I just today came to the conclusion that I have changed into having a one-track mind. I used to multi-task several things at once, like all the other women I know. Maybe it is age-related....is 72 the problem?
Until the last couple of years I could prepare a dinner for 15 family members with very little problem. Now I am happy for someone else to do the preparations because I have a problem putting it all together.
I used to sew all the girls and myself clothes and now I could not even begin starting making a dress
I used to work, haul kids places, cook dinner.....now I don't work or haul kids places and do very little cooking.
I always read and watched TV at the same time....now I have trouble concentrating on the TV show and book unless they are really interesting.
I used to work, go to the Mall and cook dinner....all on the same day...no more
I always thought most males could only do one thing at a time and now--here I am, and I don't like the thought...much.
Could it be because your life is focused on one thing - caregiving? I know when we age we slow down. I can't think of not being able to read and watch TV at the same time! When in school I could not do my homework unless I was watching TV. I can't just sit and watch TV - I have to be playing games or doing something on the computer.
But, do forgive yourself some cause age has some to do with not being able to do so much at once. But I suspect the biggest reason is due to your being a 24 hours caregiver.
Imohr, You are just tired. I understand. I'm an avid reader, but if I am tired or depressed, I cannot read a page without forgetting what I just read. Your brain is in overload. You should give yourself permission to just let it go for a little while. I recogize we cannot 'run away from home', but we can allow ourselves to fix 'super duper sandwiches' for dinner instead of a full meal of a meat and two veggies plus something sweet for afterward. Or, we can go to the mall and bring something home for dinner preparing a meal when we get in.
Yesterday, I tried to plant fifteen flats of petunias and by 6 pm, I couldn't straighten up. Everything that 'could hurt', did! I was so tired and although I felt bad about not preparing a full dinner for DH, I prepared him a cup of hot Campbell's tomato soup and a grilled cheese sandwich, cut into four little triangles. Would you believe he actually told me he enjoyed his dinner! Usually, he says nothing! Maybe we are expecting too much from ourselves. You're not slowing down because you are 72 (I am 70), you're just pooped! I wish I could come over there and rub your shoulders. It'll be better tomorrow.
Hey 70's ladies, I'm there also, and agree it is sometimes overload..too much to contemplate, too little sleep, too many worries, too little $$$. I found myself exhausted after fixing a holiday dinner that I would normally do with one hand at work and another with a glass of wine. Age and circumstances taking their toll. :-(
i am not close to 70's yet, 15yrs off and i am bushed today as well. steammopped all my marble floors and cleaned out the basement and had my handyman haul it all off. my back is already giving me fits. age related, i dont think as much as out of shape. i tried to read a book and couldnt concentrate on it either a while back. magazines is about as far as i get. i gave away my xmas tree today. not wanting to ever put up that much decorations again! i used to love to decorate but now everything other than caregiving is a chore. i have relatives coming next weekend and i am not looking forward to 'entertaining'..day in day out wears you out. respite is needed urgently for us all. Divvi
I agree with all the above comments. Caregiving wears us out. I have reached the place where I work, eat, TRY to sleep and take care if Charlie. That's it. Nothing else. No reading, no needle work, no social life but I don't have the energy for any of it it so I guess that is good.
I recently have reconnected with an old friend from college. Male, straight but never married, ironic and intelligent. We were never romantically involved, but have always enjoyed talking to one another. I said to him in an email that I needed adult conversation, and he said okay, let's write to each other monthly and talk about adult things. Got a nice thoughtful letter from him about books he's been reading, curiosity about how I did all my travelling alone, etc.
And I realized when I started to reply that all I could think of to talk about was Alzheimer's, and how it is affecting my husband and all of us. I'm having to force myself to think about other things!!
Ah ha Briegull ! - you've just hit *my* nail on the head.
