I wasn't going to reply to this thread, bec. I love to drive if I can have the radio on where I want it (my husband never liked it on). But Mary, I drove my mother to doctor's appointments in the Esperson Building in Houston when I was FOURTEEN! She had TB, and was too weak to drive so I had a provisional license at that age. Doesn't that give you the willies now?! It does me. Of course, Houston's changed, as they say. I still know my way around downtown and I haven't lived there for 40 years!
And then, much later, when my husband taught at Rice and had family in California, we'd drive out for Christmas break. TWO DAYS to get from Houston to El Paso!! We did take turns then and I loved it!
Anyone remember the movie, Driving Miss Daisy? If I had the funds, I would hire someone to drive Mr. Sid wherever he wanted to go. He actually mentioned that the other day - said if I ever become wealthy, the first thing I shoud do is hire him a driver.
In my case it probably isn't generational. It probably is simply that a lot of people, men and women both, never get a driver's license in New York City. I was born there. I finally got a license in Boston where we moved. I was 27. My sister-in-law got one the same year in New York. She was 40.
I'm pretty sure that most of my problems with driving were just because I didn't do it as a teen ager.
I drove the California Freeways, into and out of LA County, with no problems. But Route 22 in PA really is a horror. I'm going to avoid it and get myself onto the more modern highways to get over my phobia.
I drove to Logan many times when we lived there in the 60s. Don't remember if the tunnel you are talking about was there or not. My husband travelled sometimes even back then and I'd go and get him. I do remember the 75 to 80 mph traffic at that time.
And then there was the Can of Worms in Rochester, NY. Easily the most dangerous highway intersection in the entire country. They only built three in that design and the other two were easily and very quickly rebuilt. But the one in Rochester was in an area where rebuilding was going to be a horror. I understand they finally did something about it in the 1990s when it was close to 45 years old.
Just FYI, DH received a letter today from the DMV telling him his driving skills (written test and physical test) had to be done by Sept 8 or be sited for driving w/an improper license. He's just been having a fit all day long. He thinks someone doesn't like him and turned him to be mean. Knows for a fact he hasn't made any driving errors and if anyone thinks he has, they're crazy. I was really glad that one of our sons was here to witness this because I think they may feel I'm making part of the stuff up. Son told me he was going to report this to his older brother. That's just fine with me. The older brother is the one who told me he didn't think there was anything wrong with dad and didn't want to hear any of this negative stuff. WOW! I feel very sad for DH, but I know in my heart of hearts he needs to do this for this family's peace of mind. It is the only responsible thing to do but I still feel guilty. Even though I know I shouldn't feel that way, I'm still pretty miserable. I'll call the DMV on Monday and make an appointment. I'm going to ask oldest son to go down there with him so that IF the take his license, there will be someone who can drive him home.
Sure do wish it was over with. I do hope there is going to be a spark of reason and he'll just accept this.
Joang, if your DH would like a driver (Driving Miss Daisy), perhaps you can call your local high school and hire one of their seniors that needs to make a little extra $$. The youngster would only be able to do it in the afternoon and on the weekends, but bet you could do it. I think I'll look into it myself. Would be a great opportunity to meet some really neat kids. What do you think?
Imohr, My husband might have rented a car, or gotten on a plane so for us, yes it was important. He no longer has the license or credit cards because of some inappropriate actions. PatB
Imohr, are you paying insurance based on your husband still driving? Who is the designated driver on the car you own?
It turned out that it didn't make any difference with our insurance because when I got rid of the SUV (sold it to our daughter) the car that was left was in my name and I was the designated driver anyway. But if your insurance is set up otherwise, it might make a difference.
I did call the insurance & explained the situation, I was told there really wasn't any need to remove his name. I am assuming the agent knew what he was talking about.
That is what happened with mine too. So your agent is telling you how it is.
But my agent didn't like it, so next time around she is going to get me some quotes so we can take his name off the policy. Which is something I want to do.
