I have noticed my wife is not a clean as she normally was. She will wear dirty close and I have to ask her to put on somethng clean. I also am a bit put off by the facial hair. I do not know how to approach the subject, and more worried about hurting her feelings. Should I leave my electric razor in her bathroom? Our sexual relations are non existant and the facail hair adds to it.
I think this is par for the course with this damn disease. My husband's hygiene completely left him. Accccck! I hear ya Moorsb! Perhaps it is time to get her a care giver who can aide her better in these areas? If she is able to use the razor, leaving it out with a kind hint, might be enough for her to “remind” her. Best of luck to you! Nikki
Moorsb, your wife has come to a place in this disease where she can no longer take care of her personal care. My suggestion is to talk to some of your friends and neighbors and find out what hair salon they go to and then talk to the owner of that establishment and explain your situation. Make an appointment and take your wife in for a haircut, nails, facial hair removal, eyebrow wax...whatever she needs....get her pampered and looked after. As far as the clothing situation, you need to remove the dirty clothes from her sight and put the clean clothes within her sight. She is feeling overwhelmed by all the steps it takes to bathe, groom and dress herself.
This seems to be a normal progression of the disease, my DW seems to be unaware of her personal appearance most of the time. She will also go through phases where she does pay some attention to her appearance, but has trouble getting her lipstick on straight or has difficulty using an eyebrow pencil. The girls in the family try to keep her hair looking good and we will take her to the beauty shop from time to time. She enjoys the pampering and responds well to it.
Aside from these things she has issues with matching clothing colors and styles, she seems to be unaware of food spills on her clothing and doesn't seem to want to change out of some of her dirty clothes some days. At this point this is still a minor issue, that isn't worth fighting about at this time. The biggest issue I have with her is her seeming inability to get herself clean after using the bathroom etc, I find some real surprises in the laundry some days. Needless to say this situation certainly puts a damper on your libido. If and when she gets out of stroke rehab we will be trying to get her some assistance at home with personal care and housekeeping.
They have some wonderful large terry cloth bibs at the stroke rehab center where she is staying, I don't know where they get them, but I would love to have some at home for her.
A brief update on her condition: She was about 3 weeks into her stroke rehab and was making some progress, this past Monday they had to send her to the hospital with a high fever, vomiting etc. She has been diagnosed with a UTI or some type of sepsis infection and is still in the hospital. We plan to send her back to stroke rehab when she gets out of the hospital, but it looks like she will be back to square one in the stroke rehab process. It's seems like it's now one step forward and two steps backwards.
Moorsb, As Sandi said, get her a salon visit. They will pamper her and she will enjoy looking and feeling great. Dh will always put on the cloths from the day before if there in front of him. I just pick them up and put them in the hamper before I even go to bed. Best of Luck! Rk
That would be a great idea, a girls day out. If that doesn't work, you may want to check for a salon or stylist that will come to your home and provide the same service. I don't know the laws in your state but most allow a certain license for stylist who travel to the client. So that would be an alternative to going to the salon, if allowed in your state. Rk
When my husband, John, was home, we had some real knockdown, dragout fights about his hygiene. Wouldn't bathe for sometimes up to two weeks. Tried putting a chair in the shower for him. What did work most of the time (after a battle, of coarse) was that I ran a great tub of water for him, put him in it and turned on the jacuzzi. Got in with him. SCRUBBED HIM LIKE GRANDMA DID ME WHEN I WAS A GRIMY TOMBOY! Gave him a shave, cut his nails, lotion, powdering, clean clothes. After all that, it left him exhausted, but clean. Good luck.
I'd be in the hospital with a broken leg, at least - from falling down trying to get him up! (uh, you think I could get some rest then?) <grin>
I do the nails in the evening once a week. I lotion him every night after I put the drops in his eyes. Clean clothes with bath every other day and shave after bath. And I feel fortunate to get that much done!
