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    • CommentAuthorPatB
    • CommentTimeMay 20th 2008
     
    joang,

    I found that in both the state I currently live in and the one I left, that you can report a driver as unsafe due to medical conditions, which is independent of passing a road/written test. The state will require a medical form filled out by a doctor and will be reviewed. This does cover general medical conditions, including neurological conditions, memory and judgment impairment, etc.. It can be reported anonymously. For Florida, check http://www.floridagranddriver.com/index.cfm, about Florida GrandDriver.

    PatB
    • CommentAuthortrisinger
    • CommentTimeMay 20th 2008
     
    Letting an AD LO drive is the same as handing the keys over to a drunk. (Drunks think they can drive, too.)

    And, just the same as enabling a drunk person, you can be charged with negligent entrustment.

    People's lives are depending on you to make the right decision. Please do.
    • CommentAuthortexasgirl
    • CommentTimeMay 21st 2008
     
    Sunshyne,

    Thank you for your thoughts. I agree with you that a driving test cannot measure how DH would react in unusual or emergency situations and that is what scares me. I have doubts if he should even take the driving test but deep down, I was hoping it would show he should not drive so I don't have to be the bad guy. I asked the neurologist in April if DH should drive and Doc said he could not say but recommended STROMATT (sp?), a rehabilitation driving center. I read somewhere that when a woman reported her DH’s condition to the insurance company, they cancelled ALL the auto coverage. The insurance issue is one of the reasons I hesitate on reporting him to the Department of Motor Vehicles.
    •  
      CommentAuthorStarling*
    • CommentTimeMay 21st 2008
     
    For the first time in more than 20 years he let me drive him somewhere today.

    Actually I drove him home from the hospital 4 years ago. He had 6 broken ribs and a brand new pacemaker and was on heavy drugs. And I drove him home from the hospital 18 years ago when he had his 6 by-passes.

    You can see from those two sentences just how amazing it was that he actually let me do that. I used his keys so he wouldn't know where I keep mine.

    He doesn't understand why I keep saying that he shouldn't drive because it isn't safe. With any luck the doctor willl tell him that too. Like Texasgirl I'm not going to report my husband to the DMV because of insurance issues. Frankly, it wouldn't do any good to do that anyway. Just because they don't want him driving doesn't mean he will stop driving.

    My daughter is coming here tonight. We will go to the neurologist's office together tomorrow. Somehow we will get him into her car for the trip to the doctor.
    •  
      CommentAuthorStarling*
    • CommentTimeMay 22nd 2008
     
    We three went to the doctor. We actually had an appointment with the Nurse Practictioner, although I didn't know that. I wrote a letter and asked that the "doctor" read it before the appointment. And I printed out my notes from the last few months and added that too. I'll handle the notes differently the next time.

    The NP did tell my husband he could not drive and she kept repeating that and got him to agree. She offered to inform the DMV of that decision, but I asked her not to do that because of insurance issues. And she agreed.

    I hid the key again, and since there is no place where we absolutely have to go in the next week, we will see what we will see as we go forward. I should be able to avoid caving.

    My daughter has gone home. There is a chance all three of them (daughter, son-in-law, and grandson) will be able to visit the weekend of the 31st. And if I really need more help, I might just ask my son-in-law to come and "reason" with my husband. There is always the chance that a male voice is what is needed here.

    In addition, I need to ask the neighbor who runs the driving school to give me a highway lesson. I'll get to that tomorrow.
    • CommentAuthordivvi*
    • CommentTimeMay 22nd 2008
     
    Good for you, understanding and counteracting to do whats best. i read your DH failed the clock test and so that is a wakeup that he is on a decline and so taking the keys is a priority now. i know its not an easy task robbing them of their independence we who have done it attest to that part, but it has to be done for safety reasons..sometimes they do listen to men better as autoritative figures, good luck,
    •  
      CommentAuthorStarling*
    • CommentTimeMay 22nd 2008
     
    Tomorrow morning is the test. He normally goes out and buys newspapers either just before or just after breakfast. It has become obvious that he doesn't put his glasses on before he goes out to drive, but I didn't know that until a day or two ago.
    • CommentAuthorAnna
    • CommentTimeMay 22nd 2008
     
    Starling
    I hope it works out OK for you and your DH. It is a really difficult situation.
    •  
      CommentAuthorStarling*
    • CommentTimeMay 23rd 2008
     
    It did not go well. I put the keys away. He got violent and I dialed 911 as soon as I gave him the keys and he had left. The response was interesting. I doubt if the policeman realized how bad my husband is. However I'm hoping he scared the living daylights out of him. Basically he was ready to take him in right then.

