Yes, Mimi. Ronald Reagan had Alzheimer's, Charleton Heston, Sargent Shriver. I could go on and on about highly intelligent people (the once President of the United States, for heaven's sake) who have gotten it or will get it.
My otherwise intelligent friends firmly believe alz is caused by our drinking water. They also believe Johns runny nose is actually due to a brain fluid leak. DUH??
We are all hearing more about AD daily. There seems to be more people having it, because we are talking about it. We are not trying to hide Aunt Jane in the closet because she is nuts and we don't want anyone to know. That is what they used to do with AD patients. Plus NOW, people are living a lot longer so more people come down with it. We know it's nothing to be ashamed of, and that our spouses did nothing to cause it and lack of doing something didn't cause it either!!!!
Until they determine the CAUSE of Alzheimer's, NOTHING they say can "help" cure it....So I'm trying to let what I hear on TV and what I read in the newspaper and on the Internet go in one ear and out the other - because the name Alzheimer's is being heard, and pressure to find the cause and cure is being put on doctors, researchers, hospitals, etc.
I have a funny feeling that after my husband passes, that I may end up on a few soapboxes.... I can't see my rejecting all of the knowledge I've been collecting for 4 years going down the drain. If what we've learned here at Joan's from each other, and the research that several of us have done on the topics. can help thousands of others get through this easier and with more understanding, I think we will be achieving a great legacy to have been able to make a difference.
We do hear more about AZ, and that will probably continue with the baby boomers growing older - the numbers are going to rise. I have got to wonder, after reading the effects of anesthesia on AZ patients, and the fact that 10 years ago we all starting getting colonoscopies (with anesthesia), whether that has contributed to the increased early onset alzheimers and the overall alzheimers. Obviously not everyone who has anesthesia gets AZ, but maybe a genetic marker + the anesthesia can set it off. Look at the last report below. SOMETHING is causing it... I have read many anecdotes on the web about normal, healthy, middle aged adults who are suddenly devastated by AZ, after undergoing surgery with anesthesia.
Here is some related research: ScienceDaily (Nov. 14, 2008) — For the first time researchers have shown that a commonly used anesthetic can produce changes associated with Alzheimer's disease in the brains of living mammals, confirming previous laboratory studies. http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2008/11/081112124410.htm
ScienceDaily (Mar. 12, 2009) — Scientists report in the Journal of Alzheimer’s Disease that anesthesia induces phosphorylation of tau. Tau is a key neuronal protein involved in neurodegeneration in Alzheimer’s disease (AD) and several other neurodegenerative disorders. http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2009/03/090310084840.htm
ScienceDaily (Mar. 25, 2010) — A new study confirms that anesthesia is safe for normal mice but potentially harmful for mice with genetic risk factors for Alzheimer's disease (AD). http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2010/03/100324155359.htm
There are several threads about this here.. the take-home is that your AZ spouse really shouldn't have any stronger anesthesia than absolutely necessary. I don't think colonoscopies, which usually involve a shot, not inhaled anesthesia, are a problem, but certainly inhaled anesthesia for heart bypasses etc etc or broken bones are a problem. The main thing we can do now is to insist on the most minimal dose of anesthesia possible for the most necessary cases and avoid it altogether if it ISN'T essential. This means that if your spouse has a bum knee and his dad had AZ, think very carefully before you agree he should have a knee replacement. It means that plastic surgery is probably OUT even if s/he is only diagnosed as having MCM. Obviously if they fall and break a hip, it has to be set, with anesthesia, but it is more likely than not that there will be consequences to it if they're already Alzheimer-y.
I agree. DH had a broken hip, a month ago (actually, I guess it's still broken) Anyway, before surgery I talked to the anesthesiologist concerning the surgery. he assured me that the minimal would be used. They tried with local, but he became agitated, so they had to knock him out, but I made my feelings known. It absolutely has an effect. BTW, I have discovered the cause of Alzheimer disease. people are living longer.
