I left home this am. DH was sitting in his underwear saying he was going to drive to N.C.(500miles) to see his son. I said well take the truck since your walker is broken. I really thought he was just talking. Well he called me at 2:30 and told me that he was lost and that he was 'in the middle of the woods somewhere". I talked him into turning the conversion van around and driving until he hit a hard top road, then turn right until he saw a sign a then stop. It seems that he had been driving for 5 hours and had only traveled 80 miles from home but he was in the middle of a WMA(wild life mangement area) we are in south Georgia if he had gotten out the van who knows what could have happened. I remained cool until he told me that the saw an interstate sign and was moving south towards home. I feel like I want to Vomit!!!!!!!!!!!!! he still insists that it is my fault he was lost b/c I purchased the GPS as a gift and the GPS told him to take a wrong turn, A WRONG TURN FOR 5HOURS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Yikes! Did he make it home safely? I would venture to say that it is time to take his keys from him. Have you seen the discussion topic on these boards - The Driving Issue? Except for the coconut oil thread, I think it has more posts than any other.
According to an Alzheimer patient, EVERYTHING is our fault. It doesn't matter how far fetched or convoluted the reasoning, they will always say it is OUR FAULT.
But seriously, for everyone's safety, take the keys.
No he has not made it home as of yet. I am sitting by the phone now. Yeap he is going to relinquish those keys this time. IT has been an ongoing battle with him. He is in complete denial about everything. But he called me at work and several people saw the look on my face, saw me trying to find a state map, and heard my end of the conversation. He cannot deny their statements. I am still sick at my stomach.
Shellseeker-take it from someone who has been there-cops looking in four counties. More that the keys need to go-so does the van. It won't be pretty but how would you feel if he killed somebody.
Shellseeker, please call your local police or sheriff's department and let them know the situation. They will broadcast the information and be on the lookout for him. (This is the voice of experience talking.)
Then take the keys away and just hold your ground....
Please call the police NOW...It's nearing the 5:00 hour when traffic will increase considerably. He might as well be walking around with a shotgun in his hand. Can you think of it like that. He's driving a 2000 pound weapon. (What am I saying? I don't have a clue what a van weighs!!) God bless you both...and let us know when he arrives home. He needs help finding his way and I doubt the police will not tell him you sent them... They'll just guide him home.
Shellseeker, I hope all ends well. I have Thankfully have not had issues with my Dh on the driving thing, mostly because about a month after he was diagnosed, him and I talked about it and what could happen, From that point on he has not driven. He really has been a gem about it, not that he hasn't brought it up once in a while but then we talk and he understands it's not worth him or anyone else getting hurt ( I always throw the, you wouldn't want the GD hurt just as you wouldn't want to hurt someone else's GD or GS) It works for me!. I know it won't be easy to stop your Dh's driving, but it's past time. My poor Dh is only 54 so it really took away his independence but for the safety of all involved it has to be done. I wish you the best! Hang in there, stick to your guns. Hopefully after this your Dh will not want to be in this situation again and will be glad to hand you the keys. Please let us know when he gets home. Rk
If Georgia has the "Silver Alert", which is a senior version of "Amber Alert" for missing children, have the police put it into effect ASAP. It works extremely well here in Florida. Found many a car wandering senior with it.
Perhaps he'll give up the keys a bit easier if he realizes the clamor he created by this escapade. Depending on his "reason button", - mine never understood why I was upset that he was in the middle of the busy highway when the little dog escaped from the car. He has no thought of consequence....... no more than any other 3-4 year old would.
Nancy, my dh would not be upset either. He is also in a state of not understanding consequence of actions. When he accidently spills a glass of water at the table, it does not "bother" him like it used to do. He does not jump to wipe it up but leisurely will help me clean it up. My Mom was that way during her final months. Absolutely floored me. She would just look at the mess in the floor like a 3 year old from their high chair, while I frantically grabbed a dish towel to wipe up.
Exactly. Remember the toddlers hanging over the side of their high chair and saying "ut-oh"...... DH doesn't even say "ut-oh". He is exactly as you described. If it spills, he just sits there, no reaction, nothing. He isn't catatonic, far from it. He just doesn't ...mmm..what?..He doesn't care, or notice, or react....if he spills something on himself while in his recliner, he won't even get up unless I say "Quick, Get Up!!"........... He'd just sit there in a puddle of liquid. What would that be called.. Unreactive..(is that a word?)... I swear I am forgetting all the vocabulary I ever knew. Unconcerned..(no, that's not it) Unaware.. (no, he knows he spilled the liquid)
Dear Shellseeker: I'm afraid you are in denial and do not fully understand the extent of what AD patients can do. When he called, you should not have given him directions to continue driving, you should have told him to stay put & then called the authorities to go get him. If he is not home yet, (3 hrs later) then you must call the authorities. You sound as if you think he is capable of turning a van around, finding a paved road & turning right, etc. & getting home. Possible, but not likely. He had no idea what you were talking about when you told him to take the truck--because you didn't think he meant what he was saying. When he does get home, don't yell at him, don't accuse him of anything, take the blame, console him, tell him how happy you are that he is home safe. And, for goodness sakes, let us know when he comes thru the door.
