Sometimes I get so tired of having to do everything myself. I asked him to run the vacuum cleaner today. I have to quit what I'm doing to show him where to plug it in, where to turn it on and where the foot lever is to bring the handle down. I had a guy cut down a large hibiscus bush. It's loaded with weeds inside. I told DH that I'd like him to pull the weeds out this weekend. Lord! He acted like I asked him to climb a mountain. I just went outside and put on the new license plate while he stayed in the house and watched. I know it's not killing me but he could do a few things, darn it.
I understand how you feel. Just taking out the kitchen sized trash bag to the garbage can would be a help. It's taken several years, and gradually I have 'let it go', and usually don't even think about asking him for help. That doesn't make it easier for you, because they SHOULD be able to do some little things, but they won't because it's so much harder for them now than even we realize. Not only is their "Reason Button" broken, - their "Can Do" button is also out of whack. Just as a four year old wouldn't even think of trying to help Mommy, neither will they.
One reason they don't do things is that they can't see what is in front of them. This morning I asked DW to put something in the waste basket. It was right in front of her, and I told her so. I then pointed to it. I finally had to take the item and throw it in myself. It's not her eye-sight, which is reasonably OK. It's the processing of the information in the brain.
My husband retired before I did and did take on some housework, which he would still do but can't. He will put away dirty dishes and dry dirty clothes. It just does make any sense to him. When I get out the vacuum sometimes he will put it back without using it and then think he did vacuum. It just does not process anymore. Either I do it, pay someone to do it, or it just goes undone.
My DH still does some things, empties the dishwasher, checks mail, takes out trash, dusts and vacuums whenever.LOL. When he empties the dishwasher he doesn't always remember where things go so I have told him if he isn't sure to just leave it on the counter and I will get it later. His main problem is memory and his excuse for that which he told the doctor today and has been saying it for a few years is that he doesn't pay attention.
My DH still does a lot of stuff like Jean21 above: dishwasher, (and he does leave stuff on the counter when he doesn't know where it goes); checks mail (and he does save it for me), vacuums, keeps the garage clean (well, mostly); takes the dog out for walks at least 3 times a day. And he always makes up the bed! He actually will do most anything if I ask him to. Of course, it takes him a lot longer to do it than it would me - but what difference does that make as long as it gets done! I always tell him what a good job he did. Don't want to lose my helper - so I always give praise!
My husband can empty the dishwasher, but no matter how many times I tell him to put the platic containers in the freezer for storage, he puts them on the stove where the heat vents are. So many have melted! And yet he continues to do it. My patience is coming to an end, how many plastic (think tupperware) containers can you go through? He just says it's no big deal. Yeah, right.
Y'all are lucky that they can still do things. My husband comes in to the kitchen to sit at the "breakfast table" for dinner. I get out the sherry and the sherry glasses and usually he can pour the sherry "up to the line". I give him three knives, three forks, and take three napkins out of the holder. Say, can you place a knife and fork for our daughter on her napkin, and a knife and a fork for me, and keep a knife and a fork for yourself?
And he can't. He lines them up very neatly all together. After two or three tries I show him what to do, and then we go through the same thing the next night.
It's truly like dealing with a toddler in the kitchen. But one who's sitting in his chair, not underfoot, thank heavens!
Carolyn and Bluedaze...you are smarties! You've learned something new! AND! I learned the "BIG" word for 'being in denial' on this site yesterday. (ANOSOGNOSIA) We're amazing!!!! :-; Simply amazing!