Chris..you are so right about people living longer. A big percentage of the population (baby boomers) are moving into their late 50's and older. What was once called depression, senility, hardening of the arteries and old age now has a name. ALZ. I believe it has always been here but we are now so much more aware of it. I don't see it as an epidemic. ALz is at long last a recognized disease. As someone else here so aptly put it "we no longer hide crazy Aunt Jane in the attic." cs
Is it the anesthesia given during surgery, or could it be tiny blood clots in the arteries that travel to the brain causing blockages or mini-strokes? My husband, as far as I know, didn't have hallucinations before his bypass surgery, after surgery it was a nightmare. They started in the ICU and didn't stop until he came home from the hospital 3-1/2 weeks later. We were told this wasn't uncommon while in the ICU. He had them for the rest of the hospital stay, but not as severely as when he was in the ICU. They seemed to go away, until several months before being diagnosed with what we thought then was Lewy body dementia. Interesting about the anesthesia, I had never heard of that before.
From what I have read they think it is lowering the temperature of the brain that is causing the problem (anesthesia cools the brain down I guess). A train of thought is that the brains of those prone to AD do not recover like those not affected by it.
2004 my husband had a knee replacement,he was totally disoriented for 7-8-days,6mo.later he had the other knee replaced,disoriented for 3 weeks. I had explained to the anesthologist about the first episode,he said they would use something different,but I don't know if they really did the second time.I don't know if maybe it was the pain medication.I am really worried because he is probably going to have back surgery soon.I really feel the AZ started with the first surgery.His Dad had AZ in his 50's,back then they said it was his asthma causing his problem,AZ wasn't heard of yet.He died at 67.
Well my poor hubby had his right hip replaced in 2000 and the left in 2001. He seemed just fine after that. No memory issues at all..he was the go getter he had been before. Then his legs got tired when he played golf. So an ultrasound was done and showed blockages. The first step in correcting that was an angiogram which showed a need for a 3X cabg. That was in 2005. He had complications from that 3 months later and had fluid in the lungs, had a collapsed lung and finally they did a throscopy and pleuadisis. That set him back. He had not been on the heart lung machine during surgery which can cause some memory problems..he did have a few hiccups at first but seemed to recover from that and went about his normal activities just fine. Or so it seemed. Then 2 years ago he had a TIA of the sort that is directely related to hypertension. Since that time the memory issues have become pronounced. I have read some articles that are now coming to think that AD is the direct result of uncontrolled or poorly managed Hypertension and other vascular problems and diseases. That is not to say there could not also be environmental causes as well with toxic spills etc.
Well, if not ALZHEIMER"S then certainly DEMENTIA of some sort or another is the result of certain vascular problems - there are some on here whose spouses have VaD - vascular dementia (carosi? Speak up!) and strokes. I think it's becoming more and more clear that dementia comes in many different sizes and delineations AS TO CAUSE - but the EFFECTS seem to be very closely similar in all kinds, except those with FTD (fronto-temporal dementia) are more violent and don't react well to aricept or namenda.. The main variables seem to be in who manifests what symptom when.
Somewhere recently I read that it is more common for dementia to be from a mix of causes, for example, evidence of a mini stroke(s), plus Alzheimer's disease. This description fits my husband who had a small clot, or more likely a fatty embolism, to his brain following 4-hour back surgery when he was 72. He was never really the same after that. Sorry I can't remember the source article, but it could have been a John Hopkins report, or maybe it was on a link from this website. It was no fluff piece like Gail Sheey's (sp?) but with references. It was written by a geriatric psychiatrist.
Exactly,Briegull. Alz has the ameloid tangles and Tau stuff (see how technical) Vascular Dementia is the result of damage to the brain because the vascular system is compromised cutting off the circulation to the brain cells--they die. A Stroke causes a big loss, a TIA a smaller--sometimes short term loss. But the thing is the whole vascular system is in progressive decline and therefore as capillaries breakdown there are tiny brain losses--undetectable except the symptoms progress. Symptoms show up for minutes, later for 10-15 mins; 1 hour, and eventually they stay because the damage has grown. My opinion on the problems with anesthetics is their affect on both the brain and on the circulatory systems. Also, while in an ICU the meds used are likely stronger and have similar effects to the anesthetics. My DH has Vascular Dementia. We (family, DH., and i) had no awareness of the Strokes he had----that can happen , I was surprised to learn. In the 6 months after DxI had him back in 3 timnes with suspected TIAs, 2 of which they could not confirm by symtoms(faded before arrival at hospital) and one confirmed by symptoms which later faded, but not by tests. Since then I've seen a few more. I watch and will call if needed. There are no meds to stop them or prevent them. The meds he's on are to control psych issues, behavior issues, and a couple other health matters. Ever since his Dx the decision has been made that we will not be doing testing of any kind if he would be unable to comply with the testing or treatment. He is solidly in Stage 6 with glimmers of 7 waiting in the wings.
