Mary, you can't do that! Now I'll spend the entire weekend picturing wild sexual orgies. I've just checked your age, so I guess your blood pressure will stand it. But have pity on mine as my imagination runs away with me.
Divvi, Sunshyne and Dazed, it looks like we'll have to make up our own story about another heroine. So here goes. (I'll write the opening paragraph and invite you to add a sentence or two or a paragraph, or whatever the muse dictates to you. Repeat, this is not about Mary, but maybe it will encourage her to join in on our fiction:
Phillipa spotted him before he saw her. He had come in the restaurant door shrugging off his raincoat, and as he turned towards the hostess, she recognized his blue eyes. When she had first seen him on the cruise ship, she had said to herself, "He's a sixty-three-year-old Paul Newman." Unconsciously, she undid the top two buttons of her jacket. It had suddenly become too hot in the restaurant. She reached for her water glass. He stopped at her table.
A glimmer of sweat formed upon her upper lip. those dang hot flashes, Why now? she blows air to cool herself off as the silver fox approaches the table and coyly asks "arent you the lady on the cruise whose hair caught on fire during the baked alaska farewell dinner??" as he leaned in closer she could smell his cologne, tantalizing and seductive..'why yes, i am..it was just an unfortunate mishap" as she twisted her dark red curls...and felt where the other used to be..'would you like a drink? she cautiously asks in a drawl that could only be from arkansas.. *****************to be continued!
He grabbed her and started to kiss her but when her head tilted back for the kiss, her dark red wig fell off exposing the bald spot where her hair caught on fire during the baked alaska farewell dinner....*****to be continued!
She had been banned from the restaurant once before for bringing the cat in her purse. The waitress approached, removed the cat from Paul's back, and said . . .
You must leave now. At once. But Phillipa said, "that's not fair, it's discrimination. You let all those people with dogs in their tote bags stay! This is feeling like a lawsuit to me." Her "Paul Newman" stood up for her too. After all, the cat was just being protective of her owner. So the waitress drifted back to the counter and the two newly reunited continued their conversation. It was getting interesting. Phillipa was feeling things she hadn't felt in years. To have this handsome man come to her rescue was very tantalizing.
(WHAT? I DID A KITTY? Now Mary, you should only be doing your husband.)
I just laughed out loud so hard I woke up two dogs and a cat, not to mention all humans within earshot!
. . . particuarly since he seemed so tolerant of her beloved furry protector. Would he renew his offer of a drink? Would he - be still my heart - invite her to his cabin to see his etchings?????
Oh my! Dear friends, you have made me laugh until the tears flowed!!!! Thank you for the pick-me-up!
I'll tell you my confession and then add to the wonderful story you all wrote while I was gone all day! I hope it doesn't spoil your wonderful mood here....
When we woke up this morning, I tried to help my husband dress, and he had taken off his depends. He wouldn't let me help him put on a clean pair, and put his slacks on without depends. When I tried to nicely talk to him and tell him he needed them for protection as well as to prevent accidents, he ignored me. When I reached for his belt, he slapped my hands away. I told him we weren't leaving the bedroom until he put on the depends. (I have to have one cup of coffee before I am human in the morning, and I hadn't had one as yet. That is my excuse for what I said later.) After 10 minutes of his trying the door knob and walking into the bathroom and then trying to make the bed with me sitting in it, I tried again (thinking the short term memory would have kicked in) to ask him to put them on. He gave me the look that said no way. I waited another 10 minutes, and went to him to ask him to let me help him put them on. He pushed my hands away and walked off. After all this time, and the dogs ready to go outside and me wanting my coffee, I asked him again. He clapped his hands at me (which means do as I want you to now) and I said no, we weren't leaving the room until he put on his underpants which he has worn all his life (I was going to be gone most of the day and I didn't want my daughter and grandson to have to clean up after him.) The last time I tried, he shoved my hands away again. I told him that if he would not listen to me and do what I said, which was always done based upon what was best for him, that I would have to take him to the nursing home. That I never asked him to do anything unless it was necessary. Please put these depends on. Then I sat on the bed again. He acted like he hadn't heard me. I felt awful the minute it was out of my mouth! I can't believe I said that to him! About 5 minutes later, he started undoing his belt and took off his pants and I went to him and he stepped into the depends I was holding, then I helped him put on his slacks again. Then he kissed me and hugged me! I opened the door and we went to the kitchen and got our coffee. It was as if nothing had happened. I felt badly for saying that and will remember it...and wish I could take it back. However, while I was out today, he wouldn't listen to either my daughter or my grandson on anything. By the time I got home at 4, he seemed okay, but they said he was a terror today after I left. That he got into everything and wouldn't listen to them. So I wanted to tell you all wjat I had done this morning, then I got to thinking that you all would think badly of me for doing it, so I erased it.
I wish I had met Paul Newman instead!!!!! Now back to the story--- **********************************************************************
"You are a strange lady! Why do you carry your cat in your purse, and why are you wearing a wig and covering up that beautiful hair?" Paul asked. She replied "I am taking the cat to my friend as a surprise and after the incident with the fire, my hair needs to grow back out before I can go without the wig." "I think you need to go to the ladies room and repair yourself before my friend arrives" he said. She wondered why that would matter, until she turned around and saw George Clooney approaching them! She ran for the restroom as fast as she could!
Mary, i have threatened that to my DH countless times when i am exhausted and nothing is working with him!!. he is never fazed by that remark, dont beat yourself up girlfriend! just one of those days we all have them. he wont remember it neither should you, besides if he gets more hooligan (which it is sounding you may get more desperate:) its not something to feel so badly over!! its an option when we cant handle them anymore, saying it doesnt make you terrible...you know they hate being 'told' what to do. next time let him out go get your coffee and after your cup and hes calmed down, i bet he will get into the depends first try. been there done that! sorry you had a crummy day...and glad you had a good laugh..this post was a riot.. divvi ps mary, my DH is acting out too and i fear uti..keep an eye out. maybe do a strip test next week if he continues.. i have to take a pee sample in on monday! ugh.
OT..Off topic of the story long enough to tell Mary I'm glad you shared your day and No, we don't think bad of you. Now on to the story until Joan catches us........
No, he is not really Paul, he just reminds her of Paul. His name is Peter. So.....
Pip and Peter looked into each other's eyes, as though they were each seeing a reflection of their own souls. He did ask her if she would like to see some of his art work, and she agreed. They were both feeling intoxicated by the moment. Tote bag and white fluffy cat in tow, she let him lead her by his hand. Off they went and.......
Oh, sorry Mary, you didn't do anything shameful. PLEASE! You were at your wit's end and it seemed to have worked. Just be glad he put the depends on and didn't leave your daughter and grandson with a big mess. Sometimes you have to think of your substitute caretakers first, and whatever will work. You did what you had to do, and may have to do it again. Sometimes you have to expand your bag of tricks.
Peter took her aside at his cabin overlooking the babbling brook, as he confessed that he had been diagnosed FTD..Pip's face of raw shock and knowing fear, with her pussy cat in tow ran as fast as possible and ...
Peter doesn't have a cat. That is a good thing since Pip doesn't like other cats.
George Clooney left, he could see that things were heating up between Pip and Peter. And he wasn't interested in a woman with a wig and a fluffy white cat in a tote bag.
Meanwhile, Peter has lead Pip to see his artwork. The cat has sensed the rapport between the two, and no longer feels hostile.
His artwork is beautiful, vivid and all scenery....no people or modern art. Pip is surprised! Peter is no longer interested in showing his artwork. He looks for something to feed the cat to keep it occupied.