Have any of you ever kept track of how many questions you are asked in a day by your spouse? I used to like questions as a form of communication...now i dread them. Seems like that is B's main means of communication. I find it exhausting. Anyone else?
Do you remember your children asking questions, over and over. Usually beginning with "What is" "Why" and ending with "Why?? again. They are like children in their minds. Just 4 year olds in a big man's body. I understand though, the frustration. When we were young parents, we also got tired of the why's and what's but we've mostly forgotten.
My granddaughter said her little boy is always asking questions...and we think it's cute, because he's so curious about life. We think our DH's should just KNOW ...right?
I know what you mean shoegirl. It can be exhausting. When Dh want's to help out and he ask he 10 times, what was it you wanted me to do? I honestly just do it myself. It's easier. I just think that they have trouble connecting the question to the answer given, so they gotta ask again and again. Before Dh was diagnosed I swear he would ask me 30 times a day, what day it was. I would say Tuesday and when he asked again I would say, tuesday all day long. The next time, it's still tuesday and so on and so on. And they wonder why we get caregiver AD........Rk
How about repetitive statements? "The cat likes tuna, chicken, scallops. She doesn't like beef. She thinks that's doodee." I think I've heard that at least 15 times this week. And other repetitive things. Yes! You've told me that a gazillion times! I love going to work to have REAL conversations. I never thought work would be my escape.
My DH gets something caught in his mind and continually talks about it.... a few weeks ago it was Blagovich of Illinois.... Over and over. Nowadays he asks these questions about creation... like, Did God build Stonehenge, or why did God make Neanderthalls (you might guess we watch a lot of science shows because he can't follow shows with a plot) The other day I put on a gregory Peck / audrey hepburn movie, thinking it would keep him busy, but it evidently had a plot, so I had to sit there and explain the movie to him as it went along. Just let me not hear your voice for a few minutes.
"Just let me not hear your voice for a few minutes." Does anyone else have trouble watching anything on TV? He talks or asks questions the whole time. Also does this when I'm trying to read the paper. Strange thing, he has always been a rather quiet person.
my dh constantly talks to me when I`m on the phone he gets bits and pieces of what I say and thinks I am talking about him or wants to know what did the person say, then he gets mad cause his friends don`t call, and yes the questions never stop like who`s house is this , where do I live , and asks me where do I work, I just say here at home with you, some of the ?`S I just don`t understand then he mumbbles something and walks away mad.I wish I could turn off his talk button sometimes oh and ya the T V thing never get to watch it so I turn to the computer, he leaves me along then thinks I am paying bills
I have the same problem watching TV. We can be in the house together all day, me in my office or doing chores, him (always in his office when home until after dinner.) And hardly a word spoken. But then he talks through the news & any program after that. Sometimes I purposely put on the what he calls "the Estrogen Channel" because I know he hates it & will go upstairs. PLEASE can I please hear what I'm watching?
He certainly isn't at the point where he asks questions like who's house is this. But.....I made him change a realtor appointment for last Saturday, because it would be when I would be getting dressed for work. Then he asked me if I was working on Saturday. I asked, remember WHY you changed the appointment? Same day conversations!
Saturday I told him he needed to cut down some vines that were growing up into a neighbor's tree. He said he didn't understand, to show him. Even though I had pointed to it, I went outside with him & touched & pointed. Came home from work, no vines cut. Why didn't you cut the vines? What vines? The ones I showed you. Well, you have to show me again. Which I did, then wrote it down. Came home from work yesterday & they were cut. Life used to be so simple.
I guess I'm lucky he doesn't try to talk to me during the daytime.
My DH no longer performs any task whatsoever. Partly because he cannot walk well since he broke his hip. He has no interest in many things, EXCEPT the Military Channel. He will watch anything on the Military Channel re: World War II in Europe, World War II aircraft, and the Military Leaders of that era.
Kitty, you also mentioned you made "HIM" change a Realtor appointment. That means he can answer the phone and make calls. Think about that. You can call home and check on him when you are away. Most of us cannot.
Yes, he asks a lot of questions to you, and that would drive anyone nutty.. Can you ever just ASK him to not ask so many questions and just "watch and figure it out?" The "powers that be" often say the secret to most problems is DIVERT their attention. Maybe he needs to be doing something else when you watch Lifetime channels - which I LOVE, incidentally.
There are times I wish my wife would ask some questions. She never initiates conversation, and doesn't really understand when I try to discuss something. If I try to read her something from the internet, such as news, jokes, etc. she dozes off while I am talking. She really has no interest in anything at home. She does seem to enjoy listening to live music at day care. Yesterday I wasn't feeling well so asked her to sit next to me as I lay in my recliner chair. She came over and stroked my hand for almost an hour. But when I tried to get her to do anything for herself, such as get undressed for bed, she would just stand there and look at me. Telling her I wasn't feeling good had no effect.
I wish my husband could ask some questions. Participate in conversations, or even ask the same questions over and over again! Occasionally, out of the blue, he'll laugh at a joke we tell to each other - or put three words together for a sentence. But those are rare. You can ask him to hand you his glass and he has no idea of what a glass is. But if he's thirsty, he'll go in the kitchen and pour a cup of coffee - however it might be poured into the sugar bowl, so we run to get ahead of him to get him something to drink!
Marsh, you are fortunate that she stroked your hand and stayed out of everything while you rested. If I close my eyes in my recliner, my husband will clap his hands (one time - and one time only - and it is LOUD) to wake me up! He doesn't like me to sleep except in bed, for some reason!
