Also, I want to mention, his doctor and I both believe my spouse is well enough to drive. If he does not feel on top of it, he does not drive. He pretty much drives close to home.
My husband drove for a very long time too. I drove with him most of the time he was out, and he was fine. Then I realized that we hadn't left the immediate neighborhood for quite a while, and we had to so we could buy the couch he wanted. At that point it was obvious he wasn't comfortable on the highway we were using. (By the way, the same highway that is giving me problems as well, so it might not have been highways in general.)
Then he had a couple of very bad days and I realized we had reached the end of an era. So I got the doctor involved. At first he was going to go in for a driving assessment. We have a great stroke rehab hospital that does them on a regular basis for the local neurologists. Then they saw him and it changed to a Do Not Drive order and they reported him to DMV.
If you don't know if it is time for him to stop, consider getting one of those driving assessments if there is anywhere they do them in your area. This wasn't the DMV test. That was available too, but he was too far gone for DMV to get involved.
We got into this immediately when my hubby was diagnosed. I had to have the van gone from the premises beore hje copuld come home. It was time for his license renewal, so I asked/told him, since he hyad a bunch of recovery to make, we'd let his lic ense gop and get a State ID. Then, when the Dr. said he was recovered enough he could betested to get the license back. In Michigan, there are actually 3 parts to the test(2 if there is still an ac tive license). There is a medical report from the Dr. If there is not an actiove license there is a test of neurological things like position in lane, hand/eye coordination; judgement of space asnd distance (can I turn safely in front of that on coming car?), etc. {This part is not req I that is passed there is a road test.
I hate when I bump odd keys. .... The first neuro part of the tests is not required if there is an active license. Then there is the road test. If the Dr. report doesn't mneet Secretary of State requirements, the roaqd testiung is not done. NO LICENSE. He'd agreed and we had already sold the van months before his testing. He wasn't happy and it took a long time to let go of the idea of driving.
The hardest part of this didn't really wasn't the testing, and getting him to let go (it did hurt to make it happen). What was aggravating was that the Dr. wouldn't face him and say straight out, "No you can't drive anymore because the damage from your condition makes it dangerous for you to drive. But what was the worst problem was the interference I ran into from his sisters. The wanted to give him a large, road worth scooter with a range of 20 miles or more. I checked with the local Police and the Secretary of State and if a motoruiized conveyance is road worth a license is required. They didn't believe me, and they brought it to him, behind my back (while one of them was wih him while I wasat a Dr. appt.) Plus, they encouraged the idea of keeping it a secret from me. I hgit the roof. I demanded they come get it, ASAP. When there were unexplained delays, I called and said they needed to get it gone from here, or I would. It was a mess. Plus, one of them said that if she had an automatic trasmission care she'd take him to a church parking lot to practice. Their actions blew me away. I still can't comprehend the gall of interferring in the trust relationship between us, that is so essential to being able to have him home. I have informed them that if they can't honor my decisions as his wife and caregiver, they will have to as his Guardian. In my own mind I have become clear that my job is to take care of him. It is NOT
It must be easier when it is the wife who can't drive because I would normally drive whenever we were together. This is not to say that she did not miss the freedom of driving and she had one incident when she tried to drive one morning while I was walking the dog. She got to the next street over and decided that this wasn't a good idea and tried toi come home but forgot how to turn around! A neighbor had to come out and drive her home.
The deciding factor for me wasn't her sense of direction or even the technical skills of driving. When I realized that she could not follow a three step instruction, I felt that she did not have the cognative ability to make the decisions that are needed to drive. One of my sons had already told me that he was afraid to ride with her because she could not decide what to do when the lane was closed ahead.
Joan, just remember that you are the family member who has to make these responsible decisions. He has lost the judgement to appreciate how dangerous his continued driving would be. I hear some of the women in my support group who will describe that they were concerned because their DH didn't know what direction to point the spray can of weed killer, but yet the same husband continues to drive back and forth to work. Go figure!
When things seem overwhelming about this issue, think how you would feel if he hit a child crossing the street or riding a bike. You are making the right decision forthe safety of your husband and for everyone else who may be on the same roads.
Joan - we are way beyond the driving issue - but I want to thank you for keeping this site going while you deal with issues of your own. You will probably be where I am now sometime in your future with this disease- just keeping going is all we are about these days.
