I'm almost at the end of my rope but I've tied a knot in the end and hanging on to that. We are all set to leave for Missouri--everything is packed except for the toiletries we need for tomorrow morning. In the last 10 days DH has started yelling and hollering around that I'm railroading him into this trip, He wants to stay home alone, etc. I've quit explaining. I just say I understand how he feels, etc. however, I've already paid for everything with non-refundable tickets,
Today he told me "all right then. I'll go but I'm going to be just as obnoxious and nasty as I can be while we are there." I told him that was his choice but I really needed him to come with me to help me with the luggage, etc.
He's quiet now--keeps asking when the Shuttle Express will be here and what clothes is he wearing on the plane.
I'm exhausted. I truly believe this will be the last trip we take back there. I'll have to tell the family that I can't handle any more of this. I'm scared to death about the plane change in Denver. I hope they have a family bathroom. One with only one door. Last year the bathroom had two doors and he went out the other one. I was almost frantic then and I can't imagine how I would be if he did that this time.
I'll be in touch but probably not as regularly as I have been. I hope you all have a blessed Lenten season and a glorious Easter Day--Resurrection Day.
Mawsy, just this one time, I hope you are wrong. He may behave himself perfectly in front of others. That's what my DH does. He can be a real handful, threatening to send everyone home the minute they arrive, saying he HATES my children, and doesn't want to see any of them. The minute everyone arrives, he's sooooooo nice and I'm frazzled. It appears there is something wrong with ME!! Go figure.
The hardest thing to do is to get them through Security. Try to let someone know he has dementia. I was separated from DH at the checkpoint and an Agent began to question him...where are you going, etc. My DH said ... "Hell, I don't know...I don't want to go anywhere"... and he went on and on. Finally I was able to get another agent to inform Agent No. 1 what the problem is, but they were adament about me staying away from him while he was being checked and questioned. Good grief!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! An 81 year old terrorist in a wheelchair!! Profiling, perhaps??
I asked at the airport where the "family" restroom is...they directed me each time. Thank goodness he was in Depends, because we had to change in the last one.
Mawzy, I don't tell my DH ahead of time when we are going anywhere any more. Whenever I leave, he wants to go anyway, and since he can't remember what I tell him most of the time, it doesn't matter any way.
I was anxious the whole time we were on the trip, from when we arrived at the airport until we arrived back at the airport! I didn't know if he would take off and I wouldn't be able to get to him, or if he would decide to take off his pants (modesty is non-existent now), and I just hoped his table manners would stay acceptable! And he did beautifully and his manners were good too!
good luck mawsy. stay in touch and have a great trip! divvi
Mary, you were very brave running the airports with your DH. i know the modesty issues would be of concern for sure. can you imagine them getting arrested for indecent exposure.. holy moly...glad you had your daughter along! restrooms are always an anxious moment...glad it turned out well hoping mawsy has the same luck. divvi
Mawzy, I just know it will be okay. (I'm a good seer.) And seeing the family will be worth it for you, and them seeing HIM will be worth it. Don't let him spoil it for you!! Best of luck, m'dear!
Mawzy I went thru this last year, I "DRAGGED him to see CHER" He ranted raved threw a fit, but had the time of his life. All airports have a handicapped security area now. If you have to purchase a cane to qualify going thru it, get the cane. They are not crowded and do not rush you through. IF you can upgrade to first class, do it. The larger seats made a hugh difference. I did not upgrade on the way to LV and he was fidgeting and paranoid about the crush of people. On the way back I upgraded and it was a much more pleasant trip for us both. He snacked the whole time and had the undivided attention of the attendant. Limit the amount the of carryon, you will have your hands full with him. Call the airlines and have a wheelchair meet you at each stop. Trust me, you want to do this!!! They will also push the wheelchair for you. Have a good trip. Phyllis
I too, hope things settle down as soon as you actually get going. Plenty of good advice here.
It made me wonder about some type of 'universal' symbol in a sticker form or even a pin, to apply to our LO's clothing etc. so that in places like airports we wouldn't have to go find someone to EXPLAIN the circumstances. That may be wrong thinking but the symbol wouldn't have to identify the particular condition, just that this person needed special care. This may already exist, but would really help in a situation where they get away from us in such crowded places.