Jimmy, you mention wanting to get a large terry cloth bib for your wife -- well, If you do get one I'd suggest you refer to it as an "apron" and not a bib. I've found that certain words are verboten -- diaper is another -- we refer to my DW's Depends as just "panties" after my son made the mistake once of referring to them as "diapers" and my DW angrily responded, "I'm NOT wearing a DIAPER!" I also need to learn to be careful about using other words like "complain" -- yesterday was quite warm outside and my DW was in fact complaining about being hot, so I had turned the home A/C on. Later as we were heading to the bathroom, she said, as she always does when being pushed in her wheelchair (because the motion feels like a breeze blowing on her) that it must be really cold ouside. I usually just agree with her, but just intending to tease her a little I made the mistake of saying, jokingly, "Just a few minutes ago you were complaining about being too hot!" She missed the joke and went into a pitiful "I'm sorry -- I know you think I complain too much" mode. Really, I'm finding that just agreeing, without attempting to carry the conversation any further usually works out best.
Ladies, I'm SO fortunate in having our grown son living here with us now -- I get more "conversation" out of him than I know what to do with -- when he gets going good sometimes my DW will lean over to me and say, in a stage whisper, "How can we get him to quit talking?" Having him here also frees me up sometimes to socialize with friends -- evidently something that lots of my friends here on this forum aren't able to do.
I got my wife a "bib" that I put on her for meals. It is a child's apron that I found on Joan's website Zazzle. It has an interesting design on it that could be birds, dragons, or many other things. This always brings comments from the others in our retirement home, which makes her feel good.
For bathing, fortunately I can get this done at the day care center she goes to. They give her a shower on Monday and Friday, also cut her toenails. This is all included in the hourly fee I pay for her to be there. She is more willing to do it with them than with me.
My husband can still take his own showers and shave. He needs to be reminded that this is a "shower day" but once reminded he will go and take one. One of the first things to go was the idea that we wear clean clothes every day. In fact I realize that it was already bad before we went looking for a diagnosis.
I put clean clothes out for him every afternoon just before I start supper. That way I don't forget. I make sure all of the old clothes are in the hamper before I go to bed. He has gotten so used to this that he will come and complain if I've forgotten to put the clean clothes out.
I think a lot of what works with this set of diseases is doing things the same way every day or at least every time.
I agree, Starling, my DH also showers, shaves, etc. I do have to remind him occasionally to go shower - and he will. But he always gets his own clean underwear. I lay out his clothes, depending on whether we are going out, otherwise, he picks his own. I think it's the routine that helps.
Vickie, I just updated myself on your profile. You say your dh is 85 and been diag. 6 years ago and still in early stage. I think that is pretty good . You must be doing something right.
I thought this was pretty interesting in relation to "hygiene" and changing clothes. I have been following Dr. Richard Taylor's progression into AD, since I read his book - "Alzheimer's From the Inside Out." His decline since the book was written is quite obvious in his current writing. But some months ago, he commented about his son or daughter making a big deal about him changing his clothes daily. He could not figure out why they thought it was so important. I am guessing that it is part of losing "self awareness" as the disease progresses.
Imohr, I don't know about "doing something right" - but he is the love of my life and I do what it takes to keep as little stress as possible in our life. Yes, I've given up a lot of "my stuff" to see that he is happy - but it's worth it. He has been on aricept since DX'd, then on namenda for about 2-1/2 years - lowest dosage of each. My only hope and prayer is that God will take him before he declines too much.
Interesting. Showering and changing clothes every day has always been a big issue with my dh. He still takes a shower (at least is in the shower with the water running the water heater dry) every evening and a sponge bath every morning. I try to get him to go to every other night but he will not. He also folds his tp. But, he has no interest in trying to stand up straighter and hold his head up. I tell him he looks 10 years younger when he does but he ignores me. He is bent over drastically at the waist with spinal stenosis and his head faces the floor at his feet. At night I have to prop pillows under his head.