Family member wants their ADLO to stop driving, but "rights of enjoyment" circumvent common sense.
Family has concerns, fears of ADLO's ability to live alone, and it is sometimes near impossible to get a protective service to intervene.
ADLO puts on a show for the doctors, but we know this person 24/7. HIPPA circumvents our attempts to get medical information or advice.
Our ADLO needs help getting information from Social Security, or Health insurance company, or pension or investment account. We can have all the legal paperwork, but it still seems to be up to the discretion of the person on the other end of the phone whether or not they will accept it.
I have been trying for two years to get my Mothers retirement accounts rolled over with a different brokerage. I now have a good broker attempting to assist me in this. We have conference called and been told they have no copies of anything giving me authority to manage things. They have had me FAX, and mail copies of the DPOA, and now "Trustee" papers twice. They have acknowledged receipt in the past and even provided me "some" information. I have also mailed certified copies of my Mom's death certificate. Those certified copies do not grow on trees, and do cost money. Now, for a third time they are asking for another death certificate insisting that the one we sent is not certified............ Huh? It costs money, comes from our County Hall of Records, has the county seal, and the coroners and doctors signature..... and they dare say it is not certified? Oh, and everytime they have some "New" type of form they say they must have notarized before they can do anything with the account.
Oh, and having someones name, the date, and even the time of day as a weapon STILL doesn't help every time. My Mom has been deceased for two and a half years now.........And I still have not been successful in getting that money rolled over. They "FIDELITY INVESTMENTS" are holding my Mom's money hostage. And that money is intended to go towards my fathers nursing home expenses.
I just want to scream!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I am in the midst of a similar situation with trying to get my utilities and other accounts changed from my husband's name to mine. Even though I have durable power of attorney one account in particular is making it very difficult for me to get this simple procedure accomplished. My cable company has a monopoly in my county realistically if not legally...they are also my server in addition to TV. They do not have a local incoming telephone number for me to call, they will not send m e a form to apply, and tell me via the 800 number that I must come to the local office with legal documents and permission from my husband . The "local" office is several miles from me and it will be very difficult with no assurance that they will comply if I do make the trip. Also as I tell the people in each venue , my husband does not understand and cannot give permission either verbally or written.
May I make a suggestion to help you make legalities of this nature easier....get the name on the utility, etc. changed early enough for your LO to help in the procedure. I didn't and wish I had, it would have not been such a headache!!
This responsibility of taking care of all contingenties is difficult enough withoout being subjected to bureaucracy in the workplace.
I just spent the better part of 90 minutes on the phone with one kind gentleman at Fidelity who had to put me on hold to "RESEARCH" something. After approximately 15 minutes of listening to some HORRIBLE music the line went silent.
I finally got through again, calmed myself down, spoke as concisely as possible to minimize this next poor guys "INTAKE." I summarized well, I felt. I say, "everytime I mail you one thing, I get something back saying I need to do another thing. Now what makes me mad is the death certificate costs money, doesn't come instantly, and I've sent you two already. Now I get a letter saying its not accepted as certified. It has state seal, signatures, watermark, and a reverse side with an additional county stamp and signature." I told the guy how much trouble it is when they cannot give one contact person to send and receive things. Nobody understands from one call to the next what the last rep was doing. I tell this man......."The certified copy is pinkish with a blue hued watermark. The reverse side has a black stamp amongst very light blue type. It has a certification signature. Tell me what you have in this file." Answer "a photocopy." AHA! So whoever first receives my certified docs copies it and sends it on to a different department. That department then gets a letter off to me that they cannot accept copies. The nice victim of my ire says, "Yep, you make an excellent point. I can put in a request for a back office search for the original, but I'm sorry, there is now way I can promise you a contact person. We have alot of improvements to be made here. But I'll give you my extention and my name." What a gentleman. He certainly did try to help, and he was quite understanding of my upset. I didn't make much headway, but at least I feel a little bit validated.
Sorry to go off like this. I am in a panic because in the midst of this I get DH waving something at me from GM (his former employer) retiree center. They did an audit to determine eligibility of all members covered by health benefits. This thing is from December. It said I wasn't eligible because I didn't prove I am with my husband, under the same roof. Uh, marriage certificate, copy of first page of 2006 tax filing, and a utility bill from direct tv showing DH and my name both on bill. Then my two teens. It said "INCOMPLETE." I needed to send proof that they are still minors and live with me. Uh, they are also on the tax form, as are their social security numbers. PLUS, I sent copies of each ones birth certificate, proving parentage AND AGE. I am now being asked to show something proving they are living at my address such as copy of driver license. UH! My kids don't drive yet!!!!!!!! I read their instructions and did exactly as they asked when this concerns a minor child. Uggggggh! The audit period is over, they won't accept any docs after Jan 31, and they are closing the phone line until next week. I'm bawling. Too hard to deal with all this hitting me at the same time. This is nuts. It would appear that my kids and I are now medically uninsured.
carewife, send your children's school record, send your driver license, as proof of residence. Send all information by return receipt requested and certified mail.