Our Optomotrist, at least 15 years ago, told us that dick had Hardening of the arteries, he could see it when he examined the inside of his eye. In addition he had several tia's which were noted on a cat scan.... and now (for the last 8 years) he's been dxd with Alzheimer. It doesn't matter at this point what caused it as much as how to best care for him at this point. I do wonder, however, if anything could have been done when the eye doctor first saw the hardening of the arteries. Maybe nowadays, something could be done that early, who knows.
My husband has not had hypertension, high cholesterol, and the MRI showed no signs of any blood clots. For him it is just family ties. I would love to have genetic testing on him to see if he has any of the genes thought to be associated with AD, but we don't have the money. We have no biological children, so knowing would not affect anyone except letting us know. Don't know if anyone else read the below article, but I am going to keep it saved to send to people. It is a good start.
Johns Hopkins Health Alert Symptoms of Early-Stage Alzheimer’s You Should Know
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What kinds of behaviors should you expect from a loved one who has just been diagnosed with early-stage Alzheimer's disease? Johns Hopkins discusses 10 common symptoms of early Alzheimer's.
Alzheimer's disease is progressive, meaning it worsens over time. Alzheimer’s is also terminal, meaning all who develop it will eventually succumb to it. As Alzheimer's rides its course, it renders those who suffer from it increasingly dependent on the care of others.
This is true for all people who develop Alzheimer's, but the particular symptoms and the degree to which they show themselves vary among individuals. For convenience, the progression of Alzheimer's is often divided into three stages: early/mild, middle/moderate, and late/severe.
The symptoms and signs of Alzheimer's have been identified by observing people with Alzheimer's disease as a group. An individual may not show all of the symptoms in each stage of progression. For example, many -- but not all – Alzheimer's patients develop severe psychiatric problems, such as delusions and hallucinations. Among those who do, the symptoms appear in the middle to late stages of Alzheimer's.
It may help friends and family to familiarize themselves with the typical stages of Alzheimer's disease so that they know what to expect in the coming years. The early/mild stage of Alzheimer's is characterized by declining ability to form new memories, impaired ability to organize and manipulate complex ideas, and, sometimes, by personality changes.
1. Diminished short-term memory 2. Misplacing belongings in odd places; losing valuable belongings, like wallet or purse 3. Difficulty finding the right word: "Tip of the tongue" syndrome 4. Person seems "not himself" and shows uncharacteristic behaviors 5. Lapses in judgment 6. Difficulty with mental arithmetic and handling money 7. Disorientation in unfamiliar places or situations 8. May become apathetic or withdrawn, avoiding social situations 9. More difficulty with routine tasks at work or at home, or may take longer to complete tasks 10. Irritation or anger in response to increasing memory lapses
Specific Examples
* Asks the same question repeatedly within the same conversation * Puts car keys away in refrigerator * Unable to recall word for "car" and then says in frustration, "The thing you drive to work in." * A normally shy person becomes uncharacteristically outgoing or talkative at a family gathering * Agrees to buy services or products he/she doesn't need from telephone sales person * Finds it difficult to balance checkbook or figure out correct amount of money to pay for an item while shopping * Forgets to eat, skips meals, or eats the same food every meal
Yesterday I took the laundry to the laundromat so I could get it all done at once. I was talking to an older man who has pancreatic cancer about Alzheimer's. His opinion is that its sole cause are people who do not keep their brains active. I tried to tell him that there are doctors, scientist, etc. but he didn't want to hear any of it. He says all his friends and family who have/had it just sat around doing nothing. I hope he doesn't fall victim to this curse.
Charlotte, if you run in to him again, smack him for me :) That is the equivalent of telling him he has pancreatic cancer because he did not eat right. Arggggggh!
Well...now I know what causes ALZ. A local Dr. who is also a nutritionalist was on the radio this afternoon. He said flat out that alz is caused by BELLY FAT!!! This jerk is making hundreds of thousands of dollars feeding on peoples fears and ignorance. A friend went to see him for a "free" consultation. After Dr. S. used his scare tactitcs my friend left there with over $500 of supplements and vitamins. I have to do something about this. Should I call the local alz assoc. and ask for advice? Write a letter to the radio station? I'm not educated enough to go toe to toe with this guy but he has to stop making statements and claims like that. I'm spitting mad that someone is taking advantage of people the way he does. Help me out on this friends. xox cs
Email the program manger. Let them know what you heard and tell them you feel obligated to report this egregiously false broadcast to the FCC, unless they are willing to make it right through 1) an on air retraction / correction and 2) having a representative from the local Alzheimer's Assoc. on air for an interview to provide the truth. If they do not agree, file a complaint with the FCC - I believe you can do that online.
