This may sound like a dumb question but in all honesty, I'm trying to understand. With AD, they lose their memories over time. My husband has had a couple of those episodes in the last month. One was when he was talking directly to me about not being able to find me. The other was him talking to me about me. I realize that these are only 2 events and he doesn't do it all the time, however, it seems to me that once they don't know who you are, you may not choose to sleep with them any longer or it may not be appropriate. Is this the case? How do you address it when it happens? What have you done?
By "sleep with", do you mean sleep in the same bed or do you mean "sexual relations"? Neither one is a dumb question, and they have been asked and discussed many times on this board. Before any of us go into a long answer, explanation, or discussion, tell us exactly what you mean. Then, I can assure you, you will get plenty of feedback.
It hasn't happened to me, but many spouses who are getting NO sleep because of their spouse's restlessness, incontinence, sleeplessness, confusion - the list is endless - often do sleep in separate bedrooms. I hope others come on to give you some help and advice on what they have done, because I am clueless.
I still sleep in the same bed as DH. He is probably stage 5 and does not want me too far away from him, even at home. Sometimes, if I have trouble sleeping, I will go to another bedroom. That works best for us. He still knows who I am and who our children and grandchildren are.
Well, that question never had to be answered in this house. My husband quit lying down to sleep the last year before he moved to the AD facility. He refused to bathe, change clothes, sit at the table to eat, or to sleep in a bed. He paced, sat on a couch to eat and watch TV and once in a while he would sleep sitting up fully clothed. By the time I brought him back home from the facility he was bedridden. What a horrible situation....
I don't know how you guys who still sleep together get any SLEEP! I had moved out about 10 years ago after my husband was in the hospital for a few weeks with an infection, and came home to a hospital bed. I tuck him in every night, and give him a kiss if he's been good.. and am only too happy to have a few hours of peace without him hanging around wanting me to amuse him!!
My wife goes to bed earlier than me and is taking trazadone for help sleeping. I have notice that lately she is talking in her sleep. It wakes me up and I am the one confused. Is she talking to me or dreaming. She is dreaming and is talking out loud . Last night there were several episodes. If this continues I will sleep in the guest bedroom.
About 6-8 weeks ago, I bought a twin bed, rearranged our master bedroom to accomadate it. Jim now sleeps there. Our problem (FTD) was that he was having aggressive dreams. 3 times in the last year he tried to choke me, punched me etc. He was horified by his actions, even though he did not remember doing it. He readily agreed to the bed out of fear of hurting me. He is also worried about incontinence coming on. Even when I was hospitalized he slept in the twin. I miss him but sleep easier with him close but seperate. I miss the snuggling so while watch tv, I will often leave my recliner and snuggle on the couch with him.
I also have been thinking about sleeping in the extra bedroom. I get very little sleep at night for my husband's constant jerking, snoring or as he did this morning waking up at 4:00, finally going back to sleep at 5:30. He will not go to bed alone, so I don't know if he would sleep alone. I guess after he gets to sleep I could go in the other room.
My husband still knows who I am and we do sleep in the same bed. Like your wife moorsb, myhusband talks to me. I dont' know if he dreaming, talking out loud or hallucinating. I don't get much sleep when that happens. I just didn't know what happens when they don't know who you are anymore. Do they want another bed? Do they want to sleep with a "stranger" or "caregiver"? I couldn't imagine my husband punching me, choking me, etc. I would be horrified.
The punching happened to me once, and it was very scary. Sid was having a dream, yelling in his sleep, and punching me. I got up and woke him up. He, too, was horrified at what he did, even though it wasn't his fault. Thank goodness we have not had any other of those instances.
I've got to add another comment about getting punched at night - that it can happen to people who don't have AD. Shortly after my parents got married, my father had a nightmare that someone was attacking his wife. He fought back, and managed to punch her in the eye, giving her a big black eye. When people asked how she got it, she replied that her husband hit her. After they got over the shock, she would explain what happened.
When we were first together, there were several times when I rolled out of the bed, onto the floor when he was having very vivid dreams (like PTSDS). Eventually they went away. About 16 years into our marriage, after his mental breakdown, I started sleeping in the other bedroom because our sleep patterns were so different and because I needed to sleep on my left side and not keep rolling to the middle (he's larger than me)because of my back. I have always been a nightowl and he would go to bed at 8-9. When I'd go in, everytime, I'd wake him up and then because he'd been a 3rd shift worker for years, he couldn't get back to sleep. Now, we still sleep apart--he in his hospital bed and me in mine. He has his because it can raise to help him up when rising to a standing position is hard. Mine is so I can raise my lower legs at night to fight edema. He still knows me but he's having a lot more trouble keeping other people straight.
I am the King of Sleep, and my wife has been sleeping in HER bedroom for about 10 yrs now. I am not allowed in there for any reason, except to help her find keys, glasses, remotes, and phone. She is very obsessive about how she sleeps, and usually if a dog pees on cotton in the neighbors yard, she hears it and is instantly awake for 3 hrs. Also, she tells me that I do not sleep properly..I sleep on the wrong side, breath wrong, move too much, snore, and my hair makes noise.... I have long ago been banished, and although I miss the snuggling, and intimate talks, I realize that she was so agitated, that she could not sleep with anyone. I have had my own bedroom for so many years that I feel shut out of my marriage. However, it did keep her from getting so agitated. She is a very light sleeper, and often is insomniac to the point of watching tv and movies all night long. I also got very tired of getting punched in my sleep, and after many months, I finally had the sense to find my own room, and I now get the proper rest to make it another day...
