My husband is not yet well enough to come home from the Florida nursing home where he is at the moment....probably not for several more weeks. I have experienced horribly abusive phone calls and treatment (thankfully, not physically violent, only accusations from somewhere in his mind) while in FL visiting and now while I'm at home. Went to visit my parents for a day and a half.....told John I'd not be home. Got home and there were 29 messages from him. Started sweet, got uglier and uglier.(forgot I was going out of town). Insists there's some man here F%3@&9j ,my brains out and I should get it out of my system. HE'S NEVER TALKED LIKE THIS IN HIS LIFE! Before I btring him home, isn't there some sort of drug therapy I should talk to his doctor about so I don't have to endure this sort of thing when he gets here??????? Please tell me there's a remedy for this kind of kinky imagination. Its humiliating. I've honored him and been a good wife even when I've had PLENTY of opportunities to be noticed by the opposite sex. It's not like I have some sort of social life. I live in a rural community....the farm bureau and stock market (as in cattle and sheep) are all the outlets I have except for church!! Good ol' boys, but they're all married with families!! And everyone knows each other. I've just had my last conversation with him for a while, I think. I told him He's imagining these things and I will not talk to him again this evening. I told him he needs to apologize to me first.....and that I forgive him because I know he's not been himself. PLEASE TELL ME THERE'S SOMETHING THE DOC'S WILL GIVE HIM BEFORE I BRING HIM HOME TO KEEEP THIS STUFF FROM COMING OUT OF HIM!!!!! Somethimes, I wonder what I'll do to either myself or him if this keeps up. HELP< HELP He doesnt seem to understand that I live in Virginia and he is in Florida. Every tinme I talk to him, I have to explain why I can't just "come over" and be at home with him. He thinks I'm out with someone else. My kids won't talk to me so that's no help. I'm so alone. I miss my husband, or the man he used to be.....in the good times. I can't believe this......I was a successfull doctor's wife with a good life. Now, I'm shopping at the Good Will mission and going to food banks for food. What the hell? is ANYONE IN my shoes?????
I don't KNOW why my kids don't want to talk to me.....I think they believe thier father's ravings. I don't get any of this at all. I've spent a year trying to understand this disease better and gain compassion. I feel like I have a duty to at least TRY to bring my husband home and let him feel some happiness in his last days. I think I'm more up to it than I was a year ago. I have two daughters in Richmond (an hour from here) that I know wouldn't give up one weekend a month to come here to relieve me. Everythings gone to hell in my life. I'm so lonely for a human voice in my home once in a while. I'm even willling to take my husband home as long as I can stand it.
Jen, have you calmly spoken with anyone at the nursing home. To use the phone 28 times in 1 and 1/2 day is quite odd, and they should not let him make that many calls. If there is a phone in his room, it can be removed,..or unplugged. You said he couldn't get out of bed, didn't you.
I just read your writings from 02/08,and I wonder if you are strong enough to bring him home now. Your health is very important. It may not be the right thing for you to do. Are you physically able to lift him in bed and pick him up if he falls? You said in your writing that you were very small if I recall. All of this goes with the territory.
StuntGirl, yes, there are meds to help with behavioral problems such as delusions and rage. A qualified doctor would know which to prescribe, so talk to your husband's doctor about the problem.
Drat! I thought if one party to the conversation knew the conversation was being recorded it was ok. We're not talking about corporate law here....we're trying to get the doctor to understand the level of a husband's rage and the need for medication.
According to the FCC, since these are interstate calls, all StuntGirl would have to do is tell her husband at the beginning of the call that she is using a recorder OR use a device that emits a beep every so often. See:
If you want to read up on the in's and out's of taping phone conversations when they are intrastate (so only one state's laws are involved), try this site:
IMO - if someone leaves a message on voice mail, they are already giving permission or are aware the conversation is being recorded. She said he left 29 messages - which means they were recorded.
...I thought we were talking about getting a tape recorder to tapeg some of their conversations, where her husband gets really abusive, for the doctor to hear. Did I lose track?
CommentAuthorCharlotte CommentTime5 hours ago IMO - if someone leaves a message on voice mail, they are already giving permission or are aware the conversation is being recorded. She said he left 29 messages - which means they were recorded.
Which is one idea.............. and if she has an old fashioned ranswering machine/ecorder, and not "Call Notes" she can save the little tapes on it.
You can still use a tape player and record the messages as you play them back. For use with the doctor and as nasty as some of the messages seem to be, she would have all a doctor would need to begin with further drug therapy. Even voice mail (cell or landline) can be saved and played back from anywhere.
StuntGirl, my husband left 10 messages on my answering machine when he was in ALF and I saved them and played hem for the doctor. Since he knew they were recorded, I'd say you have nothing to worry about and should not delete them. Speak with his doctors at the NH - there are meds to help control his libido and his behavior. They take a few weeks to have full effect, so talk to them now before he comes home.