Yesterday, we were at my son's to help with the kids. one of them was going to camp and had to be driven there. it was about 10 miles and I had directions, maps, and the grandson in the car, as well as DH. Well, I was driving, but DH was so nervous and upset, how will we know how to get there, how can we get home. How will you know how to pick him up, can't he take a bus. (lol) Anyway, I took him back to my son't home, and when it was time to pu my grandson, I left him home. I just couldn't face listening to him again. It's really hard, even to have him as a passenger. He's so uncertain about everything now. This is the man who drove our RV to Alaska without even a second thought. Now he afraid to go anywhere he hasn't been. I certainly cannot let him drive but he does still have a licence and is still on our insurance. I can't face taking him for the driving test, what if he passes. I know he can't drive, but he's very good about putting up a front.
Joan, if you can get an aide from an agency /family member/friend a couple of times a week/ to come pick him up and take him where he'd like to go, coffee, shopping, movie, friends? even if its a paid service, worked wonders when we took DH driving priveleges. it was better for him to have another person on call to take him places, and not have him depend on me all the time. it didnt last all that long when he finally moved on and forgot about the driving altogether. and yes, it is the worst thing to take from them, independence. divvi
Our doctor is ordering a driving test from the DMV or the hospital. I don't know which. know he shouldn't be driving. He makes serious driving errors. Maybe I'm being cynical, but I've got a bad feeling that he is going to pass that test. His driver's license is good for another 4 years.
Last year when his license was ready for renewal, I wanted him to talk to the doctor then. He flat out refused. Then one day he took off. He was gone for 5 hours and I was frantic. I calledthe hospital and was just getting ready to call the police and have them look for him when in he walked. He said, "See, I told you there was nothing wrong with my eyes. I passed that eye exam perfectly." I really felt defeated with that but then, perhaps that's just me.
The thing I would be concerned about taking a driving test, would be that on the day of the test he would be having a good day. I am sure on a given day my husband could drive okay, however, most of the time would be a time bomb waiting to explode. I just didn't want to take the chance of him causing an accident with injuries or worse, being arrested or sued. Once I decided it was no longer safe for him to drive, I never let him drive again. Granted he was not a happy camper that caused a lot of stress, he still mentions it ever so often.
My husband's doctor was going to send my husband for the hospital test. I know where he was going and having a good day would not have made a difference. The therapists in that rehab hospital have seen everything before.
I'd worry about the DMV. They aren't looking for the signs of a dementia that has gotten beyond driving.
My husband drove until quite recently, and frankly was pretty safe. I noticed however that our driving range was getting to be a smaller and smaller circle. And when we went on the highway that last time he was not comfortable. He also didn't recognize an area that we had driven through almost every week for several years on that trip, and that spoke volumes to me. That was when I called the doctor to have him evaluated.
When they actually saw him and did his regular exam visit, they decided he was beyond the hospital test. And that, pretty much, was that. We are waiting for the non-driving ID card to arrive.
Comment Author lmohr CommentTime 4 hours ago edited
I think driving is a big issue for all the men, more so than the women. Most of us women would rather be driven than listen to a man tell us how we should be driving(over 40 years). In my case he told the Neurologist he could drive better than most other people he knew, (meaning me or anyone else he rode with). The neurologist very nicely told him she wasn't so worried about his driving skills as much as she was worried about his fast response of getting out of the way of the other driver. She offered to take care of notifying the police for me but I told her we would handle it. She didn't even want him operating the lawn mower and definetly no equipment like weedeater, etc.
We had many discussions about the issue and I finally told him he could drive his truck up to 1 mile in the rural area where we live. This would get him to Church, gas station, drug store, post office. He did this for about 6 months and then he, more or less, accepted the situation and we were able to stop it altogether. We live on a small farm and we had bought a golf cart that only goes 5 mph, for him to use driving around on our farm. This has been a great thing to have. He can drive around here and ride with the grandchildren driving, etc. and he is still behind the wheel. He does not drive while the children are riding. (They are old enough to know). Granted, he could push the wrong pedal and hurt himself, but in our case, it has been a great option. This has worked out great for our situation.
I still replaced the vehicle car key, that hangs on the wall, with a look-alike dummy that will not start any of our vehicles and hide the other one under the floor mat. I would not trust him if he were to get angry.
Our dr. is contacting the DMV. His driving is just terrible. He has been very accommodating all week. But he tells me just 15 min ago that he has every intention of doing his own driving and I can't stop him. Well, maybe not. We'll see what happens later.