Again, Mawzy, good luck on your trip. Hang onnnnn.
Good luck on your trip. Going through security causes me the most anxiety. I try to have him go first, so I can keep an eye on him. Lots of times he sets of the alarm and is taken aside. I get handicap boarding for both of us. It helps keep us together and gives me a sense of control. I will use a wheelchair when he needs on. Restrooms have been okay so far. We have cut back on travel as DH is more comfortable at home and it is no vacation traveling anymore.
JUDY! What a great idea you have. There could be one universal ID tag that would simply mean "SPECIAL ATTENTION REQUIRED" and flight attendants, TSA agents, ticket agents and airport security would recognize it. In time, others would as well, and it would increase understanding when they come up with some 'untoward comments'.
It wouldn't have to be a BIG SIGN, more the size that would fit in the lanyard type ticket holders many wear around their necks to avoid searching for boarding passes, et., at the gate.
R O F L O L !!!!!!!!! ...... I'd seen this before briegull but it made me laugh just as hard the second time around .... it's a good one and soooooooo on point !!! - THANKS for sharing.
While having an identifier of some sort sounds like a good idea and would, undoubtedly, be embraced by some; I could see a huge hugh and outcry of descrimination by others ..... some people are just not open to letting the world in on their private lives and just don't want to share their woes with anyone - let alone unknown travelling public. Myself, I don't have a problem just out and out saying, when in a store, a business office, a restaurant, an airport or wherever my husband is with me and we are having to interact with someone on some level ..... "excuse me, my husband has Alzheimers so please speak a little slower, a little clearer ........." or whatever request is needed. It's amazing the positive response I've received in every instance I've done this. Most often I just say it directly to the person I'm needing to address and in a low tone of voice so my husband isn't embarrassed and the rest of the world, surrounding us, isn't privy to my request .......... try it ...... it works :)
BTW, I've also done this when we've needed the use of a restroom and there is just one female and one male, single occupancy ...... I simply go to who ever is in charge of the area, state my need to accompany my husband into the cubicle and have always received permission to do so - they most often just say 'oh sure, just lock the door' and you'll be fine.
It's amazing how often we can work around an issue with just a little letting down of our defences and sharing of our issues.
ditto Bar-bra.! i went yrs covering up symptoms in public. now i tell everyone and get the same sympathetic and usual helpful response. it just makes life easier -divvi
I don't have to tell anyone about my DH - HE DOES! I asked him once why he told everyone he meets and he said -well, it's a disease and it may affect what I say or do, and if I'm in contact with them - they need to know! Most of the time he has such a good outlook - at 86! Says it's not going to get him down (but it does sometimes).
briegull-when I copied and pasted your web it said did not match any documents-what did I do wrong? Now I'm really confused-hit search again and the cartoon came up-any ideas why??
For anything and everything you need to know about traveling with an AD spouse, go to "previous blogs" on the home page - www.thealzheimerspouse.com, and click on Blog #41 - "Traveling with an AD Spouse." There is a wealth of information in there.
bluedaze, I have found when I copy and paste a http address I have to do it in the main address spot. The other two places usually won't take it. I had the same problem.
Well, by now you all know we're back. I have to share some stuff with you about our trip. I toldyou how he said he was going to be obnoxious at our son's place. Well, FYI, butter wouldn't have melted in his mouth the whole time. He was anxious to get home.
When we got our boarding passes at SEA/TAC, our seats were separated by several aisles. I went to the desk and told the attendant that he has AD and could she seat us together. She couldn't have been more accomodating. She gave us two seats together in business class and didn't charge me. How cool is that?
When we went to leave Denver for Springfield, same thing. But this time it was one of those smaller express planes. He got on first and started talking to the attendant. She said "Are you two together?" I said we were and she said "well, I think I'll just have you both sit right here (3rd row). She recognized it. I felt pretty good about that.
All in all the trip was good. The family was great and we had a wonderful time.