I have been raising our grandson Dylan since birth, My DH came into the picture when Dyls was 3. He is his father figure even though he is Papa. I have done my best to explain to Dylan that Papa has a disease in his brain that is making him grumpy and forgetful and that someday he will forget our names. He seems to be ok, patient and taking it in stride. What is worrying me is that Jim is becoming very critical of everything that Dylan does. They were so close before, guys nites out, haircuts and pizza, movies, Home Depot, fishing, gardening and now all Dylan gets in don't to this, why did you do that. It can be awful and I am so worried about Dylan. I have a therapist lined up for Dylan but we haven't started yet. HELP!
Have you bought him the book Maria Shriver wrote about AD? Don't remember the name, but it's intended for kids whose grandparents have dementia. She wrote it after her Dad's dx.
The name of it is "What's Happening to Grandpa?" and you can purchase it through this link - http://astore.amazon.com/wwwthealzheim-20/detail/0316001015
Also, click on www.alz.org, and find the section for children that explains AD in simple language that they can understand.
I did buy this book and it would be good for someone who really is grumpy, puts things in the wrong place...like shoes in the refrigerator but after reading it, my daughter and I didn't think it was the appropriate book for her girls. Mainly because DH is not grumpy and doesn't put things in strange places, etc. He just has short term memory problems. He's sweet and dear and they just love him to death. We decided to just tell them that sometimes he doesn't remember things and they may have to tell him again. it has worked great so far.
I understand your worry my DH is very picky at our 2 children aged 13 & 10.they have days when they cant do anything right.but kids do adapt quite well.I find when i sit down & discuss some of the issues that come up with their dads temper as long as you talk the problem through with them they seem to not worry so much as long as they have some-one to vent to.I have developed a very close relationship with my 2 kids now & I keep reminding them they are dealing with a disease not their dad when he acts this way.I wish you luck its very difficult when kids are in the home as well
My husband's Mental Illness was Dx'd when our daughter was 10. I explained it to her factually but in non technical terms. She handled it very well through the years growing up. I also got her involved with the BigSisters part of BigBrothers/BigSisters Organization, for some respite and adult friendship totally unrelated to the homefont or school.
The only real issue I can remember having to be firm with her about, was that she could disagree with him, and she could refuse demands he might place on her that weren't her responsibility, but she HAD TO DO IT IN A RESPECTFUL MANNER. No sassing or sarcasm, or other types of mouthing off. She actually was better at refusing to be his personal waiter than I was. It even got to the point where she'd call me on it. "Why do you do that whn he can do it himself?" I'd usauallty say, "It just seems easier to do it and go on to otherthings, than to potentially end up in a discussion."
Kids are resiliant (sp) and smart. Explain the situation to them and be sure to back them up and they'll be fine. Let them know you will watchout for them and correct or distract Papa when he's being hard on them, but that they can do that too. Include them in the caring too.
I agree with carosi. Andrea was short and irritable with the kids, even though she had doted on them earlier. No matter how the kids wanted to roll their eyes, they were to be respectful, and if they were totally respectful, they were allowed to not do whatever she had commanded or yelled about them about. Basically, they had to take it in stride like I did! They were 3, 6, and 9 during the worst of it.
Thanks for all you support. I took Dylan with us today for Papa's PET Scan and while we waited we talked more about how Papa is changing and how hard it is for all of us. I reminded him that he shouln't be too upset when he gets grumpy with him, he can't help it and we can talk about it when it happens. My Mom was rushed back to the hospital today, I had to leave my DH and Dat my daughters house, with 5 yr old grandson sick with flu/ so that I could be at the hospital. By the time I picked Dh and Dylan up after dinner he was in A MOOD!! Boy taking him out of "his enviornment" is getting to be more troublesome. I AM being pulled in two directions, its so hard, I really shouldn't leave DH alone, yet I need to spend some time at the hospital and we do not have any services in place to help and it's flippin school vacation week on top of it. And we are in the middle of a snowstorm and I slid off the road and blew a tire on a curb and bent my rim and God only knows what else on the way home from the hospital. My car is being towed, my daughter took sick child out of bed to pick me up AGHHHHHHHHH! If the lakes weren't frozen I swear I'd drive into one. I told a friend that I was going to go drive into the lake and she reminded me that they are all frozen, crap, I can't even get that right@! So here I sit, blowing off steam to you all with a glass of wine in one hand. Thanks for being here.
yay! i'm with you jims wife, alcohol & this sight are fantastic.cheers to friendships family & alcohol I say!! try not to feel too guilty about leaving him home alone everything about this disease makes you feel guilty.I feel very guilty about having to leave my kids home with my DH.They dont paticularly like him much especially when he is in a mood but unfortunately I have to work evenings & this can be when he is at his worst.It is getting to a stage now where i have to find somewhere for my kids to go while i'm at work but i dont like leaving him home alone as well.I hate alzheimers it sucks.So i will have a drink while i contemplate what to do...... cheers to that!!
Jim's wife - how is Dylan doing now? Hopefully Dylan will be able to not let the personality changes affect him. Kids have a great capacity to cope. Some will not be affected at all - others are seriously affected. I pray that Dylan will be the one to not be affected. In the future if it does, he may need some counseling.
truthfully I have a hard time respecting my husband, let alone my girls. In the beginning when he was loosing control of his life, he demanded it in any other way he could. It became very verbal and phsyical no one wanted to be home when he was. Now that he is not so violent (1st because of meds.,2nd now the disease has progressed.) we still have to watch what we do or say infront of him. I'm just saying it's hard to have compassion or respect for someone who treats you so mean.
Hi Charlotte, Dylan is doing ok. He continues to respect Jim, but often doesn't like what he says or does. I just keep reminding him that he has to show respect, and then come and talk to me. They get along well when they are working outside together. But Jim's patience are very short and Dyls can require alot of patience, hmmmm so can Jim, lol. I am going to call the Bridgton Academy, a nearby Prep School to see if they have a mentoring program. I would love to find someone to hang out with him, help him get ready for baseball tryouts, etc. So, we'll see.