I know it won't last but how do you deal with it? It's the only issue so far that sickens me. Since I make it clear it's not going to happen he does ....well strange things. The sad thing is it keeps me from showing the affection I have for him. I'd like to cuddle, hold hands or sit close but he turns it into something distasteful in an instant. Any advice would be appreciated. cs
cs, I know something about this. My DH has been dx'd with FTD. Unfortunately, aggression, inappropriate behavior, sexual activity are controlled in the frontal/temporal lobe area of the brain. I understand that deterioration with this type of dementia is manifested early in the disease. I do not know what type of dementia your DH has but this is not uncommon. You should contact your neuro immediately and explain the situation before this behavior is taken outside the house. It is very disagreeable and I understand where you are coming from. There is pharmacy for this behavior. It was a relief for me. M
My DH is in later stages of AD now, and I had suspected his was possibly FTD. He doesn't fit the mold completely, but this very personality/aggression/hypersexuality issue is exactly what got me to seek out the Alz.org message board. Then to this very message board when Joan's website was still in its inception. Yup, another of those marital issues not as easily discussed or understood on the other board. I think almost every (I said almost....) member here can relate to your feelings.
Thanks ladies. I have an appointment with Dr. Mon. I will ask about meds for this issue. Please keep your comments comming.I feel better just knowing you're all out there. New Realm-I too was directed to this site by a kind soul on Alz.org. The best thing that's happened to me since our journey began.
I think it was JAB (name over *there*) who turned you on to this site. Some of the responses to situations we spouses were in just couldn't be related to.... if they were responded to they weren't understood all that well. A pretty good sized population of us "marrieds" were chomping at the bit as Joan was planning and in the process of getting her site up and running for us all.
newly diagnosed ...he's addictive to porn sites...goes to the titty bars...is this common? He comes home and could care less about my feelngsis. Says he loves me no more. We have no relationship. He moved out of the bedroom a few years ago and is no longer interested in me but porn and fanstany in topless bars. I am lonely and frankly I believe he still knows what he's does but doesn't care about my feelings. He yells at me and verbally abuses me. I am thinking of leaving him. I can't take it any longer. I cried all day today because I am not that old. I married a man 14 years my senior. I hate my life now!
Welcome to my website. Yes, hypersexuality is common, often a symptom of Frontal Lobe Dementia. I have brought to the top a discussion on hypersexuality that may help you.
I started this website in 2007 because I couldn't find anyone who would talk about how I felt - I thought I was the only one feeling the way I did about what Alzheimer's Disease was doing to my marriage. I needed a place that dealt with my unique issues as a spouse of an Alzheimer patient. This site is now a place of comfort for spouses/partners who are trying to cope with the Alzheimer's/dementia of their husband/wife/partner. The issues we face in dealing with a spouse/partner with this disease are so different from the issues faced by children and grandchildren caregivers. We discuss all of those issues here - loss of intimacy; social contact; conversation; anger; resentment; stress; and pain of living with the stranger that Alzheimer's Disease has put in place of our beloved spouse/partner.
The message boards are only part of this website. Please be sure to log onto the home page - www.thealzheimerspouse.com - and read all of the resources on the left side. I recommend starting with "Newly Diagnosed/New Member" and "Understanding the Dementia Experience".
Do not miss the "previous blog" section. It is there you will find a huge array of topics with which you can relate. There is a "search" feature on the home page that allows you to look up different topics that may have been explored in a previous blog. Log onto the home page daily for new blogs; news updates; important information.
lonelyinphoenix - welcome, sorry you have join us. Has he been diagnosed? As join said, that is more common with FTD, but I feel there is more to the story than you have told us yet. Has he had a stroke?
lonelyinphoenix, welcome to the site that will give you support in this horrible journey. The hypersexual behaviour will taper off as time passes but other ugly behaviors will arise. The main thing to remember here is that you are a beautiful and wonderfully made person, your self-worth is not dependant on your ill DH. Have you mentioned the behavior to his dr? The psych doctor can probably help with some meds.
lonelyinphoenix, yes this is typical behavior of a person with FTD. We went through a similar experience before he was dx'd and I had made up my mind to divorce him, then he got dx'd. He called me names, moved into a different room because he found me "disgusting", spent $$$ he didn't have on porn, etc and absolutely didn't care about me one bit.
It's a very difficult stage for everyone and as has been recommended, see his dr to get meds to control his behavior. If he exposes himself in public, urinates, etc you risk complaints/charges of indecent exposure, arrests, etc which you really don't want to go through. This one of the painful behaviors we have to deal with. Sorry.
Lonely in Phoenix, we are wearing the same shoes...i have spent the morning crying in my room participating in a very long facebook post cuz my morning started with a bang..of his hand on my face. I live daily with LFL describes above "He called me names, moved into a different room because he found me "disgusting", spent $$$ he didn't have on porn, etc and absolutely didn't care about me one bit." Yet I am the one who cares for him, pays for his meds, cooks his meals, etc etc. He banishes me to my room after verbally and physically abusing me, until he wants something..then butter would not melt in his mouth. He has been ok after a med change a few months back..it may be time for another...but this wonderful place can make it better, and you wont be lonely anymore
This is common with FTD. It seems that you go through a stage of hypersexuality, impotence, or both.
If your husband has FTD consider joining http://ftdsupportforum.com. There are threads about this problem.
bridgewitch, you are experience real violence and you need to protect yourself. Through medications (for him), through moving him into LTC or you moving out. Sometimes it is simply too much to deal with. This may be a stage. Call his doctor ASAP to discuss options. You wrote that a med change helped in the past, this is needed at the very least.
bridgewitch, please call his dr asap-he needs a med adjustment to keep you both safe. It will be difficult and dangerous for YOU if he continues this behavior. I ended up calling 911 when he started stalking me and then hit me but that has its own set of perils and once the wheels get in motion the outcome may not be what you want. SO....as paulc says, call his dr asap and get otions. Most of all take care of yourself and be safe.
TO....LFL This was one thread I was able to find on my own and read last night. Are you proud of Me??? I''m getting there, slowly but surly. But thank you, You Doll You!!!!! By the way, LFL, that is a Staten Island term of endearment we would say to someone we admire and appreciate. :0)