My wonderful husband of 27 years is showing signs of EOAD. Hsi short term memory is like swiss cheese, from having a great sense of direction he gets los in the neighborhood or going to Home Depot (his second home). He has become short-tempered, lazy, financially irresponsible, and sometimes verbally abusive. When he started having trouble with directions, I made him an ppointment with our family doctor, who referred him to a neurologist and a cardiologist. He had an angiogram and come carotid artery studies, so that was not he problem. The neurologist had an MRI done, a battery of blood tests and referral to a neuropsychologist. The MRI indicated that there is the possibility of some problems. But he hasn't picked up the other lab results or gone to the neutopsychologist. Due to the right to privacy, they won't release the results to me, even though I am the one who carries the insurance. Affraid that he would get hopelessly lost in Houston, I had a GPS installed in his car (which he uses even to go to work and back). He functions "normally" in most situtations, but I can see where is getting worse and seem confused sometimes by the simplest tasks, still he doesn't want to discuss it. He gets angry if I suggest that he needs to deal with this and stop postponing getting an answer. It seems he thinks, it will just go away, it has been three years since he started showing signs and it hasn't gone away. I am at my wits end and since he is only 55, everyone says it is just a mid-life crisis.
Vanessa........I was in your place several years ago. I KNEW all was not right. John would get lost, confused, neglect to pay the bills. He went to have a double bypass and an aortic valve replacement last December. After he was home for about two weeks, I noticed VERY odd behavior for him. WHile I would be sitting with him watching tv or sewing or just reading, I'd look up and he'd be staring at me or past me. This persists but I have him reading some nowdays. Anyhow, I called up the Neurologist, made an appointment for him. Doc sent us to a pshychiatrist to have this incredible 3 hour long test administered....a lot of written, verbal, visual stuff. I don't know the name of it...I'm sure someone here does. I say WE had it done because that was the only way he'd submit to the testing! I was a frightened mess about the whole thing, but turns out, my intellect is still intact!! John, however, has a lot of problems. And you know what? i found out that he had had the testing done on his own at the same place four years ago. Aricept was recommended at that time but I never knew anything about it. He was afraid drugs would affect his sexual performance. (by the way, I was assured by medical staff that Aricept does NOT do that). Maybe if you just talk it up with your husband some time and tell him how concerned you are, how there is some help out there, and suggest you take the test together he'll do it? Well, I hope this helps a little bit.
Maybe if you work it from the angle that there are medications out there that can help. If he gets started on them early enough, they can help him keep his independence for a much longer period.
My husband was to the point of not being able to be home by himself. We had (his parents and I) had stopped letting him drive. He could not do even the simplest of household chores. He couldn't work the remote control, so if he got the tv and satelite on, he would just watch whatever channel came on. He had a couple of instances of incontinence. He was very nervous and scared out in public. He lost his ability to communicate. His vocabulary had diminished severely. Now, he's been on exelon and namenda for a little over 6 months. All of his functioning has been restored. Every once in a while, I will notice that he might have forgotten something. He can drive again, he takes care of the house, he has been planning and preparing meals, we can have meaningful discussions again, etc, etc,...
He just has so much to gain from getting a diagnosis and starting treatment.
I just joined your site and add that I can relate to your stress of your husband's refusal to diagnose. Mine was a high profile atty and said it was burnout job related and ever since never acknowledged the dx of vascular dementia/and/or alzheimers. its been 10yrs now i care for him in home. family friends have run for cover as you all know. maybe suggesting his mental issues could be 'stress' related he may agree to get to see a neurologist under that pretext. it is super important he get on one of the alz meds asap to help him retain his cognitivie abilities longer. wishing you the best -Divvi
I have tried all the aspects I can think off, from sweetly suggesting that I would go with him and face whatever together, to emotional blackmail "Don't you want to be able to walk your daughters down the aisle, or would you rather relinquish that to one of my brothers? Our daughters have pleaded with him to go back to the neurologist and get a diagnosis. He wants to blame it on stress, that he is tired, etc. I have tried to discuss with him, that the earlier he gets a diagnosis, the better the outcome. He just doesn't want to know.