That local doctor is absolutely correct! Alzheimers is caused by belly fat, as my laboratory rats will verify. Specifically, alzheimers is caused by chocolate, but more common by drinking hot chocolate...and that causes belly fat. Cocoa solids contain alkaloids such as theobromine and phenethylamine, which have physiological effects on the body.It has been linked to serotonin levels in the brain. Some research found that chocolate, eaten in moderation, can lower blood pressure.[1] The presence of theobromine renders it toxic to some animals,[2] especially dogs and cats. South American and European cultures have used cocoa to treat diarrhea for hundreds of years.While chocolate is regularly eaten for pleasure, there are potential beneficial health effects of eating chocolate. Cocoa or dark chocolate benefits the circulatory system.[50] Other beneficial effects suggested include anticancer, brain stimulator, cough preventor and antidiarrhoeal effects.[51] An aphrodisiac effect is yet unproven, but give any woman some chocolate, and it will turn into an aphrodisiac..... There is concern of mild lead poisoning for some types of chocolate. Chocolate is toxic to many animals because of insufficient capacity to metabolize theobromine.[2] A study reported by the BBC indicated that melting chocolate in one's mouth produced an increase in brain activity and heart rate that was more intense than that associated with passionate kissing, and also lasted four times as long after the activity had ended. Studies suggest a specially formulated type of cocoa may be nootropic and delay brain function decline as people age.[66] Mars, Incorporated, a Virginia-based candy company, spends money each year on flavonol research.[67] The company is talking with pharmaceutical companies to license drugs based on synthesized cocoa flavonol molecules. According to Mars-funded researchers at Harvard, the University of California, and European universities, cocoa-based prescription drugs could potentially help treat diabetes, DEMENTIA and other diseases.[68] Theobromine was found to be almost one third more effective than codeine, the leading cough medicine.[69] Flavonoids can inhibit the development of diarrhea, suggesting antidiarrhoeal effects of cocoa.[70] obesity is a significant risk factor for many diseases, including cardiovascular disease. As a consequence, consuming large quantities of dark chocolate in an attempt to protect against cardiovascular disease has been described as 'cutting off one's nose to spite one's face Chocolate has one of the higher concentrations of lead among products that constitute a typical Westerner's diet, with a potential to cause mild lead poisoning, While studies show that the lead consumed in chocolate may not all be absorbed by the human body, there is no known threshold for the effects of lead on children's brain function and even small quantities of lead can cause permanent neurodevelopmental deficits including impaired IQ. By now, it should be obvious that Dr. S drank too much hot chocolate,
Just think about it-opiates cause constipation and chocolate has been used as an antidiarrheal-wow new discovery. Chocolate also is very high in VitK. An old time doc I used to work with would give his patients a choice of getting a VitK shot or eat a Hershey bar if the coumandin thinned their blood too much. Lets hear it for chocolate!
Belly Fat in Midlife, Dementia Later? Study Shows Getting a Big Belly in Midlife Ups Risk of Dementia Later in Life By Kathleen Doheny WebMD Health NewsReviewed by Louise Chang, MDMarch 26, 2008 -- Having a fat belly at midlife, which is already associated with an increased risk of diabetes, heart problems, and stroke, also increases the risk of getting dementia in your later years, according to a new study.
"This is the first time research has linked central obesity in midlife with dementia later in life," says Rachel Whitmer, PhD, research scientist at the Kaiser Permanente Division of Research in Oakland, Calif., who led the study. Central obesity is the term used for excess abdominal body fat.
"Where you carry your weight is an important risk factor," she tells WebMD. "If you are overweight and carry it in your belly, you are at greater risk [of health problems] than someone overweight who doesn't carry it in their belly."
Belly Fat and Dementia: Study Details Whitmer and her colleagues followed the medical records of 6,583 members of Kaiser Permanente of Northern California, a large health maintenance organization, for an average of 36 years, from the time they were in their 40s until they were in their 70s.
