Hello all. New developments. My daughter and I are flying to Florida April 20th and returning May 5th and were going to leave DH home alone (50 not diagnosed but unemployed because he can't keep a job...has gone through three, one of which was his for 28 years), but I was worried sick about leaving him alone for so long that I made him a reservation and he is now coming. Trouble is he has to take different flights on the same day. The question is on traveling through airports alone...what should I expect, and should I call the airline to tell them? He used to fly all the time but I have a sick feeling he'll get lost in the airport and confused!
We also have had a huge breakthrough and are going to be able to stay in our home and not have to sell and move just yet. Is it true that moving is hard on early onset LOs and that staying put until diagnosis etc. can be done is worth all the financial manipulations? Or shoud I say a better alternative to moving and totally disrupting his life?
I sold our large house 2 years ago in June. In my opinion if a move is needed it should be sooner than later, the futher in the disease the harder to adjust to new surroundings. My husband got confused some on where rooms where, however, he adjusted pretty fast. I did put notes on cabinets & etc which seem to help. Now 2 years later, the notes are no longer useful, as he can't understand what the say. I have no regrets moving when I did. I would really be afraid to have him fly alone, is there anyway your daughter could take the flight alone & your husband go with you? If not, I would try to find out if he could be helped at the airport.
briegull, the name on the ticket has to match the name on the ID these days -- security issues. But Marise, I would talk with the airline and explain the situation, and see if you can't get tickets switched around. When we travel, my husband gets VERY confused in the airports, constantly trying to head off in the wrong direction and worried about being at the wrong gate. And of course, he has no idea what time it is. He's much better when we're at home (or at our destination) -- his behavior in airports is very unusual for his current level of functioning.
If there is a lay-over, you can probably arrange for the airline to have someone escort your husband from one plane to the other. HOWEVER, even escorts like that have been known to lose an AD patient.
And since you're traveling yourself, he'll be alone either getting on the first plane or getting off the last plane, and neither is a good idea. Can you arrange for a friend to take him (or pick him up), for both ends of the trip?
Marise, I like Briegull's idea. To be frank about it, I think letting him fly alone would be a disaster waiting to happen. I have read that some airlines will provide some assistance in a case where someone with a cognitive issue has to fly alone, but you may have to pay for it. Also, even with that there could be a mixup. Even if you have to pay something to change the name on one of the tickets, I think it would be worth it. Of course, I'd try to negotiate with the airline first, tell them the situation. It's a shame you don't have a dx, a doctor's note might help in getting the flights switched around.
I agree with moving sooner than later. Moving upsets them and they become disorientated. Actually, I was disorentated when we first moved. Coming out of a bedroom and forgetting which direction to take to the LR. I put masking tape instructions on the light switches for all of us for a year. He adjusted pretty rapidly to his new home. It would be much harder now.
His NEURO strongly advised against our moving but due to circumstances, I went ahead and I am glad.
No way could I let my dh fly alone or be in the airport alone. I would not want to take him on a plane even with me now at this point. I don't know what your dh is at right now. I also strongly recommend you talk to the airlines and see about switching tickets.
We moved four years ago. A social worker I talked with suggested we move to a retirement community. At that time I was not ready and still am not. We moved from a large home we had lived in for 32 years to a comfortable townhouse. He was fine with the move, some confusion about the cupboards and all. He still has that and more confusion about a lot of things. It was the best time to move. I did not want to have the upkeep of the house and grounds. I miss our old neighborhood and I think DH does also.Moving is a nightmare and it was hard doing it practically by myself. He was not diagnosed when we moved, but was within a year. As for traveling, I would never let DH travel alone. It is hard enough when I go with him. If he must travel alone, definitely ask for assistance for him through check in to arrival.
In January we moved from one apartment (3rd floor) to another (2nd floor) in our retirement Inn. DW did OK with the move as long as I am with her. The biggest problem is that the bathrooms are in very different locations from the previous, so I have to lead her to them (but then, I also have to go in with her to be sure she pulls her Depends down). My major concern was that she would get lost coming out of the bathroom at night (I leave her and go back to bed), but so far she has done OK. Only once did she try to go out into the main hall.
As for travel, I agree with the above. Contact the airline and get the tickets switched so he doesn't have to travel alone. Even in the early stages I had to keep a close watch on DW in airports, and, as I reported previously, she turned the wrong way in Philadelphia and I lost her for a while. That was several years ago.
About travel. Call the reservation desk and request a wheelchair. The red caps can have it brought to the luggage check in, they take them through security and to the plane. When the plane lands, the flight attendants keep him seated until the wheelchair is just outside the plane's door..etc. OF course, you or someone needs to be with him, but it frees your hands, your mind and usually they help YOU get to the connecting flight and to the gates much easier. Take advantage of this service...it's free except for the tip to the wheelchair assistant.
DH has walked slower the past ten years, and that's reason enough to ask for a chair. Often we are put on an electric cart and wheeled through the airport masses. That's heaven for ME!
Within a few months of Dh being diagnosed I decided that we should move to a smaller, less yard work home. Long story, but I put our home up for sale and it sold in 4 days. I was thinking in this real estate market it would take time and I could adjust him to the move, not so, we had an 18 day closing. It was crazy, but I tried to keep him on a even keel during the move. Most times when I knew it was going to be a whirl wind day of activities I would take him to my Mom's so he could hang out there and garden and do yard work etc and not get twitterpatted over the move. It seemed to work. Of course he's had an adjustment to where different things are, but heck so do I. So my suggestion is if and when you move try and get him out of the middle of it, if at all possible. Personally I think a lot of emphasis has been put on change when actually our LO's have issues no matter what. My FIL had issues with the whole home thing, and he lived in the same house for over 40 years. He didn't even know it was the home he built, 99% of the time.
As far as the flight thing, I think Sunshyne's idea of contacting the airline is the best. Hopefully they will work with you. Airports and all the people can be a very confusing thing. If after all he has to fly alone, I would make sure they allow someone to make sure he gets on the plane and then escort him to you on arrival as others have said. Best of Luck! Rk
Regarding moving, I agree with Rk. When we moved, even though it was just downstairs, I sent DW to the day care center during the move. When she came back, everything was done and I just told her this was our new home. I think having the same furniture helped.
When we moved dh was there. When the last load was being transported, he gathered up 2 trash bags of foam packing that had been in some of the boxes we used. Put them in the outbuilding and said we were to leave them there. He didn't want to drive to the new house with me, so dd stayed with him a little bit and then brought him over. We only moved less than 1/4 mile.