The kids and grandkids came over last night and we went to dinner at a local restaurant. After we got back, we put a disney movie on tv. I went to get mail and let my daughter know just in case my husband forgot where I went. He did and she told him I went to get the mail. When I got back, my DH was standing right next to me. He told he he couldn't find her. The other day he called me at work and said he lost my dog so I thought he was talking about Mia, my dog. I told him she was there. He said no that that wasn't her. I told him my mom was there, daughter was there and grand daughter. He still said no, that wasn't her. I asked who it was and he said, I can't find Diane. I looked right at him and said, I'm Diane. He snapped out of it and looked very shocked as he realized I was Diane.
I'm feeling pretty funny about this. I guess I have seen enough that although I'm surprised, I'm not surprised. I guess I'm kind of numb.
oh i feel so sorry for you, my dh doesen`t know i`m there most of the time , he sometimes tells me i am getting paid to take care of him, ya wouldn`t it be nice to get caregivers wages, it is so hard when your dh doesn`t realise it`s you standing next to him until u tell him who you are, it hurts to think they can forget someone who has been such an important part of there lives, dang this illness
Diane, I am sorry that it happened. But I am like you, I know it will. Yes surprised in the moment, But as you said Not surprised. Just another part of the journey. We don't have to like it, but we know that it can happen. Hang in there. Deep inside he still knows you. Rk
Take heart. a couple of yrs ago DH didnt know me eithr for some time. always asking where his 'bw" (beautiful wife--AWWW) was.? now into another latter stage he knows me again and calls for me by name during the day -maybe after the disease moves thru a certain section of the brain, like a tornado? then it moves on to another section and just maybe some remnants of recognition come back.. i am shocked it happened here. but happy. divvi
Some days my DH knows me and some days he doesn't. He has sarted calling me Honey so I guess he likes whoever I am at that time. It hurts when they forget you but it is something else that we have to except.
I'm happy for you divvi! This is just one of those things we will go through. My daughter looks a lot like I did when I was young. He is starting to get her confused with me. I expect this as well. Chalk it up to this dreaded disease.
It has happened to me and it freaked me out. At this point my husband has not used my name for so long that I can't remember the last time he did it. I don't know if he knows who I am or not. I don't know if he would recognize my name if someone else used it and knew it belonged to me.
I can remember saying to DH, 'but I'm right here' and his saying, w/hostility 'oh, no, you're not.' I think as they regress, they know us as the young woman they fell in love with, but now I'm a g'mother and this old lady can't be his wife. So I always liked to think that DH still loved me, it's just that I didn't fit the image he now had. That's why adult children can be mistaken for a spouse, they look like us when we were young. (Altho not my daughter, she looks like him, son looks like me but he's over 6 ft, hefty, balding and bearded, no mistaking me there!) What really got me was the night I tucked him into bed and he smiled, oh so sweetly, and said, 'thank you, Mommy.'
My husband had a terrible singing voice and knew it. I was visiting his facility one day and there he was happily singing with a group. He was back in summer camp at about age 5.
I'm me only about half the time to my husband. Some days he's perfectly normal, talking about things that have happened, and some days I'm his mother (I'll ask him who I am and he'll say MARY) and some days I'm his wife. BUt he frequently says Thank You Very Much when I do something for him. It's okay. I actually think I prefer it to the toddler equivalent of calling MOMMY every few minutes.
I heard kids on the radio the other day talking about what a great luxury it was to be able to depend upon someone. They were talking about their parents, and how they were now growing up and having to be independent, but I think my husband just DEPENDS upon me, and is happy with that.
My DH calls me by the name of his first wife (his children's mother). He tells others that "xxx" is and always was, the great love of his life. It doesn't bother me.... I know he loves me too. He's just moving backward down memory lane. I'm well beyond feeling any jealousy. Just want him to love and feel loved in his own mind...whereever that is.
oh nancy b.. that would hurt ! i can stand any of the other names but having the EX get credit for all the care and poop patrol??? well-- i 'd have to take offense at that point and call her butt over to take over! maybe he'd call HER by by name!
you are better than me in that dept! thumbs up. divvi
I have thought, Divvi, about calling her. She promised everyone she'd turn his kids against him if it was the last thing she ever did, and that was back in the early 80's. She DID IT! He gave her a home, a new car (paidfor both in full) and 50% of his retirement benefits and 50% of their stock. She was set for life! Several years later, he remarried, and sadly, that wife got sick and died in 18 months. Several years later, our priest introduced us and we were married a year after that. She's still doing very well,... and I often hear things she says about him to his sister and other of their mutual friends!! She said he looked "just fine to her" at a grandson's wedding. (He did look nice,..I saw to that) but they didn't actually talk. I drove the car everywhere too. He is a handsome man, and looked very very nice in his suit. (That was also 5 years ago)...and she still says, "Huh! didn't look like he has anything wrong with him!!".
Darn, you pushed a button on me, Divvi. You are right. I've often wondered if that poor pitiful little woman could handle him for one short day! What would have happened to him, (his sister says) if he hadn't met me. I am a strong Texas woman, had a great career, good personality and not bad looking at all...to this very day!.. She's a little 110 lb. whiny butt. The kids drop everything and rush to her side if she says she is sick, and haven't been to see their dad in over 3 years.
I don't know how I will react if, probably when, he calls me by his ex-wife's name. He doesn't even like her!