Link for the rest of the article: http://www.webmd.com/alzheimers/news/20080326/belly-fat-in-midlife-dementia-later
On the other hand, my mother-in-law had dementia and she was thin as a rail.
Thanks friends. Phranque you make my head spin. I was worried there would be a study that might back up his statement. You can link anything to anything if you try hard enough. I will still write to Dr.S. and let him know that while belly fat MIGHT be a CONTRIBUTING factor for SOME people it is not the single cause of alz. Hey Phranque...let's push this idea then open lipo centers in every city. We'll rid the world of a horrible disease and get stinking rich at the same time. You in? xox cs
CS..You can invent ANY study to back up ANY claim... It follows the principle of "Wizard's First RUle": "People are stupid; given proper motivation, almost anyone will believe almost anything. Because people are stupid, they will believe a lie because they want to believe it's true, or because they are afraid it might be true. People’s heads are full of knowledge, facts, and beliefs, and most of it is false, yet they think it all true. People are stupid; they can only rarely tell the difference between a lie and the truth, and yet they are confident they can, and so are all the easier to fool."
When I fist heard this (from Terry Goodkind's Book), it explained a lot of things about people......and often, it is so true....people so desperate to believe, that they believe a lie.........Amazing!!!
Hey..Count me in...I can definitely lose some belly fat.....
A study reported by the BBC indicated that melting chocolate in one's mouth produced an increase in brain activity and heart rate that was more intense than that associated with passionate kissing, and also lasted four times as long after the activity had ended.
Hmmmm, what happens when passionate kissing is combined WITH chocolate melting in ones mouth?????
Belly fat may be a result of the body having difficulty using glucose (metabolic syndrome can lead to type 2 diabetes and more generally pre-diabetes causes weight gain). So if the theory that Alzheimer's is diabetes of the brain is correct, both Alzheimers and belly fat may be caused by problems with glucose metabolism, at least in some people. But correlation is not causation--if it is true both belly fat and AZ are caused by an underlying problem, belly fat is also a result, it isn't a cause.
I've heard it suggested that you make up a name for a study and then ask, condescendingly of course, "Have you studied the latest XZY study in depth? You might find a serious, scholarly, evaluation more informative than hearsay."
Our local news just had that report on belly fat. It says for those who have a big belly by age 50 have smaller brains and are therefore more likely to get dementia. Screeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeem!
I just sent them an email telling them they need to do responsible reporting and stop reporting theory - cause that is all they have as of now on the cause except for the genetic/hereditary type. I said my husband has EOAD but did not have a belly at 50 and MRI showed his brain of normal size. I said they do not know the cause, they only have theories.
Well my mom was thin as a rake. My Uncle also was trim..tall both of them too. They both died of this miserable disease. And DH was a gymnast, athlete, and US Marine and those Marines are fit and trim...at 50 he could beat an 18 year old on the physical fitness test..No belly fat on any of them so that notion is full of bunk. I loved Phranque's discussion of the merits of chocolate. They were all short on those benefits. Long Live Chocolate.
Belly fat???? chocolate ???? My Mother has A.D. She has been skinny as a rail all of her life & seldom eats chocolate. I think It's partly the cholesterol pills & other bad medicine these DR'S have been pushing for years. My hubby & I have taken cholesterol pills for years. They didn't prevent heart problems either. We both had bypass surgery. We just got rid of the cholesterol pills & went back to fish oil & niaccin that we buy over the counter. Pills for this & pills for that. We take way too many pills!!! People take more pills than ever before & have alot more ailments. Some we never heard of 20 years ago...... Obsessive Compulsive Disorder....( caused from spoiled child ) Fibrmyalgia. ..( The stress mess.) WTH ????. Eventually we will all have A.D. before we even get to be seniors. That's my story & I'm sticking to it...lol...
add garlic to the regime. It helps lower cholesterol. Also, almonds will help the HDL, lower the LDL, and triglycerides plus they taste good. Add some MM and they are best.
I feel so bad for you.....and for me too. I'm with you, I just turned 53 this past Sunday and I hate everything and everyone right now. I was just thinking today, I just can't do this anymore. I'm so alone here fighting this battle, knowing that I'm not going to win the war. I just want to run away, anywhere, where I can at least have part of my life back. Rae
I'm with you on wanting to run away. Just before reading this topic, I had written almost exactly the same thing in my journal. I wanted to go live somewhere under an assumed name so I could get away from all this. Too bad they don't have something like witness protection for caregivers! I'd probably want to come back pretty soon, but at least I would have had a break.
