so I thought things were going fairly well with dh, went to visit with my daughter and son-in-law, we wanted to leave as soon as we got there, i was yelled at by him cause I broke his heart by putting him in the nh, he keep saying give me a second chance I`ll stop fighting with you and so on and so forth, not a pleasent visit, talked to the nurse she said they have no complants with him, very easy going and it is normal for them to get testy with there normal caregiver. i know i did the right thing putting him there but him begging me to take him home is awful, he used to do that when he was home to so who knows where home is. we were all so upset when we left, i don`t want to go back, i know i have to, it`s going to be hard. he is now having trouble with his walking, wobbles alot but he won`t sit down for very long.i just wish this illness would just go away, i was feeling so good now back to like the first day, thanks for letting me blow off some steam i love you all, your like my family
Oh, Marygail, I am so sorry! It is heartwrenching when they beg. You know you did what is best for him. You know that. Only visit every few days for a while until he adjusts. It took some of them weeks before they adjusted, and some took months. Hang in there!
Yes for me that would be the hardest when they beg and ask to go home. but as many attest here after a few weeks they settle in and this will be home again...hang in there, marygail. divvi
Since my DW found out that she has to stay in Stroke Rehab another two weeks, she has been burning up the telephone lines calling me and her daughter and begging us to get her out of there. She called me four times in a twenty minute space yesterday. As much as it hurts we have had to quit answering her calls. It does help to give them some time to adjust to their new environment and home. Running back and forth to the nursing home everyday can be as enduring and tiring as trying to be a full time caregiver.
The primary reason for placing them when they can no longer take care of themselves is to take the 24 hour a day load off of the caregiver. If you will give him time he will adjust to his new surroundings.
Now it is time for you to take a breather from full time caregiving and begin to do some of the things you enjoy. Hang in there Mary Gail, this will pass in a few weeks.
Marygail, I feel for you. My dh did the same thing when he had to go to the er (and eventually admitted). I cried with him. They tear out your heart piece by piece. I went to see my dh yesterday. Took 1 hour to get there. He was in pt. I waited 45 min then when he came back from pt, he screamed at me. Didn't know me. Wanted me to leave. Found out he is not being properly medicated. Everything is a battle. Even with them in a nh, it's still exhausting. I left him after seeing him for 15 minutes and it took me 1 1/2 hrs to drive home in bumper to bumper traffic. What a disturbing visit. Yours was worse. It breaks my heart to read your story but have faith. He will adjust and maybe you will regain some strength to make the visits easier. I agree with Mary. Only visit him every few days. Good luck. Kathy
((Marygail)) I agree, there has been much heartache in this AD journey... but placing Lynn, and him pleading over and over to go home....... acccccck! yeah that has been the hardest thing I have ever faced. My heart breaks for you, I know what it does to your inner core. The struggle between what you KNOW you have to do, and what you want to do. Try to keep strong. Try to distract and divert when he asks.... And please remember it will get better in time.
i thought my dh was the only one asking to go home, it makes me feel better i`m not the only one (((((((((HUGS )))))))))))))) TO ALL GOING THROUGH THIS .
marygail they ask to go 'home' whether they are AT HOME already or in the facility. its generic-most everybodys spouses do it at some point.-my DH still does it 9yrs later--home could mean where they are most comfortable, or happy or less stressed- not necesarily a place--i like to think its a place of 'heavenly origin;' and soon enough they will get to go.-..divvi
((Divvi)) that is true... but this is different. At least for Lynn. He was very clear about home. He wasn't in lala land. He clearly remembered our home, and knew above everything he just wanted to go back! It is the pleading, they want to go home with you! So hard....ACCCCK!
Thank God, he is over the pleading and demading stage. I am not sure I will ever recover from it. *sigh
dear nikki, i can only imagine his 'home' was his comfort zone alongside the love of his life..which you so lovingly fullfill. you did the right thing and have paid your dues getting there -divvi
The caseworker warned me yesterday that at some point my husband will stop speaking English. Which means he will be asking to "go home" to a foreign country in a language I don't speak.
It is really difficult when they beg you to come home. My hb did the same thing and I brought him home because I could not take the guilt anymore and the fact that he looked like hell at the facility. DON'T DO IT. I regret my decision doing that and now I'm thinking of taking him back. It is not working out. It's going to be hard so be strong. Your hb is where he needs to stay and be cared for. Good luck
Starling, my mother did that..she was born in ND and learned German before English and at the last it was German and a splash of Norweigien. My spouse spoke Spanish before English.I better take some Spanish NOW. I know a wee bit..but not enough. I was able to get my mom to do a little translation from time to time tho.