I have been writing off and on....a lot of you know my story from beginning to end. Legal battles, family disputes. Lately, my heart has been telling me to bring John home to be with me....or at least in a nearby nursing facility. The family (his) is refusing to cooperate with me in the slightest degree, even to who has power of attorney. The sister tells me I will NEVER have any access to his IRA or any other funds he has. She has told me I don't need Power of Attorney. And, all I am endeavoring to do is put him away in another nursing home. I really want to try this being home thing again. I'm doing all I can. My lawyer isn't back in town until next week and there really is no one to talk to. Last night I called John and talked with him. We were talking about old memories and things we both miss. I told him I get so lonely at night. He said........"well, why don't you have one of your boyfriends sleep with you. One of them can sleep with you, won't he?" WOW, did that ever start a rowe! He is convinced that I have had been having men stay the night while he was living here. He gets very agggitated when I deny this. Conversations (accusations) like this is what led up to his threatening my life last year, which landed him in the hospital. I told him I refuse to call him anymore because of these imaginings of his that he won't put away. Have I woken up? Isn't this the reason he's not here anymore. A poll.....what am I suppossed to do now? Do I jusst leave him there? Do any of your loved ones that are sick speak to you that way and how do you react? It hurts so badly because I have beeen a faithful wife to him for 25 years and haven't let anything happen while we've been apart even though the situation has presented itself. Please talk to me. Am I overreacting to just another manifestation of the disease and is this something I'll just have to get used to....just manage better?
StuntGirl, it is not unusual for an ADLO to accuse his/her spouse of infidelity. Apparently, that sort of delusion just comes with the territory. I know it must hurt you terribly. I think all you can do is reassure John that you love him, though. Trying to argue or reason doesn't work, at all -- it just makes them agitated (as you've discovered.) I don't know if there are any meds that help with delusions.
...there are meds that can help treat delusions, especially if they cause serious behavioral problems such as your husband's threatening your life. Antipsychotic medications for hallucinations, delusions, aggression, hostility and uncooperativeness include aripiprazole (Abilify); olanzapine (Zyprexa); quetiapine (Seroquel); risperidone (Risperdal); and ziprasidone (Geodon).
Can you talk with his doctor about this problem? See whether the doctor feels there may be a need for something like this?
Stunt Girl, DH has FTD and was hospitalized because he was very agitated, aggressive and apparently delusional (as I found out later). Sunshyne is right - the anti-psychotic meds can help with that. Seroquel has been the most effective for my DH. I'd talk with his doctor to find out if they are appropriate for him. Thoughts are with you.
So far, my wife has accused me of having an affair with her sister who was visiting. My LO was not really mad but very concerned. The first time occured when I had a hip replacement and had a therapist come in every day. All Carol rememberd was the Nurse sitting on my bed when Carol walked into the bedroom. Last week she accused our helper of an affair. Adie and I got a good laugh and we talked our LO out of her bad dream. My feelings are hurt because my LO was not as upset as I thought she would with my infidelity (adultry).
There may be meds that can help, and if your spouse is home, they're certainly worth trying. But doing this long distance does NOT sound feasible. I hope that your problems with his kids - which are obviously very severe - don't color your ability to see that he does need help and that he might do better there than with you. As the old saying goes, be careful what you wish for...
stuntgirl, you have been given very good advice here. Wait and talk to your attorney before you do anything in the heat of the moment. You don't need the added stress of perhaps doing something illegal. Hugs to you.
Stunt girl, This post to you by Sunshyne, some time ago, sums up what I believe:
"Each of us who are caregivers need to remember to take care of ourselves first. We are all entitled to basic safety, and to stay healthy."
I've just reread many of your posts and the posts in reply, and I don't think your husband is going to change, or that the situation will become better for you. He is being taken care of in a facility. Your responsibility now is to take care of yourself and protect your assets, which you seem to be doing. You may respond emotionally when he phones you, but I think you need to use your reason and look at the total situation for its harm to you. I'm sorry if I come across as telling you what to do , but you've come a long way, and I don't like to see you being dragged back down.
Jen - I went to your website and your artwork is beautiful. You seem to have a lot going on where you live. AS others suggest, I would concentrate on the legal stuff - protecting your assets, etc. - and keep in touch with your husband by phone. At this point in his illness and to keep the 'battle' and stress down, is it possible for you to go visit him a couple times a month? If his kids try to block visits, then go for a court order for visitation. If your current attorney doesn't do the work necessary like straightening out the power of attorney and control of your husband's medical care, then find another.
If it were me, I would go with them as far as keeping him in Florida (I think that is where I read he was), be nice to them (which may drive them crazy), while having your attorney working on the legal stuff. After 25 years of marriage, you are entitled. I don't know when you last saw him, but i would set up a regular visit if financially possible.
Stuntgirl - that has been my wife's latest mantra. I have a girlfriend, I'm having an affair. When I'm traveling for work I'm really going across the country to visit my girlfriend. Yes, it hurts but its just the disease. I have chosen to just say "well, I guess you're on to me" and focus on frying bigger fish. She tends to drop it much quicker this way. Thenneck