its very sad when they are in denial-i had to threaten divorce to get mines attention saying i didnt want to lose my retirement to him driving and having a lawsuit that would wipe us out -mine finally got help when he forgot which runway to land his plane on:) mercifully nobody was hurt its going to take a major wakeup call i hope you can get him to neuro as when it comes from the doctor it sinks in better...good luck, Divvi
Would he be willing to give you POA - medical or otherwise? You're gonna need it anyway if he does have AD. Maybe you could tell him that this will relieve his stress and you can take on more of the bill paying, etc.. for him while he "gets better". This will allow the doctors to talk to you. It should allow you to get his test results.
I already do all the financial stuff, including the taxes this year (Thanks God for Turbo Tax), slowly I have taken the reins of running the household. He is content to have abdicated the post of "head of the household", except when his ego gets a hit (the cable company won't talk to him, because he is not in the account), then he will huff and puff for a while. Most of the time I can take it, but I work full time as a scientist in a very stressful job and it gets to me. I think I will have to follow divvi's example and threaten to walk out ( which I will not do, anyway) and see if that wakes him up. Something to the effect of: I din't sign up for this, when they said in sickness and in health, the priest didn't say anything about starting in my forties. Maybe he will call my bluff.
We actually talked about a POA last weekend and he was very receptive. Of course, he wants one from me, but I rather give it to one of our adult daughters, since I have no idea how long he is going to be "functional"
Yeah to the POA concern. We did them last year, and soon I intend to call the lawyer to make that adjustment to mine... changing the primary from Jeff to my daughter who currently is listed as second. Thanks for the reminder. I don't want my kids to ever have to demonstrate that their dad is not capable.
It will break our daughters' hearts. Even though they are in their twenties, they are still very much daddy's baby girls. Too bad they are 1700 miles away in college. When they came home for Christmas they noticed the changes in their Dad, and tried to talk him into going back to the neurologist. Even my mother, who is a nurse specialized in geriatrics tried to convince him. He said yes, but hasn't gone back. Our oldest one actually "threatened" him that she would fly back in the spring and drag him by whatever little hair he has left to the doctor. If there is someone that could get it out of him is our oldest, she knows how to handle him better than me. ;-) Bless her golden heart, she is actually considering getting a transfer to a local college to be closer to us.
Jim was diagnosed last week, but refuses to believe he has dementia. The doc told him he has dementia with an 85-90% chance of it being AD, Lewy, or Temporal, and of course JIm took that to mean there is a 10-15% chance it's just depression. NOT! I am so frustrated from our discussions, should I just let it go? I had to get a note faxed from the dr saying that he was unable to drive, because he would not believe me that Dr R said that. So I guess until we have the PET Scan and know for sure which dementia it is and how far it has progressed, I'm screwed! Help! He is in the moderate stage. Susan
Susan-get yourself unscrewed. Learn from us or on line as much about the disease as you can. Try to get a definite diagnosis as the treatment is very different for the dementias. Sometimes it helps to get him to the doctor for "Memory Problems" rather than calling it dementia. After all even "normal" people forget things.
Just got a call that his PET Scan will be done on this Wednesday. His neurologist has looked at the MRI , from December, which showed mild atrophy along with other changes that affect processing, reviewed the neuro-psych testing and has done one regular EEG and one sleep deprived EEG, both which showed abnormal brain waves, bloodwork which was all fine, along with two hours of testing at our last visit last week. After he told us the diag he handed me print outs on AD to get me started. I love the idea of calling it memory problems rather than dementia, this just might ease his anxiety. Thanks. And talk about forgetting things I feel like I have ADD!
