Patience was never one of my virtues even before AD. I did learn early on to hold my tongue when the repetitive questions or remarks started. It isn't easy. And sometmes I do lose it - and then I see the hurt in his eyes. But I always try to apologize immediately and give him a kiss or hug - and then he forgets it - but I don't.
Thinking for two is tough work and repeating constantly doesn't help it either. I've lost it and yelled even after I understood it was the disease. The good thing was that we always had a lot of love and laughter in our marriage and I would look at him and say "I'm sorry" and tell him how much I loved him. He would hug me and we would go on.
The two of always had flash tempers to start with so losing patience was probably guaranteed.
Of all of the things that a dementia patient can do the one that drives the caregiver crazy the most is the repeated questions. For me, it was the first mind-boggling symptom, over a year before diagnosis. And then again after diagnosis. And yet again today.
In addition I think it is scary.
And crazy making annoying.
Etc.
I ask every day to be kind, patient, and forgiving. And when I ask for that, I remember that I need to be kind, patient and forgiving to me too.
Believe it or not, I taught "Patience" to my adult Sunday School class last Sunday. What a lot of material that was! Very interesting. Very hard to do. One thing: We don't pray for patience. If you earnestly pray for patience, God won't drop patience into your lap in a neatly wrapped package. He will allow something to come into your life so you can practice on it. :) True story!
Joan, just maybe the time range of this disease, usually alot of yrs, allows us to come to grips slowly with our personal actions with regards to outbursts. i know firsthand how feeling guilty after blowing off at DH because of a short fuse that day. even though we rationalize that its the 'disease' making them repetitve all the time, that doesnt make the everyday tolerance any easier to come by. get used to saying your sorry and let it go at that. the good thing about a memory disease is just that and that alone-they dont remember if you were short tempered or not one hr to the next. its a blessing in the long run. each new phase of this dread disease brings it own new hoard of tolerance and patience finding issues. divvi
You've heard of the guy that got on his knees beside the bed and asked--"Please give me patience-------and I need it now!!!!!!!!! I especially like what Starling says about prayer. Someties the answer is actually within each if us. I do think we should pray for forgiveness as well as we need to be forgiving of others but also forgive ourselfs too.
YES, YES, YES, I agree with everything that is written here. I am going to stop praying for patience and just ask God to help me. The truth is my DH would have more patience with me if the situation was reversed. He was always a much sweeter person than I was.
oh my i just came on to check out what everyone is doing and got this, i just blew up at dh big time, he keep talking to people who i can`t see, non stop all day, i couldn`t take it anymore. i haven`t said i`m sorry yet but i will, always do, isn`t it hard to do that when you know you had the right to doing that after being unnerved for 10 or so hours. i always seem to find something here to chill me out, thanks everyone
I am not actually praying for patience. I am "choosing it". I firmly believe that at least some of our attitudes are things we can choose. I had the experience of working for abusive bosses, and although I couldn't choose patience in that situation I did choose not to bring it home. And for 3 years, I didn't bring it home.
Every day I type out the following. I generally say it at least once more as well. It might sound weird, but it works. There is praying going on before and after that long sentence. But this is actually making a choice to focus on some things and not on others.
I know my attitude is my decision and I choose to be happy, healthy and strong, kind, patient and forgiving, calm, serene and flexible, aware, thoughtful and wise, but most of all I choose to be grateful for the joys and blessings in my life.