We had a simple family graveside service for Claude last Thursday at our hometown in Oklahoma and a beautiful memorial service at our church on Friday.
It's been a rough six years for both of us and I know he is in a far better place and pain free for the first time in many, many years. But the idea of being alone is scary. We've been together for nearly 39 years. I don't know what my future holds - financially now it's going to tough - but I'll survive -:)
I didn't have a chance to file our income tax before he passed. Does anyone know how I go about doing it now?
I would suggest you call an accountant, and make an appointment to simply ask these questions. Many will feel your loss and offer to help you get started organizing your papers. The more you do, the less time it will take anyone else. They will give you information on deductible items you may not have thought about. I doubt they will charge you for the consultation. This is the busiest time of their year, so call soon. They will give you a form to file for an extension, first of all, so you will have until June to file. That will give you breathing room. (You can actually be granted a total of TWO 90 day extensions, so, just know that and there should be no pressure to get it done in 30 days or so.)
Redbud, I'm so sorry for your loss. My favorite uncle's name was Claude. Your note touched my heart....remembering him.
And don't forget!!!! If you need some time to get your head together on this...you CAN file for an extension which will give you an extra ninety days to file your return. Under your circumstances, it would definitely be understandable.
redbud, the idea of living alone is very scary for me too. I went straight from living with my parents to living with my DH (only 18 when married) and have never lived alone. I wonder how people do adjust. Who do you tell if you have a headache or are concerned about something. But then, I guess you get used to not having anyone to share with by the time your spouse gets in the end stages. My heart goes out to you.
redbud-like Dazed I went from high school to college to marriage. Never lived alone and never had to make all decisions. It is miserable not having someone to share your victories or heartaches. Sometimes the load is too great. What's going to happen next that you have to take care of. There is an up side to this:you will learn that you can handle anything that comes your way and be proud of yourself.
You are so right, bluedaze. After my divorce (first marriage), I was a single mom for 4 years - worked 3 jobs sometimes- but I survived and came out on top. We have more strength than we realize. I am confident in myself now and feel I can face anything (well - almost) <grin>
redbud - so sorry for your loss. It is hard being alone. I was widowed at 37 after 19 years of marriage. Thought my world had ended. Met my current husband and had 20 more good years. Not so good now. But we will be ok in the end. All of us. Just take you time, grieve at your own pace and then move on. It is all we can do.
Redbud--My prayers for you and your family. I too married at 18 and have never lived alone (59years). Now I'm making all the decisions, etc. He is not able to help me out. I'm really sorry foryour loss.
Redbud, Again, I am so sorry for your loss. Lately, I also have been thinking what I will do after my husband is gone. I have never lived alone, went from my parents house to being married at 18....that was 40 years ago. I feel selfish wondering about me...then I think why not. Hopefully, there is life after dementia.
I never lived alone. Married at 19. I went to a local college, so I didn't even have that living away from home experience. But it has become obvious that I can manage to live alone because basically that is what I am currently doing. I'm making all of the decisions. Slowly moving those things I think I need to move to my own name. And I'm trying to get used to the idea that there is life after dementia, as Kadee says.
Yes, there is life after dementia...I am living proof. In one way, dementia is a great dress rehearsal for living alone and widowhood. In most cases, even though our husband or wife is still alive, we are by ourselves for all intents and purposes. I am enjoying the freedom of living alone....eating what and when you want....not having to worry about what the other person is feeling or thinking...hmmm...sounds selfish doesn't it? Maybe, but after many years of caring for a terminally ill person, it is way past time for me to regain my personhood.
Life is different, but it is a good different.....I have no intention of pursuing a relationship.....would never want to have to care for another person. I am happy being me......
I am two weeks into the life after dementia. When I first came on this site, I compared caregiving to Vietnam. This is like landing back in St. Louis in February 1970. Switching from too hot, dinks in the wire, no sleep, always hypervigilant to too cold, no responsibility, no time accountability and the no sleep stays the same. Wired to fight, but no battle to pursue. The whole idea that nothing bad can happen in the next 10 minutes takes some getting used to. Like Billy Pilgrim in Slaughterhouse 5, I've become unstuck in time. It seems like caregiving is all that I ever did, but it really was only a blip in time. I can't remember a day from two years or two months ago. The biggest thing on my plate now is explaining (again) daylight savings time to the cats.
maybe i do need to go to one of those grief counseling sessions.
Dan-good to see you posting. It must be difficult for you to start a new life. My cats prefer not to deal with DST at all. It was dark this morning when I got up. Fed cats breakfast. When I got back to my room to dress there they were-both sound asleep on the bed.
redbud, like ehamilton, I was widowed young (36.) It is scary, yes. But you *will* be OK. You're already stronger than she and I were, because you've already had to take over all the things that she and I had still relied on our husbands for.
It is lonely. But then, it is also peaceful. Like Sandi says, there is a freedom to living alone. It does take some learning to enjoy the freedom, and if you had a wonderful marriage, you will of course miss the companionship and love. Life is indeed different, but not bad.
Like ehamilton, after a few years, I had the extraordinary blessing of finding my beloved second husband. Nineteen good years, and counting.
You have a good future ahead of you. Take time to grieve, take time to heal, take time to find your new life.
I never thought of this being sort of a dress rehearsal to widowhood. But I do understand that. I've taken over so much this last year and now our $$ is being transferred into my name. The savings account and checking accounts are still in both our names and so is the house. Don't know what will be done next.
I wish I could explain it all to him, but he just doesn't get it. It really makes me sad. But, I'm no sadder than anyone else here, so enough complaining. Thanks for listening!