Hi everyone. I'm new to this discussionboard, even tho I have logged in to read many of your posts. i have really gained so much information from alll of you, but the ones that really hit home were the posts from Jang and New Realm at the end of December about their husbands thinking they were "the girlfriend". Exactly the same wording when asked who is in the picture? who am I and what's my name?
I knew that something was wrong with my husband in mid 2005, as he was behaving Oddly. But I never imagined any of what actually did happen. We had sold our home in CA and traveled for 5 days across country to TN, with the intention of purchasing a home there. "Going back to his roots". The trip was a whole additonnal story. We were not in our home in TN 4 days, when "J" jumped up out of bed at 10 pm and asked where my car was, and told me I had to leave right now, his wife was coming home and she had a gun. I had no car (only his) and had no one to call and no where to go. He became very anxious, paced and ranted and managed to call the local police, who arrived within half an hour. I explained our circumstances to the police, showed them our home purchase docs, drivers license, etc. They were very understanding and talked my husband "down" that night. This happened three more times in the next week or so, and by that time the officers had informed one another about the guy on Haley Rd.
I spent every subsequent day on the edge of my chair, waiting for the next explosion. Saw a Dr (we had no insurance in TN) got some medication, but most meds take 30+ days to become effective.
I knew for certain, that I (we) were going back to CA where I had family and support.
Have not had such an incident again until recently. I'm getting better at this. I get up, get dressed warmly and leave in the car for about an hour and then come back. (Park around the corner) By that time, he his either happy to see me, ready to go to bed, or tells me about the people trying to get in. Who knows what the next episode will bring? 6 I thought the wife coming with a gun was unique to my husband.
I think my most recent "revelation" is to allow myself some more help. At this rate, I don't know what shape I'll be in by the time this is over.
Thanks for listening. Your stories are very much appreciated.
KathyB Dr is trying Depacote.
Do very many of you have similar experiences? Is this typical?
My husband appears to be "normal" in so many other ways. Sort term memory gone, lots of excuses for everything. Is it wishful thinking on my part, that he isn't so far gone? The Dr suggests that he is worse than I think he is.
Welcome to the message board. What a rough start to a new move. Are you actually back in California now? Or still in TN? Not sure I understood. Your husband does indeed sound much like mine and so many others who've shared their stories. I suspect your husbands doctor is right, and the stage/symptoms are further along than you realize. My husband too would appear normal to someone just walking down the street. And even conversation is pretty normal for the first few minutes. The he starts repeating the same questions, or says something off the wall and people do get a clue what's going on with him.
We had DH on Namenda, then Aricept was added after 18 months. He began to slide fairly rapidly at about 21 months. We finally got in to see the neurologist a few months later and they added Depakote. For us it was a disaster. Stopped that and started Klonipen. Bigger disaster. Finally added risperdol, and things really settled down for us. We've also recently added Trazadone to help 'DH sleep better at night. Still confused as ever, but the agitation is much better controlled. As far as the meds go however, they are such an individual thing. Some work great for one AD patient, and horrible for another. Its just a wait and see, but be prepared to change at any time.
Welcome to my website and message boards. No way can any of us travel this journey alone. Of all I learned last year, that was the greatest lesson. If you are not in a support group, get into one. Reach out to everyone - doctors, social workers, psychiatrists, and the friends you will find here who will understand you like no else can.
I'm a little confused, also, just as New Realm said - Are you back in California?
KathyB, Just a big southern online welcome to you!!! I am in Louisiana with my AD spouse This Alz disease is so horrible but as you know you take one day at a time. And yes it is so very hard but by the grace of GOD and HIS mercy on us, we will make it thru. It is indeed tiring and sometimes consuming, but in the midst of it all, try to take care of yourself. I am also so glad you found this site. I know these good people have given me alot of support, comfort and information. I was so shocked at the similiarities of many happenings to others here. Let's us know ;we are not alone and all are in this together. Do you have any children,young or grown? Close or far? Thanks for sharing and HUGS TO YOU! PAT
Yes I'm back in Ca. Actually, never wanted to leave and fortunately still have a home here. I bot it for myself, as I thot I would not like to stay in a place where I had no one, in TN. Figured I would stay here and there. Boy, am I glad I made that decision! We are both here in CA, now.
