HELP! My 50 year old husband is in complete denial and uncooperative on getting help, yet he can't remember what days and/or what time our daughter's school starts each day, among other more severe issues. If I am right, he is somewhere between stages 3 & 4, and since his blood work came back OK he's convinced I'm making this up and everything is OK. I've talked to his former employers and everything is NOT OK! How does one deal with this? Thanks so much...you've all been such a huge help already!
There are many other things it could be. If he lost a job it could be depression dementia - one of many other diseases that have memory loss. Tell him to co-operate with the doctor to make you happy and you will keep quiet.
Marise, I have soooooooooo been in your shoes. The only thing I can suggest is talking to DH's Doctor. Hopefully the Doctor can take it from there. Honestly if he would get his ducks in a row sooner rather than later it would be best for all those involved. Have you explained to him that the drugs help to stave off the effects of AD (if that is what would be diagnosed?) I wish you luck! Not only did I have Dh in denial, his darn mom fought me every step of the way all the while she was caregiving her DH. When people wake up and step up and realize that this is hitting at very young ages, then we might get some ideas on how to cure it.
I agree that it could be many other things but not finding out what it is, doesn't mean the problems will go away! He has got to seek out help if not for himself than for you and your daughter. Rk
I would set up an appointment with his doctor and express your concerns. I know that with my wife, it was getting lost going to places she had been to many times and forgetting words here and there. She was seeing a specialist who was treating her for Post-Polio Syndrome. Initially he was attributing her memory problems to the PPS or possibly PTSD since she was downtown on 9-11-01 and witnessed the events first hand. It took awhile, but he finally wanted her to see a neurologist and have an MRI done. I remember reading the note, "To rule out Dementia".
Denial is very common from what I understand. I know it was for us. She was, at the beginning, really good at 'covering' up. But both my step-daughter and I were noticing many memory issues. I had even found a few bottles of those "memory supplements" in the medicine cabinet. I was very surprised that you could get AD in your fifties. As bad as it is, I would think it is better to find out sooner then later. We had gotten 3 opinions from 3 different neurologists. This is not an easy thing to accept. Denial is a strong emotion. I know this is hard, but get him checked out. I wish you didn't have to, but get it done. Yes it could be something else, so start ruling things out and it is best to insist that to your doctor. We had come up with a list of symptoms that the family had noticed and gave it to the doctor and then to the neurologist.
Marise, it is very important you meet (or talk over the phone0 to your husband's doctor before you get there. Better n person. HE HAS to hear you...and understand what Alzheimer experts call "masking". MASKING!! is when they can pretend the are OK. Also realize that a general practitioner will NOT be able to diagnose all dementias. They'd like to pretend they could. What was he looking for in the blood test anyway. When my DH went through his 6 hour neuropsychological interview, had his MRI, the xrays and the final office intereview with the primary NEUROLOGIST who specializes in dementias, she said there was no way he could pretend or (MASK) his symptoms. Even with that, we met together before she saw my DH. A 15 minute office visit just 'ain't gonna cut it.' I feel for you. We're about 6 years ahead.
Marise, you need to understand that your husband is not in denial. He genuinely does not know there's anything wrong. And since he does not know he has problems, he sees no reason to do anything about them. This symptom, called "anosognosia", can be one of the earliest manifestations of AD. See:
You're very unlikely to get him to realize he needs help. So you either get him to the doctor with "loving little lies" or you get him there because that would make you feel better, and he loves you and wants you to be happy. My husband has anosognosia in spades. He was diagnosed in 2005, knows it, read up on AD, participates in studies at the university ... and still does not recognize his problems. Which actually is a blessing in many ways, because he is happy and does not show any signs of fearing the future.
Marise, I had a similar problem. When I thought there was something wrong with my husbands memeory, I called his dr to ask him to do a mini test because of my concerns. I also asked that he not mention my calling because my husband was very angry at me foreven thinking "he was crazy" (his words,not mine).. When we went to see his dr the next day, he entered the room and said "Mrs. Marcy theres nothing wrong with Genes memory." (I was mortified!!) He then said to my husband that there was nothing to worry about. I was so upset but I held my tongue because I knew my husband was furious with me and I didn't want to make things worse. When we left, he was all over me like a flea. I didn't know what to say or do. A friend recommended that I make an appt with a neurologist. I did and told my husband that he should humor me and the best case scenerio I could be wrong. Needless to say, I am here writing to you but once he was told by the doctor what the diagnosis was, he began to understand my concerns. I know this is going to be difficult for both of you but he need to hear from a third party what you suspect. I hope this helps and keep writing. We're here for you.
Marise, My husband and I were probably both in our own worlds of "denial" when there was clearly something wrong. Since depression was one possibility, I explored that route first and, thank G-d, spoke with a psychiatrist who insisted that we get a neurological clearance prior to him treating my husband. Maybe you can use this 'reason' to get you LO to a neurologist who specialized in memory disorders. Hope this is helpful! My best thoughts are with you, Sue
Marise, we also had the problem of anosognosia. DH felt he was just fine. The way I got him to go to his Internist: I told him because of his actions, I thought he might have a brain tumor and that I did not want to find him in the yard unconsious when we could treat his situation for a cure. This really scared him as I was just coming off of breast cancer treatment and he willingly went to the doctor. From there, after my urging as his Internist did not think there was anything wrong, DH was referred to our neurologist for testing. Thank goodness! The truth was that DH went into a decline upon hip replacement surgery but he was showing small signes long before that.
Yes, it is anosognosia, as Sunshyne says. My husband has it too. They are not in denial, it is a brain non-functioning. My husband doesn't have AD, but another form of dementia, but the anosognosia is there.
My husband too has anosognosia. We saw a psychologist together who convinced him to "get his memory tested" just to "rule out dementia". I think it was helpful that it came from a third party whom he liked and respected. Well, instead of ruling out dementia, it did the opposite--that's when he was diagnosed. I agree with Sunshyne, that after dx anosognosia is a good thing--how could anyone with dementia want to go on living if they grasped the full impact of what was happening to them? That's why people say it's harder on us than the person with the dx, because we see the real effects.
You all are just a WEALTH of helpful information! Thanks so much about the anosognosia info everyone and link, Sunshyne, as it makes perfect sense and describes him to a tee. He is eve a University of Florida graduate where the article came from...go figure!
Thanks so much...I'm so thankful you all are here!
My DH suffers this as well. and to this day never realized he had AD. i think it was a blessing in disguise that he never knew what the future would be for him-with his intellect i dont think he could have handled it. divvi
Divvi, my husband is and always has been in full blown denial..or, as I've learned today, Anosognosia. He has never uttered a word that would indicate he has any knowledge that he has changed or declined mentally. That has made it doubly hard for me.
Anosognosia is a lack of insight into there even being a "problem". It took me a year of saying something was wrong, and convincing him to see our Dr. If a good friend who worked in Mental Health had not told me what was needed was a neuropsychological testing, since the neurologists appointments were 4 months apart, it took us less time to find out the problemd, since I spoke to the Dr. first and asked him to refer us to the testing first. As it was, from noticing bad symptoms to diagnosis was almost 2 years. By then things got bad fast. To this day, he neither sees nor recognizes he has a problem, in 5 years since. We later had testing done to rule out different forms of dementia and get a second opinion, but since these were Dr. driven, he cooperated.