Do your mates deny things that you know they did? When I went in the bathroom today, there was poop all over the toilet seat and throw rug. He had just told me shortly before that he was going to the bathroom. When I said something to him, he vehemently denied it. Now I'm the one bringing kids into the house doing things. No kids around here. He just thinks that. Wow! I sure don't want to join Divi's private club.
Sounds like you are already a member Carolyn.:) oh yeah, deny deny deny.. thats their motto when they think they are in trouble..haha. sorry it happened. my DH once told me the black chihuahua had been in the bathroom before him and HE did it. Poo101, carolyn let it go and just get on with the day. its not going to change him whatever you say and it will only escalate his denials and possible make him angry.. i know -we have to suck it up to keep the peace. hope its a onetimer and not everyday do be on guard if he tells you hes going and you can be there to guide him and divert any unpleasantness,divvi
That makes my tale from last night mild...He got out of bed at 1:30 a.m., walked around to the foot of the bed (on the way to the bathroom) and stopped, pulled down the front of his Depends and let it fly on the throw rug! Thank goodness it has a rubber back, but still, by the time I got him to stop and led him into the bathroom to finish, he had really soaked it. I got a towel and rolled up the rug and put the towel under it and got to the washer fast! Then mopped up the floor (hardwood) before cleaning up the bathroom and getting him to bed. Once I had everything clean and dry, I started the washer with bleach and soap and went back to bed...<sigh>
I look forward to uneventful nights...I had ONE this week!
Then there are my computer problems! This is my first time on since Thursday, and that was very little. Too busy at work. No computer working at home. I now have my new desktop loaded and functional!!! It took four tries to get an external hard drive to do its thing correctly before it decided to not work any more! THEN, I tried the Belkin cable to connect both computers, and after half of the information was exchanged, the new computer got a signal from Windows to install something new and restarted the computer, thereby disconnecting the two computers. Strangely (if you are an optimist) Dell online instant service couldn't connect to my computer and fix the problem. To say I am in a state of frustration with my computers (my 6 month old laptop is supposedly on its way back with a new hard drive) and my old one has decided that since I don't love it any more, it now has boot failure in its new home in the living room.
gee mary! you have been busy and not all good busy. sorry your puters are acting out:) thats why i keep those plastic small garbage pails around my house to 'catch' the overspill when/if the depends come down at inopportune moments-i have them in the baths/hallways/bedroom/kitchen// i cant tell you how many times they have saved the day and kept me from mopping tons of floors. hope you get some needed rest tonite! divvi
Can relate to "I didn't do it" My husband also leaves tracks on the toilet seat, does not flush & this morning there was dirty toilet paper in the trash can. When this starting happening a few weeks ago, I mentioned it to him, but, he was very adamant that he did not do it. After using the bathroom the other night I mentioned he should wash his hands, he told me in no certain terms "that he did not use the bathroom, there fore, he did not need to wash his hands"
Divvi is correct, because they do not remember if they pooped or pottied. They aren't fibbing. They simply don't remember. What we need to do is REMEMBER that! (But ohhhh, it's so hard, when we insist that they SHOULD remember if they just went to the bathroom).
Re: computers. I had a Dell and after about 6 months of fighting with them over more problems than I had had with all of my old computers combined, I gave it to a neighbor/computer repair guy to use for "parts". He tossed the hard drive and said that historically, that was one of their main problems. I have a litle Toshiba laptop that I keep next to my chair..and when I use it, I just put it in my lap. I believe it is at least four years old. Works like a little charm.
Interesting how Dell can make computers for businesses that appear to run great, but for the home use they can't. I have heard more horror stories on home computers than positive where Dell computers are concerned.
Years ago Dell used to be known for their outstanding customer support, but that has not been the case for some time now, unless things have changed for the better recently. Last week I had to format the hard drive and reinstall all programs on a 2 month old Gateway computer which lost its mind for no apparent reason.