I am a native of CA. I have two dtrs, 37 & 40, from my first marriage, both within 100 miles. They are VERY supportive and worry about me alot. My husbands children are all over, none in TN, none on the west coast. Don't hear from them much.
"J" is on both aricept and Namenda, with Lexapro in the AM. This seems to have bee a pretty good recipe so far, and you could say it has kept him "stable" for almost a year. He sleeps very well. Boy am I grateful for that, after reading about some of your situations.
The adding of Depakote is for the insistence (obsession) that he go back to TN. He announces his departure literally, daily. He has even traveled back there on several occasions (alone) with a caregiver waiting in TN for him. I thot he would be okay. He traveled thru the airports okay and his cousin got him to the home in TN. Literally, the next day, he diecided he didn't want to be there alone and got his plane tix and came home. Two day round trip! Needless to say, he doesn't remember even going to TN on any of those occasions. Can't let that happen again.
What signs did you have that the Depacote wasn't working? What should I be looking for?
Dr said that seroquel (which I also have a prescrip for, but have used it in a very limited manner, for emergencies) is for psychotic type of behavior. I guess they have to experiment, as each indiv is different.
KathyB, Welcome to our family and welcome back to CA. I live in CA too, but not a native. I live near the Ventura area. It sounds like you never have a boring day. It has been a very bad day so I don't feel like writing much, but wanted to say hello. barbarakay
Sorry you had a very bad day. Hope things are much better by the time you read this. Just wanted to say I'm a California native, born in Orange, and raised in Santa Barbara. I was stationed out of Port Hueneme when I was in the Naval Reserve. Are you on the Northern end (La Conchita), or Southern end (Camarillo) of Ventura County? We have lived in Washington State now for seven years. I love it, and DH's like or dislike of Washington State changes with the wind. I never thought I'd miss Santa Barbara area, but since we sold my parents home in Goleta it hits me at times that there is no more California home to go back to. Mom passed away, and Dad lives in a nursing home near me, and if theres one great thing I can say about Santa Barbara its that my parents got a ridiculously high sale price of their very plain 40 year old home and it is paying my Dad's nursing care.
I was born in CA too, Los Angeles to be exact and live between the Marina & LAX. At one point my DH & I were sitting on the couch and he asked me to marry him. I said 'yes' and he became so happy, really slap-happy. 'I can't believe it' he said. 'Won't all the other boys be jealous? And we'll have to tell the children that they're legitimate, won't they be surprised? I can't imagine I waited so long to ask you.' Then he maneuvered me into the corner of the couch and told me all about how he would seduce me once we were married--and wasn't it all wonderful! He kept kissing me and all but smothered me until I had to push away to breathe. Sometimes you see something about them that you didn't exactly know before. He was a young man in love, telling me how he felt and we were 50 yrs down the line. Ya gotta love em.
Your story made me laugh and cry, at the same time. This kind of behavior seems to be fairly common. My husband asks me at least once a week if we can be married. I keep telling him that we are already married, and no we're not going to start a new family. He seems to be obsessed with the idea of being "PG". I haven't heard that terminology since high school.
It is so funny that you mention your DH wants you to become "PG". That is how our journey started with AD. I was 36 and Robert was 44. We were watching a movie where a couple with grown children discovered they were pregnant. Robert stands up and says that he wants to have another baby. He had a vasectomy after our daughter was born in 1998 - seven years earlier. Couldn't wait to get it done. I should have known then that something was wrong with Robert.