Kadee did you explain your DH will not be renewing his drivers license nor will be driving period,and has an expired one now? i sold insur for yrs and do know insurance companies insure only VALID license holders, not expired or non renewing license holders esp if you are telling them upfront his license is not valid anymore. i also just went thru this with my DH his expired in spring, and i told the insur co he was not renewing his DL and to redo the pol in my name -he shouldnt be on it if he doesnt hold a valid license -i think you should ask your insur company then get back with your agent just to be sure..each company has its own rules. having an auto insurance policy with drivers listed as owners of that policy, that do not have a valid license or will be driving at all, just doesnt seem correct, plus like starling says if your spouse has a worse driving record than you or is older then the rates may decrease if you remove them. divvi
I guess I am alone on this one, guys.... My husband has his new driver's license (he got it last October) in his wallet. He is proud of it and when asked for ID, shows it. I have all sets of keys to all vehicles, so he can't drive them. Plus, since he can't talk, there is no way he could rent a car. Our car insurance remains the same with him on his car (as casual driver) and me on mine (as drive-to-work car). I don't plan on taking away his driver's license since he doesn't get angry, doesn't rage, and I think would be afraid to even TRY to drive any more. Every time we leave the house, he heads for the passenger side. (He also took the AARP driving course for defensive driving 2 years ago, so we are getting that credit for another year on our insurance.) Since he won't be driving and has a valid license that I won't take away, I have chosen to leave this in an "AS IS" state on this one.
For those of you with husbands who can still get around, who WANT to drive, or insist on driving, or rage, and can talk and convince people that they could drive, it is VERY different.
Mary, that's what I'm doing right now. It's been a couple of months since my husband has driven and he doesn't even want to anymore but taking his license away would be a letdown for him, I think. I guess we'll just wait for it to expire and not get it renewed. I doubt that it would make that much difference in our insurance.
Just wondering. If you take your husbands name off the Insurance while he still has a valiad license, even though he hasn't been driving...What happens if he would get in your car or someone elses, with the keys in it, and is involved in an accident....Liability wise....Will your Insurance protect you?
We used to sell Insurance years ago but I don't remember any situations involving older people driving. I know, the above situation could happen with or without them having a license. lmohr
You mean that there are still people out there who leave the keys in the car when they are not in it????????? Here we LOCK our cars when we get out of them! <grin>
this could be a tricky question, if you still have AD person on policy with VALID licen and they should get into an accident. i am going out on a limb my gut instinct is to say the insur would normally cover him since he was technically insured. BUT - if he was dx with dementia related issues PRIOR to the accident and had an accident some insur companies have it in their policy underwriting you have to notify them if mental or physical changes occur to increase any driving abliities at each renewal of the policy. PLUS if you renewed the drivers license after he was diagosed you were assertaining to the govt there was no mental or physical impairments at the time of renewals. i would check this in your state. it is very iffy and i wouldnt want to have this situation occur as you know with good attys they can find out and take you to the cleaners if your spouse was diagnosed and still allowed to drive. this is an ongoing issue here on this board! divvi
ps if they have no insurance whether by the insur company themselves or by fault of a non valid drivers license, then no coverages ar in force and you would be sued for everything they can get their hands on and get this regardless of fault in the accident. divvi
As long as my husband had a valid licence I kept the insurance with him on it. Although I sold insurance years ago in another state it was so many years ago I went by the advice of my agent. But as long as he had a licence, even though he wasn't driving I left the insurance alone.
Because this subject gives me heartburn, stress, and high blood pressure, I try to stay out of it, but I feel it is important to relay what I have learned about insurance. It may be different in other States, but all the insurance companies here told me the same thing. All policies have a question about mental competence - Have you been diagnosed with an illness that will cause driving impairment or something like that. Not sure how it is worded. IF YOUR SPOUSE HAS BEEN DIAGNOSED WITH AD, AND YOU CHECK "NO", you are committing insurance fraud. If he/she gets into an accident, and the insurance company finds out about the AD diagnosis (and they WILL), you are TOAST. They will get you on "insurance fraud", AND CAN, if they so choose, PULL YOUR INSURANCE.
