No, there's nothing going on with either my husband or me that's new, but as usual I'm making summer plans which involve respite care for him and relief for me for a few weeks in July. And I always update all the info for family members - where wills are kept, what passwords are, etc - each year. This year it occurred to me that I should consider making "pre-arrangements" or at least put into writing what I would want done for each of us when we die.
I've found a cremation society, and do expect for each of us to be cremated (I hope to be "scattered" on a particular path on Monhegan where two old friends have also requested this.. one has died and her wish granted. The two were always at odds so I figure I should be scattered there to keep peace.)
But I don't know what one does if, say, my husband dies at home. Who do I call?
Briegull, you would call 911. They will come, and check him for vital signs. Then, wait, until you call the funeral home. There are certain legal protocals that need to be met if a person dies at home, and they know what to do. I know we could not have mother's body cremated (she died at home) until someone signed a death certificate and it was filed. I believe it was the EMS people who did that, but I'm not sure. Or, they called her doctor and gave him the info and he signed it. But ..the answer is, call 911 or your emergency response people.
We'll all have to do this,... so it's good to have the plan in place.
If Hospice is helping you, they want you to call them. They will send out a nurse and she will call the appropriate people. I have no idea who signed for my Mom. The Nurse came. I did not call 911 because she took care of it. She called the funeral home and they came out and picked up the body for burial.
Yes, Hospice can also do it. That would be so easy. I often fear that I will wake up and discover he died in his sleep. That does happen quite often. I worry about that.
My mother had open heart surgery about six weeks earlier, and had been doing very well. She died of a Pulmonary Embolism..and of course, my sister called 911, but she knew immediately that she was gone. It wa one gasp...and that was all.
Hospice will tell you how to handle this if they're involved. If not, call the Emergency Responding Company(their office number) in your area and ask them. When my mother-in-law passed away, and again when my step-dad died, my Father-in-law and my Mother (each case) called 911, and they were put through the whole Emergency Response Protocol--attempt CPR. . . even though in both cases they had been clear that the person had died and emergency documents on hand. In the case of my step-dad they had a straightline from the time the EMS arrived, but still did the whole thing until they got to the hospital and a Dr. there pronounced. Of course they all had their bills to be paid for their "services" too.
I suppose each and every case is different. I was not charged by EMS, they billed Medicare and her secondary insurance, I suppose. I've called 911 for my husband at least six times in the past five years. I have yet to have to pay a cent beyond what the insurance paid.
Re: protocol: The 911 Operators are reading from a printed card in front of them. They are required to do that. Just understand that they are doing their job..and continue to tell them that they have written instructions that they do not wish to be recessitated. I have my husband's living will and that will confirm his wishes.
As I said, it's different from person to person and place to place re: charges. I have Medicare and Aetna. One instance had him transferred by ambulance from a hospital in Greenville SC to a Savannah GA hospital. Never was charged a cent beyond what the insurance paid.
Hopefully, you will have Hospice before death occurs. You DO NOT call 911 if you are using Hospice, but I'm sure they explain that to everyone. If you join a Memorial Association or whatever it is called in your state you will save half (more or less) on the cost of whatever feels like what you want to do. Cremation is the least expensive, but you will also save on any other services. It strikes me as peculiar that people who will cut out coupons, buy store brands, and wait for discounts on other items happily pay top price at the time of death. It is worth a bit of time to find out what is available in your state and have that all decided before need.
briegull, I know from my FIL's funeral that the funeral home has a planning book. It's just a way of having your wishes all planned out. It really is a very tastefull paperback type book, that you can write down the songs, prayer, poems, etc you would like to have at your service. It ask you to answer several question about who you want your LO's to notify of your passing, what cloths you would like to wear if your being buried as well as important info. Sorry, I have them in a safety deposit box or I could look at it and explain it in more depth. I grabbed a couple and got my DM and DH to at least start writing down their wishes. You might even ask the cremation society if they have something like it. As I said it was very tastefull and would ease the Lo's who is trying to grant your last wishes some guidance.
FYI- please check your local and state requirements as far as your wishes. My parents had Do Not Resuscitate papers drawn up with their lawyer. Well when my dad died, rules had changed and the only ones that could be excepted by the EMT's is one drawn up by the Doctor. My dad had been dead for 15 minutes and by law they were suppose to start CPR. My dad passed from Asbestosis, and I just told them my dad would be pissed if they brought him back and he was a vegetable and get us all. The Fire guy, said even with the wrong paper work, if the family agreed they wouldn't even start. Everyone agreed, but it could have been the other way around and they would have worked on him after being dead so long. And who know's what would've happened.
Sounds to me like I'd better get Hospice out for an evaluation visit - he's not ready for it yet, nor am I.. but I do know that calling 911 requires that they go through all the resuscitation stuff.
planning ahead is a good thing to do--my mom has hers in place as well. its going to make it easier when her time comes as far as the planning phase. i just cant bring myself to think about DH yet. i wont do a thing til i am faced with his emminent passing. i am weak in this aspect. i will probably do mine at some point as well. divvi
RK, do you think it's a good thing to have your funeral instructions in a lock box at the bank. Shouldn't it be somewhere your children could get to it immediately? Sometimes, they cannot get access to the lock box without proper paperwork.
I have a little box in my "panty drawer"..where I keep a little emergency money, clippings - and special notes. It's always been there and I would bet you five dollars, if you were to ask my children where they'd look first - they'd all know!
that brings up another question of spousal lockbox at banks. i have one in my name but spouse has his name of signature card as well as my son. its in my name alone but where we have multiple accounts. i have been wondering if DH passes would i still have access to my box? i have heard some banks close boxes if they are notified of death til the executer shows up with proper docs. i know sometimes they will allow the spouse to get the will out but nothing else. anyone know how it works ? if you have a box in one spouses name only? divvi
Different states have different laws regarding access to safe deposit boxes upon the death of one of the owners. I closed out my box - and bought a small one that I keep at home. I have told people who need to know where it is and what is in it.
It's a pain if you can't gain access when you need it without a court order or probate order.
NancyB, No natural kid's, Actually our info was there for safe keeping during our move and home remodel. In my safe at home I keep all the info and paper work about the box for my Mom and stepson to have access. Personally I don't think it will be an issue with me, as I am only in my 40s, that being said you never know so info for me is there as well. Plus my SIL knows everything I want as far as my funeral! LOL............ We have a pac on making sure it's our way. No flippen mourning! Party and Celebrate our lives! In my opinion mourning is about us, not the person who passed. One of the most meaningful funerals I have ever been to was for a 87 year old man (family friend) It was a total celebration of all he did, was, and the impression he left on all the people he touched. Beautiful! I haven't completed my book but as I said, I am still kinda young and hope for a few more years. But because I am a caregiver for my Dh with EOAD I have had to put my info in place just in case something happened to me and not him. I have info on my ICE button on my phone as to getting him help. I have info with my insurance co, as well as the Anti-Theft provider (GPS) on my vehicle so that if I were killed or injured in an accident they would get him help. From there people know and have access to all info. Hopefully I have my ducks in a row.