I think I'm going to have to look at placement pretty soon. Today I had to take DH to the doctor. We were only about three miles from home, and I was so tired I didn't know if I was going to be able to drive home. Yesterday I was out running errands by myself, and in between stops I was crying. I think my body is trying to tell me (actually, it's screaming at me) that I've done just about all I can. DH hasn't declined to where I thought he would be when placement became necessary, but I am absolutely dead--physically and mentally. If I wait much longer to do this, I won't be able to even look for a place, let alone advocate for him when he is there.
Placement is for the caregiver, not the AD one. The AD one will continue to decline no matter if at home or in a facility. I have always been a strong person, but the time came when my body was screaming at me, too. I felt every cell in my body was spinning around thrashing into each other, I simply had no more to give. Either I placed DH or someone would have to place me. My children kept saying, 'Please, Mom, we don't want to lose you to the same disease.' My broken heart was unbearable, but I was alive, eventually I healed. I waited too long to place my beloved, I didn't want to, but I always knew it was an option. We are only human. One parent was stolen from my children by AD. I wouldn't let it take both. It was the right thing to do.
I was where you are now back in January 2010. My body was refusing to move. I was crying over anything and everything. I thought I was having a stroke or a nervous breakdown so I turned everything over to God. I said "you know best Lord I can't do it by myself". My Son, his wife and their 8 year old granddaughter, who they are raising, moved in with us the first of Februrary. He had lost his job of many years and they needed help +I needed help. However this was not the help I was expecting. But God knew what was best for all of us.
Now five months later, my son has a job which pays better. I am refreshed by having had help around the house & yard and stimulating conversations with people from the [real world]. We will have the house back to ourselves for the next month so will see if I am able to cope better. RESPIT really does help! My husband (82 & I am 74) is capable of most ADL's but can't follow instructions or follow TV programs or conversations. It gets so lonely. I dare not leave him home alone for very long as he gets into all the food. I beleive he would eat himself into oblivian if not watched.
I hope you feel better soon. (((((Hugs all around))))) Sweet Pea
I've had it that I am 44 and having to care for a husband with AD. I've had it that I can't just ask him to run to the store to pick something up. I've had it that I have to figure out how to get rid of our assets so we can get him on Medicaid. I've had it that I have to take him to the gate at the airport. I've had it that he can't figure out how to make a sandwich. I've had it that his family thinks he sounds "fine" on the phone. I've had it when his friends say we should "move back to Oklahoma"... and then don't do much with him when he comes back to visit. There! I feel better now! :)
yes they sound fine: just before they blow their head off or take a bottle of pills yes they sound fine: but can not walk or feed themselves because they are paraplegic yes, they sound fine: but are filled with cancer eating their body. It isn't until the cancer hits their brain and they get like an AD patient they stop saying that yes, they sound fine: but soak the bed, pee in the closet, potted plants, cat litter, crap their pants, wipe it all over the wall in the bathroom - yes they are fine yes, they sound fine: but they are DID and you never know which personality you are speaking too - but they are fine yes, they sound fine: but they can no longer put one foot at a time into their pant legs to get dressed, but they are fine yes, they sound fine: but they can no longer how to turn TV on or follow a program, but they are fine yes, they sound fine: but when you talk with him/her, they have no idea who you are or what roll you have played in their life -yes, they are fine yes, they sound fine: but they can't even find the bathroom in a house they have lived in for over 30 years, but they are fine yes, they sound fine: but they do not even know who I am - someone they have spent the last 20,30, 40, 50 years with - but they are fine yes, they sound fine: but they do not even know his/her own children -but they are fine
The thing I run into the most which comes from my 71 year old sister: "Y" did the same thing, or Y was that way too, or Y was xxx. I want to say, but have not yet "but he was in his 80s or he was 25 years older than bh when it happened or some remarks to stop the comparison cause there is no comparison. I don't mean to minimize the impact AD is having on the lives of you with older spouses, but with my sister it ticks me off.
She choose to marry a guy 16 years older than her when she was about 61. He already could barely move and had problems, 2 years into their married he had his stroke and gave up. HB is only 62, we still had plans and dreams, so she needs to stop. When I was telling about his carrying on a conversation with an imaginary person her first words were 'Y did it too'. My remark 'it is part of the disease and I have to an eye out for things like this to know how he is progressing'. Believe it or not, she shut up.