I heard from our daughter that all of her siblings (5 kids) want him off the road. I agree. I asked her how she would handle it. She didn't know. Felt bad for me. Hmm. Everyone feels bad for me but nobody has answers. I've been told "what a strong woman" I am. Well, to be honest? I'm not that strong.
And, besides that, I love to drive. Always have. However, I have progressive macular degeneration and it isn't safe for me to drive. I still have a license but I know I wouldn't pass a driver's eye exam. So, I quit driving last February and believe you me. That was a big decision. It really cramps my style. So, how come guys can't get it that they are unsafe to drive. After you get used to it, it really isn't that big of a deal.
I'd better stop for now. If I get going, I'll stay on this site for the rest of the day.
The Hartford Group has online and EXCELLENT checklist and agreement about driving. This is the best I've found...and we don't have insurance with them, they just address the issue of driving and dementia. My DH is monitored weekly by me as we don't want him to be unsafe. Luckily so far he drives better than most people I see talking on cell phones. He has gotten a bit more cautious, but in a good way. I remember riding with my Grandpa as a teenager. By the time he got stopped at a Stop Sign he was in the middle of the intersection!!!
Comment Author bluedaze Comment Time 6 minutes ago
Mawzy=welcome to our group. I know how much you will gain from it. I couldn't survive without it, Wish I had found it early on. Other groups got me through the real hard parts but this group keeps on going. bluedaze
On another aspect of driving: DW voluntarily gave up driving 2 years ago, so that is not a problem. Lately I have noticed that she gets very tired walking and I have trouble getting her into the supermarket for shopping. I mentioned this to her Doctor. He filled out the form and we now have Disabled Parking plaque to hang on the mirror.
DH is driving me nuts! I wonder if he's doing it deliberately. First, he tells me to get us a ride to church. So, I did. Then he tells me he won't go with those people. He plans on driving himself and what am I going to do about it.
I've explained that he's probably ok but the other people on the road do drive faster than he does. And is there a possibility that at age 82 his reflexes are a little slow. 'NO!' his reflexes are as good as they were when he was 20 years old.
Why don't I learn that I can't reason with him? Why do I feel so defeated when He won't listen to reason? I know from reading other people's notes on this site that this is pretty common. When do I get over this trying to reason. I feel like I'm dealing with a stubborn 5 year old.
Mawzy-you are dealing with a stubborn 5 year old. It hurts to do it-but you have to deal with it at his level. You are fortunate to have found this group who truly knows what you are going through. I have tried to help others find their way to us.
We stopped DH permanently last November after he embarrassed the heck out of the kids at highschool. I was grocery shopping. He was having delusions from time to time, and while home alone he kept calling my cell. I'd try to tell him I'd be home soon, but since it was nearly time for the kids to be out of school I'd pick them up before driving up the hill to home. Well, a couple more calls came to my phone and he was obviously getting upset. I was in line at the checkout, and hardly even know what he was saying except that he told the school office to get the kids to the office 5 minutes before the final bell. He tells me he told the ladies there not to let the children leave with anyone but him. I asked why, and he said he told them he didn't want anyone else picking them up cuz they'd take them up the freeway and we'd probably never see them again. I told DH not to worry. Son wasn't coming home from school as he had after school activities and I had his uniform in the car. I reminded DH he had promised the doc he wouldn't drive. I was on my way anyway. He said, "NOPE! I told the school they were only to leave with me. NOBODY ELSE!"
Unbelievable things went through my head. I had not had to hide keys from him to that point. I rushed to the school from the store and got there just in time to see him walking out to the parking lot with my two teens. TWO VERY MAD LOOKING TEENS! The kids were embarrassed at this point, but later told me they freaked when they went to the office. They were already nervous it would be me telling them something was wrong with Dad, but instead they saw Dad and totally freaked out fearing something had happened to me. Well, this little fiasco required an explaination to the office personnel. Son got his uniform from me and said he was going back to the office to tell them his 'dad had Alzheimer's and to never listen to him again. Once home I called the office to explain. The ladies told me they didn't know about DH. All they knew was the kids were not happy, and one in particular was very reluctant to go with him. They happened to see me meet up with them in the parking lot on their new camera surveillance and figured the kids were safe. They told me by law, unless they had a court order saying DH couldn't pick them up they had no choice but let him take the kids. I started hiding the keys that day.
