Gadzooks...I got so frustrated that I just looked at my entry and you would think I never went to school! I wish is had that MAID to keep track of all the plans he might have MADE. Sure sign of Caregiver Dementia...Guess that is to be expected to some degree of the residents and caregivers in Dementiaville. sigh
Anyone want to join me in slapping my DH? He is going on again about the yard! The people who take care of the yards have been raking the pine straw out of the beds and haven't gotten to us yet. They go down one side of the street and there are 3 streets they have to go up and down before they come back this way. According to DH they aren't doing our yard!!!! I wish he would forget about the yard as easily as he forgets everything else because I am about ready to scream or throw something at him. I am thinking of calling the neuro's nurse and seeing if one of his meds can be raised to stop this garbage. BTW, the mailman and garbage man do the same thing as far as how they get to each house. For some reason DH doesn't say anything about them.
jean sounds like a good idea to ring the dr again. after so many months or weeks, the meds tend to 'wear off' of the dose. more may be needed to keep him from obsessing again. dont slap DH just yet, go get those yard guys and beg them or slap them into cleaning your yard today and not wait! :) ha. i bet if you explained how upset your DH is it may work. it does get on your nerves doesnt it!
Jean, be thankful that it is the yard he is worried about. I have men coming in and out all the time. I have ask him to take their hand and bring them to me so I will know them. He just gives me that look. You can't reason with them (when am I going to accept that?) I pray every night that God will give him some peace in his mind. I am learning that today's problems usually are replaced with an other problem to accept. (Hugs) I really do understand....
triple digit comments on this post friends!!! if you have someone you want to smack it to feel free to join in the fun!!! some of the newer members may enjoy this post as well.
Well a week ago when our 3 girls were visiting, when a stack of canes and books etc fell over in my way that DH had piled in front of my hutch, and I just clenched my fists if frustration the oldest said " well don't worry, this will be over soon"..to which I said back to her " what? and them I'll be a widow. That is just a wonderful thought! I want my life back...my life with my DH the way it was before this illness!!! ggrrrr" slap slap salp..ouch now my paws hurt too...damn that made me see red..still does...what a cold remark!
Perfect. This is for Al Zheimer who taught me most cruelly that I was living a shallow but happy life among people I not only counted as close friends but who literally were my life; by shredding and reforming every single relationship I have with people I knew. From the lifelong friends that literally froze us out, to her best friend who has never seen her or asked about her because it's all about her own pain. And my good friend who's wife that is who did call all the time. My family who never came to see her once. Her family of standoffish people who rallied around us so much they transformed too. The only couple friends I have left who opened their hearts and their house to her with love and absolute acceptance. My day worker from Poland who for 15 months came to help me take care of her and did care about her.
I'm here typing this because I was falling asleep and remembered the close friends that abandoned her and found myself wishing them harm where I don't want the bitter betrayal to damage my values. How do I tell my good friend who kept calling that I have no stomach to see his wife. How long can I dance around the invitations with dishonesty knowing I have two choices eventually - destroy this too or live the lie.
So I sit in the wee hours of the morning looking at the young oriental girl with the violin I have drawn which will be the first painting after our life together wondering how our children would have endured this if we'd had them, knowing the only thing that hasn't changed is the two cats my wife wanted (our third set) who I have in my charge now, and understand that now that I have been brutally taught that shallow things really are that and meaningful things are different, I have lost my desire to slap.
I can bear no dishonest witness in this place where so often I come and write my thoughts and having written them in the presence of true compatriots, I send them into the ether to join all the other thoughts and anguishes that all life has shared these thousands of years.
From the first moment at 7:32 pm on July 31, 2008 I have heard the call to servitude of values, am being taught what they are, how to live them, and what I am to do. The paradox of Al Zheimer is that it has been the route of me becoming a better and deeper person. And while I have anger and saddness and other damage, I now have such a deep appreciation of the genuine, the giving, the helpful, and the compassionate that it does not leave me or diminish; but, waits expectantly for I don't know what.
I don't know either what that young lady is playing on her instrument the violin who I will bring to a more defined state tomorrow. I know that I hope she understands the gift of life and perhaps that I am recreating the moment she created where I have and will spend many hours in that one single moment when the camera went 'click'. I think of Charlotte who while I make a pretty picture actually is the art of life which I have said is servitude of values and I hope her appliances revive.
And at 4:15 am where the full moon is crossing my window and the earliest birds are already up I think about that life I loved so much and still give up grudgingly and know that for some time at least I will be searching for what is calling that I hear and feel but can't identify - and I hope that I can send some of my strength to every single one of you and to this wonderous place that Joan created that has helped me so very much.
