I'm feeling very low tonight. I'm due to go back to work tomorrow, and DH starts day care. I'm yelling at the kids trying to get them under control. What a struggle I've had getting DH to shower tonight. I tell him as gently as I can to take off his clothes, but he doesn't seem to get it. Then he turns on the bathroom sink faucet and says it's cold. He doesn't get that he needs to get into the shower. I tell him to get in the shower and open the curtain, and he gets mad at me. Finally he did go into the shower after I left the room. Is this how it's going to be? I accept that I'll have to help him do more and more, but how can I if he resists? I guess I'll have to ask the Dr. for something for agitation. (A social worker recommended Abilify.) Do any of you know how to get around this resistance? I dread trying to get him to shower, but if he's going to daycare every day, he's going to have to. I keep thinking I'm going to have to get a nurse in here to help him bathe, but I hate to resort to that already.
Yikes Kelly. I'm not looking forward to that. So far, I do have to prompt now and then, and I get a little bit of passive-aggressive resistance, but it's not too hard.
I'm sorry you're feeling down, and having some difficulties with your DH. I'm afraid I don't have much to offer except good wishes for an easier time of it. I did want to say your husband will pick up on your anxieties about the new routine tomorrow. Him going to daycare and you going to work. Picking up on your anxieties may lead to his agitation. Perhaps trying (faking actually) to be very matter of fact about everything may make things feel less out of the ordinary for your DH. Regarding abilify, I read in a number of places that it is definitely NOT recommended for dementia patients. I hope all goes well for you tonight and tomorrow. Take care Diana
I have had similar problems with my DH. I know this sounds stupid, but I make up stories.....like I used to with my kids when they were small and didn't want to take a bath. With the kids, it would always be "let's pretend were swimming in a big pool", or to get hair washed...play beauty parlor. With DH, I say things like "let's take a trip to the rain forest." Or "Let's go singing in the rain." And we sometimes DO sing while we are doing shower time. We also play silly games with the towel and drying those private parts, etc. I just say whatever comes to my mind and whatever sounds crazy. Maybe your DH is not as far along as mine, but mine is so childlike in so many ways. I try to make the shower time fun. Of course I get all wet, but we get the job done. I have discovered it's not WHAT you say so much as the TONE of voice you use. I sometimes have to remind myself when I am trying to get him dressed or showered or into the car and I just have to MAKE myself slow down and think of something childlike to say. It's also a diversion for him to get his mind on something else. Whatever, IT WORKS. I didn't read this in any book or suggestion from anyone else, I just tried it one time and it worked and it ALWAYS works. At least for now. Whatevere the Dr. can give you for agitation would also be good. I hope work tomorrow goes well for you, sounds like you have a lot on your plate with kids, work and hubby. God Bless!
Bathing hints that sometimes help: No one really needs to bathe every day to stay healthy & clean. Sometimes a sponge bath in stragestic places will do. Don't let LO see a basin of water, water frightens many of them. A once or twice a week shower is sufficient unless there's some sort of accident or problem. Keep the house as quiet as possible, turn off TV & radio, play soothing music, try not to shout & argue, keep the kids & dogs quiet. Echoing noises & confinement in a shower are frightening and may make them fight to get out. If they fight, keep calmly reassuring but quickly continue as best you can. Don't answer their demands, don't argue, keep reassuring. Promise ice cream as soon as they finish. If you have removed glasses & hearing aids, it makes the LO more anxious if they can't see or hear clearly, consider leaving them on if possible.
Before starting, have room temperature comfortable and test water. This time of year a robe, slippers & towel warmed in the dryer is a nice touch for some. A handheld showerhead is better so water does not come down on head & face. Install grab bars. Get a shower chair and non-slip plastic mat, even a piece of indoor-outdoor carpet, showers & tubs are slippery. Use net sponges & liquid soap instead of bar soap & washcloth. Give LO an extra sponge, washcloth or rubber ducky to keep hands busy & distract them. Let them wash themselves while you are getting the job done. I often got in the shower first and then coaxed my DH to come in w/me--not always easy--but I rarely got wet.
If bathroom floor & shower entrance are the same color, it can cause visual confusion. Get a different color bath rug to put at the entrance to the shower for contrast--not a dark color, they often won't step on dark colors. Keep reassuring, complimenting on how well they are doing and again, promise ice cream or use the sweet talk that Jayne mentioned. If all else fails, you may have to get a professional to come in once or twice a week to do it.
Bathrooms can be noisy & frightening to someone w/AD. There are mirrors and they can think someone is watching them, gurgling pipes, sounds of water, flushing, fans, drafts--so try to keep things calm. Use baby shampoo for hair--sparingly--so it doesn't get on face & in eyes. Other options are bath wipes and dry shampoo products. New things come on the market every day. Get rid of dirty clothes immediately, lay clean ones out, otherwise, they will put the dirty ones back on. Sometimes modesty is a problem, so a towel well placed or even wearing underwear can be tried.