Nancy B, thanks, yes, he can answer & make phone calls. Most people around him wouldn't notice anything wrong with him. (Like his brother & sister in law at Christmas, they must have thought I was nuts alerting them to the "situation.")
When I put on Life Time is the ONLY time he will leave the room. If I watch a movie, he asks questions & makes comments throughout.
He too is stuck on the History channel, which is one of the reasons I stopped sleeping in the bed with him. I mean, how many times can you watch WWII? I would be awakened by bombs & gunfire. I asked him so many times to NOT watch that channel at night, but he continued.
I feel bad for all that can't get away & just check in with a phone call & would like to. I have no reason whatsoever to check on him EVER. Nor the desire. In fact, I am so happy at work that I can say I rarely even think about him.
hahah! love the clapping for your attention but i bet it gets old some times:) reminds me of the marx bros when harpo the mute one would blow his horn.haha! hes doing what he can to communicate so thats a plus.
its just another irony to the AD disease as it progresses, you can see that the ones who are complaining of constant repeating and same questions over and over during these early-mid stages..well. the ones who are more advanced would give anything to have that time back again.. can you see the pattern? what makes us crazy and mad as hatters will soon turn into 'if only again' at some point. divvi
Did you notice the above comments? It seems like we all long for something that another caregiver is complaing about. I guess that is just human nature. After so much of "anything" we would all welcome a change. My husband mainly is like marsh. No interest in anything, as a rule, can't follow a story line, etc. but I don't believe he is as far along as his dw. I would love it if he could share a joke or experience.
lmohr, marsh, - ya'know, sometimes I think I have such a handle on this, and then stupid me! I thought he was with it, so yesterday, we were having a challenge re: his medications. "To Take or Not To Take,That Was The Question"... Ah, I wax poetic.
So, I put them in a little row. He was looking at them. I said,"This is for "blood clots, and this is for your ulcers, and this is for your cholesterol... ok?.. (placed in one group)....".. and these are for your memory problems ...Aracept and Namenda, ok?...(two separate little groups) NOW, this one is to keep you from getting so upset, (seroquel)...and it DOES, indeed, make you sleepy. You don't want to sleep so much, you said. Would you like to try not taking the Seroquel in the daytime."........ (I'm got visual and verbals going here.. I'm genius...I'm soooooooo good at this woo woo!!). He looked at each of the little groups...and then looked at me...and asked, "Are you talking to me?"
For DW's pills - she won't swallow them anymore. She just rolls them around in her mouth while swallowing water or other liquid around them. SO - I now grind them up and put them in apple sauce, along with the MCT oil. She takes this willingly. The only pill I can't grind is her glipizide (for diabetes), but it is small enough that she will take it with a swig of coffee.
Nancy - thank you for sharing that. My DH will take any and all pills I give him, no questions asked. My Mother would sit and move her pills around and delay taking them as long as possible. I put them in the boxes a week at a time and would give them to her in a cup. She ALWAYS wanted to know which pill was for what and didn't think one was hers, etc. She told me she didn't think I knew what I was doing, and she could sort out her own pills, etc.
I took a sheet of paper and glued one of each and labeled it by name, and what it was for and seperated them by morning noon and bedtime. This helped until the Pharmacy changed companies and the pills were a different color then I had to exchange to a new one. Near the end, I did like Marsh and crushed them.
Lois, my husband lets me put them in his mouth, but then he chews them! I had to start letting my daughter and grandson give him his medicine because he doesn't chew the pills for them!! Just me! He has two that are capsules that can't be chewed. The others can be, and I figure the day is coming that I'll end up crushing those like you and Marsh.
Heck, I would like to have any conversation that I understood. I at least get to talk to her when she asks----wher are we going???? even if it is over and over. But most of her conversation is only a garbled type of sentence. I try to catch the question which usually comes but the only way I can answer is with a; yes, no, I guess so, I don't know, or just ignore her words until she grunts with what I recognise as a form of anger or just disgust with my neglect. Conversation is what I miss more that anything. If someone calls, they almost have to be rude to get me to hang up. I crave conversation----about anything. jThis place helps me a lot. I guess ----"I get intoxicated with the exuberance of my own verbocity."
Is anyone else like me? I have intelligent conversations with a variety of people, discuss things, explain things---but it's all done in my own head, all imaginary and of course I do most all the talking. I'm not losing it, am I?
Nope, you're OK. We're all OK. We're Caregivers, and we have permission to haveour own imaginary friends.
I was re-reading this site, and it occurs to me that many people wouldn't laugh at the things we laugh at., and at the least, wouldn't even think what we say is funny...yet we just laugh and laugh when we read some of the posts. We definitely have our own kind of humor.
...as Martha Stewart would say...."and that's a GOOD THING!"
My wife, when she was well always found the need to remind me of some task that needed doing. She now is driving me nuts!! I'll do what ever needs to be done, but she forgets that it is done and continues to remind. I do not see how she can forget so much, but the stuff that really bugs me is what she remembers.
My husband does a comedy routine about taking his pills. It starts with his bellyaching about taking so many pills, are these necesssary, etc. Then I say my line--Well, you can stop taking them but then your memory will get worse. He says--How do you know that? I say--Because I can tell you're getting better. He says--Who are you? He does this about once a week--it's exactly the same dialogue, somehow he retains it!
Dazed--(delayed response) he is just kidding. I say his memory is better, he's joking that it isn't. He also calls me "mommy" sometimes to be funny, when I help him with something.