I had seen this thread going back to the top often and thought we hadn't had any problems for nearly a year so didn't add to it. BUT TODAY................. DH was getting very agitated and angry, demanding keys because he needed to get out of here. Cuz I'm mean, and his mother has been wanting him to come back home for some time. She has been deceased nearly 40 years. He keeps talking of home being Santa Barbara (our old home) but the street address is one where he grew up in Wisconisin.
Yikes!!! "Here honey, have some yogurt to settle your tummy (shh, while the xanax I crushed in it does its job)." It was a hairy afternoon to say the least.
What an afternoon--my children are all grown so I'll not have that problem.Hopefully, he settled down quickly and won't have another incident soon. Prayers and thoughts are with you.
unfortunately - one more saga of the no driving issues to add. so sorry your kids had to be involved. you did right by taking the keys for his safety.. Drs 'Merck' and DR 'Lilly' become our best allies! wink...divvi
New Realm, I'd find out if you really need a court order to keep someone with dementia from taking a couple of teen agers out of school when they are unwilling to go with the person who has come to pick them up.
If you really need a court order, get one.
Sorry, but I'm still in a state of shock that anyone would ignore a 14 to 18 year old in a situation like this one.
Comment Author Linda Faye CommentTime 4 hours ago Hi All,
I haven't posted in a while but have read the posts. I posted back in the spring about my DH's sugar dropping while driving alone and driving slow in the wrong lane and wrong direction. He decided to quit driving and I agreed. Then he decided to sell his car and sold it the first day it was in the paper.
He still kept his license for ID purposes. Then he misplaced his license and we thought he may have thrown in into the trash even though we went through bags of trash and didn't find it. We checked his study still couldn't find it. This was a few months ago. In the meantime he had to get a state ID card because we had to fly to NY for his brother's funeral in April.
Well.....he found his driver's license in his study where it had fallen between his desk and the wall and it was jammed but he was able to get it out and this was about 4 days ago. This last Fri. he was out with a so called "friend" and this "friend" dropped him off at the car rental place so my DH (right now I am calling him my DH very loosely) LOL could rent himself a car. He drove the car home and of course the fight was on. I have taken him everywhere he needs and wants to go and his so called friend takes him to the Mason's meetings 2-3 times a week so he hasn't been homebound.
I have this great fear that his sugar could drop again without warning like before or the AD will raise its ugly head while he is driving. He is still in the early stages of AD even though I have seen some signs of changes. I am scared and worried he will have an accident and hurt himself, or others or kill others and we have an umbrella policy but still there is a chance we could lose everything if something like that happened. I have a girlfriend who is a lawyer and she said I was right and my fears and worries are valid. But of course hubby is ALWAYS right and he is determined to drive no matter what. He doesn't seem to care about others on the road or about me or what could happen to me in the aftermath of an accident.
He is being so selfish and self centered. I have given and given and compromised over the 20 yrs. of our marriage and I am tired. I want to relinquish all my responsibilites and divorce and move on.
I guess I just needed to vent. At this point it isn't the AD causing my husband to make this bad decision. He is being stubborn (always has been) and not using common sense.
I would appreciate any comments pro or con or any advice.
Linda Faye, that is so worrisome and I agree a very dangerous situation - there are countless posts of spouses unable to convince their husbands/wives/ to stop driving even though it could mean financial devastation and or criminal negligence. i do believe you may have an out, contact your auto insurance and tell them of your Dh diebetes or blood sugar issues and what happened in spring. some policies REQUIRE you to report mental or physical changes so they can decideif they will continue coverages. sometimes they will cover the person til renewal then cancel and not offer renewal if they think you are a risk. you can then tell him the insur co cxd his insurance so he cant drive at all. no rentals, nothing. if hedoes have an accident your atty friend warned you correctly- you would be sued for everything regardlessof fault. w all know how stressful this is to take their independence from them but sometimes it becomes necessary to take the consequences after the fact so sorry - we all have been thru this same disturbing subject-divvi
CommentAuthorbluedaze CommentTime3 hours ago Linda Faye-if your husband is anything like mine not having insurance or a license will not matter a hoot. As I've mentioned before-I stole his car and sold his and mine. Bought a new unfamiliar one and kept the keys hidden. Eventually he forgot that he wasn't driving. You need to find the strength to wait it out-and it will get ugly. Sorry, bluedaze
CommentAuthordivvi CommentTime3 hours ago ps LF- steal the license out of his wallet, without it he cant rent a car at least. if hes not that far gone with AD he knows he cant drive without a drivers lic hopefully.