    The Alzheimer's Association help line told me I did the right thing, but if he takes the keys tomorrow (which I have left in the basket) that I need to have someone come and take him to the hospital when I call 911. I've called his neurologist's office and told them what I will be doing if it turns out to be necessary. I'll make sure he goes to the hospital they are associated with. I have also asked them to start the paperwork to pull his license. I should have let them start it yesterday. They need his driver's license number and I won't be able to get it until he goes to sleep. And maybe not even then. I'll find a way to get it some way this weekend.

    My daughter and her husband may be coming here for the weekend afterall. That hasn't been decided. My son-in-law is on the ocean fishing today and there is no cell phone availability there. One of the advantages to them coming is that my son-in-law might even be able to help me get his license away from him while he is here.

    Basically I'm all right. I gave in before he did much harm. I have a few briuses, but nothing major. I was actually shocked at how calm I got when it began to get dangerous. Right now my blood pressure is still through the roof and I can't quite seem to calm down. He has decided he isn't talking to me, and that is perfectly fine with me. Right now I don't want to talk to him either, and I don't care if he eats or not. He just refused lunch.
    • CommentAuthorSunshyne
    • CommentTimeMay 23rd 2008
     
    Oh, Starling ...
    • CommentAuthortherrja*
    • CommentTimeMay 23rd 2008
     
    Starling, bless you. Bruises on you is not a good sign at all. Good luck tomorrow and yes, you did exactly the right thing.

    Take care.
    • CommentAuthorPatB
    • CommentTimeMay 23rd 2008
     
    Starling,
    I know how hard this is for you.

    When I had my husband served with papers for temporary guardianship, without any advance notice, he tried to grab some papers and pushed me (barely). My son and I had our cell phones out and he called 911 at that point (we expected him to be upset). He told 911 it was a domestic violence situation to expedite the police response. (He also asked for an ambulance, something a lot of people recommend). The police met up with him on the street (the car wouldn't start) and one policeman came to talk to me. They said they could arrest him, but we all agreed he needed to go to the psych. hospital to see his psychiatrist (my DH wanted to also). The police took him to the hospital.

    If you can get take his keys and lock yourself in a room, and call 911, that would probably work, but only if you can be safe.

    Another option, which I wanted to mention on this site, is a "pickup order". When the police come out, generally they make a judgment call about what to do, but if a physician notifies the police with a "pickup order", they are required (most places, depending on local laws) to pickup the person and take them to the hospital. You could call the dr. and ask them to issue the order. It is the same process a dr. would use if they had a patient who they thought was suicidal. This is something I think most of us should ask our doctors about at the next visit so we can call whenever necessary. It will take the decision out of the hands of the police.

    Most of the people we dealt with that day felt the domestic violence complaint was the best way to go. It lets the police know there is arguments and violence potential.

    Please, above all, make sure you are safe. Is there room where you could lock yourself in safely? This is something I have seen recommended for all caregivers.

    I saw a post on another site that talked about how we become a "parent" to our LO with Alzheimer's and we must act as such, protecting them from behaviors that could be harmful to them or others, regardless of whether it makes them happy or not. An example of this is a cat I have that needs Prozac for a spraying problem. My husband and son have trouble getting the pill in the cat, because the cat complains and resists, and they don't want to upset or possible hurt the cat. I have succeeded in getting the pill in because I don't consider it an optional thing. It is something he has to have in order to remain in our home (having replace carpet too many times). If there is something (like driving) that we are questioning whether we should or should not stop, it is harder if we consider it as optional action. If we are convinced it must be stopped, we will somehow stop it, regardless of how unhappy or upset it makes the person.