IF you got the insurance BEFORE the diagnosis of AD, and don't report the diagnosis, they can also get you on "withholding pertinent information", and they can also pull your insurance.
Also, most insurance underwriters will not write a policy for someone with a diagnosis of AD because it is a progressive disease, so even if your spouse is driving fairly okay now, they won't take the risk, because they know the disease will only get worse. AND just to make it even more interesting, if you do manage to get a policy to cover a person diagnosed with AD, all bets are off if they get into an accident. My insurance agent told me that the lawyers salivate over those cases. They love them, because she's seen them go to court and annialate every last asset you have, insurance or no insurance.
You've read my blogs on the driving; you know my situation, so it should be no surprise that my husband does not believe one word of what I just wrote, nor does he care.
In any case, I would check very carefully with your insurance agent, a supervisor at your insurance company, and talk personally with more than one insurance underwriter before you make any decisions. I did all of the above. Which is why I am doing all of the driving, which I NEVER would have volunteered myself for if I didn't think it was necessary.
Thanks Joan I think you have thankfully confirmed what i 'knew' to be the truth about insurance but was hesitant to put it into those words as many here would probably freak out since they havent notified their companies. i did over 12 companies that wrote auto insur and ALL of them had the exact attitude about underwriting rules you stated. its very scary business and its so true the insurance companies love to take your money for premiums but if you give them an out they will not hesitate to cancel you for withholding vital liablity issues and can deny your AD claim in a heatbeat- even if your AD spouse is driving and hit by another driver and NOT at fault, an atty would take it to court and say your spouse had been told he had cognitive issues and should not have been on the road to BEGIN with so they are at lible. i know i am married to a very good atty -they do salivate over claims like this. the risks are just too great, regardless for any reason you can think of not to take the driving priveleges from a spouse you know isnt thinking right. divvi
Thanks for the info, Joan. I'm in Florida also. I'm going to check with my insurance co. as soon as possible. He hasn't driven in two years. His license expired in March but I haven't told him. He knows it's in his wallet but he doesn't read anymore. Three doctors have told me that he shouldn't drive but they are too "chicken" to tell him.So far, he seems content with me driving but I know someday, the driving monster will appear.
If it is feasible, get your LO a state id card when the driver's license expires/surrendered. A photo id is needed for airline travel and other situtations (may or may be applicable to a given situation). My mother (not with AD) had let her drivers license expire as she had given up driving. She had some difficulties when she went to cash in a cd at the bank.
You may have noticed my posts that show the angst I'm having. DH rec'd a letter from the DMV telling him he had to come in for a driving skill test before September 8. He's not one bit happy. But eventually quieted down and said he'd just give it up and sell his pickup. I'm so glad! Our son is taking him in early next week to surrender his license and get a state picture ID card. I'll be so glad when this is over. He is realy sad and depressed but hopefully he will get over it. At any rate, whether he's sad or not, I'm not a nervous wreck and sometimes you just have to take care of your self. Besides, I feel I am responsible for making sure this type of thing is done. I just can't wait!!!
Today I learned* that The Hartford Insurance Company has a website devoted to helping families determine when elder family members (i.e., someone with dementia) should stop driving. As a former support group facilitator, I recall how often this topic used to come up, especially for those caring for a family member in the earlier stages of the disease. At that time all we could do was share our personal experiences about how we handled this with our loved one. But now there is a lot more information on this topic that you may want to share with members of your support group. Go to www.thehartford.com/talk.
In addition, Hartford has a "contract," entitled 'Agreement with My Family about Driving' that a family can use with their elder family member in the early stages of dementia to help everyone agree on how and who should determine when the elder family member should stop driving (www.thehartford.com/alzheimers).