My husband and I sleep in the same bed. It's a king sized one, so we can snuggle at first and then scoot to our separate side of the bed. He's been in a stage for almost a year that he won't go to bed until I do. He'll sometimes go back to the bedroom and undress down to underwear and get in bed, but if I don't come back in about 10 minutes, he'll come back to the den and sit in his recliner until I get up to go to bed! I get awakened about three times during the night, but go right back to sleep most of the time. Occasionally I have to unstop the toilet, or clean him and/or the bathroom during the night. I'd rather do it when it happens than the next morning. It's easier.
I think it needs to be an individual couples decision.
By the way, my husband hasn't known my name or that I'm his wife in over a year...but he knows I'm the one who takes care of him, and he hugs and kisses me when I hug him. It'll do for now. <grin>
My husband and I continue to share a bed. It isn't always easy but I need to know when he gets up at night because of the fact that he falls a lot and even though I certainly can't lift him, I often have to talk him through HOW to get up, and he also comes on the hunt of me if I don't come to bed shortly after he goes. And there is the issue of messes that need cleaned up when they are made. Need I go on?
Carol and I still sleep togetherand it is the best part of the day. She can go to sleep by 9 and sleep til 6am. I usually go to bed with her to see that medicine is taken, teeth brushed, clean her face now that yall have talught me and then put drops in both eyes for her glaucoma. My back is so bad that I am usually ready to lay downwith her. I don't go to sleep til 10 or 11 and usually have trouble going to sleep. I play suduko, solitaire and black jack and also read my Christian books and especially creation/evolution. That usually puts me to sleep pretty quick. I worry about Stage #7 and the incontinence and walking stages but will just take care of it somehow when it gets here. Maybe ECT and Cinnamon willsave me. Love to all, Bill
I haven't slept in the same bed with my DW for about three years, She has a bad back and requires a hard mattress. I have Arthritis in my hips and a softer mattress works best for me. She moved into the other bedroom because she began hitting me in the night to make me quit snoring. Given these factors separate rooms work best for us.
Sleeping by yourself isn't a whole lot of fun, but in some circumstances it is the best way to maintain harmony in the household.
i still sleep in kingsize bed with DH. its been going well lately and hes sleeping better and not up for pee runs as much so we are both getting more hrs of decent sleep. i am afraid of him falling on the marble so i have been getting up each and everytime he goes for over 3yrs now. he fell once and hurt his knee and cut his hand so its not worth it to let him go alone. i would not sleep better in another room or bed. i need to view him if need be to rest peacefully. divvi
I've been up since 4 this morning. Certainly got a lot done. DH was having bad dreams last night of being held down, He was yelling at these people. I tried to wake him, but just couln't. when I asked him who I was, he said "my mother". these bad dreams usually occur about once a week. Funny, we were just in Florida with my son's family, and DH slept every night thru without any dreams, but first night home.... there we were. I have considered separate bedrooms, I would love it, but he gets frightened and lonely at night. the problem is really, when these dreams happen, he starts thrashing around and I get frightened that he could attack me. That has never happened, but I do have difficulty waking him during these dreams, which actually are more like night terrors that kids get. One night when he was fighting these people who were holding him down, he actually fell out of bed. But he needs me there, so there I am.
We are going to separate bedrooms when we move in August. As it is, he mostly sleeps in a chair, but between the snoring and the violent dreams he disturbs my sleep too much if he is in the bed. I notice he often listens to something with headphones if he goes to bed after I get up--hopefully being able to listen to something while falling asleep will be a benefit for him of separate bedrooms.
Are bad dreams part of AD or a side effect of medications? My DH has them too but has never been violent or tried to act them out, just disturbed, but forgets them minutes after he's awake.
So glad I found this topic. My hubby and I still sleep in our king size bed. He also has had prostate issues and when he was getting up every couple of hours to pee (and he needs help to do that otherwise it is everywhere!) I was a zombee and sometimes went to the sofa to sleep where he could come down the hall to find me so he could pee. He is always able to fall right back to sleep. Me on the other hand will toss and turn and eventually get up for hot milk and some reading. Does anyone remember when there were some good late night movies? Not anymore. Just recently my hubby (is that what DH means?) began with sleeping longer but now having nightmares. I too wonder about the talking - is he talking to me or is he asleep. I don't think it is his meds as he has been on the prostate meds for over a year. He is off of Aricept. He was also having a time a couple of years ago with blacking out and falling. Of course, they don't know to this day why that was happening. So now he is on a medication to help with fainting. This is the second one. Replaced the Dilantin and it is so much better (does not cause constipation or gum problems). Long story short, we still sleep in the same king size bed.
My DH tried Arisept and Namenda about a year ago, beginning with Arisept. Arisept gave him BAD dreams. Taking Arisept the opposite time of day (sorry can't recall when, but opposite of what they originally recommended) helped. As it turned out, the longer he took these two meds, the worse he got so he could not function at all. After 6 months he went off both and I got my 'impaired' but saner husband back. He hasn't been on anything since and prefers no meds to anything that decreases his quality of life OR might prolong his journey. He is NOT depressed, but has enough awareness he sees no reason to take a chance at extending the time.