And good luck. If you can make it fun as Jayne does--singing, doing silly things--you will be way ahead of the game.
The evening bathing problems are so familiar to me. By 5 pm wife M's ability to understand simple statements like "Take a bath" or "Undress" is about gone. She would get visibly agitated if I just insisted that she bathe. Sooooo, I developed this "by the numbers" method:
About 5 pm after a supper snack, I walk her to the bedroom and she heads for the bed. I gently take her arm and say "Lets take your evening pills" I walk her into the bathroom, which is adjacent to the bathtub. She does this willingly. I give her the Aricept, Seroquel, Namenda and Paxil pills and make sure that she doesn't drop one in the sink.
Then I say, "I'll get your bath going" and I turn on the water to the tub. I tell her "Take off your shirt" and help by tugging gently on it. Etc. She then starts to put her clothes back on again and I take her gently by the arm and aim her at the tub and say "Hop in." A few hugs and kisses about now helps too.
After she splashed around for a few minutes, I get her out of the tub. This I do carefully as she has fallen several times trying to get out by herself. A shower would be safer, but I can't get her under a shower. Too noisy I suppose. I help her into her pretty nightie and lead her through a few more personal things and then she walks to our king size bed. Success! We have made it through another day.
Then, I lay out her clothes for the next day and do a few more house things before I retire for the evening.
Kelly, When I started having a problem getting Jim to step into the bath or shower himself, I ordered a bath chair, it is one that partly sits outside the tub and partly inside, the chair is a swivel type chair that will swing around for Jim to get seated, then I turn and swivel it and glide him into the tub part while seated. It glides easily and I can push it with one hand, it has a strap that I use only when washing his hair and I use the hand held shower and we have no problems now. Sometimes I have difficulty getting him to sit down but not near has much problem as when I had to depend on him to step into the tub or walk into the shower. I have the control. It will be a wonderful thing for you to think about getting. Cost was around $200.00 and well worth it.
ONE thing in common with all AD victims is they abhor water and baths. in the beginnig stages and even now 10rys later for us. i found in our local pharmacy there are packs of throw away shower type caps to wash hair heatd in the microwave first, and then one for no rinse bathing in between real showers or baths. they work well, and definately come in handy when our LO doesnt want to get clean or remove their clothing. I still use them during the week.my husband has always had an obsession with his shoes on and even now 10yrs into AD must sleep with his slippers on:) not worth the fight of trying to take them away from him..Divvi
Oh, my goodness - no need to pay that for a bath chair. Click on the left side of my website, where it says Amazon Alzheimer products. The special phone is shown on that page, but if you click the phone, it will take you straight to my website's Amazon account. Under health products, type in "bath chair" - they are around $45. It's worth it if it decreases agitation surrounding shower/bath time.
I am interested to know if anyone has installed a shower for bathing that is called a "barrier free shower"? We have a combination laundry room and shower room (second bath) NOW that is NOT working very well. My DH has trouble walking, sometimes uses a wheelchair and always uses a walker. I'm afraid his ability to stand up, get into the small shower we now have, then sit on a shower chair, will get even harder as time goes by. It is sooooooo dangerous. I'm looking at the possibility to remodeing the small bathroom and investing in a bigger shower. I also found on the internet shower chairs with wheels that wheel right into the shower. Some have built in commods. They have ones that hold up to 700 lbs. DH does not mind a shower (I have to do all the wahsing, etc) but he is 6' tall and weighs 275 lbs. I am barely 5' and can't even stretch my arms all the way around him. I looked in the Premier Baths that I have seen advertised on TV for elderly and they were very, very, very expensive. Plus, I don't really want all those water jets in a full bath of water. I think that would scare him. He never liked to swim.
Has anyone had any luck with this sort of thing. All ideas are WECOME. Thanks!
Showering can be a real problem. I am lucky to get my wife to shower twice a week. Fortunately, in the retirement home we recently moved to, the shower is a LARGE stall with the bottom even with the floor of the room. Thus no problem with falling over the side of the tub (she did that once a year ago, but no serious damage) I have taken to going in for my shower, and asking her to wash my back. This gets her in the shower. Then I wash her back, and she will take over from there. Before we moved to the retirement home we had a hot tub, which we got in each night before going to bed, so that at least got her wet.
Pat, I just saw your post about the bath chair being $2,000. I also thought that at one time, I kept researching and the computer kept giving me a Canada Site, the charges were in Canadian Money and not American, I was not realizing the difference at first then I realized it. I found a site in the United States called activeforever.com and that is where I ordered by chair from. I did not order the chair with the cut out seat. It would be hard to position an Alzheimer patient on a chair like that. Go to the site and search under sliding swivel seat transfer bench. They are $200.00 The company was wonderful to work with and very prompt. I also had thought of getting a walk in shower built before buying the chair. I know now that would not have helped because my Jim is now to the stage he would not even walk into a shower. Without this chair we would be lost.