    Please, be safe.

    PatB
    • CommentAuthordivvi*
    • CommentTimeMay 23rd 2008
     
    I too am so sorry for your troubles. being with an AD person when they become violent is no joke. once mine pulled his fist back like he was going to hit my face when i was trying to dress him. that was it, it was zyprexa asap and knock him out so he was manageable. side effects or not there was no option. in your case too i think once your husband is taken to hospital psyche ward the are going to give him something to calm him down. they dont want to put themselves in harm way either. i would hide those keys come hell or high water and if he rants just say they must be lost and lock yourself in and call for help. i hope you get him under control soon, you should not have to live in fear. good luck tomorrow, Divvi
    •  
      CommentAuthorStarling*
    • CommentTimeMay 23rd 2008
     
    I'm not hiding the keys. If he takes them at any point I'm dialing 911 and having him taken to the hospital. That is what the Alzheimer's Association told me to do, and it is what I am doing.

    I don't think he is going to try it. At supper time he asked about "the man" who came to the house today. I said that was a policeman who came because he drove when he wasn't supposed to. He said, not him! The other one.

    There actually was another person who came to the house. We are in new construction although the house is now almost 4 years old. They made a mistake in the size of the furnace and air conditioner and they have replaced both with bigger units. But the air conditioner needed to be checked once the temperatures went up a bit since they did the replacement in the coldest part of February. So it was someone from the engineering company who came to do the checkup.

    In any case, from that "conversation" it is obvious that he remembers the policeman, and with any luck knows that if he touches me again, he will be carted off to jail. Frankly they won't be able to do anything with him EXCEPT take him to the hospital because he really is not competent.

    I'm doing OK for the most part. I'm pretty sure my blood pressure has been through the roof most of the day, but I feel almost normal as I type this after supper. And I'm not worried about tomorrow because I am not confronting him.

    But quite frankly, if he was in his right mind, I'd be in a shelter now and looking for a divorce lawyer. Compared to what some of you are dealing with, there isn't anything all that hard happening here. Some of what happened is the result of my feeling that I had to tough it out, so it escalated.
    • CommentAuthorAnna
    • CommentTimeMay 23rd 2008
     
    Starling.
    I'm so sorry to learn that things turned out badly.I've just gone through a bout of anger, that I didn't see coming, a couple weeks ago. It is sooo difficult. My DH has been wonderfully quiet for the past few days. Last fall when his license first suspended he would have done the same as your husband. That's why I didn't hide the keys. He too drove to the mail and the dump. I know if my DH wants to do something he will. He's a strong man and was a boxer while in the Navy. He too drew his fist with me. What am I saying???? I feel for you and your situation. Why the heck did this take over our lives?
    •  
      CommentAuthorStarling*
    • CommentTimeMay 24th 2008
     
    Well, he didn't drive this morning. He wanted to go out at 6 am to get the newspapers and I got dressed and took him to our local gas station so he could do that. Over time, I'll get that changed so we go at a better time of day, but frankly I might also just get used to doing it that way.

    I've got a case worker from the Alzheimer's Association coming here on Tuesday morning and we are going to do some future planning. It is amazing what happens if you use the right keywords on the phone. I've been trying to figure out how to get a caseworker for weeks now. The keyword for a caseworker is "future planning" just in case any of you need to use it. The keywords when you call 911 is "I need someone to take him to the hospital." I'm not sure if that gets you BOTH the paramedics and policeman but I bet if you say that your loved one "is violent" it does.
    •  
      CommentAuthorchris r*
    • CommentTimeMay 24th 2008
     
    My husband has been "letting me drive" because I need the practice. and he 'warns me ' of all hazards, people crossing , lights a mile away, etc, etc. Well, he had not driven in about 2 months, and laughingly said he was forgetting how, and he'd better start driving again. ha aha... Anyway, last weekend, we went out, and I got deathly ill, vomiting, diarrhea, you name it. He drove home. He was so nervous about me being ill, that on top of how he driver (very aggresively) just caused me to be even sicker. I told him he was giving me motion sickness. That was a week ago, and when I went to the doctor, he insisted on driving, honestly, I let him, I was so sick. But anyway, I had to drive home, because he told me (forgetting that I was ill) that he was too tired. He hasn't driven since. but I am afraid that that episode will start the issue up all over again. so far 2 doctors have told him not to drive. I had his eye doctor tell him, but he thinks I told him to (actually I did) His neurologist also told him, so he refused to go to that doctor anymore. Now I have to get the gerontologist we go to now to tell him, He likes her, so hopefully he'll believe it. It is a problem for us all.
    • CommentAuthorjean
    • CommentTimeMay 24th 2008
     