New Realm, If your husband was an hourly GM employee, perhaps someone at his union hall could help sort out this mess. If he was salary, you could contact someone in the human resorces epartment at the location where he worked. My heart goes out to you.......I've been there with Fidelty many times. The only saving grace is you didn't get someone from Bangladesh or India. That's pretty common and the language issues add another level to your frustation. Good Luck! DickS
Been there, done that, wrote the book! But let me warn you of something else. I thought I had everything taken care of for my DH's estate. Well, not so. The accountant and attorney wanted this and that and photo copies and info about everything down to the last shoelace. I finally told them 'no more.' It's my money, my husband and I earned it fair & square, I do not feel the need or obligation to tell you everything about everything. I'm not cheating, not being devious, but this is too much bookkeeping too much xeroxing and a pain. I just stopped doing things I didn't think mattered, we fought, but I said 'no way' and would not give them any more info. I wasn't hiding things, just got so annoyed with being needlessly harrassed. It's been 4-1/2 years. They finally stopped nagging me. I think a lot of it comes from govt forms that have to be filled out--paper work--paper work--forests being destroyed so that everyone can have six copies of things that are of no consequence to them. They feel they have to fill in every blank spot on every form. Be careful if you leave money to a charity. I finally said, 'look, here's the check, cash it if you want it, but 'no' I will not have my atty send you copies of our will and trust for your attorney to put in some file drawer. I don't care what the rules are, what do you need it for? Who cares? So I'll go to jail! Not surprisingly they cashed the checks and stopped bothering me. Absolutely our lives are hard enough just dealing with caregiving--and then to have all of this!
Both my DH and I are retired. About two years ago I wanted to change banks. We had a joint checking account. I wrote the person in another state who handles his retirement account which is directly deposited. Because of a conversation about five years ago, this person was aware of my DH's Alzheimer's. She said she would need a copy of my power of attorney. When she saw it had been signed by DH after his diagnosis of AD, she would not accept the POA. She said if I wanted to move his bank account to another bank, I would have to petition the courts to be his conservator (guardian). I contacted an elder law attorney and six months and $3000 later, I had been named his conservator by the courts. It has been a nightmare. I have to keep records for every dime and turn it in to the courts every July. I have to post bond every year. We have to have separate bank accounts. I'm so sorry I started all this though I suppose something else will come up and I will need to be his conservator. I couldn't even get his drug record from the pharmacy for our taxes last year. He had hidden his wallet so had no picture ID to get the pharmacy records and the pharmacists wouldn't give me his without POA or being his guardian. So hope I don't have the same problem this year. There ought to be an easier way.
Bebe, I am also my husband's guardian and conservator..the lawyers just thought it would be easier for me to do everything in the future, and he was pretty impaired by the time anyone realized just how far gone he was. His lawyer submits the financials to the court every year and all I do is fill out a paper that asks questions about where he lives, how often I see "my charge", if I feel he is getting good care..(of course, I am his caregiver...LOL!). I have never had to post a bond, but I would imagine they know that we have been married for over 40 years....if I was going to run off with his money, I think I would have done it long ago.....! We have been doing this for almost nine years now and it hasn't been bad....I hope your experience is the same.
Wow! You all are putting more scare in me! We haven't done ANY legal papers yet! And I KNOW how stupid that is. My Sis and I are co-trustee for Mom's estate, co-POA's for Dad. So I know better. Here I sit, with my own DH suffering from AD, kids at home, and I'm not getting my house in order. Tonight Sis told me "screw Dad's Taxes and the Trust return. Who cares if we file an extension? Just get your own home, and your own affairs in order first. BLESS her! I just wish I would discipline myself better. I spend more of my time being wound up, anxious, frightened and overwhelmed.....than I would getting these things done.
There was a problem w/our phone bill when my husband died. The phone co called & wanted to speak to him. My daughter said, 'he died.' 'Oh, well, we can't have an account in the name of someone who is dead,' the woman said, and shut off our phone!!!!
I had to go use the neighbor's phone to fuss with them, but they did apologize and resumed our service--the shut-off and re-hook-up charges were waived. Wasn't that so nice of them!
What problems do you encounter when changing the Utilities bill to your name from your spouse? I have not attempted to do that yet. Do you have to pay a new service charge? What should I be aware of before I start?
On the one hand, I guess it's not a bad thing for financial firms to try to protect their customers. On the other, there should be a clear cut means for carrying out these life necessities when they become needed. It does sometimes seem that they just don't want to have to do the paperwork so they throw you another hoop to jump through just to put it off.