I am interested in so many things, I'm so curious about so much but I'm finding I'm also so consumed with AZ that it's tending to push my other thoughts away. For instance, I've been finding that when I'm doing e-mail - either instigating or replying - that the major content is about AZ. As I realize people get tired of hearing only about your troubles and would really like to hear about more positive, encouraging, enlightening stuff, I've taken to writing and then reading and re-reading and editing thoroughly ..... taking out much of the AZ stuff as I really don't think those who I correspond with are really all that interested - oh yes, they inquire as to R's present condition but I sometimes think that's just out of politeness rather than genuine interest ..... sooooo, the bottom line and reason for this missive is to say that a couple of weeks ago I made a conscious decision to leave out the AZ information and write about stuff that interests me ...... I've got to reclaim my thoughts and interests before I become even more consumed and addicted to this damned disease.
RIGHT !! ...... I'm selfish enough, I guess, to want *my* identity back ..... doesn't mean I don't love my husband and won't continue to give him the very best care I can but, 6 years is enough time to deny my own existence. I really think there has to be some sort of a balance here.
I’m having something similar to brain fog, I think, mostly caused by exhaustion and stress. On bad days it’s hard to do something like pay bills, because I have (recently) been known to make errors on checks. (Now I check everything three times before I mail it.) The really bad days are the ones when DH has to remind me of something!
People say that we need to pursue our own lives—take a class, meet with friends, etc. Some days I hardly have the energy to tie my own shoes, let alone go out and do something. I don’t think that people really have much idea how exhausting and ongoing this is. People look at me funny when I say I can’t take a class—which involves a 45-minute drive each way and a considerable amount of homework, and leaving DH at home alone. Do they think I can just put him on a shelf when it’s not convenient to be caring for him? How do you tell somebody that absolutely the last thing you need is another challenge? I feel like I have enough challenge inside my own house, without adding anything to it.
The one hobby I would really like to pursue is sleeping! I vaguely remember that from some time in the past. Seems like I remember that I used to like it.
Jan K, You really hit a nerve with your comment about people insisting you do something for yourself. I no longer bother to try and make them understand that the fairies don't show up to take care of G when I'm not here. Nor mention the zillion phone calls to check on where I am or when I'm going to be home when I do leave for a short time. I just say yes, that would me nice! I have already cut my Pilates class in half...one ONE thing I still do..as it takes too much time. This really sounds whiny. :-(
How can we not think of Alzheimer's first? Our spouse, whose total care is in our hands, is our full responsibility, as well as the house, yard, car(s), finances, etc. The fact that we have friends, a job, organizations, affiliations, etc. that we used to be active in and see and be a part of - now take a back seat. We all want to do our best for our spouses; we don't want them to suffer stage 7 and hope that they are taken before suffering that; and we know that if we take care of ourselves, that we will get our lives back. Not only that, we will appreciate those years more!
As Imohr stated, what we used to do, we can't do any more. We do other things that are necessary and do them better. Later, we will be able to do other things better. But, for now, we are in the present and doing the best that we can!!!
Divvi, can't you get help in to take care of the house for you for the company coming? You sound like you are trying to do too much! Wow! You don't want to get down with your back when the company arrives. Take care of Divvi!
its, mopped steamed and dusted all i am going to do! i have carpet cleaners coming on tues for the yearly cleaning. i am soooo done after that. its not the cleaning as much as having to entertain out of towners- you know going out to eat with DH in tow no-not cooking!, having food on hand all day for nibbling, making sure they arent bored...its work! but i need to be nice ...haha..divvi
We took my son & family out for dinner last night to celebrate birthdays. I didn't enjoy myself at all..couldn't figure out why until I started thinking about it. I no longer know how to actually carry on a conversation, that doesn't involve my husband's dementia. I was always so chatty, interested in many things. Always interested in what the kids were doing. Sadly, my little granddaughter got on my nerves & I couldn't wait to get home...now what kind of grandmother have I become.
The conversation thing...hmmmm..we leave Tuesday for three nights in San Diego area with friends. Being a houseguest with G as he is will be a challenge..when they stayed here I was in charge and could anticipate problems, but this will be different. Not too sure how it will work, but the other two couples are caring and totally understanding, so Im holding my breath that things will work out as they should. I am SO looking forward to just chatting over a glass of wine with a dear friend...seems as though it has been forever.