    As with all of you, this topic was a very difficult one in our house too. At his last visit to the doctor, he was told he would not be able to drive after his birthday in May. The reason being, that his license was up for renewal and the doctor felt it was time. Of course he didn't retain this information, so it was up to me to tell him again and again, and of course, to lose his keys. He was extremely angry and verbally abusive for a week or two, but now I am just met with cold silence and glares when the car is involved. I sure wish I could push the "I don't mind button", but I'm still full of sadness and anxiety with each verbal attack. I hope my psyche will grow into this way of life, but meanwhile I am wrung dry from crying. I am grateful to have you Joan, and this group of wise spouses to show me the way.
    • CommentAuthorAnna
    • CommentTimeMay 24th 2008
     
    I don't think one ever gets over verbal, or physical, attacks. Each one just takes another chip off the love we have felt for our spouse.I left a marriage many years ago due to abuse and I can't believe I'm finding myself in the same situation due to AD.At that time there was no expectation by anyone, family, friends, social workers etc that I remain in the marriage.
    •  
      CommentAuthorStarling*
    • CommentTimeJun 3rd 2008
     
    Sometimes one needs to post something positive. So here they are:

    1. so far my husband has not attempted to drive since the incident where I called the police.

    2. today I got on the highway I will need to drive on to get my husband to his in-person pacemaker checkup next week. A neighbor gave me directions for through the streets, and I found those so frustrating because I was constantly certain that I had gotten lost, that when I finally found the hospital and the building in the hospital parking lot that I needed, I went home on the highway. I truly found that highway (the worst one in this area) less frustrating and scary than trying to navigate the streets of a city I have never spent much time in. I know Allentown pretty well. I do not know Bethlehem!

    When I got home I was flying... <grin> It has been 5 years since I've done highway driving and it turns out I have not forgotten how.
    • CommentAuthorAnna
    • CommentTimeJun 3rd 2008
     
    Good for you!!!!Congratulations.
    • CommentAuthorAdmin
    • CommentTimeJun 3rd 2008
     
    Starling,

    I commend you! Highway driving in lots of traffic makes me so nervous, I avoid it as much as possible.

    Also, remember my new best friend - GPS. I highly recommend getting one and never leaving the house without it!

    joang
    •  
      CommentAuthorStarling*
    • CommentTimeJun 3rd 2008
     
    Actually I've been avoiding getting a GPS. We aren't going anywhere. The few places I want to go are places my husband used to drive to where I have been doing the navigating. When we first moved here I started navigating because everything was new and I'm a map reader anyway in new places. That was well before we knew anything was wrong with him.

    That turned into just navigating to just about every place we went in the last two years.

    If I actually start going places I'll consider a GPS if the store I buy it from sets it up for me. My husband had an early version from his hiking days and we never got it to work.
    • CommentAuthorfrand*
    • CommentTimeJun 3rd 2008
     
    Starling, you NEED a GPS. They aren't perfect, but much better than not having one.
    A day ago I had two addresses (from the AAA camping book) about the RV Park in New Mexico where we had a reservation. I figured the place was on a corner with two entrances. When the first address wasn't found in the GPS I put in the second. Oh my, what a mistake - the road has been closed because of construction and I was on little side streets in a big Class A motorhome with a vehicle in tow. The trees were not cut high enough so you basically needed to be in the middle of the narrow street. Then comes a big truck to the corner. He wants me to back up so he can avoid the trees. Of course, I couldn't do that with a vehicle in tow, so he carefully managed to get around. The next truck was a UPS driver, who explained the problem and told me how to get turned around. Lord, I couldn't believe how happy I was to be back on the main highway with no damage to our rig. Even so, that wasn't the fault of the GPS - our 'lady in the sky' took me where I said I wanted to go.
    •  
      CommentAuthorStarling*
    • CommentTimeJun 3rd 2008
     
    frand, thank you for the giggle. No, I wasn't laughing at your problem, I was laughing at the entire idea of me driving any kind of big rig.