Sorry to hear the Gateway name mentioned, I just bought a new Gateway Laptop because it was a much better deal for the money compared to other similarily priced laptops. My first computer was a Gateway, I never had any problems with it. Most computers today are fairly generic and use similar components regardless of brand. I have an old (no name brand I recognize) desk top computer here at work that has been ticking along faithfully for about 5 or 6 years now. We have replaced the monitor and the keyboard, but not the CPU.
I suppose computers are like cars, every now and then they make a lemon regardless of the brand.
That's what my younger son told me. He got one and praises it ALL the time. <grin> However, HP got my laptop one evening and replaced the hard drive and shipped it back out the following evening. Can't beat that for speed! My new Dell desktop is wonderful. I will keep my fingers crossed that it doesn't give me any problems. The old one was 8 years old and other than being slow (from so many programs my children and grandchildren had on it for when they visited), it hadn't broken down - until now!
I'm feeling better this morning. I'm glad to know I'm not alone in the computer ills department either! Thank you!
I have used a PC since day one. I am too 'overwhelmed' to have to relearn how to use a computer. That being said, how different would it be if I were to buy a Mac computer. How steep is that learning curve. What's the worse thing about changings operating systems and what is the best thng?
briegull will be along. She is a expert about the Mac. I know very little, except I don't get spam, my e-mail is very just what I want to get and the rest goes into junk. I guess that could be the server.
When I was a temp the only computer they wouldn't try me on was a MAC. That was before the day of Windows, but I was using a MAC clone at home and knew all about mice. I decided that companies that had MACs where scared of them.
I have friends who are MAC gurus. They agree with me. The best computer is the one you know how to use. I use Photoshop which started on MACs. Like most PC users I get into trouble in the areas where the conventions on the program started when they were only on MACs. And MAC conventions are different. Not harder, but also not easier. If PCs are what you know, a MAC will drive you nuts. If MACs are what you know, a PC will drive you nuts.
It isn't true that MACs never get messed up. They are just less likely to be a target than PCs.
Also, always remember that a lot of the programs you are used to using do not work on MACs. And sometimes there is nothing like it available for the MAC.
Boy, can we all relate to the "poop" stories. My husband does not know when he's gone and last night, I knew he needed to be cleaned. I know better than to pressure him so I downplay the entire situation as much as possible. When it gets down to those depends, boy do they hold on for dear life!!!!!! I just cut them off without even trying to get them down. But, by then I need a real "pooper scooper". I know I would never talk like this to anyone else but my friends here but my does he get mad. Of course, I get called every name in the book, him ranting and screaming all through the process. I thought," this is great. When Mickey ( his caregiver) comes tomorrow, all I'll have to deal with is the teeth, shave (another horror story) and wash up. That will be a breeze." So this morning, I got him cleaned and dressed just in time for MIckey and when I went to help put on his coat I knew "there was something rotten in Denmark". After a quick check, I took a deep breath and told Mickey I had to reclean and dress him!!! Good Lord. And why do these things seem to happen when you can least afford the time. My parents (ages 83 and 84) are both home living together but both are pretty disabled. My Dad has had 2 major surgeries since Oct and now faces chemo. At the end of last week he began to complain about pain in his left side of the lower back. He ended up in the emergency room Sat and then into the hosp to remove a kidney stone this am. My Mom is housebound because of severe arthritis and my Dad is her caregiver!!! She is a safety issue, so this means when she uses the bathroom, someone has to be there to walk behind her and her walker, then help him with some bathroom assistance. I was going to go there when dh went with Mickey . I have 3 hours of "time" but with having to start all over again cleaning him (with all the fussing and swearing) I was exasperated before I even began. Mom and Dad live 30 minutes away so I ended up going for 1 hour. Got her lunch and hopefully, Dad will be home later tonight (he was sched for a PetScan at 4:45 today at a different hospital because of the cancer and is sched to have a port a cath(sp?) put in on Thurs to recieve the chemo. Sorry this is so long but I didn't think I needed to vent so much. Thanks to joang for this website and of coures, all of you wonderful prople. So glad you are on my "team".
