment. It is not possible to have any kind of conversation with him at all.
You pretty much nailed it, Joan. DH & I were in grammar school together, same neighborhood, same schools, stores, ice cream parlor, teachers, events, people, everything. Our mutual childhood was a big part of our intimate life as a couple. In the beginning, not too bad, but I used to wonder, with some trepidation, what it would be like when his long-term memory left--it left me all alone hanging out to dry. I wish we could have some do-overs so that I'd understand then what I know now, but my reactions were perfectly normal--feeling he didn't take me seriously, didn't listen, that he didn't care--and none of that was true--so I'd get miffed, frustrated, angry--all of it--but who knew that neither of us knew what we were dealing with. Stupid disease, it made both of us say and do things we really didn't mean! Hateful, hateful, hateful disease!
When my husband had neuropsych testing done in January, the doctor said he had rarely seen a patient who had such high intelligence and poor memory. He found the spread between the two remarkable, probably putting DH is only 4% of people. What a thing to be remarkable for! But as Joan said the memory affects so many things. We watched a movie last night, and I don't think he had a clue what was going on. He simply could not follow the plot because he could not remember who anyone was. Yesterday, I tried to start several conversations, but they ended up going something like the following.
Me: I went to Pier One this afternoon and sat on all of their wicker furniture.
Him: Oh.
Me: All of their furniture had really deep seats (an issue because we are both short, and if we have to sit back on a deep seat, our legs stick straight out instead of reaching the floor).
Starling,why don't you try your dh on the cocanut oil for a couple weeks? I really think it has been more effective for my dh than the MCT. I don't think you have anything to lose except a few dollars for the jar. I just use 1 T. daily.
Janet - I agree on the furniture. It is really hard to find something comfortable. To have your knees bend and touch the floor you have to slouch in the chair which hurts your back. My hb never understands why recliners are uncomfortable.