CommentAuthorVal CommentTime3 hours ago Linda Faye, I have NEVER used the abbreviation DH on any thread. Yes, I understand his brain was fried from radiation. But I have given so much over the 10 years, and all I have is financial ruin, a husband I have to keep track of, etc. I totally empathize with your being tired & wanting to relinquish your responsibilities. In my case, I don't think I have a choice.
I haven't come to the driving issue yet, but as with everything else, a new surprise is awaiting me each day.
CommentAuthorLinda Faye CommentTime3 hours ago Thanks divvi, Bluedaze, and Val!
Val, at this point I don't want to call him my DH!! LOL! He got back from running his errands and I told him what my lawyer friend said and he went ballistic, angry that I talked to her, how dare I do that! She doesn't know what she is talking about ( I bet we have all heard that one more than once!!) Accused me of being a control freak etc.....
I told him I didn't WANT control. I don't want to be in this position of caregiver, or to have DPA or carry out his wishes on his advanced health directive or to make any other hard decisions now or later down the road. But I will because he asked me to and he must have trusted me in the first place to want me to see that his wishes are carried out. I will do it because I love him and I am his wife. I told him it wasn't about control, but about love for him, protecting him and others on the road and trying to protect our assets that he worked long and hard for.
Val, I am so sorry you are in financial ruin. Right now that is our security blanket for his long term care if he should need long term care and hopefully there will be enough left for me to live out the rest of my days too. Hubby doesn't understand that at all. He is still highly functional for which I am grateful, but again I think the driving issue has nothing to do with AD, just him being stubborn.
divvi, stealing the license isn't a bad idea but right now he would just get his idiot of a friend to take him to get a new one. Although hubby wears a bracelet from Safe Find and it would be great if the license office agent noticed it, read it and refused him a license.
Anyway, thanks all of you for understanding and giving great advice.
CommentAuthordivvi CommentTime3 hours ago Linda Faye, does this friend know he wears a safe return bracelet due to alz disease? if he does know , bad for him, if he doesnt tell him asap-, he COULD be told quietly that if he is aiding and abetting your (D)H decision to drive and or renew his DL you will hold HIM personally responsible for anything that happens while hes driving sinc you are notifying him directly of your concerns. i hate to say this to you, too, cause i know you are just having to deal with this, but if you do have a substantial nestegg power to you and congrats! on the other hand, you do want to protect that egg from unwarranted lawsuits iam assuming. i might add that all a good atty has to do is supoena the AD persons medical files to have references to WHEN they were Dx or FIRST concerned about memory issues. if that date preceeds the spouse having an accident and they continue to drive, you are in deep troubles..if it were me, i'd still 'lose' the drivers lic then call the insur com...hope you work it out, divvi
CommentAuthorPatB CommentTime2 hours ago edited Linda, I did have some luck (at least with the drivers license). DH couldn't get one from current state without drs. form (due to diabetes) and I called (unknown to him) and reported him as unsafe to the previous state where he still held a license. They sent him an even longer medical form, that if not returned in 30 days, meant his existing license was invalid. No, it won't stop complaining or even driving, but the car rental was a big concern for me. He thought maybe his dr. would fill out the form and mention diabetes, but not AD because that's what "their" concern was, but it would not have happened. When he saw the second form, he kind of gave up. Sometimes you have to start somewhere.
Agree, that just removing the drivers license and destroying it, and reporting him to state will take car of license and car rental problem, but not the complaining, accusations or the actual driving, but it may be a start, as it was for us.
CommentAuthorLinda Faye CommentTime2 hours ago divvi and PatB
Thanks again for such wise words! Yes, divvi, hubbie's friend knows about the bracelet but I seriously doubt he has read the back of it and doubt that hubby has told him everything about the bracelet. He probably told his friend it was in case he got lost and couldn't tell anyone his name. Believe me, I have thought about talking to this idiot but it wouldn't do any good. He would tell hubby and it would be another battle with him and I have battle fatigue as it is. His friend isn't a good driver either but again no common sense with hubby, he rides with him anyway. Yes, I am trying to protect the nest egg. It has to be there for his care, meds etc....and hopefully be there for my care in my later years.
