I'm home sick today, but recovering, so have a few minutes to share how I cope with all this 'loss.' Remember a few years ago when everyone was picking their '5' people they would be with if they could. Well, when I married my DH 10 yr ago, he became number 1 through 5. I'd forgotten about all that until recently while working on the very issue Joan wrote about (Wed. 4/15/09 blog). So now when an opportunity comes up to move from caregiver to wife and 'be normal' , I fantacize about the 'BEFORE Person (your substitute your own loved one's name)'. It has worked wonders for me!!! Language ability is a great loss and I work full time so I get home when my DH is sundowning...conversation went away a long time ago, except for asking him in detail about his day to help with 'recall'...like when your kids go to day care and you know what they did all day, but ask. But I pretend I'm talking to the 'BEFORE' husband and it works for us because I always talked more than he did (smile). Hope the fantacize idea helps someone else. I was at the point I was never the wife and always the caregiver in my mind...this has been wonderful for ME.
Thanks for sharing! I too work, and when I get home, I sit and talk to him as we used to do when he could talk. He smiles, and says "yes" when I ask him anything. But pretending helps us both, I think.