Kathryn, oh yeah i know the 'something rotten in denmark' bit. i have had countless 'mommies day out' at 10am on friday i eithr get called back home sometimes after 1hr or dont get to leave on time, like you due to the phenomenum all over again:) and it does take about 1hr to rebathe and get it all done. i am sorry i complain now hearing you also have your dear parents to contend with on top of this. you must be running on empty all the time. you have fellow sisters here in the Ya-ya- sisters club! or maybe no-no -sisters club. or better yet, the po-po-sisters club-.haha.. take care divvi
ps you might want to reconsider using sizzers around these guys when changing depends. my DH grabbed them and turned them in toward me. so now i just rip them off at the seams-works good. try it. divvi
Oh, my Katheryn, but you do have your hands full. I hope you have some help with your parents. I don't know how you cope with 30 minutes distance between you. I am thinking of you and wish you have a better week.
Kathryn, with the physical and mental strain of having a caregiver spouse alone, we are stressed out! I can not imagine what you must be going through in your situation! My thoughts and prayers are with you!
Update on my earlier computer vent....my beautiful HP laptop came back home yesterday - 6 days after I sent it in for a new hard drive! I spent last night loading all of my programs back on it. I love my HP.
Sunday was spent loading programs on my new Dell desktop. It is SO FAST! Now that the new desktop is up and running, there is a waiting line to use it! As soon as someone gets up to cook or go to the restroom, someone else sits down and starts on it. I probably won't get to use it much, but that is fine - I have my laptop. <grin>
************************** One awful moment last night, though. Everyone but my husband played on the new computer last night. When they left the room, he went over and sat down (he played the card games and Mahjong until 6 months ago) at the computer. I pulled up Mahjong - the last game he could still play) and he smiled at me. And stared at the screen. And didn't know what to do. He couldn't even use the mouse! When his hand was placed on it and then his finger was on the button, and pushed down, and he was told to push it down himself, he couldn't understand. He sat and stared at the screen (as if plotting his next move) for about 15 minutes before getting up and going to bed. I wanted to bawl!!! He has lost almost all functions except walking (he shuffles) and feeding himself (if his food is cut up). It is so sad to watch he deteriorate like this!
A lot of you have so many other problems much more serious with your spouses (other illnesses, rage, getting into trouble, bad relatives) I feel like a louse venting about my difficulties!
Jeez, Kathryn, after reading your story, mine seems so minor. Those are the times I tell my self to shut my mouth, things could be worse. I'm really sorry you have so much on your plate.
Mary, my husband lost his ability to use his computer about a year ago. At that point he stopped doing email at all. I remember...
Every stage of the disease has its hard times. But I think that the early to middle stages can be the worst as one function after another goes and life changes.
At this point my husband can still go out for his long walks and can still "read" his newspapers and wants to buy 5 of them every day. And he truly can still read. But I don't know when these functions will end. I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop.
Venting is good, and ALL of us are allowed to vent. This is a safe place to do it.
Mary sometimes thelittle losses are more shocking than big ones. you kinda expect the speaking, hearing to go at some point. but having even the simplest of commands go is just awful. i had to redirect DH with a plastic spoon last nite and his jell0. he was sucking on the end of the spoon like a straw trying to eat the jello..then other times he does just fine. i think in the evenings they are doubley tired and mentally drained just trying to survive themselves. try again maybe he will be able but do be prepared he may not and you will have to chalk it up to AD again. all of our issues are important or we wouldnt be writing about it! big or little- they affect us- divvi
I was wondering about the walks, Starling. My husband can still use a knife efficiently to section an orange, cut up meat, etc. He can still read, too,but I don't know how much he comprehends. Today he asked me what I wanted for Mother's Day (he was looking at the Met Museum catalog. awww...)
All of that, and half the time doesn't know his name, can't say what time of day it is, or what country this is. His idea of showering is wetting and rubbing, er, his front lower half, while a whole tank full of hot water runs drown the drain, then drying off with the towel (without turning off the shower).