He had a vasectomy reversal that fall (he had become obsessed with the baby thing). I was pretty excited because I had always wanted a 3rd child. And then the world flipped upside down and everything fell apart. By Jan 06, he had decided every government official was looking for him. By the Dec '06 he started ECT treatments for the 'severe drepression' that was causing his dementia. By summer '07, we had a diagnosis of AD (possibly FTD). Now, I have to take the pill again and worry about getting pregnant. I just tell myself that maybe the Lord knew I needed hormone therapy and this was His way of getting me back on hormones.....
My DH still, in spite of the fact I'm not giving the opportunity, keeps saying we should have kids. My tubes were tied a few years ago, then I had a total hysterectomy in '05. Along with his suggestions that we "make a baby" he keeps asking me if I want to get married. I cringe, and have a really hard time with it when he keeps saying, "I think we'd be good together. I think we'd have a really, really good life." It hurts. I say to myself every time, "This IS our life, and No, it is NOT good" because of AD. I admit it, I have a bad attitude most days.
Sometimes my wife M of 42 years says things like "We have never dated" or "When are you going home?" or "You live with your parents." This is in the dark of night in our king sized bed.
I smile, laugh and play along with her AD induced fantasy, although I am curious which of her imaginary boy friends I am.
C, You are such a sweetheart for your loved one M. God blessed her having you. I am praying for more compassion, I love Den very much but I get so very frustrated over little stuff I should be laughing off. My sense of humor done got up and went...........Need to get it back so I can response to him better. After all, he still knows me as his wife. Tonight we went to the movie to see The Bucket List. Instead of him just coming along I told him we were going on a date and I think he enjoyed it more. Last time we had to leave the theatre, he said it was too loud. Tonight I think it was fun while it lasted, he enjoyed but can't remember any of it. Thanks for sharing, PAT
About a year ago, my husband started seeing "three" of me and couldn't understand how that could be! It was devastating at 1st that he could forget who I was after 16 yrs, so I tried to talk him out of it to no avail. Reality orientation doesn't work, as I'm sure you've all discovered! So like C above, I changed gears and told him "we" were his little harem and that we were all here to love and help him. He was so delighted to hear that and immediately accepted the story.
He's recently begun to ask me to marry him and I say of course I'll marry him. That makes him very happy & affectionate for a little while like he used to be!
Hi, to all of the Southern Cal gals. I used to live in Ventura County, until 4 years ago. I got a dream job at NASA and moved to Houston. That is when I started noticing the changes in my beloved, forgetting things, lack of sense of direction. I blamed it on the move to a much bigger city and the stress of looking for a job for him. Still no diagnosis, I dragged him to the neurologist once and to get some tests done. He never went back to the neurologist or picked up the results of the tests. In his mind, I think, he hopes that if he doesn't get the results everything will go away and be better.
Vanessa..... I too understand the denile of the AD patiant...... Dee quit 2 Doc,s before I was able to get her to a neuro. During our annual phisicals I,d go in first and see the Doc and express my concern with her memory loss.. They both told me the same thing, that they would give her a memory test when it was her turn... On both occations she came out mad as hell cause they gave her a memory test that she failed..... It was a stuggle and bothered me for a number of years before she was DX , but ya know what ? after it,s all said and done .... for us it did,nt make a differance.... what it is, is what it is...... I do understand though that an earlier DX ,there is the opportunity to start meds earlier and as soon as possible... Time will come when he realizes this but in the mean time you need to take care of you.... My stomach is still a mess from the years of torment I put myself through... If its one thing I,ve learned , it,s you have to also take care of yourself if you are ever to see the other side... good luck V.
Thanks, dandee. Our family doctor gives him a referral to the neurologist every time for his physical, but it does no good if he doesn't go. The first neuro, he didn't like, he said she was too young to have any meaningful experience. Which was a lot of bull, he didn't like her because he failed some of the testing she gave him and she did find something "odd" in his MRI (the only results I could pick up since he had signed authorization for me to pick them up). He has become extrememly "attached" to me, but at the same time he is very critical of everything I do, very weird. I think I need a vacation by myself, I may go to see the "offspring unit" in San Diego. I am also looking forward to a going to a job related conference in June, of course he want to go along, but I put a stop to that right away.