I think I will call one of our doctor friends and talk to him about this situation. He is wonderful and we both respect him and I know he would keep my confidence and give me the truth and advice I need. He is there not just for hubby but for me as well.
I have been reading the different topics on this board and just when you think you have read and heard it all, up pops something else that someone else is going through. I have already forgotten what my normal life was like and it has only been 9 almost 10 months since dx. I hope I can be a help to everyone here. Lord knows I have learned alot from all of you.
CommentAuthorStarling CommentTime2 hours ago Please don't distroy the license. Turn it in. I turned my husband's licence in through AAA. I'm a member, but because it was being turned in for medical reasons there was no charge and they didn't even ask for my membership card. AAA should work in most states.
I suggested AAA because it has to be an easier thing to do than going into the DMV. Here in Pennsylvania they told me I could do it at any place that does plates or licenses. I'm not from here and the only place I was sure of was AAA, although I'm sure there are others. When we lived in California I was shocked at how many things AAA could do for its members. So that is one of the first places I'd turn for this kind of thing.
Your blog today gave me a good chuckle. I could have written it myself. Not only does wife complain about cars passing us up and me not driving in the center lane, she counts every car that passes us and keeps track of all the red light I get stopped at. If is was not so maddening, it would be funny.
There should be some kind of law that when spouses ride together, the one who isn't driving has to wear a blindfold.
True story - no AD involved. When we lived up North, we were best friends for over 30 years with 2 other couples. Each of us women complained about our husband's aggressive driving. We each insisted OUR husband was the worst. One night, two of us couples were going to visit the third couple. S. was driving with his wife E. in the passenger seat. Sid and I were in the back. Under normal circumstances, with no traffic, it was a 30-35 minute drive. 15 minutes later, after the most hair raising, wild, frightening ride of my life, we pulled into the 3rd couple's driveway. Knees shaking, I managed to wobble out of the car, and said to my friend E - "You win. He's the worst."
I suggested my hsbd should not be driving and took over most of it 'tho' he still took himself to town once in awhile. Then I asked his gp if she could write a letter to the BMV saying he shouldn't drive. She scheduled an appt w/the therapy dept of our hospital for a cognitive, range-of-motion, reaction test (no driving). It took 2 hrs; he failed. Was surprised. Results were given to the doctor, and she sent info to BMV. They sent us a form for her to complete and sign. (Too many trees sacrificed, I think). Anyway, it ultimately took me out of the picture and was an objective analysis. Once in a great while he says I started it, but tho he was miffed at first, he's cooperative now. Does mean I have to drive much more than I want to and places I don't want to go, but I understand the loss of freedom so I told him I'd take him where and when he wants to go as much as possible. I thank God he's doing as well as he is; but I'm not looking forward to the long haul.
My husband stopped driving last June...and I might add he was not a happy camper to put in mildly, to be told at 56 years old he could no longer drive. At first he drove me mad criticizing my driving, I was driving to fast, too close to the white line, following to close, to mention a few. And this was from a man who had numerous speeding tickets. Things have been better in the last few months, even told me the other day that I did a good job parking the car. All I did was pull in between 2 cars.
Why oh Why do men think that driving is a competitive sport???? I think they all do. Oh Joan, I got such a tickle from your blog today. We truly are all in the same boat. With the help of this site, we won't sink.
Joan, you couldn't possibly have the world's worse back seat driver, I'm married to that person. For most of our married life I refused to drive if he was in the car. Well that was a mistake. As a reasult I've been having a horrible time with one of the local highways. It had literally been years since I drove on one when he lost his license.
And I needed to keep reminding myself that just because he says GO, doesn't mean I should be going anywhere. For the most part I've finally got that piece under control. <grin>
Starling-I have always hated driving. Strange that I wound up as a home health nurse driving all over creation. I developed my own karma. I am not stupid. If others can do it so can I.
bluedaze, I also always hated driving. I was in sales for quite a long time and that always involved a lot of driving. At one point I was working a 5 county rural area for a meat company. <grin>
But I did enjoy where the driving took me. When we retired and moved we ended up being joined at the hip. I literally went almost nowhere without him. As his range of desire to go places got smaller and smaller mine automatically did too. It was only when he went into a 2 day snit because I was gone for 20 minutes to go to the library that something just snapped. I realized just how much I'd been isolated. That there were days and even weeks when I didn't see a single person except for him. And that I needed to do somethings for myself or I was going to get very very sick.