I worry about the walks, but he has been doing them once and sometimes twice a day since last May and he comes home on his own. Frankly he could have a dementia problem while on his walks and get lost, but having a heart attack or stroke is more likely. I thought this winter would end them, but he is on a long plateau. There have been no losses since he lost his ability to drive in May 2008.
He can still sign his name. He still writes the day and date off of the local paper, which gets delivered, into a notebook every morning. It is the only thing left from the cognitive therapy. He can still take the trash out for trash night (did it tonight as a matter of fact) and can still work the vacuum cleaner. I need to remind him about showers, but he takes them by himself, and since I walked in on him last week, I know he is still using soap. He shaves and gets himself to the bathroom.
He knows I'm his wife, described me as "the misses" during a recent telephone conversation with our daughter, which was something he has called me for years when talking to someone else. Does he know my name? Don't know for sure, but I think not.
There is also the question if it would be safe for me to try to stop him. I think it might not be safe for me to do that. There has been no violence since last May over the driving issue, but this is enough like the driving issue that I won't take the chance. I can't go with him. I literally can't stand up for more than half an hour for medical reasons. So I'm between a rock and a hard place.
Language is going, but he has paperwork in his wallet that gives his name, my name and phone number, and the names and numbers of his doctors as well as all the medications he is taking. He carries his walled all the time in a back pocket.
It may be the walking that is keeping him able to do the things that he can still do. I have read a lot of articles about exercise keeping the mind active. We always went to the gym often but he decided he didn't want to go anymore. He has been going downhill in a hurry. He doesn't help with the chores anymore. I am finding that everything that has to be done is my job. You should see me up on a ladder with my bad back, my arthritic neck, and A tear in the rotator cuff in my right arm, changing the bulbs in the recessed lights. You do what you have to do. So let him walk. It makes him happy.
Kathryn, Wouldn't the hired caregiver help with the bathing, shaving, etc.? Or is that outside of your arrangement? You have so much else on your plate.
Let me say up front that I know many of you are going through far worse things than I. Today, I don't know if it's me but DH is driving me crazy. When I tell him something or ask a question I get "Huh". I am sick to death of repeating myself. I know he doesn't hear well but he refuses to get a hearing test. Even if I am standing right in front of him I still get "Huh". Maybe I should just stop speaking to him and keep my BP down. Thanks for letting me vent!
Jean21, they get to the point that they can't comprehend the sentences. Try three word sentences (and no asking of his opinion or asking him to make choices any more). And he won't remember what you tell him in a short while anyway. But do talk to him. It will help him retain the little reasoning he has longer. I think watching movies that they are familiar with help them as well. My husband did this for over a year.
It isn't his hearing - it is the wires from the ear to the brain that "hears" what you say - they aren't connecting to the "comprehension" section and the "reply" sections. It is one of the more frustrating stages. Please vent anytime!
Thanks, Mary, for that great explanation. My DH's hearing is good - but I sometimes don't think he really "hears" me - your explanation takes care of that!
He has had hearing problems for a long time so I doubt it is just the Alz. Sometimes I think the "Huhs" are from habit but that doesn't make it less irritating!
My DH now hears things all jumbled up. I'll say something and he hears something altogether different. And when I ask him to do something or to stop doing something he will say okay, and keep doing whatever he was doing. I can ask him multiple times with the same "okay" response and eventually will have to take him by the hand and lead him to wherever I want him to go. It's pretty frustrating sometimes, but I guess I'm getting more used to it.
I was thinking of how long ago it started where I had to keep repeating to hb because he didn't hear me or understand. I called it selective hearing because he would hear others fine. It is very irritating and would make me angry. It went on for at least a couple years before short term memory problems were evident. Just wondering if that was early signs. The 6 part article linked on the home page is what made me start thinking about it.
I felt sorry for him tonight. We were watching 'Dancing with the Stars' and at the end when they show clips of the dances he kept asking how he missed that one. Sometimes he remembers we have seen programs - other times not. If they are recent he often doesn't, but when they are older he does. Example are with 'Property Virgins' and 'House Hunters'.
