Reading the thread on bathing and "As The Toilet Turns" reminded me of a conversation we had here this a.m. Due to the intensive negotiations now required, I'm allowing my husband to skip his daily shower sometimes. However, the downside of this is the level of persuasion I then must use to have him change his briefs and, especially, his socks. What is it about those darn socks? Asking him to change them instantly turns him into Mr. Drama Queen. Today I told him I'm calling Hollywood to find him an agent, so he can start a new career in acting and at least get some mileage out of these new talents. Anyone else dealing with such silliness? Fortunately, it's not anger or rage, just such an overblown reaction that it's comical. Whining, loud sighs, etc. And I can tell, although I call it acting, to him removing the socks is such a big deal.
Marilyn, I don't know what stage your husband is in, or whether you have read our "what I wish I had known in Stage 3-4", but we've mostly given up on daily bathing for those who don't go outside and get sweaty. Every other day or every third day is as often as we are willing to go through what you are going through now! <grin>
As for socks, let him keep them on, wear them to bed, whatever he wants to do....it is not worth the fight. I think that the "drama queen" is something we've all experienced at one time or another. Those of us who are further down the road have, out of necessity, chosen our battles. We don't have the energy to fight the little things. We must save up for the more important ones. (like taking their medication; not chewing their medication; etc.)
Think of him as a 2 year old. The shower and socks are contests of control. He's not willing to give up control. The socks issue is a big deal to him. Today. It is important to him that he has a say. Remember our mainstay here - the reason button is broken. He'll switch to something else in a week or month from now! <grin>
We're trying to maintain our lives as close to normal as we can without going off the deep end. It is very hard. That is why a lot of us use humor so much. It's survival.
We want to take care of our spouses to the best of our abilities, and do what is best for them, while maintaining our sanity and health. We walk a very fine line. Let us know when the sock issue goes away!
Marilyn=when you cant get their pants off due to cemented hands gripping them to their waist:) to change a depend that is leaking out the legs as they walk on FRESHLY shampooed carpets, well-- believe me, you will forget the sock issue quickly! you will soon find priorities to battle-- divvi...isnt it always something to deal with??
I am at once a week now, if we are goingout, doctor, friends, etc, he will shower and shave.Socks.... when I find them I wash them, otherwise, they stay on. Undies, he stays in undies and PJ's most of the time unless going out, then I lay out clean. H's a truculent 2 yr old, and it is absolutely a control issue. I used to sneak into my MIL's room at night to steal her dirty clothes, so she wouldn't put them back on, but she always got dressed in the AM. DH doesn't. He just wears PJ's all the time. I've even gone so far as to buy those knit pants that are comfy in bed, and he can wear all day, looks like he's dressed. Pick you priorities. Don't sweat the small stuff.
Oh, yes, this all sounds familiar! Chris, you're right. It is a control issue. I have to laugh at the gleeful expression on his face when he sometimes gets away with it.
Thanks ladies for all the wise words. I know that in the scheme of things, this is no big deal. It's just so weird--my husband was always perfect in his appearance and grooming. Got weekly manicures, loved massages and being pampered, enjoyed shopping and clothing. It's the contrast that makes today's situation so far out. Of course, if you'd told me years ago that a CPA wouldn't be able to handle money, I wouldn't have believed that either!
Okay, let me put forth the remedy that works for me with my husband but which also worked with my kids: humor. He hangs onto something for dear life, won't do what I ask, and I say Whatcha tryin to do to me, pull ME over? I bet you can't get those trousers off before I count to ten..etc. and sortof growl-laugh. Especially if he's shouting grumpily at me. He now is apparently conditioned to this, and starts to laugh and growl at me happily as I growl back at him. And forgets what it was he was resisting.
briegull i am glad that works, humour yes! without it we would tank so fast..
i think it depends (pun):) on how stubborn they want to try to be. sometimes there is NOTHING that will make DH let go of his pants. and i mean nothing but waiting it out and trying again a bit later.:) its absolutely astounding the 'grip' he has on his pants..hahah..his knuckles turn white! awww.. i feel sorry that somethig could make them feel so scared or reluctant to give in to such trivial things...divvi
My husband was always very fussy about his appearance and he is particularly vain about his hair. he still has a full head of hair at 85 yrs old. But.... lately, not only does he not wash it, he doesn't even come it. H'll go out and throw a hat on, if we are going out, unbelievable what this 'freakin ' disease does to our LO's.
Our DW are very different about something like bathing but maybe not so much. HUMOR is an absolute must. Also need a degree of regularity. I don't bath Carol everyday but never more than 3. Always in the morning as soon as she gets up and takes her medicine. That sets the stage. I draw the water, add the bubble bath, place the rubber mat to keep her from falling, and make sure that it is hidden when she sees the bath. She does not like the mat appearance but "out of site is out of mind". I have her clothes laid out and hopefully a good bath leads to good dressing. I use humor and prissy motions to keep her in a good mood. You ought to see me prissing around the bedroom. I do find that washrag and soap are also not necessary everyday for BO but do make a game of putting on her underarm deoderant. Use to be really bad but - knock on wood- it is going OK lately. Now if I can just learn to do hair.\!!!!!!
She can no longer smell BO so I have to really watch this. We go to excercise every MWF but does not sweat much. Barely does most excercises.
bille-- Consider arranging to take her in to a hairstylist for a new 'do--emphasize it needs to be very easy care and have them show you how. I bet if there's a styling school near you they'd be willing to help, and their services are much less expensive. Students are supervised by the instructors. Spring time is a perfect time to do this.