    On the trip through the streets I had not only the directions from my neighbor, but THREE maps I'd downloaded from the internet with both written instructions for the "tricky" bits (written by me) but also a line down the roads I'd be going on. I knew when to make sure that the old street name had turned into the new street name. And the last bit when I was getting ready to go into a store to figure out how to find the hospital was actually the street the hospital was on. I saw the buildings just before I stopped.

    I was never lost. I was just FREAKING!!!

    On the other hand the last time we joined a group of couples for lunch (a year ago??) the couple who's car we were in got turned around wrong getting back on the highway. Their GPS saved the day. The modern ones are really wonderful. I would have gotten one on the new car if that model had come with one or if it had been available as an add on.
    • CommentAuthorfrand*
    • CommentTimeJun 3rd 2008
     
    Starling, I can hardly believe I am doing this! I'll be 68 in a few days (a private affair of one - me) since my DH has no idea about birthdays these days. I just KNEW I didn't want to stay shut in to a house with an AD husband, so my choice was to learn everything or stay home. Frankly, I amaze myself - but, I am also so thankful for that GPS!
  1.  
    Frand, I have said it before, and I'll say it again! I admire you for changing your lifestyle, moving away from all you have known, learn to drive and park that RV, and get to see the USA! I wish I could do the same! However, I have to work, so It isn't in the cards.

    I have been doing the driving for our trips for three years, because he would fall asleep at the wheel, no matter what time of the day nor how much sleep he had gotten! The last time he drove on a trip and fell asleep,, I barely was able to awaken him in time, and he realized that he couldn't drive on trips any more. I drove us everywhere after that, however, he continued to drive himself two blocks to the grocery store and four blocks to the bank. That was his driving until last summer, when the doctor said no more driving.

    Starling, I'll bet you could rent an RV and try a short road trip to the nearest state park and just spend one night and see if you like it. You might find a new hobby!
    • CommentAuthorAnna
    • CommentTimeJun 3rd 2008
     
    I'm considering a GPS but am concerned that I won't be able to program it it. Is it difficult?
  2.  
    Anna...it is really easy....I have a Garmin GPS and basically you just plug it in and it searches for a satellite and away you go. If you can use a computer (and obviously you can..LOL) you will have no problem in entering the addresses of the places you want to go....Everything is available on the menu and it is wonderful to have the peace of mind when you are going someplace new.
    •  
      CommentAuthorStarling*
    • CommentTimeJun 4th 2008
     
    Thank you for the advice about brand. If I go for a GPS because of wanting to begin to move around more, I'll look for one of those. In addition one of the local tech stores has been advertising that they will set up the GPS BEFORE you leave the store. So it will be working. almost certainly they are willing to do that because set up has become so easy that it is not an issue. And, of course, if there is a need to tell the satellite where you are, they KNOW where the store is.
    •  
      CommentAuthorchris r*
    • CommentTimeJun 4th 2008
     
    I got a GPS for christmas from my son, and I love it. Yes, we are not going anywhere much, but I just like the sound of a male voice in the car telling me to take the road I knew I should take. It's company. and I have gotten fof the highway on occasion because I live 50 miles north of NYC and the traffic is sometimes unbelieveable. Anyway, as soon as the GPS realized I was not making a uturn to get back on the hwy, it gave me directions to get where I needed to go. You can also shrink the picture on the screen, and see the map of where you are immediately, without haveing to get off the road. They are wonderful to have and I generally don't get lost, I just like to know someone will help me should I need to get off the road.
    •  
      CommentAuthorStarling*
    • CommentTimeJun 4th 2008
     
    All excellent reasons to have one. I'm paying attention.