Charlotte, I used to say DH had selective hearing. I have tried to think if he has had problems with other people talking to him and I can't think of a one! Lastnight he did better, not so many "Huhs" so I don't know what is going on! He doesn't remember shows we've seen or if he does it is when it has run for over half an hour and then he rremembers. While I was fixing dinner an old show of Cold Case was on. After a while he wanted to know who the blonde woman was. She is the star of the show! Some times I wonder how caregivers keep their sanity.
Changing roles, The other day my wife asked, what's for dinner? That really struck home. That used to be my job. I thought about and gradually I am taking over more and more. I have learned to tune her out, for the most part. She will keep saying the same thing over and over and that drives me nuts. I have learned just to tune her out and that adds to the feeling of being alone. I guess the day will come, when I wished she could talk.
I disagree, moorsb.....I'm like Pollyana....life is what you make out of what cards you have been dealt. It can be a bitch, or it can be an adventure...Adventures always have pitfalls, hardships, excitement, laughs, hugs, separations, deaths, happiness...it is a rollercoaster of ups and downs; of highs and lows. I intend to hang on for the full ride and come out smiling!!!!
Even after this year, I still feel the same way.
Jean and Charlotte, you have both described the hearing wiring faults! Sometimes they are connected and hear and comprehend and properly respond. Sometimes they aren't connected and try to cover up with a "huh" or "okay" to give themselves time to try to reconnect if they can.....
Charlotte, you and I watch the same programs. We're watching The Little Couple now..and I reminded Foster that the little 30" tall woman is actually a teaching professor and MD at Texas Children's Hospital here in our City. Foster served on a Board Sub-Committee for TCH for years. He acted as if he knew what I was telling him and nodded his head and gave her a thumbs up.
I had a 'stern' talk with my son and his wife tonight. Our satellite programing does not have Versus but the cable my sister has in the house does. So I sent hb in to watch the hockey game since he enjoys it. The kids have a separate apartment but share the kitchen/dining area. My DIL came in with the kids and started her 'schooling' with our granddaughter. Grandson was no problem - loves papa. But, the noise of the kids and DIL complaining at granddaughter because she was watching the hockey game got to him, so he left and came home.
Next event - DIL comes out wanting to know why he left (duh!), if she had done something. Says she was not bothered by him watching the hockey, blah, blah, blah!. She left and I went into the house and explained to them some facts: he can not tolerate noise, stop making it about you (her) when he leaves, they need to suck it up and accept the changes instead of trying to fix it cause it will only get worse. Said: why do you think I haven't called K & K (older grandkids that live with their dad and his parents)? Because I can't deal with a weekend of playing referee making sure they behave and are quiet. That I don't know how to tell them if they come, they have to be on best behavior. (can't phone because when we do they are always outside playing even though you can hear them in the background and they can't call us even though it is not long distance) It hurts because they already have to deal with their mom abandoning them when they were little. My grandson is ADHD and a constant challenge. Granddaughter is fine except that brother torments her all the time which means whining and yelling.
I ended by telling them if they can't accept that he will get up and walk out without drilling him when he does, one of us will have to move and it will end up being us since they have no money and we can move. I then left but did stop and pick up grandson who wanted to come see papa. He is 18 months and plays quietly with his cars or papa.
I came out and told Art what I told the kids and it is the first time I have seen him cry since diagnosis over a year ago. This event followed a conversation we had earlier that started with talking about his brother who is younger but looks much older than hb. He has worked in computers all his life so is set financially. Hb commented that he is happy with how his life has been cause he has done what he wants. I said 'except our dreams were cut short and he says 'ya, because of me'.
I am so tired of my DIL always making everything about her. And now we have our daughter in TN saying we owe her and should pay for her to leave the jerk and come back and live in the motorhome with us. There was something on TV the other day about how kids now a days want it now vs working for it like we did. Uggggggggggggg!