Please note that this is not an endorsement by the Lewy Body Dementia Association or myself, but rather potentially helpful information for caregivers and families with loved ones with dementia. Feel free to forward or copy this information with members of your support group.
* With special thanks to The Alzheimer's Store (www.alzstore.com ) for telling me about The Hartford's website and the section on Talking with Older Drivers as well as the 'Agreement with My Family about Driving' contract part of the website.
This evening we had a bad storm, which finally let up. We were supposed to take out son out for dinner, but DH insisted that if we went he would drive, because the weather was too bad for me to drive. (he hasn't driven in months)... I called son on the sly, to say I'll call in a few minutes and tell you the weather is too bad, because your father wants to drive. We didn't go. Now he's raising all kinds of fuss because he forgot to bring his wallet with him, we are leaving on vacation tomorrow with DD and family, so we are not home. we are at our daughter's home. I said , you dont' need your wallet. What if I have to drive..... We are going on a cruise.! Heaven help us, this has been planned and talked about since November.(ps, he doesn't have his license in his wallet, I took it out long ago. He just hasn't noticed yet) I'm planning on saying OH you must have lost it, and making sure he needs to take a test before they give him another. We live in NY, and my DH is 85, but his license is good until he's 93. They renewed an 83yr old man's license for 10 years... can you imagine. I'm so appalled at the laws regarding motor vehicles.
In May 2007, DHs driver's license expired. I did everything I could think of at that time (15 mos ago) to not let him go to the DMV before his b'day and then it would expire. If it expired, he would have to be re-tested. Everything was fine and about a week before his b'day he disappeared. He was just plain GONE. His PU was gone. I called friends, the hardware store where he likes to hang out, I called the local hospitals, the police and only got a recording. I didn't want to call 911 yet. FIVE hours later.That's FIVE hours later in he comes showing me his NEW driver's license good for five more years. I was really steamed. He said I told you my eye sight was ok. I passed that eye exam with no problem. See, you were WRONG! He was 81. His neuro and GP had both told me he had to quit driving.
Finally, his GP wrote to the state after I complained about how dangerous he was on the road. He has received the letter from the DMV and has decided to give up his license. He is going to the DMV to surrender it on Tuesday or Wednesday this week. I just hope and pray he doesn't change his mind.
Good luck to all of us having this really hard problem.
Yesterday our son came out after work and took DH to the DMV. He took his letter from them with him, handed it to the clerk on duty, gave her his driver's license and told her he was turning it in. She took his picture, collected $20 and gave him a temporary state ID card and told him his permanent card would arrive within a month.
Today, I put out a blanket e-mail to our family to give them right of first refusal on the sale of our two cars. I let him look at the e-mail before I sent it. He hasn't said a word about the license. I feel like I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop.
It'll be better once the cars are out of the garage. Hope to sell them fairly quickly.
I hope that's it. He's been very aggitated off and on today. He got mad at me when someone asked me about the yellow jackets and I told them they were gone now. He said I told someone he was stupid. That's not true. I would never do that. He's all calmed down now.
Have a buyer for his pickup. One of our grandsons wants to buy it and said he'd have the money be next week and to not sell it to anyone else. DH was pleased about that.
Things are looking up. I feel like sining "Somewhere over the rainbow...." (smile)
Joan - LOL about your recent blog on this subject...just now reading it from a few days ago...your words, picture words, etc are hilarious!! Prob not to you while it's happening, but you write & communicate it to us with such humor that I cannot help but smile :) Thanks for the comic relief this day...Hang in there & for goodness sake, "DRIVE SAFELY" :) Much love, D
I just read the learning to drive blog and had to laugh. Our husbands went to the same back seat driving class. I also do a lot of OKing, but I also keep reminding myself that just because he says "you can go now" or even worse "GO!!!" doesn't mean that it really is OK to go now. I do a lot of self-talk that mainly consists of "ignore him, ignore him, ignore him."