I don't know what I will do but I know what I wish. That every single one of you can feel inside what I feel without truly having done anything to create it which is honestly such a joy inside to be here that even losing the only person I ever loved does not diminish it even as it transforms it.
I know there is no Al Zheimer. There is no purpose to it I can understand. But I still have the gift of life and I do understand that even though the events of my life in time change me, what I believe and pursue are choices only I can make and which no event should decide. That has become serious in my life and while I learn that some events are powerful and very hard, my suffering heightens and does not diminish my belief that there are good people, good values, and good things to do in life. All choices I take in more seriously and more deeply now. When I'm not kicking and screaming I mean. No human is perfect. And I'm ok with that.
I send to each and every one of you equally that by whatever means you find strength, solace, and peace that that is given to you in some part by this wish.
Picture three witless fools standing in a row saying their witless things when Moe's arm comes out and slaps all three of them across the face. Heyyy!!! You earned it.
Or I could cast the slapping spell where an invisible glove slaps selected darwinian dropouts whenever they wander outside their pen. "It's all about me." SLAP "It's all about me." SLAP "It's all about me." SLAP (sigh)
I am slapping my hands together...because for the first time in months maybe even years I laughed and laughed last night. I laughed out loud. I highly recommend to those that need a good laugh to rent the movie DUE DATE. It is a so funny, maybe even silly, yet has a very serious side. I recorded it from HBO and I am saving it and going to watch it again.
I am slapping myself for once again being taken in by dh and letting her have so much money that I again am agonizing over funds. She is ever so slick and I am taken in again and again. All family members have washed their hands of her and only I am left. So slap, slap me for being such a stupid, soft touch. Oh how I need dh to help me as he has before where she is concerned. He'd know what to say and how to say it loud and clear "NO, don't call again if all you want is money."
I should have mentioned that the movie DUE DATE...is rated "R"..not much if any foul language...but, other things that you might not want younger people watching and/or some older people might be offended too. But, I thought it was so funny.
Will be looking for the movie, I could use a laugh.
as to the slaps, I have a pile of them for the biggest platitude pusher I have ever heard. She came to me at the market yesterday, as I was over by our car, wiping the lunch off Dado's shirt that was dripping all over...and said...
and said, despite the strength that I have shown, the not whining, the laughter despite the tears, the dragging him to work with me at 5 a.m., she said..
"You should not get down, you know it is what it is. Just laugh about it. You are in this for the long haul, I mean you married him. There is a reason for it all. He will die some day just like your sister did and that is just how it is, so keep your chin up"
I looked over and her, and calmly said, " I really don't like your @**%% platitudes, and when you have had little sleep and your loved one is vacant, we can talk. AND MY SISTER DID NOT WANT TO DIE, and she was not philosophical about it, but very sad, and very sick"
She actually laughed , thinking I did not mean it.
I could analyze her reasons for doing this, (it is not the first time), and make excuses for her, but instead, I hold her by the shoulders and crack her across the face, just enough to show her how DUMB her statements are.
Coco, I think we'd all like to smack somebody who would say such things to you. My second choice would be using the quote my sister sent me (for similar situations): "Are you trying to be offensive, or are you just stupid?" Obviously, this person was both! I'm sorry you have to deal with such an ugly person.
sometimes we just need to vent about someone and although it is the season to be kind and joyous, some may need to 'vent' or slap to feel better! if so this is the thread to get it done. :) divvi
We haven't used this for a while but feel now this is what I would love to do to my niece-in-law.
My niece-in-law posted in the family 'chat' on FB that they got the paperwork sent is to the VA to see if they could get Aid and Attendance help for my sister. Well, I got blunt and let R have it after I said to use her savings for some in home care.
My niece-in-law reply:That is up to Deidre. She can decide. It's an emotional process. Her and Sheldon can talk about that part and ask Della too. She can still make some decisions.
my reply: "Della is not capable to make any financial decisions. The time to discuss the issues with her was 5 years ago after her stroke. I tried and tried to warn you kids that she had VaD after the stroke. I saw the signs right away, the first being the personality change, but you ignored it. (not uncommon for people to be in denial until it is too late). You might be able to keep her calm and discuss help coming in, but she will never remember it. And be prepared if she is nasty to an aide coming in like she was with me at times the two weekends we were there, they will ask that she be medicated or they won't return, that is why I asked if she was on a low dose antidepressant or anything. In the meantime, I hope you are looking into getting an ID for her of which Project Lifesaver would be good. Then getting her to wear it."