I, almost daily, find myself opening my mouth and sticking my foot in it. It is just so HARD to not have someone to share small tidbits with. I mention something and dh, dwells on it all day. grrrrrr. Today I mentioned son in law may need to go to the apartment and light the stove. DH can't comprehend where the stove is and keeps thinking he should work on our ventfree fireplace.
The other day I mentioned the kids and I were going to clean trash out of the rental storage area. Another foot in the mouth. He informed me he was going too, so I had to backpedal out of that one. Son in laws wanted to know why I told him. I don't think they fully understand the need for me to have someone to converse with.
I told him today I was going to Club Meeting tomorrow and he would stay with daughter the 2 hours I would be gone. He said his allergy was worse when he visited with them. I told him not true and we would try it again tomorrow anyway.
I took him over there the other evening while I went to a event with daughter. Soon as he sat down he wanted to know if he could walk back over to our house. She lives next door.
Imohr, I also find it hard not to discuss things with DH. That's what we've always done. Maybe divvi's right. If we write it down here, maybe we will remember.
DH had an MRI scheduled for last Monday. Because of bad weather, I postponed it until Friday. He was anxious all week and even told me the wanted out of the study because he was too old. In the end, we went and I stayed with him in the MRI room and he was fine. I told the Dr about the anxiety. He said not to tell him he is going to have an MRI, wait until we get there and then say the doctor has ordered it.
maryd, I no longer tell my husband about anything, including showers, until just before we do them.
I might tell him that there will be a doctor's appointment the night before. And I'm considering telling him about the fasting blood tests we are doing later this month because I don't have multiple days of grace for that one. We have other medical stuff happening the next two days and both of our doctor's visits scheduled for the following week. Since he makes his own breakfast I'm hoping that I either get up first (doesn't always happen) or that he will remember not to eat.
But mostly knowing that there are things coming up, even good things like going to lunch with his buddies, can give him stress. I think the stress is that he is forcing himself to remember.
Starling, I agree with you. Just as it was when the children were small. We didn't tell them about vacations, or the exact day Santa was coming until it was just a few nighty-nights away. They cannot comprehend time spans.. and our DH's sit and stew about it day in and day out. That's just one more thing I keep to myself. I miss conversations, discussions, problem solving with others so much I could just cry sometime.
I hate this I hate this I hate this I hate this..... Did I mention that I hate this?
i learned today to stop putting my foot in the mouth, one of our daughters broke her ankle yesterday, made the mistake of telling dh, all day long he keep telling me a story of someone who broke there ankle, even people i never heard of all except for the one who did break it so I guess it mum`s the word
For the first time tonight my husband started telling me about talking to his brother John last night when he had his feet in my lap and I was taking off his compression stocking. He was so engrossed in this that he forgot what he was doing, which was attempting to sit on the toilet (he can't bend one leg so it takes him forever) and had an accident. I can understand this, and when we got everything cleaned up he'd forgotten about "seeing" his brother (who lives on the other coast). But it's the first time he's SEEN someone. Confabulation, of course for more than a year now.
I think that FIM is one of the hardest thigs that we Caregivers have to deal with. I am so hungry for conversation that an upcoming event seems to demand that I ttell my DW all about it. Stupid logic!!!! When can I tell her? The last minute seems best but the griping is more intense. "You did not tell me!" It seems like there is just no way to win in this situation. If you want to tell your LO that we are going to go to our sons house, pick up our grand-daughter, Raena, tomorrow afternoon for a trip to her 4H rabbit instructions----!!! Way to much. The less is the Best. That is very hard for me. I am getting a little better but need to do it much better. Bill
Tonight I had a related problem. I got someone to sit with DW while I went to a Mission Board meeting at our church. When I came back I was all excited and stimulated and wanted to tell her all about what we had planned. i might as well be talking to her stuffed cat. I really miss being able to discuss things with her. I never tell her where we are going when we go out since she can't remember for 5 minutes. She seems happy to just go along and see what will happen. I generally give her about 15 minutes warning if we are going out so she can go to the bathroom (with my help).
I no longer can tell DH about what he will be doing tomorrow or tonight or today until the very last possible. He just obsesses over it and tries to prepare himself by laying out his towels, his underware and sox, mismatched cloths, anything he can think of he might possibly need for the occasion. This will take him half the night or day. My goodness, too much for me. No more foot in mouth. I am as quiet as a mouse.
Bill Joanne Koenig Coste is the author of "Learning to Speak Alzheimer's. She offers insight on what to say and how to say it to AD patients especially our loved ones. Not everything works for us, but some really does. I'm certain you can get this book through Joan's link with Amazon.com on this web site.
I fully understand the getting stories mixed up. I told DH that our youngest son had his wages cut in half. Out of that he understood that the company was going bankrupt, he'd lost his job, couldn't pay his child support, etc., etc., You really have to be very careful what you say to them. It's like when the kids were little, if you didn't want it told, you didn't let them hear it.
I try so hard not to correct him when he's telling his stories. I'm sure they don't bother anyone but me. Who really cares, anyway. But, I do try to be accurate and it does bother me....Oh, well, that's part of it.