I originally stopped driving when he was in the car because of the back seat driving. The stop driving issues would have been a lot easier if I hadn't done that 30 years ago, but I did for what felt like good reasons back then.
Joan, I was just reading your Sept. 28 blog about how much you hate driving. And so do I, so you have all my sympathy there.
But . . . for longish trips, in Florida, isn't there a train that runs from Miami to other places? And can't you catch it at various stations along the way?
When we were in Florida about 3 years ago, we wanted to drive (from the middle of the state, where we were staying) to the east coast -- then leave our car at the station and take the train to Miami. And back again later.
It didn't work for us, because a hurricane had caused damage and the tracks were pulled up in places for repair.
But couldn't you do that sometimes? Depending on where you're going, of course.
I got so upset with his erratic driving that I called his PCP and told him. He said "Not to worry. I'll take care of it." He did. DH got a letter from the state that he had to come in and have his driving skills retested. He got sore. Ranted and raved for a couple of days and then had our son drive him up to the DMV and he surrendered his license with no further discussion. I was simply amazed that it went that smoothly. I did feel guilty for a very short period. I do not feel guilty any more. I'm pretty sure I averted an accident by the decision I made.
Neither one of us drive now. We've already sold one vehicle. We take the bus and we walk. Our PCP is thrilled that we are walking so much--2 miles 3 or 4x a week. Not bad. Especially when you consider that the route we take is up and down hills and when we come home, we each have to carry a package. Today we hiked up to the 'settlement' and bought some groceries. I was really sweating by the time we got home. DH asked why I was breathing so hard. He can't remember that I have COPD. He refused to take the bus. Oh, well. It's healthy for us and I'm fine now. :)
Mawzy, that is great you can both walk that much. Make a trip a lot easier to do. In our case DH can only walk 100' without sitting a few minutes, so that eliminated most everything. And, the walking is so....good for your health. I should be walking more. We live on a gravel road and I am afraid of slipping on the gravel. (I know, poor excuse). I am rather clumsy and trip easily.
(Oops, sorry Joang).. Guys this thread is for travel.
Mawzy, years ago, when I lived in places where everyone walked, I had a small folding cart. I'd put my groceries in it, or my library books. In those days you could get a liner for it, so I also used it for laundry when I needed to go to the laundrymat.
I know those carts still exist because I've seen some. I know that "people don't use those anymore" but if I was walking several blocks to a grocery store, I'd go and buy one again. I've got asthma, and know exactly how you were feeling after your walk.
Mawzy - I have one in my outbuilding - wish I could give it to you. I imagine they still have them in Penney's or Sears on line stores. Mine didn't have a liner but it is wire mesh, I think and you could put maybe a bushel in it? I don't have it in front of me but like Starling said, you should get one. Or something similar you could push, much like a store cart. Help your balance and walking too.
My LO's psychiatrist told him not to drive last month when we were there. She pointed out that with the diagnosis in his chart and all the meds he has to take, not only for AD, but depression and heart problems - that if he got in an accident we could be sued and lose everything we have worked for. He seemed to hear that FROM HER and hasn't been driving and hasn't been in a bad mood about it. However he is looking forward to our visit with her this week to see what she says now.............
Just thought of a cute eposide a couple months ago you can appreciate. We took the pickup into town for our morning breakfast then on to the landscape place to get a load of loose mulch. I paid for the mulch then got back in the truck to go pick it up.
