I've run out of answers to give to my husband for these questions:
I want my MasterCard. Why can't I have it? I need it to go to my summer place on the island. I'm not staying here [care home]. As soon as the weather's warmer, I'm going. I can take care of myself. If I can't, I'd rather be there. I own the house. Why can't I be in it?
I've tried the usual. Whatever I say makes him angry. Maybe new phrases might help. Anyone have any ideas?
Sometimes I say "I don't know or I don't remember myself" This seems to placate him and then I try to change the subject which often works pretty well. My DH gets mad because I took away the mailbox key (mail was stuffed all over the place) and the key to the gate of our gated community so he can't wander away too quickly. Mine doesn't seem to notice that the cards are all gone from his wallet. Sounds like your DH is in very early stage so he has a lot of awareness.
With my FIL, If he asked me something crazy that I knew was never gonna happen I would just say Sure how about next week, heck he forgot about it and if and when he asked again I would say sure how about next week (or something like ok after your Doctors appt/ Christmas etc) As I said most times he forgot but was always pleased that he was gonna get to do what he wanted, though as you know it was going to happen. I guess I just took the approach of pick your battles. And hopefully will be able to do the same with Dh. Rk
I'm told to re-direct the question. if he is in a MCF or NH, you can say "Wouldn't that be nice.. I remember when we did this..or that... there.........." Conversations can divert the moment.
My DH has expired cards in his wallet..membership cards and several one dollar and five dollar bils. He keeps keys in his front pocket that do not open anything (or start! anythng)... He has his morning routine, putting his wallet in one back pocket, a clean white hanky in the other rear pocket..his change and keys in front pockets. Guess it's just a "man thing".
Do you best to talk in his world. They don't have a 'reason' button. Agree with him in the moment...see if that works.
Maggieroni, he's late 5, early 6, and this is a re-surfacing of a great anger he has towards me for not doing what he wants. He wants me to take care of him -he has been dependent on me our entire marriage. He is, and has been, in denial that there is anything wrong with him, or that I am physically unable to take care of him. (We had live-in help that he fired - he wanted me to do it.) I like your idea of just forgetting what happened to his MC card. That will work, I know. R.K. Good ideas, thanks. As for the cottage - the warm weather is coming up - honest! - maybe I'l try, "Sounds like a good idea." Lesson learned: evade, agree, don't explain or argue.
Trying to reason is like reasoning with a dog or cat. My cat's name is Rosie and all she hears is blah, blah, blah, Rosie. Same with DH! I find speaking and responding less works best. I don't answer him unless he asks me a few times. My live-in caregiver agrees with me, he has learned to talk to him less which makes DH less agitated.
Yes, as we say, the reason button is broken. BECAUSE has no weight. Creative fibbing usually works. We can't go to the summer place right now. Or our kids wanted to use it this year, don't you remember?
My husband has the same stuff in his wallet as NancyB's. If you have an expired credit card with his name on it, why not give it to him? As long as the account is closed, I can't see that there's any risk. I put in a lot of meaningless junk to make him feel that he has as much there as he used to. I wouldn't be happy if someone took away my money and credit cards either, regardless of what they told me!
As far as the summer place, I give the same answer to everything. "Hey, that's a great idea". That ends the conversation for the time being, and when he brings it up again, I repeat my answer. Of course, he never remembers we've already discussed it and never questions why I haven't acted on what we talked about.
I say whatever it takes to diffuse the situation at the moment. She will forget my answer. Some times my words are not spot on honest, but that is how it works with this disease. We have to survive.
Thanks for your great input. I was getting cold feet visiting him, bracing myself for the onslaught. But, yes, I can agree with him, that it sounds like a great idea, and then move on to something else.