I have noticed my wife has started cussing more. She will say things that seem inappropiate or rude to people She told me that she wants to contact her ex husband and old boy friends to let them know about her condition. We have been married over 20 yrs
moorsb, My Ad hubby now cusses more too.I'm the one who doesn't want to go anywhere these days--I never know what he is going to do or say.He insults people,telling them things like "you've really packed on the pounds"he also makes crude comments.When I ask him to stop he says no one thinks anything of it but me. He hasn't mentioned old girl friends --YET!
oh yeah Moorsb, its that devil AD. my DH cant get out much anymore but what he does is garbled with cussing. he esp likes the 'SOB" one. :) my poor 6yr old gdaughter, always is calling him on those words! remember the exorcist movie?haha almost- and you get it now-that whole trigger that entails the ability to control thoughts and speech i think is nil. you have to learn early on to turn a blind eye and ignore. divvi
Bob-as the disease progresses-especially with FTD the civility brake is gone. They will say what they think even when they are wrong. We go through life holding our thoughts in check if they are inappropriate because of the consequences. That check is now gone. Sorry-the disease marches on.
I got lucky on this one a little. He was a Merchant Marine. Also poorly educated so used a lot of cussing for lack of more language knowledge. He worked to control it some when our Daughter came along, but the real curb was his Vascular Dementia. Seldom uses the cussing anymore. Inappropriate comments?--another story.<grin>
Well Moorsb I hate to tell you but the cussing and crude remarks seem to go along with AD. My formerly perfectly well behaved and charming little DW has turned to cussing, she can be racially insensitive and become embarrassing in some social situations. She is almost to the point where I don't want to take her to any social gatherings anymore. It is becoming more and more of a chore to get her to sit through many of the dinners, meetings, church and other social situations anymore. She always get anxious and fidgety, I end up having to leave early and take her home because of her anxiety.
I know she needs some social contact, but now we mostly asociate with family. Even those gatherings can become embarassing as she feels like everyone enjoys her shocking the living daylights out of them. They are getting used to her now, but some of the topics and situations that come up are very out of place at these gatherings. I think sometimes she actually enjoys being a bad girl.
Sorry about that jimmy. I know how you feel and it is embarrassing. I haven't experienced that yet and don't know if a med would help or not. I imagine it might put them into the zombie state. That is probally one of the things NH uses meds for because with so many patients doing these unacceptable behavior things they just med them.
My Mom did not have dementia but in later years I was always on pins and needles worried she would say something to offend someone. She was always slim and trim and would make little remarks to me and granddaughters "gained a little weight haven't you?" or she would refer to a colored person as a "n-----"or make little digs at the Doctor. Most of you have probally experienced the same and there is nothing you can do about it. In her case her peers did the same and it seemed acceptable to them.
We dp very little social contact now but I think if my dh did the crude remarks I would try to keep him away. It would just bother me too much and I have enough on my plate already. Maybe going to restaurants where she doesn't know people would help the situation. Good Luck
My DH loved to insult people in grocery stores esp in LINE waiting to checkout. i still wont wait anywhere i have to checkout with him even now. he would say dreadful things and then laugh and smile and look for approval from everyone. it was scary. he would esp like to comment on big 'chests' on women:) and not the good kind of remarks. or how old or funny or god help us handicapped. ugh! he stopped going places during that time bigtime- now hes fairly docile and smiles and is kinder when out in public. i think its the meds and or stages that bring out this bad behaviours. Divvi
Once again I feel lucky. DW does not use any inappropriate words or actions, at home or in public. When we are having dinner with another couple she will try to enter the conversation, but what she says makes no sense. Fortunately, most of the people we eat with know the situation. They just let her talk for a while, then resume the conversation. Today we had lunch at a local restaurant. As we were starting to leave she stopped to talk to a baby at another table. She loves babies. She also will comment to total strangers that she likes what they are wearing - blouse, jewelry, etc. Both of these (babies and clothing) bring smiles to those she is talking to. I doubt that any of them have any idea of the problem.
I also feel very lucky. My DH doesn't use inappropriate words or actions either at home or out in public. He does, however, want to talk to anyone carrying a baby or small child. This is totally out of character for him. He's very nice about it and always compliments both the child and parent. But I do watch him and stay with him - people are so conscious about men approaching their children and for good reason too. And, he always wants to "help" someone who is disabled - with either a walker or wheelchair. I always discourage this - sometimes it works, other times-not. But I'm sure no one has any idea of his problem.
It is very interesting the twists and paths this disease takes with people. My husband always had a "mouth" on him. However, he could adjust it depending on the situation and who was around us. As his disease worsened, he changed again. He lost a lot of his "mouth". That one really confused me for a while.
English is his second language. I did get a very interesting explanation about learning a second language and swearing in it from a friend one day. She told me that she would be moritified if she swore in her native language but they didn't sound like swears in English......
Last week when I was visiting him in the facility he is in, one of the other residents came out with the line "I really want to see the devil." As she is a very "cute old lady", this remark was pretty funny at the time.