If you can picture this???? The storage for the mulch's is up on this steep, steep, rocky narrow drive way that scares me to death and I always hold my breath that I don't meet someone .until I get all the way up or all the way down. DH who no longer drives, told me to go to the bottom of the hill and he would drive up the hill????? "panic" I said, no you are NOT supposed to drive. Either I do it or I am going back in and get my money back. He calmly said well, you better go slow in 3rd gear and don't hit those bumps too hard. "relief"
My DH's license was revoked in July. We had a really tough time for about a month but since then he's been pretty good about it. Yesterday, however, he found an old drivers license from California (expired, luckily). Said the neighbor had told him he could get a new one at one of the local grocery stores :( !! So I get a frantic call from his caregiver that he's on his way to Shopper's. I speak with him on the phone, explain about the license, just hear him shouting NO NO NO. Bottom line, he went to Shoppers, to the UPS store and the liquor store asking anyone and everyone if they could get him another one . . . NOT one of our stellar days!!
I have skimmed through some of the comments here but don't see one that directly applies to us. I am in the process of switching our car and house insurance to a different company and am not sure how to handle things. My husband still has a licence even though he hasn't driven for almost 2 years. He is willing to give it up but then he would have no photo ID apart from his passeport. I told the company that I am the principal driver but did not mention my husband's situation. If I tell them he has AD is there a chance we will pay higher premiums for house insurance? So far I have had only preliminary telephone contact but would like to go ahead and switch because we could save a few hundred dollars. I would appreciate feedback from anyone who might have had experience with this.
Inge, i was in your predicament a while back too. my DH had a lic i renewed thru mail the first time after dx while he was pretty decent. i kept him on the auto insur and didnt say anything as i KNEW he would never drive or get close to a car again. it was less of a hassle but then after his DL came for renewal again lately yrs later, i decided to relinquish the DL and just get the state ID card which you can get as well if you decide to give up his license. it serves for peopel and ID who dont drive. all states issue them. its safer than having them with an actual DL if they are still thinking they can drive. as far as homeowners ins you should not have any premium increase for his AD, there would be no need to even mention AD to a homeowners policy -they rate insurance premiums on credit scores these days, not on health as far as i know, and i am retired insur agent. if you have any questions just ask the new company and say you maybe want to ask ahead before signing anything what the premium would be if you say he has AD for car insur then thats an iffy question most insur companies will not take a policy with an AD person period! its too risky for them even if they 'dont' drive' but hold a license. the trick is you do get discounts for having both auto and homeowner with the same agent. these questions have been asked alot about driving and you can read this thread and see more input. hope this helps, divvi
ps if your DH is qualified as having a disability then you should also check with your local tax assessor for homeowners property tax discounts. i was an idiot and didnt know after my DH turned 65yrs old or if he had a disability we would qualify for a discount tax rate on property. it amounted to over 2k in our case. even if yours is younger i would still call and ask you may be eligible for discounts regardless of age -just the disability may qualifty you as well. divvi
ps with regards to auto insur and homeowners fromt the same agent, if would probably be best to cancel your husbands Drivers licen and get the state id card THEN go to new company for a quote for you only on auto insur and homeowners on th same quote. this way you are in the clear with the auto insur carrier and can still get discounts for multiple policy. divvi
Thanks for your reply, divvi. I think you are right- it will be best to cancel the driver's licence first. It will be huge step, more for me than for him. I will get his doctor to talk to him about it at our appointment next week but he already agreed with me that he will never drive again. We are in Canada and I'm not sure that we have a photo ID as you mentioned but I will investigate. I stupidly already called the other company and got a quote based on both of us being licensed so now I may look as though I was lying. This is really stressing me out.
Inge, i am sure Canada would have a sort of form for ID for persons who dont drive. call wherever you renew your licenses and ask-and dont stress, just tell the new company that you were going to leave DH on the policy as he still does have a valid license, but now you'd rather give his license up as he wont be driving due to medical reasons-. and that you would like a quote for you only and the homeowners insur. it may even be less money with you by yourself without your husband on the policy-but that would also depend on your driving experiences as well probably like here in the states.
Thanks, divvi, you have relieved my anxiety. It's these little things that get me into a tizzy. I have an excellent driving record and have done more driving than my husband ever has so that will not be a problem.