My dh told me today he thinks he will stop eating out because he is an embarrassment to me and others. I told him he didn't embarrass me and I didn't think anyone else either. He said people "look at him strangely and hold the door open for him, etc." I tried to reassure him that was just human nature and he would do the same.
He dropped the subject so I hope he accepted what I said because I think it is important he get out in public even in a limited way. It does take him longer to eat than the rest of us (and I need to slow down so he doesn't feel so self-conscious). But, he doesn't make a mess or get food on the floor, etc Can handle his fork (I cut up meat) and glass.
I didn't realize this was bothering him until today. He does seem to sit with eyes closed and maybe he broods about things. One of those days on the roller coaster.
Arms around you Imohr. My DH tells me sometimes that he knows he is getting worse and he knows there is nothing he can do about it. I just try to comfort him the best I can. He does tell me appreciates all I do for him - said if it wasn't for me and our Millie (Shih Tzu), he wouldn't be here. Like you, I need to slow down on eating too - I always finish before him. Yep, another roller coaster ride!
My DH is totally unaware that he is declining. The doctors say it's because he has so much frontal and temporal lobe damage, even though his disease appears to be progressing as Alzheimers. I guess it's a blessing in it's own way, because he seems to be happy most of the time (except, of course, when he's upset at me!). Sometimes he even announces "I have this disease but I'm still alive, right?" and then he giggles like a little boy. Since he's unaware of his decline, he's also unaware of how hard all this is on me and our two daughters, nor is he ever appreciative of anything we do! He thanks everyone else, including our paid caregivers, but never me.
My wife is mostly unaware of her condition. Most of the time she tells me she is "fine". There are times when she will ask "what's wrong with me?" or "my brain doesn't seem to be working", but these times are rare. She is generally appreciative of what I do, and frequently tells me that she needs me and loves me. Her biggest complaint is that she is tired all the time (right now she is sitting in her chair dozing off). We just watched a segment on CNN and she seemed to be trying to comprehend what was going on, but I'm not sure she understood much. Contrary to a suggestion on another thread, we still sleep in the same bed and snuggle before going to sleep. At times she will look at me with the smile on her face that originally attracted me to her, but most of the time her face is blank.
I must say I don't see how some of you deal with all the problems you have. Reading your posts makes me thankful that I have things so easy - no anger, rage, or violence; no major incontinence (and what she has is contained by the Depends); willingly does what I ask most of the time. I do have to help her with dressing and cutting up her food. Showers are provided by the adult day care she goes to (yesterday when I was sick with some sort of GI bug, they came to get her so I could have a day to just stay in bed).
Marsh - I am only in the beginning of this journey, but it is nice to read post where the spouse does not have the anger, rage, or violence. I know it is occasionally mentioned that not all are that way. But I think for us newbies, due to all the post mainly about the rages, violence and anger we feel that is our destiny. That may be part of the reason many do not post - our lives are so different than those that deal with rage, anger, and violence.
I truly pray mine is more like yours. My FIL was like your wife and if his son is to follow down the same illness path then I hope he follows the same path in his demeanor.
I started this post relating about dh saying he didn't want to eat out anymore because he was an embarrassment, etc. Well, that episode is now over with for the time being. He was willing and ready to eat out with daughters family this evening. I expect it will come around again before long, but for now I am very glad he will still leave the house to eat out.
I'm really into the therapeutic fibbing thing and I tell my husband he is getting better. What can it hurt and if I were in his shoes, that's what I would want to hear. This is usually after he complains about taking so many pills, and so I tell him if he stops them, he'll get worse (could be possible)? After he questions me about why I feel he's getting better (I say less repetitive questioning, etc.) he acts like he believes me and starts joking around. So I'd say he really can't judge for himself what is going on.
Nope. The further into it he gets, the less he thinks there's anything wrong with him except "short term memory loss".
He floored me recently by saying he GUESSES he must have Alzheimer's Disease because everyone tells him he does. Huh??????? Like we haven't been discussing it and going to the Memory Disorders Clinic for almost 3 years????
It is definitely AD (all tests and the APOE4 gene confirm it), but instead of the damage spreading to the areas that govern ADL skills and visual perception, it is spreading to the frontal lobe that governs emotions, impulse control, and reasoning. So, as the doctor said to Texasmom, maybe that is why he is so unaware of any decline.
marilyninMD, if it makes them happier to think they're getting better, that's what it's all about. My DH is very aware that he's losing memory and other skills but I tell him that's the reason he's taking Aricept and Namenda...to get better or at least to keep him where he is. Also, we never talk about this being a fatal disease.
Joan, I watched the video several times of how AD progresses to different parts of the brain. I guess it's still up on the home page. FTD apparently takes a different course and seems so much worse in the beginning but doesn't all AD end up affecting all parts of the brain if they live long enough? Your journey seems so hard right now.
Yes, AD eventually progresses to all parts of the brain, but it doesn't do so in a nice orderly fashion, going from one area to the next to the next, as suggested in the video. It jumps all over the place. Right now, it's hitting Sid in the frontal lobe - thus his lack of understanding (reasoning) that anything is wrong with him except his memory.