Here's a new twist in this hairy story for me....when I called my husband in the nursing home this afternoon, he didn't recognize my voice. He started talking about coming home to "Jennifer" and his sister was going to put him on the plane. I said, no, I was coming to FL to get him....we'd get a hotel room and leave early in the morning after all the paperwork was done the prior day. He said, "You mean, stay in a room together?". Of coarse, I said, we're husband and wife....what's wrong with that? He said, I thought you were my sweetheart. My other girl.....her name is Jennifer, too. Says he met her a long time ago and she calls him sometimes. And that she's much better for him. He thinks more of "her" than he does of me. Is it just too weird to be resentful of some ghost he's invented??????
StuntGirl, You ask is it too weird, In my opinion, YES! I know people get tired of hearing that it's the disease talking, But in reality it is the disease talking! Why fight it, it only rips another hole in you. I am a buck the system kinda person, But with Ad I know when to just ride along and go with it. It's not worth the toll in plays on you if you let everything become a catastrophe, issue, tragedy. Rk
Jen, when will you learn that you cannot have "conversations" with him, or reason with him, or get him to "understand'.
JOHN doesn't live there anymore (in his brain). He is gone, forever! You're loving the shell of his former self, and you will never, ever get him to 'get it straight', agree you are right, ... he can't. He's broken.
To know this and accept it as a cold hard fact of life is the biggest job you have facing you right now. If you read other posts, you will read again and again that many of us say we are caring for 5'8" 2 year olds. Can you imagine trying to reason with a toddler the way you always try to reason with John.
Drugs won't fix him,.... they'll just keep him comfortable or asleep.
He isn't JOHN anymore. JOHN is gone. You know I care about you. I think you need to read and heed my words. I pray you understand that I have your best interests at heart. You have not proven to ME that you understand these facts. (I'm being the Divvi in your life..tellin' it as it is!!!!) :-)
And, Jen, this is exactly how it is. Play in "his world", if you want to keep things calm. Compliment him on finding another Jennifer. Tell him you look forward to meeting her. Let it go. If he thinks you're with a man, just laugh and say, "When did you get so smart?".... but don't try to convince him, in his own private world, that what he sees, thinks and believes is unreal. He's in another place.
Take care of yourself. Thanks for keeping me up to date.
Nancy, you've put it as plainly as anyone has for me yet. It IS all beginning to SINK IN. I need to learn to "play along". It just hurts so much to be remembered as some "whore" and someone else in his mind cares more. I'll try to practice what you're saying to me. Jen (hey, maybe if I could become that alternate personality, "the whore", I'd have a lot more fun and wouldn't worry so much about my frown lines???)
Forget that bad word "whore". I hate even reading it in print. You are not that. The devil in him spouted it.
Maybe he was talking to the "other" Jennifer, ever think of that??? Assign those insults to the other Jennifer in his life. She is the bad girl,..... you're the good one. You just gotta learn how to play the game.
Be glad he has two Jennifers in his life. :) ...
Re: the lines. Botox/Restylin.. Martha Stewart would say, "They are good things!" giggle.
My DH has two Bamas in his life. I'm the good one and the other Bama is the one who loses her patience and has been known to yell. I had him in the shower this morning and he was not doing a good job so I reached in to help. He ask me are you my wife??????
Botox, Restylin.....I'm a regular patient!!!! Just wish my insurance would say it was necessary! Restores some of my self-esteem......and also, I'm a tooth whitener!
Exactly, Briegull. So if we can remember that when they are not being nice,...they are addressing the "other one". I'll keep "ME" in the safe zone!....
Jen, Hallucinations and paranoia are huge parts of the Alzheimer's experience. That being said, it doesn't feel good to hear the words.. Just imagine you're in the room and they are shouting at someone else in the same room. (and duck!)