    Frankly, after living here for 4 years, now that I am driving, I probably will be going off the beaten path. Even yesterday I found myself thinking, what would happen if I took THAT road instead of the one I am on. This is an area of very local, once rural roads. I know that all of my neighbors USE the back roads for just about everything. A GPS would be good for that kind of driving.

    Of course, I will probably have the "other" male voice having fits because I'm driving somewhere differently from how he used to drive there. I've already had that experience with our daily drive to WAWA to get the newspapers.
    <grin yet again>
  3.  
    And if you are angry at all men, they do have GPS with a female voice!!! LOL
    • CommentAuthorAnn*
    • CommentTimeJun 4th 2008
     
    My Ad hubby was always the one with a VERY GOOD sense of direction.I always depended on him. His sense of direction was about the first thing to go.I never could find my way anywhere,that is before my Garmin.
    My garmin's name is Anita for I needa little help. She gives turn by turn direction's,easy to use for even my Ad hubby.Go ahead,do yourself a favor.
    •  
      CommentAuthorchris r*
    • CommentTimeJun 7th 2008
     
    yes, they come in femaale voices, and you can get them with a british accent, and australian accent, or a foreign language. My grandies like it when the Garmen speaks Chinese., but that's not helpful if you actually need to hear it. i was listening to the Brit for awile, then decided I'd like a male American voice. Just for a change. I was always the Navigator, DH would drive to the ends of the earth as long as I told him where to turn right. We used to have an RV, and our longest journey in it was to Alaska... wonderful. We would also go to Florida each winter, and various other trips. When I realized it was getting a little more difficult for him to drive this big thing, we changed our traveling and did a lot of Europe plus South America and China. So glad we did that traveling while he could still enjoy. There are some trips I'm sorry we didn't make. He always wanted to go to the Holy land, and we just never got there. There always seemed to be a war. last winter we went on a cruise with friends, and he was sick almost the whole time. We are planning to go to Alaska with my DD and SIL and grandies, and I imagine that will probably be it. I'm not looking forward to that trip, and can't imagine why I said yes to my DD. Well, we'll see.
    •  
      CommentAuthorStarling*
    • CommentTimeJun 7th 2008
     
    chris, if you are not alone it should not be too bad unless he gets really disoriented. I'm not traveling any more. I might have made one more trip, but my SIL has an elderly grandmother in Honduras and they are going there this summer so he can see her. I didn't make the suggestion early enough, and they come and visit often, so I can't complain.
    • CommentAuthorAdmin
    • CommentTimeJun 7th 2008
     
    Anyone who knows me knows that I would rather eat chocolate than eat or do just about anything else in the world. I am a true chocoholic. They also know that I have no sense of direction. That said, the last time my trusty little Garmin got me home, I put it into my hand, and said to myself - "If I were given a choice, and I could only have ONE - EITHER chocolate or my Garmin, THE GARMIN WOULD WIN!

    joang
    • CommentAuthorJudy
    • CommentTimeJun 12th 2008
     
    Just wanted to say that yesterday formally ended a nearly year long effort to have my husband stop driving. For those of us who have uncooperative and defensive loved ones, the process concluded with a court hearing yesterday morning.

    It was sad for me to watch my husband proudly defending himself and then asking the court to at least allow him to DRIVE with a licensed driver so that he could continue looking after his cattle. However, the professionalism and respect with which the whole situation was handled was such a relief. The judge is my husband's friend. I hated that she was put in such a position because she knows that he is impaired. Anyway, his appeal was denied and he was asked to hand over his license to the DPS officer. We then left and went to another office where he applied for an ID card which should arrive in a couple of weeks.

    I'm not sure what effect this will have on his stability right now. He had little to say yesterday other than, "I am nothing and am worthless..I've had a drivers license since I was 14 years old". Then last night he said that he wanted to change doctors because 'that doctor did this to me'. He doesn't realize at all that he could have avoided this day by simply agreeing not to drive. Anyway, for the next few days I'll be poised for whatever adverse effects this letdown brings.
  4.  
    Judy-I was in your position a while ago. I was amazed that after a short time my husband forgot the whole incident or perhaps he just gave up. Would we like to be in their minds for just one day to know what or if they are thinking?
    bluedaze
  5.  
    Judy - your lips to God's ears! I've been "ready" to stop the driving for awhile now on Dr's advice, just didn't have the heart to do it as his mechanical driving function was still good. But I was planning to make the next Dr. appt in late July the deadline and request a "prescription" from her.

