I have been so, so patient. I'm tired of being patient. I am now buying all of the groceries, he hasn't received a check for 3 weeks. I found a pork loin for really a bargain price. He cut it up & put it into freezer bags. I normally make this with stir fried onions & then I boil red potatoes & throw them into the stir fry. I went to the grocery store & bought the potatoes, onions & lots of groceries.
When I got home, he was in the kitchen on the phone, getting ready to put a sauce on the pork. He was taking to a woman who does the same claims management as he does in our city, and she is a Chatty Cathy. I don't think my husband & I have ever had a conversation in our entire relationship long as they do, ( don't think it's a romance.) Anyhow.....I touched him on the shoulder & told him I was preparing the pork. Whew, you would have thought I had committed murder. I think he actually hissed at me. Of course, it is rude to talk to someone when they are on the phone, but I was trying to tell him I was preparing dinner. I put the pork back into the fridge.
I came downstairs again, there he was, putting the sauce on it AGAIN. O.K. I lost it. I told him, yes, in a screaming voice, I had already told him I was going to prepare the pork. He asked "why didn't you tell me yesterday?" Screaming yes, I admit it, I said, because you can't remember what I told you yesterday!
I had purposely gone to the grocery store early today to prevent him from doing something to that pork. He grills everything, I like other types of cooking from time to time.
I admit I screamed so hard, my throat hurt afterwards. But I had this peaceful feeling. Sort of like, I've listened to you rant & rave for I don't know how long, I've walked on eggshells not to upset you, but damn it, my patience IS limited. I'm actually feeling happy. I guess I needed to get it out. Screw him and all of his sensitive feelings. I have feelings too! It started over something so petty, but I guess I was at the end of my patience rope.
i call it the purge. does the soul good from time to time..yes even Divine Divvi loses it more than she likes to admit:) now i dont normally condone losing it with a sick person cause they wont remember or know why you are mad anyway,. but i think this time was a Go! for kitty -sometimes you just cant hold it in anymore. and i find a regular purge is much easier than an all out meltdown :)--divvi
I understand you kitty,I have done the screaming thing a couple of times & was surprised at how wonderful it felt,I get over treading on egg shells for him & get sick & tired of everything being about him & his illness.once i have screamed i feel great this doesnt happen very often but when it does it's a great relief.... then i feel guilty.Just part of the crap you have to go through with this horrid disease.
I have had chronic diarrhea since he put the house on the market, sold it, closing fell through, & I had to live in a 2 bedroom apt. for 6 months & go on an anti-depressant. I mean, I have been going 5 - 6 times a day. However....this week, while I have been at work, I actually had regular bowel movements, which I looked at in awe (Is this too much information?) and haven't gone at all at work. Today, while I was at home with him, the diarrhea came back big time. I think it is his energy. I just don't want to be here, I want to be at work. Can you imagine dreading days off? They are necessary, you need to regroup, wash clothes, take clothes to the dry cleaner, shop for food, get your car inspected, have your eyes examined, pay bills, clean the house, the list goes on.
p.s. my throat still hurts, but my soul feels good. He probably won't remember it tomorrow anyhow.
hahha.. as i was reading---" i came to pay bills, shop for food, have my eyes examined.. had to do a retake , thought you said, have my head examined...HAAAAAA!!!!!!!!thinkyou should add this one kitty,
ahhhhh, yess.. screaming at the top of you lungs puts things into perspective now doesnt it? divvi
YES! I felt guilty over the tail thingy!!! Maybe I should have my head examined. How little guilt I feel, while others are tortured souls. Is there something wrong with me?
Oh, just found frustratespouse's comment. Give it up girl. Life's too short for feeling guilty with all we have to put up with. This is NOT the normal world.
Nope, toss that guilt baggage out the door, sweetheart. All that you do on the positive side gives you permission to step over the line when you have to.
I am working on a new technique instead ofscreaming, hollaring, and saying things I will probably regret. Now, I am working on SLAPPING. I don't slap my LW but I slap the table, counter, my own leg. It gets her attention just as much as a scream. It shows the real emotion I am going through and the noise seems to change the direction of the "conversation". Sometimes she slams down something or actually slaps me with a towell or socks or whatever she has in her hands. This has never been a hard object that could cause injury. But the loud SLAP seems to change the direction. I think it shows her my true frustration with her but does not seem to show anger at her. ???????? Any body done this????
Bille, i think you go with what works. loud slaps on an object would get anyones attention. just dont hurt your hand!:)how bout a whistle for a change ? one of those loud ones would work too i bet!divvi
Actually Carol started doing it first. It is a way of showing frustration rather than anger. The slap on the table is done in front of her and does not seem to scare her but our discussion seems to get better quicker. Try it.