This is one of the hardest stages of AD because they know what is happening to them and they cope by denying it. We both tried to reason how it could be anything else but AD. This is a stage you just have to live through and adjust the best you can on a daily basis. It's a very sad time but it does end and then you are basically in this by yourself since they no longer know what is happening to them. That in itself is a blessing. The pain of seeing this once vibrant, strong, healthy wonderful man know what is happening and what is going to happen is almost too much to bear. But even at this stage, he is still with you so out of the dismay try to hang on to the moments you still have together and while you can still share together.
Susan, sometimes one of the earliest symptoms is "anosognosia". Damage done to certain parts of the brain makes it difficult or impossible for the patient to realize there is anything wrong. (My husband has this, in spades.) It isn't denial, they truly don't know there's a problem. This can sometimes make it difficult to help them -- they may not cooperate taking meds, for example -- because when they don't know there's a problem, they don't see any reason to try to fix it. There's a good article about this, at:
Thank you to Anitalynn and Sunshyne for yours words of wisdom. It is difficult, he does not remeber his appt last wednesday when we were given the dx! I will check out the web site and see if it applies. Thanks
My husband never though he had AD. He was very angry about the diagnosis. At least that is what he said. Somewhere along the way, he accepted that I was the one to handle the finances, do the driving and make the decisions. Looking back, even though it was very difficult at the time, I don't think he put up as much of a fight as he could have or would have if he didn't know somewhere in his mind that something wasn't right.
Getting them to the doctor for a diagnosis is difficult. I was able to make it happen because he had fallen and had a concussion so his PCP was able to have him go the the right doctors and we got the diagnosis. On the legal side, I just approached it as something that we both needed to do (update POA, DPOA, review wills).
One of the things I did do that helped him was treat us as a team fighting the devil AD and we had to work together to keep him functioning to the best of his ability as long as we could. That worked for him.
Vanessa, please keep trying to get him in and diagnosed. My DH is so much better since he's been taking Aricept and Namenda.
therrja, the same things you mentioned also helped with my DH. I have always told him that we're in this thing together and will work as a team to deal with it. That did it because now he will do whatever I think is best and take any medicine or supplement I feel he needs because he knows I have his best interest at heart.
"One of the things I did do that helped him was treat us as a team fighting the devil AD and we had to work together to keep him functioning to the best of his ability as long as we could. That worked for him.'
My dh was the one who wanted to see the Dr. because he kept telling me he had AD and I was dragging my feet.
I hear what you are saying my DH was in denial for 3years before his job became too hard( reading rosters & maps etc..)it took him being unable to function at work before i could get him to see a doctor & even after the diagnosis he is still in denial sometimes, but dont get too worked up over it you will only resent them later, i would cry & sulk & use everything i could to make him go to a GP & now i feel a bit "i told you so" because he faught me soo much.Now that i have done more research i realise that there cognitive function has to be fairly impaired before they can get a diagnosis you have to find that happy medium where its not too late to treat with drugs but not too early that it wont show in a test.If i had made my hubby go for a test 3 years ago i'm not sure they would have showed anything.but hang in there unfortunately part of the disease is stubborness & denial & its very frustrating.good luck
My husband also has anosognosia. Which is NOT denial. They really can't see or believe anything is wrong with them. Jim's Wife: Yes, you should just let it go in terms of trying to get your husband to accept anything is wrong with him. It is a losing battle. If they have anosognsia, it only aggravates the situation. It's like your spouse telling you that you have cancer, when you have just met with your physician and he told you that you were cancer free. (In their minds.)
I had the same problem with the doctors. Would not tell me what was wrong or what they would or could tell the lawyer when I told them I needed to make changes. The doctor knew I knew DH has AD...I was told unless DH gives permission he can't talk to me..I said huh did you ask him for permission? No...so when I was with DH on his last visit I asked the DH would it be ok if the doctor talked to me about your medical issues" DH said of course we don't have secrets...roll the eyes here...something so simple and made so complicated.