    However, my husband was arrested on Sunday nite for trespassing on school property - while out picking up the junk he loves to collect. That was it for me! I've hidden his car and told him the police won't allow him to drive anymore because he goes to places he shouldn't. The lack of comprehension, sheer desperation and begging on his part for his beloved car is tragic. I don't believe this will be an easy path to take; I just know it's the right one. I just hope I don't cave in.
    • CommentAuthortrisinger
    • CommentTimeJun 22nd 2008
     
    This was in our paper today. I know a lot of people think they "just can't take the keys away...they'll be mad." Well, then this might be your story.

    Please say a little prayer for this guy.

    Alzheimer’s patient missing in Austin
    By Patrick George | Sunday, June 22, 2008, 10:23 PM

    Austin police are reporting that an elderly man with Alzheimer’s disease is missing.

    Police spokesman Joe Muñoz said 81-year-old Odis Axel has been missing since 5 p.m. Sunday. He was last seen at the 3100 block of East 14th Street. Axel is described as a 5-foot, 10-inch tall black man who was wearing a dark gray fedora.

    Axel was driving a white Chevrolet Malibu sedan with license plate number 192-CRM, Muñoz said. Anyone who sees him is asked to call 911.
    •  
      CommentAuthorchris r*
    • CommentTimeJun 23rd 2008
     
    I know this is silly, and I might already have said it, But, I tell him, I need the practice.... (LOL) Anyway, I must admit, driving with my DH telling me what to do, and not losing my temper has not been easy, but it's safer than letting him drive, and he thinks he's doing me a favor by letting me get this practice, although he did tell me he has to drive again, or he'll forget how. I'm just hoping he'll forget he ever drove, but I don't think that's going to happen. I got rid of our second car, and of course, he had not driven alone in years because he'd get lost, but now he just gets into the passenger seat. naybe he's beginning to realize what's what. He has said, however, that he's useless, because he can't even drive anymore. A friend of mine simply bought a new car, and he never even tried to drive it. As for the doctor, he won't go to the neurologist who told him he couldn't drive anymore. We now go to a geriatric spec. Not as good as a neurologist, but it is what it is. c
    •  
      CommentAuthorStarling*
    • CommentTimeJul 7th 2008
     
    I'm posting here and bringing it up to the top again for two reasons. Someone just posted about driving in another topic and they need to see this. AND I have an update to our driving issue.

    We turned my husband's license in through AAA this morning. My son-in-law discussed driving with my husband on Saturday night and asked for the license on Sunday just before they left for home. My husband has not driven since the doctor told him he couldn't about a month ago. He tried to anyway, and attempted to kill me because I wouldn't give him the keys. I was smart, I gave him the keys and saved my life and called the police. The nice young man who showed up, who could have easily broken him in half, scared the #&@#@# out of him. He hasn't driven since.

    So, for us the driving issue is over. I've called the Insurance Company and will be taking him off the policy. I've kept the spare key in the key basket up to now, but I'm going to put it away now.

    Basically my advice to anyone at the beginning of this journey is that they get the doctor involved. In our case it was the neurologist. Originally they were going to send him for testing (not DMV testing, but at our excellent stroke rehab hospital), but once they actually saw him, that changed to DO NOT DRIVE. Then it becomes the "fault" of the doctor.
    • CommentAuthorJan K
    • CommentTimeJul 15th 2008
     
    Joan,

    At this point I don’t think the important thing is helping your spouse get through the driving issue. It may not even be possible to do that. The important thing is getting you through it.

    Obviously your husband still has some reasoning ability left, or the counselor would not have been able to help him realize that he has to accept it. In this case—and I realize that this is much easier for me to say, since it’s not my situation—I would say, as calmly as possible, “This is not my fault, and I’m not going to let you talk to me like this”, and then I would walk away. I might go to the bedroom, or I might keep going until I got to Toledo. (And I would walk away if we were out in public and this happened, too.) But I would not stay there for rants and demeaning remarks. I don’t think that’s in the job description of caregivers. It’s hard enough to deal with all of this without accepting that kind of behavior. And, as somebody else said under another topic, the “ugly show” is not nearly as much fun if there isn’t an audience.