That highway is a real killer. A lot of my neighbors avoid it like the plague. And I've found a way to my therapist, and probably my husband's cardiologist as well, that I can do through the streets. The funny thing is that it takes over 30 minutes to get to the therapist using the highway, and 45 minutes through the streets (including a really ugly stretch of road construction that I can easily avoid). There is no real saving of time on that highway, so I'm avoiding it for my next appointment.
Because of my handicap, I learned to drive with hand controls. The first time my Mom rode with me after I got my license, she was fine until I was approaching a stop sign. She finally said, "There's a stop sign up here." I assured her I knew--I had let off the gas and was gently pushing the brake to stop smoothly--BUT my feet never moved.
After we married, Hubby drove when we anywhere together. At one time when we traded our vehicle in and got a pickup, once my controls were installed, he insisted I start driving it--with him in the poassenger seat. Everyone knows the perspective of where the vehicle is in the lane is different from the other seat. After about 6 blocks, I pulled over, and told him I'd take the truck out alone to practice (perspective from a truck seat is different from the one in a NOVA). Actually I couldn't take his: "Get in your own lane. Sped up. Slow down. You're over the line......" About a week later we were at the store, and when we came out, he told me I was driving and to head North. He then climbed in the back of the truck and laid down. I drove to a drive-in restaurant in a small town about 1/2 hour North--no muss, no fuss. Yet, when he sawed his fingers, he drove us to the ER and left me to go park. He did let me drive us home.
It's been about 2 years since the VaD started messing with his driving skills--that I'm aware of. And since then he has unhappily and resistantly been stopped from driving. He no longer has a license. He started having trouble holding his position in the lane; judging safety for turning in front of other cars; gauging speed in turning corners safely, etc. I did my best not to hassle him about it, but didn't realize how bad it was and how drastically it was going to affect us, until I was told our van had to be away from the home before he was released from the hospital. You see, I'd voluntarily stopped driving myself around the mid 80's when I no longer felt as though I had good command of the vehicle. If you're not sure you could stop in an emergency, or that you are driving the vehicle not it taking you for a ride, you don't belong behind the wheel. I didn't feel safe being my own passenger.
Have you noticed how many of us never liked to drive? My husband drove everywhere. Always drove the whole time on any vacation. Now I wish I had drove on major highways, I try to avoid them.
I am a good driver but I get tired when I drive. My DH always did the driving. About 8 or 10 years ago, he started asking me to drive. Always a reason, I'm tired. I want to watch for Elk, I don't feel like it. Now, when I really don't want to drive and I ask him to drive, he sometimes causes a stink. For the last 2 or 3 years, whenever I drive, I get to hear how bad I drive. Someone here mentioned "driving too close to the line" and not going fast enough. The Go Go Go is the hardest part, I learned also not to Go when he says go.
I also don't like to drive in the larger cities, when we go somewhere. The last place we did go was for a wedding in Spokane, WA last September. I ended up doing most of the city driving and didn't like it on bit.
My DH is now "finding" parking spaces for me, telling me to slow down (save gas/ save money), telling me which lane is moving fastest in construction so I can move there, etc. Exhausting as is every part of AD. The other day he told me to move as the construction truck ahead had stones which were hitting the car (he was in the back seat, DS and I in the front seat didn't see any stones hitting the car). Congratulating me when I am behind an 18 wheeler, believing I am "drafting" and therefore saving gas, it never stops.
Years ago, when his jobs involved a lot of traveling, I started driving when we were together to give him a break, so my driving isn't unusual, and he doesn't currently complain about not driving (about a year now). Is the constant "help" while driving better than complaints that he can't drive.....no. Like everything with AD, different and annoying in a different way, but not any better.
Fortunately, my husband is still a pretty good backseat driver, very intuitive about what other drivers are going to do and helps me keep an eye out. Unfortunately, he is and always has been a lousy navigator, and I get soooooo lost if I can't look at a map.
Having driven in Houston for 17 years, I can drive anywhere!!!!!! An hour and a half each way to work, raising four kids who had Little League, Scouts, etc. and putting 36,000 miles a year on each car.....I think I can qualify as a professional! <grin> However, where I used to drive 6 or 7 hours straight, I now take breaks every two hours to get out and stretch my legs (usually at a Dairy Queen or gas station) along the way! I don't mind the driving, but I do miss the taking turns like we used to do.