Our guys have no idea they cannot drive, navigate or do most of the things they once did. They truly believe they can and because the reason button is broken, you cannot talk him into realizing otherwise. Getting lost (or even leaving the house) is not his fault, he is sick with a degenerative brain disease. (Think sleepwalking)... the man he used to be..isn't there anymore. That's the hardest thing I have had to accept.
My thoughts exactly Nancy, if he got and and started walking it could take hours to find him. I hope he is ok! I wish Shellseeker would come post and let us know. Thoughts and Prayers so that he will make it home safely. Rk
Listen to all of us, Shellseeker, when you read this. We're all clucking here like mother hens, because we are seriously concerned about one of our chicks who has wandered away from his home nest. This is of real concern to me, even though I don't know him....What I do know is someone who is exactly like him and that makes it personal to me and the rest of 'our family'.
If he isn't home yet call the Georgia Highway Patrol and explain the situation to them. Give them a description of the van and license number. If they find him have them take him to the nearest Highway Patrol Station and call you. Ask them to take the keys away from him and keep him there until you get there. You will need to take another driver with you to drive the van home. They will give him a lecture, then you can take the keys away from him there at the station and give him another lecture.
This episode will make a lasting impression on him and the State Patrol will be the bad guys.
I'm praying he's safe at home now and "all's well that end's well"--for this episode--and you're both able to relax with the keys in your care, Shellseeker, and the "toddler" grounded.
It's over 7 hours missing-not good. I hope the police have been called by now. My husband went missing over 24 hours but he was in a hospital parking lot when found-not the woods
Sure wish we would hear something - I have this vision of him being out there lonely and her so, so worried and beside herself. Sure hope if he is missing she has someone there to support her. Positive thought - they found him and she is just too emotionally exhausted tonight.
I'm ready to leave for work but HAD to check this "discussion" first and will be back during the day as I can so I can celebrate his homecoming with everyone here. Shellseeker, you remain in my thoughts today. RK, I'm with you on positive thoughts, busy night and not feeling up to posting yet.
o my god you mean he has been missing all night, i am so worried about him, it`s like Nancy B said one of our chicks are missing, i hope and pray he`s home save and sound, I took my dh `s car away when we moved back home, he is always saying he is going to buy a new car, just remind him with what we have no money. I am affraid to even let him outside by himself for fear he will wonder away and we live in a small town, but surronded by water and woods.Take care SHELLSEEKER50 we are all concerned about you and you dh
I can't imagine what she is going through--my husband was missing once for about 4 hrs (daytime) and it was the most horrible experience of my life. I was out searching for him--drove home to go to the bathroom--as I was turning into our street I saw a taxi turn in and he was in it! He had left the car at one subway stop, forgot, and got off at another--no car. I hope this story turns out as well.
I can't imagine what she is going through either. I'm really worried. The first thing I did this morning was check to see if she had posted. Hope he's ok.
I'm glad I didn't see this yesterday, I wouldn't have gotten any sleep. As I read, I kept expecting to see a post saying your husband had showed up. Shellseeker, I so hope your husband is okay...
me too, i was up back and forth during the nite to check if she posted they were at home. it is very nervewracking knowing our own are in the same vulnerable positions of becoming lost. with our without a vehicle. please let this be a wakeup call to all of you who are on the fence of NOT taking the keys -i agree RK someone should have ER to make sure things are ok. we do worry so much for our chicks. -divvi
I just reread her initial note. She said they lived in South Georgia, he had driven about 50 miles, and was initially headed for N.C. She said he called and was on the interstate heading SOUTH. He must have been between Macon, GA and the south Georgia border...That's probably Interstate 75 which runs from Valdosta, GA up to Atlanta and northward. The only other North/South Interstate is 95 which runs ..say, Savannah toward Jacksonville, FL. There are no wild life preserves on that route. (Family lives in that area)..
Let's just hope he got home late, and she is at work now. This is just too scary.
Has anyone gone to the Sheriff's department to "discuss" husband's condition when he has done nothing wrong yet? What do you say?... I wonder if theywould be too busy to pay attention to me.
