This morning, as I was getting ready for work, my husband came to me to tell me he didn't have money for his health insurance, the utilities, etc. Last week he told me he would be getting checks from this company for the next 6 months. "They owed him a lot of money." He hasn't received a check for over 3 weeks. They told him they were putting a check in the mail for $300. I don't really know what's going on. He told me last week they owed him thousands of dollars, but today he had gone through his records, and said they owe him $1,500. Well, that's not going to be enough for the next 6 months.

He looked so pitiful, and scared. I wrote out a check for $125 for 1/2 of the utilities, and another for $900 to cover the rest of the utilities and his health insurance (over $400 per month.) I told him I have the real estate taxes deducted from my account monthly for my property (I do everything on a monthly plan) and when I was paying all the utilities, I used the monthly plan.

He suggested to me, not to take him for a physical for Aflac & that would free me up to give him $200. What? No, I told him you are going to the physical tomorrow, regardless. (I am SO tempted to have the mini mental test done, but that would complicate matters.)

So, bottom line, his job has dried up, I wanted to tell him he wouldn't be in this fix if he had WORKED the whole time we've been together instead of day trading. What's the point, that is in the past.

I am scared, I am anxious. I had diarrhea at work 4 times today. That has never happened at work. Normally if I am away from him, I don't go. But this was so overwhelming.

He now basically has no job, there is no 6 months income as he stated. He will have to find another means of making money, and I can't imagine what that will be.
What is he capable of doing?

I am so tired I can't think straight. I am doing great at work, came in #5 company wide with 33 showrooms.

What am I to do? I would be too embarrassed to tell this story to my friends. I don't want them to feel sorry for me.

I think the sale of the house will go through. He did mention that he will owe me 12k upon the sale of the house.

I felt so bad for him, after I wrote out both checks, I gave him a kiss & told him everything would work out. He hasn't shaved in days, and I hope this gave him some relief, but I can't support him. Any ideas? Please don't get into the driving issue! I am just trying to keep my head above water.

BTW, the client I did a house call design consultation for yesterday, her husband had leukemia. He also had whole brain radiation 2005 & she is starting to notice memory loss & personality changes. Small world. I wanted to tell her about this site, but needed to keep it professional. He has had the opposite reaction, he used to be an angry guy, but now is so grateful he survived, he is a lamb. I did ask her, you know this is going to get worse, right? She said yes.

Sorry to ramble, but my head is spinning.

Sorry Kitty the last few days have been exceptionally worse. I wish I had an answer. I hope you figure out some answers soon. Please try to let the stress go so your own health does not go down.

I really can't identify since we have had a more 'traditional' marriage where everything has been joint since the beginning. I do know the stress of 'where is the money going to come from' as are on unemployment which unless it is extended we will then have no income.

Briegull, I had not actually stopped to think about what you just said until I read your statement. You are right! I was always doing "something" in the house. Recovering this chair, painting that room, buying new accessories...My house was always changing. I have not done one thing different in this house for over two years. I watch every single cent I spend since taking over the finances. I am an artistic and creative person, but those "juices" just don't flow as easily lately.

You gave good advice to Kitty. Perhaps it's not a good idea to suggest that "this is going to get worse".

Interesting thought provoking observation. I had really not realized that I had stopped changing the house. Maybe it's also because I don't have family gatherings and friends dropping in anymore. Why bother, eh?

Pat B. really good comments. (Thanks all for your input.) I am going with him for the physical, to make sure they only do what's necessary. AND have my name added to the list of people who can receive info. When I called to get info for Aflac, they couldn't give me info, unless he signed off on the privacy statement. That WILL be changed tomorrow. He only mentioned skipping the physical, because he was so desperate for money. Now I have given him money & will still pay for his physical.

VERY GOOD IDEA TO CHECK TO SEE THAT THE UTILITIES ARE ACTUALLY PAID. I am so behind in my thinking. I'm not in Kansas anymore. I just figured, give him the money to pay the utilities, and they will be paid. Thank you so much. Will also have to call re the health insurance also. Damn, this is a JOB.

Good point briegull. I'll keep it to myself. Thanks.



So sorry Charlotte for your situation. I used to think we had a traditional marriage until the dementia set in.

Kitty, if I were paying his bills, I would do as divvi suggests and NOT give him the money. I also don't see how you can make it on your own salary without SS or disability for him or something to suppliment.

Thank you all for helping me think. My brain is frozen from fear.

It is very true that I can't support us both on my $25,000 salary. Year before last, before the economy really tanked, most of the people in the showroom were making $60,000+. I make salary + commission, but no one is making commission now. I am not disgruntled like the others, because I feel so lucky to have a job I like. That 25k doesn't go far, but I feel like I am positioning myself for the future when the economy picks up.

I chose not to make the checks out directly (perhaps against my better judgement) because at the bottom I made the notation, LOAN.

Yes....where are we going to live once the house is sold? On top of the money issue today, I think that is the other thing that was making me ill. I have brought it up with him several times. Since the 1st closing fell through and we had already moved out into a 2 bedroom apartment (Grrrrrrrrr) I can't trust that the closing will go through. It's like a crazy person has control of my life, because HE owns the house. I asked that he put in the contract if we could rent the house from the buyer for a month (looks like another thing I will have to pay for.) I told him that with his credit shot, he won't be able to rent an apartment while we look for a house. Oh, no, he is going to have "lots of money" at closing. Anyone will rent to him.

Yeah, but who would rent to him prior to closing?

Yes divvi, I need to be very careful with that 12 k. And it looks like decision time is coming sooner than later. If he can't find work, I can't afford to support him. I can't keep writing out these checks. Wow, was he calm today when he was explaining his predicament. And when I gave him the checks he said "that is very generous of you." I just don't think he has the ability to see into the future or plan for it.

I am having a sleepless night, so up at 4:30.

Thank you all for doing my thinking for me. I am off tomorrow, and taking him to the physical. Like someone said, I guess when you are trying to qualify for Aflac, is not the time to be doing the mini mental, whatever it is called.

I wanted so badly to tell him that he didn't need to pay the $400+ for health insurance, I could get it for both of us at work for $250 per month. BUT I am so worried that if I put him on my policy that I will be stuck paying his medical bills. It's my policy, so I 'm sure ? I would be responsible.