My grandson drove me out to Costco yesterday. I needed to get a whole bunch of staples. One of my purchases was postage stamps. I asked for 2 books of stamps--thinking I would get 20 stamps on each sheet for a total of 40 stamps. She gave me 2 little plastic folders that had 2 books in each one for a total of 80 stamps. No big deal. I didn't notice it until I got home.
DH was going over the receipt and naturally that was the first and only thing he noticed on it. He hit the roof. Why did I spend so much money on stamps? Would the post office take them back? We don't need that many stamps. It will take at least a year to use them up and on and on and on....
I told him he should have come with us and monitored the shopping. (I was pretty steamed!) He just got sore. Threw up his hands and said "Oh, you always know so G-- D---- much. You think you are so d------ smart."
Now I ask you, what brought that on? I suppose I could have been more diplomatic but does him having AD mean that I no longer have a right to get angry with him when he acts like that? Or, am I suppose to be sweet Pollyanna and say and do nothing?
I hate this disease and am really getting fed up with it. But, I know I'm not alone. Thanks for listening.
I know we are supposed to keep our mouths shut and ignore that kind of outburst but I get mad and tell my dh he can`t treat me that way , it is rude and inconcerate, that usually calms him down and he will come back a few mins later and say he is sorry, hope you had a good time with your grandson, what a sweet thing for him to do , take you shopping.
Mawzy, I have been saying "any time DH has a good day I have a bad one". He thinks just clear enough to half way figure things out and then he proceeds to torment me about it. He wants to know why I did something but can't completely understand when I explain. For this reason I still hide what I am doing from him so I can see some peace.
Mawzy, your husband's outburst sounds just like one of the ones my husband has had in the past. He no longer sees receipts so I don't get that particular issue happening anymore.
He always told me that I thought I was perfect (not true by the way) even before the obvious dementia which is one of the reasons I think that he already had some dementia before his big event made him noticeably sick. There are some statements that are typically demented and being told "Oh, you always know so G-- D---- much. You think you are so d------ smart." is one of them. The other BIG warning sign that something is happening is their not knowing their address or telephone number and being told that "I don't care to know that. It isn't important to me."
How do you handle it? Don't have a clue. I used to tell my husband that I wasn't the one who thought they were perfect. It wasn't my problem. It was his. I doubt that did any good but it did help me feel better.
If the topic comes up, again. Tell him the price of stamps is going to go up again soon and you stocked ahead (Forever stamps).
Also, when he snaps at you it is a normal reaction to snap back. It takes a lot to respond instead. When you snap, accept that you've reacted. Dealing with his ire is penalty enough. Resolve to work harder at biting your tongue and then responding. My trigger seems to be when DH mixes up the current dog with an old one whcih has been buried in the side yard for over 10 yrs. Several times he's sad things like, "I brought Chantey in." or "Chantey wants out." The current dog is "OT". Snapping that "Chantey's dead." does not help either of us. Just being human.
I'll hear my husband at some other part of the house muttering and muttering and cursing about me "she thinks she knows what I need to do, and g-ddamit she doesn't" etc. He hushes up when I call him, do you need help??
I don't THINK this is politics, but before Obama was elected, someone asked him at a press conference about someone who'd said something inaccurate and silly about him. He said nothing but brushed his shoulder with his hand - like, it's water off a duck's back, I just shrug it off.
Mawzy, Yes you have the right to get angry. Just tonight Dh got mad cause I had to re-do something he had done, I got that look, he didn't say a word but I knew that he was telling himself the same things Starlings DH was saying. I just looked right back at him and said, Don't get mad at me, just because you didn't understand how to do it and I had to show you. It's not my fault! He got real quiet and left the room, a few minutes later he came back in and started hugging me. Honestly I think he forgot that I scolded him. Normally I try to hold my words and thoughts cause I have been known to just tell it like I see it. And know that with this disease it's really not them (or maybe it is) but some days I let him know that I am not nor will I be the recipient of his anger or confusion from this disease! We have a pack, that he will be kind and easy to care for ( which he is for the most part) probably cause he knows I won't put up with his sh_ _. Hopefulllllllly he can keep his end of the bargain. Rk
Whoa..words from my mouth! I have said over and over..I will treat you as you treat me...it really seems to get thru to him. We have had a "truce' for quite a while and I'm enjoyin it while I can.
..and the beat goes on. They just don't know! The reason button is broken. They are regressing in the behavior mode to the squabbling sibling they used to be. Maybe you are the 'sister' he would squabble with over this, that and nothing!!! I say that, and today was so bad, my heart rate will not slow down, my knee is killing me (I twisted it chasingr our runaway white dog in a muddy field)...(don't ask!) I definitely believe in justifiable homicide! (joking everyone!!!!!!!!)
Well, I really appreciate all of your comments. Today was much better. The stamps are cheaper now but will go up again in May (I think). Good point, Carosi. I will try harder to keep a zipper on my mouth. :)