After a long, hard fight with Early-onset Alzheimer’s and small cell lung cancer, my wife Vanessa, age 51, died Sunday morning at 0408. We were married more than 30 years. She was the nice lady with the spectacular blue eyes that held the family and the neighborhood together until she no longer could. She was so often the voice of reason and compassion when one of us would do or plan something crazy. She was much stronger and smarter than she ever gave herself credit for, but we knew.
Alzheimer’s kills slow; small cell lung cancer kills fast. Together they are a full E-ticket ride. After two and a half years of small, manageable mental declines, over the last year we seemed to go into some kind of time accelerator. Each day was like three or four AD months. Something else was going on. It was tough to get the cancer diagnosis for someone with dementia. Once we completed the 17 days of hell in the hospital, chemo started. It worked well, but not the way anyone expected. It did stop the pain and there was no nausea or discomfort. It got us through the winter with a pretty good Thanksgiving and Christmas. She developed a special bond with our 2 year old granddaughter. Little girls don’t care if grandma’s hair had fallen out and that she couldn’t remember anything that happened more than 30 seconds ago. Both of them lit up when they saw each other. The granddaughter has Vanessa’s eyes. Once the maximum chemo had been done, she became more agitated and aggressive and then she just shut down in the last month, being nonresponsive for the last 12 days while her body caught up with her brain.
My sons and I are doing ok. We sort of mentally said our goodbyes a little piece at a time.
I am grateful to have found this site. The practical advice and support have been a big part of my ability to get from one day to the next. Thanks to all.
dking, Your short post/paragraph say's so much about what a beautiful person you lost. I am so sorry for your and your families loss. May you find comfort in knowing heaven has got a special angel watching over you and yours. Sincerely Rk
Dking, i am so very sorry for your loss of dear Vanessa. she was so very young to succumb to these diseases. my prayers and sympathy to your family. Divvi
I also and so sorry for your loss, but just think of all the wonderful things she can do now she is in heaven....no memory loss, chemo, radiation or aggression. She is in a happier place. Ann
Really sorry, Dan, to hear this. Your comment about her beautiful blue eyes makes me remember my aunt who has the exact same eyes as my dad. It was such a comfort to see her for the first time and to look into 'those' eyes again. I pray your family is comforted by sweeter memories and that you all begin to heal.
Dan, Vanessa is now at peace. May you and your sons find the strength to get through the coming days and weeks. Please keep in touch as time goes by. You were such a good caregiver to her and handled everything thrown at you with poise and dignity. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. ((((HUGS))))
I'm so sorry to read the news of Vanessa's passing Dan ....... sadly, each time one of our loved ones, from this forum/group, passes its like a personal loss and we all grieve ......... please know my personal thoughts and prayers are with you and the boys .......
Dan, I am sorry to hear of Vanessa's passing....I know how hard it is...you now have your own angel watching over you. You did a wonderful job of caregiving.....
Please accept my heartfelt sympathy for the loss of your dear Vanessa. You advice and and support have been invaluable to all of us here, and I thank you for that. Vanessa is at peace now. Please take care of yourself.
Dear Dan, I imagine that those beautiful blue eyes are smiling down from Heaven thanking you for all of your tender loving care. Rejoice each time you look at your darling granddaughter and see Vanessa's sparkling eyes shining back at you. May God give you and your family the strength and peace to get through this tremendous loss. You are in my thoughts and prayers, Susan
I think you are an absolutely amazing person. I know you will always feel that touch of Vanessa when you look at your Granddaughter and see those same beautiful blue eyes. You were a true warrior for Vanessa in her fight, and though Vanessa has now gone on to glory I hope you know that together you really did win. She won big because she had the love and devotion of her husband through the most difficult times. You win because you have taught so many others the true meaning of commitment, unconditional love, and compassion.
My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family at this difficult time.
My heartfelt sympathy to you and your family. Although it is a blessing that Vanessa has been freed from her suffering, losing a loved one still leaves a void in one's heart. I will pray for you and your family as you mend. I am sure Vanessa will be taking care of you now from heaven.
Dear Dan, this just has to be so hard for you and your family. I'm very sorry. Please accept my prayers and condolences. I do hope you and your sons will now be able to find some rest and assurance that you did all that could be done.
So sorry to hear of the loss of your Vanessa, with the beautiful Blue Eyes, You did a wonderful job taking care of her, she is now at peace. Enjoy life with your Sons, they need you now. My Prayers are with you and your sons....Rosalie
Dear Dan, my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. Cherish your granddaughter,You were a loving husband and I know that example of the love that you showed will remain with your sons and your grandchildren. Love to you and your family Phyllis
We pray in time the last year's memories will have been replaced by the 25 years of happy memories of the times you shared together. No one can heal the pain in your heart, but if compassion and love would help, you have an abundance of it coming for your friends at The Alzheimer's Spouse. I pray that you and your family will feel the peace of God's loving arms that are wrapped around you at this time.
From one Dan to another.... Bless you brother ,,, you expressed your feeling so well, I can only hope when the time comes for me that I represent myself and my dear wife as well as you .. Bless you, your boys and family ( I also have 2 boys , and 2 grandaughters ) DAN
Dan, my deepest sympathy. Your beautiful expressions have made me look at my wife again, and try to remember all the good things in our relationship - past and present.
Dan: I am new to this board, but, I can relate to your situation. Sounds like you handled it very, very, well and that encourages the rest of us. You express yourself well and it makes us love you and your wife also.
My wife is a non-hodgkins patient that has recurred for the third time and we are running out of treatment options. Now, in the last 6 mos, we have the AD also. We are only in late stage 1 or early stage 2. Looks like we are traveling your same road.
Dan, that was a lovely tribute to your Vanessa. Please accept my sincere condolences on the loss of your wife. I will keep you and yours in my thoughts and prayers. So sorry for your loss! Hugs to you `Di