How do you all handle sleeping arrangements? My husband and I still sleep together in our bed but I imagine at some time in the future that may not be the case.
thats where we are different then. i would at least the next time at a function where i would run into her, walk up and say i heard it thru the grapevine---- if he looks that fine to you well you are welcome to take him back anytime! shut her up quick i think. oh i had one like that my DH' ex --well the kids didnt like my taking over of course and brought their MOM to my first large open house xmas party here -Uninvited i might add WITH her mom to boot...i decorated for weeks and caterers etc---worked very hard as it was my first social party with DH..my mother told me his EX was taking credit for all the food and hospitality AND the decorating...(she had no idea she was talking to my mother!HA)ok, my sagiattarius' dragon is spitting just remembering that one.. oh what we tolerated, then AND now!! haha. divvi
YOUR husband's EX WIFE took credit for the food at YOUR party??? What a Bi_ _ h! What nerve!! No - I doubt I'll ever see that pitiful little abandoned woman again...nor do I care if I ever see his children anymore. Used to send them updates on doctor's visits, his physical health, etc.,.... but I quit doing that. I heard that my reports were so thorough, they would be able to give accurate updates to mutual friends (of their mother and dad) who asked about his health..as if they were "right on top of things". Later we'd hear that "(child)" told me he broke his hip, etc. They didn't even come here when that happened and he was in and out of the hospital twice in one month and I had to pay out of pocket for 24 hour nursing at home..... Stupid me.
seems there are many of us dealing with ex's and stepkids..i think the yrs are mellowing me out, but i know how they really feel so you are right..less is more and i dont update either like i used to. rather if they have real concern they can call or ask-!i just got back from bday dinner for DH with his kids. i have to say they were all decent this time but rarely direct a word at him.. and even grandkids showed up at the restaurant-- but i still dont allow myself to feel that that close any more..after the yrs of ignoring their father and his illness. so much for that topic. dont get me started on that one either.divvi
When my mother was 92 and in a nursing home after her second broken hip, I visited her. She told me she called al the nurses "Honey" because she couldn't remember their names. She called me "Honey", too.
I frequently call my sons by the other ones' name. From the back, they look exactly alike. The rule is, "Forget the name,..if you can hear me, heed!!!"
Growing up we all laughed when my Mom would run through several names before hitting ther right one---7 kids, all wearing hand-me-downs, and with similar hair cuts. When my daughter was growing up I ran through several names to hit the right one--1 child, 3 dogs, 2 cats. I'd also, and forever respond to her request to play in the sprinkler in the summer, "Go get your snowsuit on." and in the winter to go make a snowman, "Go get your swimsuit on." I finally just figured that my brain has compartments for everything and like items get stored together. Sometimes the retrieval is just a touch faulty. Important names, seasonal clothing--as long as everyone involved knows what is meant, I don't sweat it.
Nancy and Divvi--I can relate on the ex and child's situation. My husband's ex has had a lifelong spending problem (which she acknowledges, sort of). If they had remained married, there is no doubt in my mind that the financial picture would have been bleak. He always made a good living and saved and invested wisely, but how can you do that if you have a spouse who spends more than is coming in? Also, I pushed him to get LTC insurance at the mid-50's, due to family history--I doubt she would have. That alone has made so much difference in the kind of care we can afford for him. As you said, I began telling his daughter all about his current condition, but don't as much anymore due to her lack of involvement. She has no clue how hard it is to take care of him, nor does she offer help, even when asked, so I quit asking. I've invited her to support group, programs on AD, she never came. A lost cause. Divvi, I'm a Saggitarius too.
marilynn/kadee/divvi--sagitarrius.. any more sagis out there??? for those who believe in astrology its a kindred spirit of even a further link when you find others who share your 'sign'..:)
and kadee is rigth, i can tell alot by what signs people are. my DH is pisces and he is a water sign..that inplies many things that relate to him as well.
not in tx..but we made trips every yr somewhere to ski..:) he didnt get much time off from work but always made a week for skiing -!he LOVED it. i miss that part too alot..so beautiful and romantic! sigh...
You guys are so funny. Poop patrol is exhasperating- but when I think of this websitr, I laugh inside. My hubby knows me most of the time- but now calls me Kappy! The other day, we were visiting my disabled parents and when it was time to go, he refused to get into tne car. Would not bend his legs! Kept saying he was going to walk home! I finally called my brother (who was also there) to come help me. I find that my hubby relates better to men than me (now I find this out after 35 years of marriage!!!). After 20 minutes, we were sucessful but the ride home was rough. Cursing me, screaming, trying to stand up in the car!! All ofa sudden, he quieted down and looked at me with this happy grin and said "Hi. WHo are you?" I just shook my head and said, "I'm the one who loves you. I'm Kathy". He repeated my name over and over (like he might forget if he stopped saying it). Like every other day, I just keep putting one foot in front of the other and keep going...........
It's funny now-but it sure wasn't funny then. Needed to take hubby to see his doctor. He couldn't understand how to get up out of his chair and walk to car. Got him to car but he couldn't understand how to get in. Finally get him in car and with much tugging and use of walker got him out and into waiting room. This totally immoblle person proceeds to get up unassisted and wander into other patient rooms without assistance. The good part of the visit is that the psychiatrist saw us ASAP!