I read recently that most people with AD should up driving two years after diagnosis. Since my husband is in that catagory I have been concerned about liability issues if my husband were to be involved in an accident. Last night we discussed this and I suggested that he be tested by an occupational therapist. He told my why waste the money? He reasoned that if he passed and had an accident after testing it may not clear us of potential lawsuits. "Now is the time for me to give up the wheel before I decline to the point of injuring someone". This is hard since he is early stages and in my opinion still a good driver. I'm more upset about this than him but I know that he is right.
trish, I know how you feel. My DH gave it up voluntarily also. He is still in early stage, but he says he knows his reflexes aren't what they should be. Be happy your DH is so agreeable about it!
You know what I have been through with the driving issue. You should be so thankful that Bob is being so reasonable. I would have given anything if Sid could have thought that way. Thumbs up and a big hug to Bob - tell him it's from Joan.
My DH had a hard time giving up driving. I didn't. I learned late, because of my own handicap. Loved the freedom driving brough to my life. But when I began to mistrust my ability to react quickly enough, and began to feel as though the vehicle was taking me--not feeling "in command". I quit. I wanted no part of the possibility of having an accident and hurting anyone.
trish--you are fortunate that your DH is willing to stop now. Be glad.
I agree--my husband was involved in an accident that could have been very serious. Thank God he and the other driver were not hurt. This forced him to give up his driving; but it has not been easy--he still often thinks he will be able to drive again someday. You are fortunate your husband can see now there may be problems in the future.
My wife told me today that she thinks that she cannot drive anymore.... I really feel that if I had taken away her license and keys , I would have been faced with a major war. I represent the alz devil to my wife, and she hates me more than she has ever loved me.. I am the cause of her problems, and fortunately for me, I did not make an issue of her driving. She has decided on her own that she will now walk to the store because she feels so afraid and that it hurts too much to drive. I am so so so so grateful, and feel that if I had insisted on taking away her driving priviledge, she would be driving just to spite me and prove that she still can....Serious war and battle avoided (so far)
My husband gave up driving several times..seemingly with no problem...WRONG! He destroyed his car inside and out, put a major dent in our truck, and crashed my car into a freezer in our garage...all when he was done driving! I thought all the keys were under control, but was wrong. Now they are for sure, but he still wants to "help and do his part"..I'll take you to do this and that..no..you're no longer driving..hmm....okay...As everyone has said, it is the hardest thing to give up. He is still trying, no matter what I say. The desire is still there, and doesn't cut loose easily. Very sad.
Oh Trish, what a blessing that he REALIZES the risks involved with driving now. You'll read every imaginable scenario about that here. My DH, always concerned about OTHERS had no concern whatsoever that he would cause an accident. They (3)were always the fault of something or someone ELSE. His driving wasn't going to harm anyone. There was absolutely NO reasoning that prevailed. Only a court of law. A judge had him surrender his license right in the courtroom. An awful awful time for our family but a huge relief when it was finally done. So, as sad as it can be to have them realize their impairments.. I believe it saves families from some of those other worries. Good for him!
Judy - I could not agree with you more. A blessing that he REALIZES the risks. I really shouldn't comment on these driving things - I can feel my blood pressue rising as I write this. When advised of the risks of accidents and liabilities, my husband's answer is always the same - "That's what insurance is for!" He cannot see beyond his need to drive. Period. Trish is very, very, very lucky. Unfortunately, she is correct in that it will be harder on her. Doing all of the driving STINKS. I hate it. Hate it. Hate it. But it's necessary. I am responsible for everything, and I cannot be responsible for his driving.
trish, my DH also gave up driving without a problem. The social worker told me "Do you know how lucky you are?"
After reading what joan and others have been through, I realize she was right. Joan, I do hate having to do all the driving also. I really miss sending him to the store for something, driving himself to doctor's appointments, to the barber shop and now to cardiac rehab three times a week. Doesn't leave much time for ourselves, does it?
briegull, it is in the same category as "empty nest" - it doesn't really exist. They say it to give us hope! <grin> I have had less than one month in 66 years that at least one child has been living with us! Now, it is wonderful, though! I need her so much! We'll have that time for ourselves someday. I was just teasing before!
My mother was diagnosed with terminal TB when I was three. She lived until I was 19. Her needs, rightly, were always paramount, my grandmother tended me and my dad too. A year after she died I married my husband. Then there were 3 kids; there was only about one year when one or another of them wasn't living at home ever thereafter. There were a few years after my daughter recovered from bouts of depression (yea, Paxil!!) before my husband became strange and those were quiet years. But alone to follow my own path? No. My husband retired before me. (I worked from the time our daughter was in school) So although I travelled around alone, I have almost never been alone in my own house for any length of time. I doubt that I ever will be!
It's because he has been such a tremendous help to me since the loss of his job. He has been doing all the grocery shopping each week, going to Home Depot for home repairs, collecting rent from our tennants ect... Today we are out of bags for our vacuum cleaner and my first though was to get my husband to pick them up -now it will be one more thing on my plate. We are lucky to have several shopping centers close enough to walk to including the place where my husband gets his hair cut. At least he will be able to walk to places.
Yes I know I'm lucky he gave this up before he needed to - I'm just not ready for the "new normal". On the other hand his younger brother two years ago had a judge revoke his license- after he had four accidents in one year including two hit and runs!
I am so thankful for this board- I don't know what I would do without the support here!
trish, Ahh, yes, I understand. This disease adds to our list as it leaves our spouse's list of abilities, as if the emotional toll isn't bad enough. I have had a little idea of the rental stuff when I rented out a mobile home for a few years, and wouldn't do it again! Can you hire someone to "drive" him around, perhaps a student? PatB
Yes, that is exactly how it was here. While I was working on the website or house stuff or whatever, Sid was out doing ALL of the errands and grocery shopping when he drove. It was a tremendous help. He could go to the pool, clubhouse, gym, and out to lunch with a friend whenever he wanted. And he LOVED to drive.
Now I have to waste my time doing all of that stuff - something he NEVER lets me forget. He works himself into an agitated state, and everytime I waste 2 hours doing errands he used to do, he goes on a rant about how he could be doing that, and there's no reason he shouldn't be driving - on and on and on and on.
Thank goodness, he still does all the grocery shopping. I hate grocery shopping. Once a week, we head out to Sam's Club; Super Walmart; and the local grocery store. I drive, sit in the car and catch up on phone calls, and he goes in and shops. He doesn't think it is a big help, but it is. At least I don't have to go in and do it.