Just wanted to share with you some information I learned in my Neuroanatomy Class:
Procedural Memory is the most durable form of memory. These are actions, habits or skills that are learned by repetition. That is why our spouses can remember how to do some routines (for a while)... things like taking a shower, shaving, etc. I've noticed that if I talk to B. while he is in the middle of a repetitive task he gets off track.
Shoegirl, when my husband was an executive business man, and later in the Diplomatic Corps, he had to be able to "meet and greet" - extend the handshake, smile and "make nice". For a long time, after his Alzheimer diagnosis, if someone would drop by for a minute, he could pop up out of his chair and be Mr. Sociable!..and NO ONE could believe anything was wrong with him. The minute they'd leave, he'd be back in his chair, chin on his chest and eyes closed.
my dh is the same when we go out and he meets someone he knows( FUNNY HOW THEY CAN RECONIZE SOMEONE FROM THERE PAST) he just chats away and they say to me he don`t seem that bad, ha, come to my house. we get home and he is so different
I sometimes wonder WHY family and friends want to tell me that "he sounded just fine to me.." or "he doesn't behave any diffently to me"....or "I don't see anything wrong with him". WHY - I ASK!!! ooooooooooooooooohhhh!
My defense mechanism kicks into gear, and I begin defending myself, the medical experts' opinons, his test results. Why do I do that?
And why do they? Would they contradict an oncologist's diagnosis??
sometimes they do it, I think, to reassure themselves that someone with whom they have had a relationship, whether family, or friends, is not so bad. Seeing someone you love as he really is, is too hard for many people. then also, I think they are trying to make us (the spouses) feel better. Wow, chris, he was really good today!!!. We have a good friend who takes my DH out for lunch or dinner occasionally, and always says that he does well, however, we were on a cruise with him and his wife not so long ago, and believe me, after a week, he didn't mention how well dH is doing. But when they are also the same age, it's a defense mechanism. makes the freind feel less vulnerable., and honestly, he is better when he's around other people, just as you said. that's why I try to have company, or take him places. He gets stimulated in a way that he doesn't get from me. I, I'm ashamed to say, try to escape from him ofen, and do my own thing, so he's not really being stimulated. and he won't go to day care, so.... we just do what we can.
My husband will still shake someone's hand. At the stage he is at (Stage 7), I find this amazing. One of the CNA's made the comment that even when he was very young, he father was always insisting that he shake the hand of anyone greeting him. If they started that early, maybe it isn't so strange that being able to shake someone's hand hangs around so long.
Nancy - I like your oncologist statement - maybe the next time someone says something ask them if they would question a cancer diagnosis and if not, then why are they questioning an AD diagnosis? This will get easier when a test is developed that say "yes, there is AD".
Sometimes, I think what we are really running into is people's fear and ignorance of the disease. They expect to see our loved ones look different with the AD.
I think therrja hit the nail on the head--for cancer there's a test. You have it or you don't. Not true with dementia--so there's always a shred of doubt, especially if the person is good at compensating. Frankly, I'm glad that the ability to be sociable hangs on--it sure makes my life better. If my husband was as inept socially as he is cognitively in some areas, I doubt if we'd still be doing much socializing!
Marilyn, you are so right, Because my DH is social, we can still see friends, go places, etc. I makes my life much better, because people are still happy to see us.
I am so envious of those who still have some of their spouse left. My husband's rages were so terrible that at this point I have nothing left. I visit him out of duty. My family is great-but I am still very alone. Sometimes I think that is better than what some of you are going through.