My mother in law died in October. She had set up mutual fund/trusts for each of our children, with herself as grantor. I called to get what info I could on the accounts and was at least able to discern that our oldest, now 21, is now eligible to close the account and transfer the funds to an investment of her choice if she wants to. Of course they want me to produce all kinds of crap--death certificate, etc, to make myself grantor, but since the other 3 kids will hit 21 every 2 years, starting September '09, I'm inclined to just let the current mutual fund do what it will and leave the decision to them when the time comes.
The problem we had with the phone had nothing to do with my DH death, just happened at the same time. For the most part, I did not take his name off of anything. The utilities are still in his name, of course, I pay. His name is still on bank accts, etc. I admit my motivation at the time was that removing his name was like erasing him, I couldn't do it. Now no one bothers me about it, it all works just fine. Too much trouble to sit on the phone punching buttons and hanging out at the xerox machine. I just can't see that it matters. No one is being hurt, no one being cheated. Why should anyone care? True, our children may have some problems with it all when I die, but they're quite clever and capable, they'll work it out.
i wouldn't worry about whose name is on the utilities except that in one instance I want to change my cable TV plan from one to another and cannot do so without the permission of the person who gets the bill,i.e., my husband. I must first change the name to my own then I can negoiate with the company. I would change to another company but there isn't another cable company in my area. The company will do nothing through telephone, internet, or written form. They insist that I come to the company office with legal papers etc. and the local company is several miles away. It is now a matter of principle with me as I am very put out with them. My husband and I have had contracts with them for several years always paying promptly and have been no problem with them.
My telephone is in my husband's name as is the water, electric and gas. One intelligent move I made was when I moved and sold our two story house and bought a ranch home after my husband became ill, my son helped me to buy it in only my name and I have a revocable trust in my name as well as the trust in my husband's and my name.
That is a shame that you can't just dump them. That will be my plan, if it ever comes to it. Fortunately the only thing not in my name is the gas/electric account. I've been handling the stuff since we added cable, changed phone companies, and opened a brokerage account. I keeping thinking though...surely there's something I've missed!
My daughter has been living in France and this week moved to London. She called this morning and the stories she told me about trying to get a phone and Internet hook-up, plus just opening a bank account make our problems seem like a walk in the park. She's very resourceful, she'll get her way--in time. She managed in France, she'll do it there. As an elderly person, I have to say that the 21st century is not very welcoming, altho I'm going along anyway.
So my son insisted I get a mobile phone. I had it in the car and was told 'you can't keep it in the car, they'll steal it' then they gave me a Tom Tom for Xmas and I was told the same thing. My g'son gave me a key chair w/photos and you have to charge that. I said, I don't need a phone in the house, I already have a perfectly good one; I don't need a GPS in the house, I don't get lost--yet--and who charges key chains anyway? I'll have to call an electrician to add all these outlets. I'm hoping next Xmas someone will give me a basket so I can carry all of these time-saving safety devices between the house and car to keep them from being stolen and charge them all the time!
I know, I know, there's the glove compartment. Now where did I put those gloves!
My sister in law used to live in London, and said--upon moving back to New York City--how glad she was to be living in the world of services again. Otoh, I have a number of internet friends in the U.K., and they obviously manage somehow.
I have an appt with an Elder Law attorney next week, Feb. 14. I'm gonna make sure we get all our legal papers in order. Yup! That's right. Haven't done it yet. I talked about it alot, but DH wasn't really "Up to it." I also felt I couldn't afford it, but in all seriousness I can't afford NOT to do it. Funny thing that I was getting so upset about the Fidelity account of my Mom's, of which my Dad is beneficiary. Well after the post I did the other day I was telling DH we need to have this paperwork done because I don't want to have this same problem trying to deal with any of our accounts. Then a bolt of lightning hit me in the head. OMG!!!!!! His retirement account, of which I'm beneficiary....IS WITH FIDELITY TOO!!!!!!!
To get the most out of my time with this attorney ($750 retainer gets me 3 hours) I went to this site to download all the legal forms for free. I downloaded them in to word documents where I can add, delete, correct, etc. I felt if I had these blanks all filled in I'll have most, if not all of the info we need right at hand. Its also giving me kind of a heads up on what I'll be doing with this attorney's help. I'm hoping to get questions written down in advance too. DH will be with me when I see this attorney, and I know alot of it will go right over his head. But he's been generally very cooperative lately so I pray all goes well. My nightmare is that this attorney or his paralegal will say something to me like "He's not competent enough to sign these and know what he's doing." Scary, Scary!
The attorney may well say your DH is not competent enough to sign papers. What do you think his doctor will say? You might have to consult him. I am just giving you a heads-up. No matter what the atty says, he will work it out for you, it will all get done and you will feel so much better. Attys handle this sort of thing all the time. You are doing the right thing--don't worry, it will be money well spent.