My husband has always been a big jokester and now he has invented his own language. It sort of sounds like a combination of German and Japanese, if you can imagine that! He only speaks it around me, so far, and I tease him that he must be speaking in that tongue to cuss me out so I won't understand it. So far we both laugh about it; I'm interested to see if in time, he'll speak it to others.
Marilyn, that's interesting. My husband has started speaking what sounds like a combination of German and Russian ... but only when we're around other people.
Maybe it is from his childhood. When my kids, who were 18 months apart, were toddlers they had their own language. I use to have to ask my son what his sister was saying.
Marilyn, I wish I knew the meaning of "speaking in tongues". I have discussed this with Pentacostal friends, but still don't really understand it. As far as I know, it comes from the book of Acts, Chapter 2: "All of them were filled with the Holy Spirit and began to speak in other tongues (languages) as the Spirit enabled them." In this case, everyone in the room, from many different nations, heard the speakers in their own language, so could understand them. I'm not sure that's what the Pentacostals do now. Maybe someone else can give a better explanation.
I don't think any spirits, holy or otherwise, are filling my DH at this point. He is having a little difficulty getting some English words out--seems his brain is sending mis-signals to his tongue. I think he just likes the way his new language sounds or feels when he says it, and he thinks it's funny (which it is). He has always liked acting goofy and making me laugh and his favorite saying is "It's better than crying." He has no idea how many tears his illness has caused me to shed, and how ironic his motto is in light of his illness.
Marsh - most people who 'speak in tongues' are using a prayer language given to them by the Holy Spirit and to be used in private, or if a group quietly - not for exhibition. Only God knows what you are saying - even the devil can't understand. It is your spirit communing with God through the Holy Spirit. Some pentacostal churches believe if you don't speak in tongues, you are not baptized with the spirit and can make one feel unsaved and condemned. I am of the other belief that it is something personal between you and God, and has nothing to do with salvation.
I know when we are driving our motor home in windy weather, on back roads or when we have trucks passing on both sides, I do a lot of it. (we lost a mirror when a truck crossed the line while passing so are a little paranoid).
There is also 'tongues and interpretation' where one person will speak out in a service/meeting in an unknown language and either that person or someone else will be give the interpretation in English (or your native tongue). Prayer language is for just that person, while tongues and interpretation are for the assembled.
marsh, I get the impression my husband is trying to impress people, or get attention.
He used to speak some German (he had a lot of business dealings in Europe) and a smattering of Russian ... and some Spanish, too. His accent, however, has always been atrocious in anything but English. <grin> But the gibberish he comes up with is none of the above, it just sounds like the accents he uses for those languages.
He also will suddenly talk about rattlesnakes if we're walking along the path by the lake and someone else is nearby. There are rattlesnakes in the area, we've seen one. But they sure aren't around as often as he talks about them. Or he'll start talking about being on an aircraft carrier, or about fighter jets, pretty much out of the blue, and only when someone else is getting near enough to hear. The topic promptly dies when the person has gone past us.
This thread is very interesting and shows yet another facet of AZ/Dementias.
My husband laughs all the time. Some days it drives me nutz! I know, I know ....... its better than being hit or cursed at but ...........
At first I always asked what he was laughing at 'cuz I thought maybe I was missing something either what was going on around us or on the TV or whatever. Most times he would just point and say 'that' ..... what 'that' was I've never figured out. Other times he'll laugh at something on TV that really isn't, at least to my way of thinking, very funny but he must see something funny in it or perhaps its an involuntary AZ/Dementia reaction to something. Some times we will be driving down the road and he'll laugh - I look around and if I don't see anything I just ignore it now 'cuz it only causes me frustration to try and determine what it is he is laughing at when obviously we're in two different worlds at that particular moment.
Bar-bra, I have heard of "inappropriate" laughter with dementia. As part of the clinical trial my husband was in, the research assistant would ask me lots of questions. One was--is he ever too happy for the circumstances? I always reacted the same way--considering potential personality changes, aggression, moodiness, etc., there isn't a "too happy" in my book.
Charlotte--I've known several people who do speak in tongues and I've attended services where it was done with an interpreter. I do not have this gift but I think it is beautiful.
You did a very nice job explaining it. In fact, I wish I could have done it as well. Thank you very much.
I do not think you were pushing religion at all. Thanks, again.
We attended a family event yesterday and my dh's behavior was so embarrassing and out of character for him that I don't want to take him again until he is out of the phase. Sometimes he just sits quietly at these gatherings, but yesterday he behaved more like a naughty 8 year old....I actually had to scold him. Of course he has no idea the he was acting inappropriately and before AD he would never do these things. Just thought I would bring it up for some of the new members.
My DH doesn't use bad language yet but his personality is changing so I wouldn't doubt if that would be possible in the near future. He does say embarrassing things. Mostly like things that a young child would say to someone that the family didn't want them to say.
We are into the swearing big time at our house. We've been told that the bad personality is worse with dementia. As for bad manners, yesterday DH told me that he thought I was beautiful even if I was fat. He actually thought that he was paying me a complement. I responded that I appreciated that he thought I was beautiful but that you should never tell "your girl" that she is fat, even if she is. He got thoughtful about it and then felt bad. I just couldn't let that one slide.