I am so glad I stumbled across this site while searching for information on Razadyne. I thought I was a crazy, heartless, not-fit-to-live wife because of the struggles I am having adjusting to being an AD spouse. Ten days ago I just about drove myself to the hospital to throw myself at the mercy of the triage nurses; just give me a bed in the psychiatric ward. Take all of this away from me. I can not cope.
Reading through previous discussions has helped me regain some sanity (I was never totally sane anyway) and given me some hope. I look forward to reading more of your words of wisdom and experience. You are truly a caring group.
I am 55 years old and my husband is 68. We have been married 14 years. He had a brain aneurysm in 1996 and his post operative state was eerily like AD. Except for his balance and ability to tell time, he seemed to recover to about 80% of his previous level. This last year however has been hell. He has been diagnosed with AD but in this backward colony (Canada) diagnostic tools are limited. PET scans are for emergencies and research only. Our provincial health plan is covering the cost of his meds though.
There is one way that we are different from most couples. Are you ready for this? We don't live together. Never have. Being older, we were both set in our ways, and I won't share a bathroom LOL. Anyway, I moved in December to a house right across the street from his condo. I used to be about 10 minutes away but as he needs more care, that seemed too far. He stopped driving in November; we sold his car last week.
Other than not sharing a communal abode, we were as committed to each other as any two people could be. Everyone always commented on how happy we looked together. Not anymore. Okay, there are still some good days but most of the time he is, for me, an empty shell. In public, he can still fool most people who don't know him well.
In one way I'm glad we don't live together. I can see by other discussions how frustrating and painful it is to have to be in your AD spouses presence 24/7. At least I am spared that. But it does get lonely. Also, I think it forces him to keep mentally active. He just HAS to remember how to brush his teeth. And if it takes him two hours, no one is there to watch, judge and criticize.
And yes, I watch him carefully. I can see through his window from my place!
I don't have questions right now, just wanted to say "HI", thanks, and talk to you soon!
Hello Magda...I have not been here but a couple months. It is an awesome place for spouses. The members are so smart, caring and helpful. I think with their help I will make this journey with my AD husband. My husband is in Stage 5 and some Stage 6.
Anyway, WELCOME!!! You will not regret it....Granny Whiskers
Welcome Magda, you have found an awesome website, filled with people who have been there done that to others like myself learning to deal with a wife in the early stages. Your living arrangement is unusual but it sounds like it is working for you. Hope to hear from you again.
Magda - last summer we were working in a park in Nevada, there was a couple that have lived next to each other for over 20 years and it works great for them. He is at her place most of the day - fixed it up real nice - and goes home at night. When we worked at a park in Southern Oregon - the same situation. I imagine there are many more out there too.
There are a lot of couples who have that lifestyle. One built two adjoining houses, but the second one only had a bathroom, kitchen and bedroom. The other had a living room, dining room, studio, bedroom and bath and kitchen. He loved to cook, but she didn't like the clutter and mess he left when he cooked, so he brought over his finished dishes and she added her dishes to his and they ate together in her house. She loved to paint and he loved to read and be outdoors, and he had fixed up a big patio with plants between their doors. It was great.
Magda, welcome to our group. We'll be here for you if you need us!
Welcome, magda. Living arrangements don't matter here. Whatever works. We're glad you're here. Reading the posts does help. It helps even more to post your thoughts and feelings because we understand.
Hi & Welcome magda, I am so sorry for you need to join us, however, I am sure you will find everyone helpful, kind & non-judgemental. Please feel free to post at anytime.
A big, fat *HI* from me, too, magda. Welcome to our family.
I've heard of living together without marriage, but I have to admit, getting married and not living together is a new one for me. Quite interesting. Live and learn. <grin>
Let us know when you do have questions -- or answers!
Welcome to my website. Whatever the living arrangements, we are all spouses struggling with the same emotions and difficulties.
Please be sure to log onto the home page - www.thealzheimerspouse.com - and scroll through the resources on the left side. I always recommend starting with "Newly Diagnosed/New to the website", as there is a lot of information in there. Also, the best explanation of Alzheimer's Disease is a little farther down - "Understanding the Dementia Experience". Please click on "previous blogs" and scroll through the topics. I am sure there will be many to which you can relate. Check the home page daily for new blogs and news updates.
There is always someone here on the boards who has gone through whatever someone is experiencing at the moment and can help with advice or simply a hug.
50 years ago I knew a couple who were married and lived 5 miles apart. He would go visit her periodically. That was back before living together before marriage was even heard of.
Hello, Magda, and welcome to our little family. You will find us unjudgemental, loving and responsive. We can hold your hand through this business of Ad. You will learn a lot from everyone's experience...M