    Yes, I know this is hard for your husband. It was really hard for my husband, too. But I don’t care if our loved ones have problems with reasoning. That doesn’t mean that we have to accept this behavior while our own hearts are shattered.
    • CommentAuthortherrja*
    • CommentTimeJul 15th 2008
     
    Joan,

    There really is no easy way for them to accept that they should/can no longer drive. My husband was very big on safety so I pushed that button. Safe for him, safe for me and safe for others on the road. I think what also helped is that he had a near miss when we were in the car with one of our dogs. The dog went flying (no damage to her other than being startled) so I was also able to say safe for the dog. That one really rattled him and that is when he stopped driving.

    In response to the anger and his other behaviors, you did a great job when you told him he had a choice, what would you do if a child was exhibiting those behaviors. There were many times (and still are sometimes), that my husband was doing something and I would just look at him and say that it was okay for him to be angry but those actions were unacceptable. Even now as far gone as he is in stage 7, I can still say "no, that is unacceptable" to him and he will often stop. It is not about arguing with him but standing your ground.

    I will also add one other comment, we often used humor to diffuse our arguments so I continued that. There were times when he was ranting on about something (not at me but to me) and I would just put my arms around him and tell him that I loved him and add a kiss. How much of the anger that we see is driven by the fear that they won't be loved any more?

    You know him best, put that knowledge to use along with your training and hopefully you will come up with the right formula to help the both of you through this.
    • CommentAuthortrisinger
    • CommentTimeJul 15th 2008
     
    They found him!

    KXAN-TV
    updated 8:45 a.m.
    AUSTIN, Texas (KXAN) -- An Alzheimer's patient who went missing over the weekend has been found early Monday morning.

    Odis Axel, 81, is safe and unharmed.
  6.  
    My husband never would accept not driving. A neighbor helped me steal his car and we drove DH's and mine up to a dealership and a bought a new unfamiliar car. Strangely the new car came with only one key which I kept with me at all times. I hid the second key so well I forgot where it put it. Having his license pulled made no difference to DH. Reasoning was useless. Sad-but I did what I had to do. Just one of many sad decisions.
    •  
      CommentAuthorNikki
    • CommentTimeJul 15th 2008 edited
     
    Goodness I am glad they found him!

    I had a very difficult time with Lynn too. I knew when he shouldn't drive any more, sadly he didn't. When I took the keys, he went balistic. I knew he would so had his boys on call. He told them he would kill himself! He had said that before too.I was afraid enough that I too removed all guns, and even the knives. My heart broke for him, but.. I couldn't allow him to hurt himself or anyone else! After we calmed him down and the boys left... he went to his truck. I forgot about the hidden key! Yikes.

    I was able to stop him ...but I couldn't take a chance like that again. I opened the hood, looked for something I could pull out, grabbed onto and yanked!!! He was mad, but.. problem solved. When we went any where at first he still went to the drivers side of my car, but I would say things, like Oh, today you get to be pampered, let me drive for you. If I commented like that, friendly - calm, he never took offence. Then over time, he just automaticaly went to the passenger side. I still keep that ol truck in the yard. He still goes out and tinkers with it, sits in it in the nice weather to read his paper.
  7.  
    Nikki-keeping the truck for him to tinker in was a wonderful thing to be able to do.
    • CommentAuthorLizbeth
    • CommentTimeJul 15th 2008
     
    Joan,
    My husband has early onset as well. He is still ok to drive but I was discussing with a friend whose EOAD spouse is at a later stage. When he had to stop driving, she asked him if he wanted to risk throwing away everything he had worked for his entire life by having an accident. Since he did have insight into his disease, he regretfully gave up driving. We have both be fortunate that our spouses have had this type of insight.

    From your postings, I gather ranting and raving seems to be a symptom of the disease rather than a personality trait Sid had prior to the AD. You may want to ask his doctor about medication that could help him with these symptoms.