Ok all it was a LONG nite. He is in North Carolina, His youngest son has gone to pick him up. The same son that thought nothing was wrong and that I making stuff up now will get to spend a few days looking after him. The only reason I told him to keep driving when he called was b/c he was in a WMA and I knew that if he left the van he would not make it thru the nite. He is also handicapped and did not take the walker with him. He has a full time 7 day a week nurse. Once I located him I contacted the agency, apparantly he told her to "take the day off" and she took him at face value, left him and never reported to me or the agency. I was praying all nite that he did not kill some innocent family o the road. I am retired from Law enforcement and had the "look out for the van "in Ga, NC, SC, Fl. He was pulled off the interstate in NC sleeping. He had a urnial in the van with him so he had not gotten out the van since he left the house. He does have diabeties and had high blood sugar when I left yesterday to go to work. However, the Reason button is far from fixed. I am going to take a few days to breathe and then go to NC to get him. I am sorry I could not post earlier, I have dial up and did not dare tie up a phone line. I have some decisions to make that I thought would come later. I have called the family lawyer and told him the situation and that he has been found. I will meet with him tommorrow on the next course of action to take. Yes Yes my friends the driving days are over as is the nurse from the agency. I told them that I have to someone who can tell him NO or I will have to hire another agency. We do not have the Silver Alert but for many years when I was working the "road" I would patrol the interstate for seniors who had been reported missing. I never imagined that I would be the one making the call. I love all of you and could feel your prayers and thoughts with me thru out the nite and morning. I am so sorry that you were upset. My stomach hurts so bad, all nite I have felt like I was kicked in the stomach. I am going to log off and get some rest. I will keep you all posted on how I go about getting him home. He has to be checked out at an ER first for his blood sugar and the incisions etc from the spinal reconstruction he had in Jan. Love all you.
Nancy B just saw your post, yes it was I-75 he ended up in a WMA near Hawkinsville GA. I live on I-75 in the last town before you enter Fl. I also had an alert on his credit card so I could monitior where he purchased gas but he must have used cash. I will know more after his son gets him to the ER. Thanks again everyone. I hope none of you have to go thru this ever.
OMG! It's worse than I thought. He was a Diabetic, (did he take his insulin), his Nurse (who was engaged to take care of a man with dementia) allowed him to send her home without calling you first, he drove 700 miles alone??, You first said his youngest son had gone to pick him up, and later said you were going to go up to NC to pick him up. LEAVE his car there!!!! That will take care of his driving issue for now.
That nurse is a huge issue! The next agency had better understand what their charge is...and that is to care for and PROTECT the patient against his own impulses and decisions.
The first thing I did this morning was check this post! I thought about you guys all night long! You ARE family and I care.
Nancy B, Yes his son has gone to get him from the van on the side of the interstate and take him to the ER. I will have to go to NC to bring him back home. However, I am going to wait a couple of days and let his son take care him at least until Sunday. I will make the trip on Sat nit or Sunday to retrieve him. Sorry I was not clear, I am so tired I cannot see straight but I cannot sleep either. I am making a list of everything I need to do and everyone I need to call now. He did not take any medication with him, it appears that he took his bath with the nurse's assistance and the took off. She has been dismissed from the agency, but she will just go to another agency and get work.
i googled silver alert states to check for ours and it says georgia does have silver alert implemented in 2007! as does tx, illinois, florida and some others 13 in total. maybe more now. its a good thing. divvi
shellseeker, so glad it turned out without tragedy. by all means leave the van with the son! get some rest, and take a pill! divvi
Wish we had visual computers...and we took a vote (raise your hands) ..about leaving the van (or the other car, whichever) in N.C. Bet it would be a unanimous vote!!! Think about how easy that "taking the keys away" chapter would be. He'd say, "I want to go somewhere"...........and you say, "Sorry, YOU left your car in N.C." Gotcha! It's a no brainer.
Oh Dear Lordy Mercy DAYYYY!!! Eeghaddsss.. So thankful so very THANKFUL that this has turned out without harm to anyone.. I'm just checking in here.. Oh..this is exactly what we all fear. I'm so sorry it has happened and especially on an INTERSTATE! .. but so completely thankful to hear this good outcome. Indeed, take a FEW days if someone else can be on duty, and get some rest.
Shellseeker, I am so thankful that he has been found, and hopefully with son taking him to ER, there will be no lasting effects from his "outing" - I honestly can not begin to imagine what you went through during the wait for news! I was worried for him and you, but until you go through it yourself, you don't realize the trama of the reality. I'm so glad he was found, and hopefully you can rest. That agency does realize you can sue them, don't they? How about a FREE 7 day a week nurse from now on???